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03-21-14 07:59 PM
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MARRIAGE

 

03-21-14 07:59 PM
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Love is a beautiful thing.

Marriage, what are your thoughts?

You married? Too young too but dream of it?

Cohabiting couples are all the rage now?
Love is a beautiful thing.

Marriage, what are your thoughts?

You married? Too young too but dream of it?

Cohabiting couples are all the rage now?
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03-21-14 10:31 PM
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I have been engaged a few times but have never married. So I have sort of a cynical view on the whole subject including love and long term relationships since all of these "vows" have not ended because of me.

But this is ofcource just  me. I see marriage now more of as a partnership that has technicalities with the law involved, nothing else. Death can not separate you but the lack of love and respect will.

I have been engaged a few times but have never married. So I have sort of a cynical view on the whole subject including love and long term relationships since all of these "vows" have not ended because of me.

But this is ofcource just  me. I see marriage now more of as a partnership that has technicalities with the law involved, nothing else. Death can not separate you but the lack of love and respect will.

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03-24-14 05:58 PM
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Brigand : I feel it.

Marriage is interesting because in my culture (American), it is a specific step in 'happiness.'  Women dream about getting married and their getting to be a princess for a day and the wedding and all that.  Who they marry isn't as important as either (A) Being Married or (C) Having their wedding.

So it puts guys in a unique situation that makes them hold off because they just happen to be the guy the woman marries when she has her wedding and is finally married and can check that off her list of things to still do by 25 (or 30, etc).

I can understand the cynicism.

However, I have been married going on eight years.  I met this girl in high school, we stayed together when I was in the Marines.  She moved to Boston when I lived in Detroit and then we were married.  We moved back to Hawaii for a few years and we're still together with house, dog, kid, and so on.

It works for us.  It was the natural progression of our relationship and we run our marriage like a sports team.  I know what I"m good at and I contribute to the relationship doing those things.  My wife is good at other things and those are her responsibilities.  We don't take this too seriously but we support, respect, and love each other.

Kinda like red sports cars, marijuana, horror movies, and voting, marriage works for some people and is a disaster for others.  I'm happy married but I don't hold it against anyone else who doesn't jump in.  My best friend has a long term girlfriend of nine years and they won't get married any time soon.  Good for them because it works for them.
Brigand : I feel it.

Marriage is interesting because in my culture (American), it is a specific step in 'happiness.'  Women dream about getting married and their getting to be a princess for a day and the wedding and all that.  Who they marry isn't as important as either (A) Being Married or (C) Having their wedding.

So it puts guys in a unique situation that makes them hold off because they just happen to be the guy the woman marries when she has her wedding and is finally married and can check that off her list of things to still do by 25 (or 30, etc).

I can understand the cynicism.

However, I have been married going on eight years.  I met this girl in high school, we stayed together when I was in the Marines.  She moved to Boston when I lived in Detroit and then we were married.  We moved back to Hawaii for a few years and we're still together with house, dog, kid, and so on.

It works for us.  It was the natural progression of our relationship and we run our marriage like a sports team.  I know what I"m good at and I contribute to the relationship doing those things.  My wife is good at other things and those are her responsibilities.  We don't take this too seriously but we support, respect, and love each other.

Kinda like red sports cars, marijuana, horror movies, and voting, marriage works for some people and is a disaster for others.  I'm happy married but I don't hold it against anyone else who doesn't jump in.  My best friend has a long term girlfriend of nine years and they won't get married any time soon.  Good for them because it works for them.
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03-24-14 07:30 PM
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warmaker :

Dude. My cynicism is only related to me and my experiences. I am ofcource happy to know there are actually happy couples out there who have shared love like you guys have. And what you said about womens wishes and culture, I truly think those are universal.  Most girls I know have wanted just that.

I think my first breakup had to do with the army. I was only away for a year or so like everybody else but for a teenager that can be a long time. My longest relationship lasted around four years and that was after I got discharged and even that was ages ago. But I am happy for everyone who havent shared my bad luck when it comes to matters of love. ^^
warmaker :

Dude. My cynicism is only related to me and my experiences. I am ofcource happy to know there are actually happy couples out there who have shared love like you guys have. And what you said about womens wishes and culture, I truly think those are universal.  Most girls I know have wanted just that.

I think my first breakup had to do with the army. I was only away for a year or so like everybody else but for a teenager that can be a long time. My longest relationship lasted around four years and that was after I got discharged and even that was ages ago. But I am happy for everyone who havent shared my bad luck when it comes to matters of love. ^^
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03-31-14 07:15 PM
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I'm more or less happily married. I say more or less because marriage or a partnership is also a ton of work. No one will always agree with another person. We fight on occasion but make up eventually. Arguments are inevitable in any long term relationship.  We have a wonderful toddler at home who is very fun most of the time. He can be fussy and add to the family tension. Really, what I'm saying is that marriage and family life is a lot of work. But they are also very rewarding. Marriage isn't for everyone nor is it required to be happy. Happiness comes from within. Good luck to all. Brigand, maybe you'll find the right person for you some day.
I'm more or less happily married. I say more or less because marriage or a partnership is also a ton of work. No one will always agree with another person. We fight on occasion but make up eventually. Arguments are inevitable in any long term relationship.  We have a wonderful toddler at home who is very fun most of the time. He can be fussy and add to the family tension. Really, what I'm saying is that marriage and family life is a lot of work. But they are also very rewarding. Marriage isn't for everyone nor is it required to be happy. Happiness comes from within. Good luck to all. Brigand, maybe you'll find the right person for you some day.
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03-31-14 10:24 PM
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After being married for ...ahem... many years, I have come to understand that it is 33.3% what you put into it, 33.3% what your spouse puts into it and 33.3% luck. In order for the marriage to receive a passing grade, the sum of all three percentages has to be equal to or greater than 60%.

A little bit about luck - my definition of luck in this situation has to do with being in the right place at the right time and not being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Also, it has to do with genetics.

Yes, I'm being vague for a reason.

No, I am not "happily" married but, for now, I choose to stay married because it seems like the lesser of two evils.
After being married for ...ahem... many years, I have come to understand that it is 33.3% what you put into it, 33.3% what your spouse puts into it and 33.3% luck. In order for the marriage to receive a passing grade, the sum of all three percentages has to be equal to or greater than 60%.

A little bit about luck - my definition of luck in this situation has to do with being in the right place at the right time and not being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Also, it has to do with genetics.

Yes, I'm being vague for a reason.

No, I am not "happily" married but, for now, I choose to stay married because it seems like the lesser of two evils.
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04-01-14 04:46 PM
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Interesting topic, marriage is iffy for some people and tradition for others. Some people like the thought, and others don't. Depends on the person/people.

 I am actually married, a lot of people say I'm to young but I say you only live once. Plus I love my husband, more than anything. I got married the day after my 18th birthday, and I have yet to regret my choice. As some of you may know I'm Canadian and my husband is American, we are currently working on the process of immigration(which is a pain in the butt). I left everything I knew for my husband, and I wouldn't change it for the world. :3 Of course we argue sometimes, married or not we would do as any two people would do. But we've never seriously had a major fight. We've been dating since March 8th 2012, and married since July 26th 2013. After being separated from him for most of our relationship, I am so thankful to be with him now. Nothing makes me happier then to know at night I'm crawling into a warm bed with the one I love, and waking up to kisses. 

Marriage isn't for everyone, but it's a personal choice. For me, we'll see what the future holds.
Interesting topic, marriage is iffy for some people and tradition for others. Some people like the thought, and others don't. Depends on the person/people.

 I am actually married, a lot of people say I'm to young but I say you only live once. Plus I love my husband, more than anything. I got married the day after my 18th birthday, and I have yet to regret my choice. As some of you may know I'm Canadian and my husband is American, we are currently working on the process of immigration(which is a pain in the butt). I left everything I knew for my husband, and I wouldn't change it for the world. :3 Of course we argue sometimes, married or not we would do as any two people would do. But we've never seriously had a major fight. We've been dating since March 8th 2012, and married since July 26th 2013. After being separated from him for most of our relationship, I am so thankful to be with him now. Nothing makes me happier then to know at night I'm crawling into a warm bed with the one I love, and waking up to kisses. 

Marriage isn't for everyone, but it's a personal choice. For me, we'll see what the future holds.
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04-01-14 06:31 PM
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Married? No.
I one day hope to have a lasting relationship with a woman, though.
Married? No.
I one day hope to have a lasting relationship with a woman, though.
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04-11-14 09:23 PM
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Totts :


I was fortunate to have been raised in a Christian family, the people of the religion whom invented Marriage. Well. . . Judaism invented marriage, but I think you know what I mean.


I read http://www.amazon.com/Only-Want-Get-Married-Once/dp/9652294985


Now I have every bit of confidence in myself to pick a lifelong partner.

for every 100 men that are born, God made 104 women born as well. I think that most all of us are supposed to get married. I certainly plan too. What is love without loyalty and self sacrifice? I don't think that love is real if their isn't commitment for life.

Now, there is such a thing as infatuation, which isn't wholesomely bad by the way, but infatuation can last up to three years! And make people not see things the way that they are. So, people need to be careful when they make choices regarding their marriage partners.


If you're smart about your choices, choose someone you like, and not someone out of desperation.


Too often I think people rush through their lives, and don't enjoy their childhood.

There are things to do. Games to play. I was far too worried about it growing.


I'm not saying that it's wrong, or even a bad idea to get married young. I think that young marriage is prefferable actually. Why wait till your older and the desire is gone and it's less enjoyable?


It's just like a lot of other desires in life. Play it smart, and do what's right. Not what's cheap.


MysteriousPanzer :

I think you could use this book. It's made my confidence unwavering in marriage. ;3
Totts :


I was fortunate to have been raised in a Christian family, the people of the religion whom invented Marriage. Well. . . Judaism invented marriage, but I think you know what I mean.


I read http://www.amazon.com/Only-Want-Get-Married-Once/dp/9652294985


Now I have every bit of confidence in myself to pick a lifelong partner.

for every 100 men that are born, God made 104 women born as well. I think that most all of us are supposed to get married. I certainly plan too. What is love without loyalty and self sacrifice? I don't think that love is real if their isn't commitment for life.

Now, there is such a thing as infatuation, which isn't wholesomely bad by the way, but infatuation can last up to three years! And make people not see things the way that they are. So, people need to be careful when they make choices regarding their marriage partners.


If you're smart about your choices, choose someone you like, and not someone out of desperation.


Too often I think people rush through their lives, and don't enjoy their childhood.

There are things to do. Games to play. I was far too worried about it growing.


I'm not saying that it's wrong, or even a bad idea to get married young. I think that young marriage is prefferable actually. Why wait till your older and the desire is gone and it's less enjoyable?


It's just like a lot of other desires in life. Play it smart, and do what's right. Not what's cheap.


MysteriousPanzer :

I think you could use this book. It's made my confidence unwavering in marriage. ;3
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04-11-14 10:00 PM
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I'm more accustomed to the American beliefs of marriage; love, commitment, support, trust, and mostly importantly happiness are my main beliefs.

I've been in a relationship once and it takes a lot more work than I thought it would be. It shows that I have a lot more to learn about myself before I get into another relationship if I want my next one to be long termed and committed or become a good marriage in the future.

As long as everyone finds happiness with that one person in their lives, it's all good.
I'm more accustomed to the American beliefs of marriage; love, commitment, support, trust, and mostly importantly happiness are my main beliefs.

I've been in a relationship once and it takes a lot more work than I thought it would be. It shows that I have a lot more to learn about myself before I get into another relationship if I want my next one to be long termed and committed or become a good marriage in the future.

As long as everyone finds happiness with that one person in their lives, it's all good.
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04-12-14 07:48 PM
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Im not married, I could be. (There are some special rules in the US) And I would be if it wasn't so hard to. Marrage is an ultimate promise, and something I would be willing to take. Not that huge a deal, but if you love someone, why not lock them in?
Im not married, I could be. (There are some special rules in the US) And I would be if it wasn't so hard to. Marrage is an ultimate promise, and something I would be willing to take. Not that huge a deal, but if you love someone, why not lock them in?
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04-12-14 10:29 PM
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The obvious answer is if I wanted to be with someone for the rest of my life I would, the big problem with that is trust because some people change for the worse when they are comfortably married. Also marriage laws are very annoying to deal with in case of divorces so it can easily be seen as a gamble.
The obvious answer is if I wanted to be with someone for the rest of my life I would, the big problem with that is trust because some people change for the worse when they are comfortably married. Also marriage laws are very annoying to deal with in case of divorces so it can easily be seen as a gamble.
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04-12-14 10:44 PM
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... For the record, Jews did not invent marriage. It was around long before them. All cultures had some kind of legal marriage to control inheritance and property rights. Just stating some facts.

That said, I have been engaged for four years. Finally got tired of all the crap that we were expected to do, so we are winging it and getting married in May. Flying out to California for it in exactly one month, actually.

My thoughts on the matter is that it is first and foremost a legal contract. Always has been, always will be. Religions attach their own stuff onto that, but it largely comes from days when there was no separation of church and state in those faiths.

The idea of marrying for love is relatively recent, though it is not American. No single country can lay claim to it. And considering that the divorce rate in this country is around 60% now, I don't think those are really American beliefs on marriage anymore either.

Sorry if I seem snippy, my tolerance for ignorance has gone down to zero during this whole wedding planning. I am not going to be nice, and if I know for a fact that you are wrong, I am going to point it out.

I am with my fiance because I love him. I am marrying him for legal reasons. That piece of paper has no effect at all on how I feel about him or how he feels about me. Nothing will change except what box I check on legal forms and what benefits we get for insurance and taxes. We made the commitment to be loyal to each other when we started dating 6 years ago. It is a bigger commitment, yes... because now if you break up there is paperwork involved. That means that it is not for everyone, true. And it does make you feel a bit excited when someone is willing to show that they want to make that level of commitment.

Those are my two cents.
... For the record, Jews did not invent marriage. It was around long before them. All cultures had some kind of legal marriage to control inheritance and property rights. Just stating some facts.

That said, I have been engaged for four years. Finally got tired of all the crap that we were expected to do, so we are winging it and getting married in May. Flying out to California for it in exactly one month, actually.

My thoughts on the matter is that it is first and foremost a legal contract. Always has been, always will be. Religions attach their own stuff onto that, but it largely comes from days when there was no separation of church and state in those faiths.

The idea of marrying for love is relatively recent, though it is not American. No single country can lay claim to it. And considering that the divorce rate in this country is around 60% now, I don't think those are really American beliefs on marriage anymore either.

Sorry if I seem snippy, my tolerance for ignorance has gone down to zero during this whole wedding planning. I am not going to be nice, and if I know for a fact that you are wrong, I am going to point it out.

I am with my fiance because I love him. I am marrying him for legal reasons. That piece of paper has no effect at all on how I feel about him or how he feels about me. Nothing will change except what box I check on legal forms and what benefits we get for insurance and taxes. We made the commitment to be loyal to each other when we started dating 6 years ago. It is a bigger commitment, yes... because now if you break up there is paperwork involved. That means that it is not for everyone, true. And it does make you feel a bit excited when someone is willing to show that they want to make that level of commitment.

Those are my two cents.
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04-12-14 11:17 PM
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Elara :

"Just stating some facts."

Can you back that up? Or are you just posting an opinion? :
Elara :

"Just stating some facts."

Can you back that up? Or are you just posting an opinion? :
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04-12-14 11:43 PM
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I am not married obviously, but I belive that trust, love, commitment, and support are essential things a marriage should have if it wants to go anywhere. You have to constantly be dedicated through marriage, no matter how hard it can get. It's also pretty stressful...which is why I am enjoying my time still being single and free...I am by no means in a hurry to get married and settle down...Im too young!

I can't say anything else from experience since I am not married, but those are my views on the topic for now....
I am not married obviously, but I belive that trust, love, commitment, and support are essential things a marriage should have if it wants to go anywhere. You have to constantly be dedicated through marriage, no matter how hard it can get. It's also pretty stressful...which is why I am enjoying my time still being single and free...I am by no means in a hurry to get married and settle down...Im too young!

I can't say anything else from experience since I am not married, but those are my views on the topic for now....
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04-13-14 02:02 AM
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I recently became single and I've actually enjoyed being alone. Of course one of my biggest wishes is to marry and have children, but for now I'm going to concentrate on my studies and myself. When I do marry I want it to be a small ceremony, preferably held in a magistrate with just two witnesses. I don't see marriage as a necessity or a step in the relationship of two people who love each other. It's a common mistake in my opinion to expect a couple's bond to strengthen merely from marrying and I bet I'm not the only one who's seen relationships ruined from that very reason. When I'm to marry it's hopefully to a man I believe to spend the rest of my days with and if I didn't believe in that I wouldn't marry the person.
I recently became single and I've actually enjoyed being alone. Of course one of my biggest wishes is to marry and have children, but for now I'm going to concentrate on my studies and myself. When I do marry I want it to be a small ceremony, preferably held in a magistrate with just two witnesses. I don't see marriage as a necessity or a step in the relationship of two people who love each other. It's a common mistake in my opinion to expect a couple's bond to strengthen merely from marrying and I bet I'm not the only one who's seen relationships ruined from that very reason. When I'm to marry it's hopefully to a man I believe to spend the rest of my days with and if I didn't believe in that I wouldn't marry the person.
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04-13-14 09:24 AM
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Sword legion :

Do some actual research and look at Ancient Greece, Rome, China, Egypt... they ALL had marriages. Much of what we know of wedding ceremonies dates back to Mesopotamia and Babylon. I can find this info on wikipedia for crying out loud! Herodotus, the first historian, goes off on a tangent about marriage in Sparta in his Histories (he went on a LOT of tangents). Here is a nice little article using academic, secondary sources that talks about the Mesopotamian thing I mentioned. And here is a nice travel channel article that does a good job of talking about marriage in China.

It is considered common knowledge! I found this in five minutes and didn't even need to pull the "I have a Bachelor's Degree in History and specialized in the Ancient world" card.

It is all really interesting to see how our modern wedding customs came into being and how far back some of them really go. I encourage you to research more into it, perhaps it will spark ideas for your own special day later on. Enjoy.
Sword legion :

Do some actual research and look at Ancient Greece, Rome, China, Egypt... they ALL had marriages. Much of what we know of wedding ceremonies dates back to Mesopotamia and Babylon. I can find this info on wikipedia for crying out loud! Herodotus, the first historian, goes off on a tangent about marriage in Sparta in his Histories (he went on a LOT of tangents). Here is a nice little article using academic, secondary sources that talks about the Mesopotamian thing I mentioned. And here is a nice travel channel article that does a good job of talking about marriage in China.

It is considered common knowledge! I found this in five minutes and didn't even need to pull the "I have a Bachelor's Degree in History and specialized in the Ancient world" card.

It is all really interesting to see how our modern wedding customs came into being and how far back some of them really go. I encourage you to research more into it, perhaps it will spark ideas for your own special day later on. Enjoy.
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04-13-14 09:58 AM
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Elara :

"I can find this info on wikipedia for crying out loud!"

Everyone loves wikipedia till it sides with me.

"Do some actual research and look at Ancient Greece, Rome, China, Egypt... they ALL had marriages"


I knew this, I didn't say that they didn't have marriages. My question is who invented marriage. I bet that marriage, even you'll agree was a fairly early invention, probably back when humans were still a small populace.



"It is considered common knowledge!"

. .



May I point out that The Chinese and Hebrew languages are fairly similar? Certainly there is a connection.

But anyways, I would enjoy looking into this topic more, I wasn't really here to say I know for certain that the Jew's created it, well, I do, but only through another long complicated argument about C vs E. But anyways, very interesting. :3


"It is all really interesting to see how our modern wedding customs came into being and how far back some of them really go. I encourage you to research more into it, perhaps it will spark ideas for your own special day later on. Enjoy."


Well, I'll probably do it however the Jews do, they haven't steered me wrong yet, cept they don't always follow the messiah, and then there are the tahkkanotes. . . anyways. bye.


Elara :

"I can find this info on wikipedia for crying out loud!"

Everyone loves wikipedia till it sides with me.

"Do some actual research and look at Ancient Greece, Rome, China, Egypt... they ALL had marriages"


I knew this, I didn't say that they didn't have marriages. My question is who invented marriage. I bet that marriage, even you'll agree was a fairly early invention, probably back when humans were still a small populace.



"It is considered common knowledge!"

. .



May I point out that The Chinese and Hebrew languages are fairly similar? Certainly there is a connection.

But anyways, I would enjoy looking into this topic more, I wasn't really here to say I know for certain that the Jew's created it, well, I do, but only through another long complicated argument about C vs E. But anyways, very interesting. :3


"It is all really interesting to see how our modern wedding customs came into being and how far back some of them really go. I encourage you to research more into it, perhaps it will spark ideas for your own special day later on. Enjoy."


Well, I'll probably do it however the Jews do, they haven't steered me wrong yet, cept they don't always follow the messiah, and then there are the tahkkanotes. . . anyways. bye.


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04-13-14 09:10 PM
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I think marriage, if approached correctly, can be one of the greatest things on this earth. I've got a couple observations from my life experiences I'll share in a sec, but first I'll mention that I definitely want to get married eventually.

Point A - You CANNOT go into a marriage expecting your partner to sacrifice their own enjoyment for you. You cannot expect them to be happy and quick to get you a beer from the fridge, or [insert anything you enjoy here] without hesitation. Before asking much from your partner, be sure to have a good reason to ask. If you're lazily chilling on the couch (excluding abnormal circumstances), just get up and get whatever you're asking for yourself. The more you ask for from your partner, the greater the chance for conflict (usually).

Point B - Be quick to help, however you can. If your partner has been talking about a sore shoulder, help them out by giving them a 2-5 minute shoulder massage. It doesn't take much time or effort, but it will build your relationship a lot. Believe it or not, the little things matter a TON!

Point C - Love unconditionally [and be vocal about it]. I can't stress this enough. If you don't consistently show your love and adoration for your partner, then that can open up a world of bad assumptions. Simply being intentional about saying 'I love you' to your partner once or twice a day at least isn't that hard, and it will help your relationship a lot.

Point D - What you put in, is what you generally will get out. If you are consistently serving your partner, in the interest of a better relationship, it's probably going to be contagious. If you're only ever asking for stuff, you won't have a very happy marriage. If you are looking for ways to love and help your partner, even in just little things, chances are that you'll notice your partner is looking for similar opportunities. Don't take advantage of the self-sacrifice of your partner, but be genuinely grateful (and express it) for their generosity.

This ends the musings of a single 16 year old male. Take it or leave it.
I think marriage, if approached correctly, can be one of the greatest things on this earth. I've got a couple observations from my life experiences I'll share in a sec, but first I'll mention that I definitely want to get married eventually.

Point A - You CANNOT go into a marriage expecting your partner to sacrifice their own enjoyment for you. You cannot expect them to be happy and quick to get you a beer from the fridge, or [insert anything you enjoy here] without hesitation. Before asking much from your partner, be sure to have a good reason to ask. If you're lazily chilling on the couch (excluding abnormal circumstances), just get up and get whatever you're asking for yourself. The more you ask for from your partner, the greater the chance for conflict (usually).

Point B - Be quick to help, however you can. If your partner has been talking about a sore shoulder, help them out by giving them a 2-5 minute shoulder massage. It doesn't take much time or effort, but it will build your relationship a lot. Believe it or not, the little things matter a TON!

Point C - Love unconditionally [and be vocal about it]. I can't stress this enough. If you don't consistently show your love and adoration for your partner, then that can open up a world of bad assumptions. Simply being intentional about saying 'I love you' to your partner once or twice a day at least isn't that hard, and it will help your relationship a lot.

Point D - What you put in, is what you generally will get out. If you are consistently serving your partner, in the interest of a better relationship, it's probably going to be contagious. If you're only ever asking for stuff, you won't have a very happy marriage. If you are looking for ways to love and help your partner, even in just little things, chances are that you'll notice your partner is looking for similar opportunities. Don't take advantage of the self-sacrifice of your partner, but be genuinely grateful (and express it) for their generosity.

This ends the musings of a single 16 year old male. Take it or leave it.
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04-14-14 01:13 AM
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mrfe : I find your points to be surprisingly insightful for a 16 year old. Kudos to you, sir.
mrfe : I find your points to be surprisingly insightful for a 16 year old. Kudos to you, sir.
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