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09-19-16 10:49 AM
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09-19-16 10:49 AM
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So, I'm sure you have used or heard the line "cut the teenager attitude" or something like that. I get that hormonal changes and stuff do play a part in arguments between teenagers and parents, but I don't think that's the only issue. I feel like a lot of parents try to ignore the fact that they have control issues. They have basically controlled or had a lot of influence over your whole life, and they are seeing you wanting to make decisions for yourself. It pains them. Just like a lot of teenagers aren't moody brats or whatever, a lot of parents are pretty chill. I just hate how arguments are blamed solely on the teenager because he/she is being a brat or something (sometimes it is), but the parents have unrealistic demands. Yeah, so this might be an unpopular opinion, but I feel like parents adjusting to their kid growing up is, a lot of times, a bigger problem than the kid growing up itself. Cue the replies saying this thread makes me looks like a spoiled brat.
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09-19-16 11:25 AM
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I couldn't agree more with this. My father refuses to let me fully free of his control, like telling me how to comb or when must I go to get a haircut (yep, not should, MUST). Still, at other times, he recommends me the places he went to have fun in his youth so I can make night outs with my friends. One of the reasons why I don't get along well with him is this illogical and erratic attitude. Parents aren't always right when adducing the teenager attitude to an argument. They want to be in full control of your life, monitoring you and even asking questions that are out of place. Yet those same parents assume that, when you come of age (another line we have heard a lot), you are totally prepared to take decisions by yourself. Yeah, because I've been able to take decisions before with you two on my shadow, right? Some parents just don't accept that their kid is growing up, and that's the worst thing. They want you to live a certain life, and most of the times you want the exact opposite of what they want. They are free to interfere if your choice is wrong, but just because it's a different choice than theirs isn't enough reason to interfere. Parents aren't always right when adducing the teenager attitude to an argument. They want to be in full control of your life, monitoring you and even asking questions that are out of place. Yet those same parents assume that, when you come of age (another line we have heard a lot), you are totally prepared to take decisions by yourself. Yeah, because I've been able to take decisions before with you two on my shadow, right? Some parents just don't accept that their kid is growing up, and that's the worst thing. They want you to live a certain life, and most of the times you want the exact opposite of what they want. They are free to interfere if your choice is wrong, but just because it's a different choice than theirs isn't enough reason to interfere. -------------------- |
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09-19-16 12:08 PM
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You're posting on a board mainly populated by teenagers, many of which post here to get away from the pressures of real life so I'd be very surprised if most posts aren't in agreement with you  That said I would agree, like I said in another post on another topic there's always two sides to the coin. In terms of parents vs teenagers, while it's often the case, parents aren't always right and every argument had shouldn't be blamed at "hormones". It's definitely a stage of life where there's a lot of hormones and you're still figuring things out but that doesn't mean you're completely unable to think for yourself. I feel like my mom can be somewhat similar sometimes, I do listen to her but she can have double standards in what she allows me and doesn't allow me to do and have a hard time with letting me completely grow up, even if she has loosened up considerably as I've gotten older (maybe partly because I'm much better at reasoning for my point of view now ). Parents are human after all, they're not all knowing. They do have experience that is worth listening and they're also the ones who feed and clothe you so it's reasonable for them to have certain expectations and being able to set some demands. However they were also largely influenced by the people who raised them and being able to have expectations shouldn't translate into them forcefully making every personal decision for you, academic or not, and then expect you to have all the tools you need to tackle life. Unfortunately that can be very frustrating realization to have when they're the ones in power.At the same time I can't help but wonder if we'll all become similar if/when we become parents wanting to make all the decisions for our kids. Probably so
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09-19-16 02:24 PM
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09-19-16 03:58 PM
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>says 10000 nice things >no response >says 1 moderately mean thing >WHEN DID YOU BECOME SUCH A TEENAGER UGH >no response >says 1 moderately mean thing >WHEN DID YOU BECOME SUCH A TEENAGER UGH -------------------- |
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09-19-16 04:33 PM
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This is gonna be a huge "Oh i'm smarter than my parents, they don't know me, ugh it's so unfair" schlock because this is mostly a teen-early adult oriented site.
Growing up is learning that your parents aren't magical creatures who know everything, they are humans with flaws and qualities as well. That being said, they still know a lot more about the world than you, so don't get cocky. Growing up is learning that your parents aren't magical creatures who know everything, they are humans with flaws and qualities as well. That being said, they still know a lot more about the world than you, so don't get cocky. -------------------- |
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09-19-16 04:51 PM
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You've got a point. Many parents do make unreasonable demands on their children. Maybe even most parents on this Earth. But that's something you've gotta deal with and adapt to. It can be really rough. Rules are very important. But I think for most (if not all) families, these need adjusted, corrected, refined. Fairness is tied to the heart, not necessarily doing the same thing. Parents and children alike need to work to establish rules that are fair and propel growth rather than hinder it. I really despise parents that never want to turn to their children for advice on how to run the home. Some want to, but don't know how. Some can't. Others just plain don't want to at all because of selfishness. Parents should serve their children, and to do that, they need to get to know them as best as they can. They may be able to only do so much, but the important thing is that they try to be good parents constantly. I think many children rebel because their parents neglect their needs. Yet I think almost every single parent on this Earth have neglected their child at one point or another. One day we'll likely be one of those parents, intentionally or not. So we need to understand that our parents are human. They make mistakes, they mess up. So do we. What defines us is what we do about that, whether we let those mistakes/choices become strengths, or to let them stay weaknesses. -------------------- John 11:35 Jesus wept. |
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09-19-16 07:08 PM
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I was a teen before. I'm a parent now. I see both sides.
Parents often ask for and deserve respect because we've been there. We have 30 or more years of experience and we know how things look once you're past the challenging time of being a teen. Being a teen isn't easy. Everyone is running around, trying to learn to deal with the new range and power of emotions, dealing with their sexuality, their hormones, the changes to their and their friends bodies, minds, and opinions and belief systems. Everything changes because you're learning independence. But independence comes at a price. You have to show those who love you and who are responsible for you that you can make good decisions. You have to show that you're able to operate reasonably and with control while you're doing things on your own. And there's no user manual that comes with kids. Parents do the best they can from their own experiences as a kid and what others say. So you're dealing with cultures that have different beliefs and different communication styles than you. They put value into things you may not and it shows when they give you their 'commands.' Think of it this way. The first 8 years of your life, your parents are beholden to you. You can't do much of anything so they are at your beck and call. You have to go to the bathroom? They have to stop everything to help you. You need to have food? The day grinds to a halt because you can't cook dinner at age 5. They've spent all their time, love, and energy helping you grow and learn and what do they get back? They ask you to do something and you mope and throw yourself around like they're ordering you to do the worst things ever. If you spent 10 years helping someone who was helpless and now they roll their eyes at you every time you talk to them, you'd probably develop a frustrated attitude yourself. It might not be control. It's probably response to your actions. Look at how you treat your parents, who have given up a tremendous amount to make sure you're healthy and happy, and then decide how bad they really are. Maguc : I'm excited to see 'chicken jerk' wasn't edited, redacted, Parents often ask for and deserve respect because we've been there. We have 30 or more years of experience and we know how things look once you're past the challenging time of being a teen. Being a teen isn't easy. Everyone is running around, trying to learn to deal with the new range and power of emotions, dealing with their sexuality, their hormones, the changes to their and their friends bodies, minds, and opinions and belief systems. Everything changes because you're learning independence. But independence comes at a price. You have to show those who love you and who are responsible for you that you can make good decisions. You have to show that you're able to operate reasonably and with control while you're doing things on your own. And there's no user manual that comes with kids. Parents do the best they can from their own experiences as a kid and what others say. So you're dealing with cultures that have different beliefs and different communication styles than you. They put value into things you may not and it shows when they give you their 'commands.' Think of it this way. The first 8 years of your life, your parents are beholden to you. You can't do much of anything so they are at your beck and call. You have to go to the bathroom? They have to stop everything to help you. You need to have food? The day grinds to a halt because you can't cook dinner at age 5. They've spent all their time, love, and energy helping you grow and learn and what do they get back? They ask you to do something and you mope and throw yourself around like they're ordering you to do the worst things ever. If you spent 10 years helping someone who was helpless and now they roll their eyes at you every time you talk to them, you'd probably develop a frustrated attitude yourself. It might not be control. It's probably response to your actions. Look at how you treat your parents, who have given up a tremendous amount to make sure you're healthy and happy, and then decide how bad they really are. Maguc : I'm excited to see 'chicken jerk' wasn't edited, redacted, -------------------- |
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(edited by A user of this on 09-19-16 11:39 PM)
09-19-16 11:39 PM
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I always respected my parents. I always tried to understand and respect what my parents do. With varying degrees of success and failures. Do they always respect me? No. Do I always respect them? Nope. But we still love each other, so as annoying as I am, and as annoying as they are, we can still exist together in the same house. Although the past year has been probably the most conflict filled for some reason. Hopefully things between us get better. And if not, I will always still love them, and respect everything they did to help me. Maguc : Thanks for the insightful, concise, high quality, appropriate reply.  Ghostbear111: But it really isn't Maguc : Thanks for the insightful, concise, high quality, appropriate reply. Ghostbear111: But it really isn't -------------------- |
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09-20-16 05:43 AM
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A user of this : The first 114-18 years are tough with the relationship with your parents. I know I had the fights and arguments with mine.
After a while, though, when everyone is more adulty (if that's a word), things get better. I'm really good friends with my dad and we do stuff together like we never did when I was in middle school and high school. The gears shift and the relationship shifts. It's tough for everyone. It's not easy or fun all the time. Parents and kids are learning about each other and themselves as they go. Honestly, we're all making it up on the fly. That's the challenge. A user of this : That last line was for general consumption. It's not really pointed at any one. It's more a challenge for self-reflection. But you know better than anyone else about your parents and you. I can't say anything about that. And you're smart enough to know what's going on around you. Your situation is different from theirs (I'm doing waving motions meaning all the other young'ns on here). You're smarter than the average bear and your response wasn't all angst and rage. I'm thinking you're doing well. After a while, though, when everyone is more adulty (if that's a word), things get better. I'm really good friends with my dad and we do stuff together like we never did when I was in middle school and high school. The gears shift and the relationship shifts. It's tough for everyone. It's not easy or fun all the time. Parents and kids are learning about each other and themselves as they go. Honestly, we're all making it up on the fly. That's the challenge. A user of this : That last line was for general consumption. It's not really pointed at any one. It's more a challenge for self-reflection. But you know better than anyone else about your parents and you. I can't say anything about that. And you're smart enough to know what's going on around you. Your situation is different from theirs (I'm doing waving motions meaning all the other young'ns on here). You're smarter than the average bear and your response wasn't all angst and rage. I'm thinking you're doing well. -------------------- |
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09-21-16 12:40 AM
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It is a bit of both. When you hit those "magical" years of your body changing and so is your attitude and parents are never fully equipped to handle it. It will be a lot of butting heads,but that is part of growing up. Parents think that they can still use the same tricks and have the same hold on you,but a kid wants to test those limits. Kids think that parents will just go along with it,but most of the time they will not. There is no manual,no software OldSchool777 There is no manual,no software  If you wish to taste the ground,feel free to attack me. -Rurouni Kenshin |
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09-21-16 01:02 AM
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RDunce : Dude, I totally know what you mean, and believe you are right. Somehow, in an arguement, my mom can always find a way to trickle the blame back to me. (Even now that I am 22! )It doesn't get any better as you get older. Shoot, my step-dad's mom still pesters and bugs him about things. And she lives in Florida, he in ohio! I think that it's just a thing that will always be there. Your parents will always have the advantage of being your parents (and they will use it!) (And believe me, that arguement is about as op as cloud in Smash bros 4!) But don't get me wrong, I love my mom, and she's the only family I really have. It's just those arguments are the worst! |
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09-21-16 03:16 AM
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Ready for a real adult response?
The difference between adults and children isn't that different. Everyone believes they are right. Parents will be damned to back down to their kids and kids will be damned to back down to their parents. Regardless if either position turns out correct, the party with worse judgement will rationalize their previous conviction. They'll attempt to make their position right regardless. The truth is people are just selfish, regardless of age. TxGangsta The difference between adults and children isn't that different. Everyone believes they are right. Parents will be damned to back down to their kids and kids will be damned to back down to their parents. Regardless if either position turns out correct, the party with worse judgement will rationalize their previous conviction. They'll attempt to make their position right regardless. The truth is people are just selfish, regardless of age. -------------------- The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. |
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