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12-07-14 11:48 AM
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I finally got a grip on myself.

 

12-07-14 11:48 AM
Singelli is Offline
| ID: 1111926 | 2139 Words

Singelli
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It's been awhile since one of those Singelli life rants has popped up, hasn't it?

Don't worry.... this isn't a rant.  At least... not like I've so often written.

As this year draws to an end and I find myself reflecting on its thoughts, emotions, and events, I realize something important:  
I've grown.  I hope we can all say the same thing.  If you find yourself shaking your head no, I encourage you to look again.  The great thing about human-ness is that we are -always- growing and learning something new.

Me?  I feel like I grew astoundingly.  I don't mean to brag and say I'm a way better person, but that the amount in which I've changed is staggering.

I can't believe I've been here for almost 2.5 years. While I understand that there are dozens of members who have been active for a longer time frame,  my time here has been incredible.... and it's attached with so, so many memories.

I've been in some dark places.  I don't think I quite realized how depressed I was until I started making web-friends here on vizzed. Through socializing with you all and learning so many amazing things, I came to realize that I was not as -okay- as I had perceived myself to be. In fact, I was very, very NOT okay.  Some of you might remember the several hiatuses I took, ranging from two weeks to four months.  Indeed, there have even been times when I've been here, but quiet (such as the past several months).  During those times, I may have seemed inactive, but I assure you, I wasn't.  I may have seen withdrawn, but I was getting to know you.

I've read your words. I've thought about your ideas.  I've contemplated the impact your opinions have on my life.

I've learned.... that even when the sky is grayest.... I can be happy.

I slipped into another bout of depression in November, but the great news is this:  it was shallow, and better yet... it was short.  Perhaps I am speaking too soon, but I've felt great for 3 days now, and I see hope in the future.

Hope is a strong word.  It's driven. It's promise.  It's a spark of joy.

I don't want to... nor have the need to... complain to you guys any more.  Any negativity I have, I can internalize and toss aside.

Does this mean I'm never feeling down or wanting someone to talk to?  Absolutely not!

But I do know how to control the flow instead of letting the dam crash down and drown everyone around me.  I don't need to cry out for help.  I've found it, and it was there for me all along.

Over the past year, I've learned a lot about myself and my environments:

It's okay that I don't know everything.
It might surprise the majority of you to know that I know absolutely nothing about socializing.  I write well, but written word is my forte when it comes to communication.  I could never hold conversations verbally like the ones I've held textually.  This inability to socialize has left me slightly incapable of normal functionality. It's not that I -can't- do things, but that I allow myself to believe that I can't.  Every day happenings that might seem normal to others (grocery shopping and talking to coworkers, for example) are rather crippling uncertainties for me.  I feel stupid and the idealizations of my own lack of knowledge swamp me.

But it's
okay.

When I first came here and met all these amazing Christians who were so well versed in the Word, I became intimidated. Where I once felt I was somewhat intelligent about the Bible, I quickly felt swallowed up by members like play4fun, pray75, mrfe, and SoL@R.  I realized JUST how little I knew, and I felt I had nothing to offer.  Those guys are AMAZING.

I didn't admit to them (and don't believe I have to this day), that I felt inferior to them in terms of my own relationship with Christ.

But again... it's
okay.

Why is it okay?  Because I DON'T know everything. I would be awfully silly to believe I can know something about everything.  Furthermore, the fact that there are intelligent people all around me is AMAZING!  I have learned so much from the four I mentioned above, and just as much from the other users of this site.  Where I once had the tendency to adopt the beliefs of those around me, I now form my own ideas and can provide evidences to those beliefs.  The very fact that I DON'T know everything means that I can continue to grow and better myself every day! How exciting is that prospect?!

I am valuable in some way.
Again, this is not a bragging point.  It's something that -everyone- needs to realize.  I can't tell you exactly how I'm valuable (other than in God's eyes), but I know that I am.  I have things to say write, and people sometimes ARE interested.  I can't tell you how many times I wrote crazy long rants and expected nobody to really care.  But to my astonishment, people DID care. They did read every silly word I blathered onto the page, and they responded accordingly!  No matter how many times I complained and whined and made excuses... people read what I wrote.

People at work are always talking about how smart I am, and I've always discounted their opinions.  There are so many smarter people in the world that I know I pale in comparison. But you know.. more and more often this year, it made me think:  I
could be smart.  I know I'm a quick learner and I know I have the capability to learn things I'm completely unfamiliar with. This idea is so exciting for me!  If I ever have the time or money, there are so many things I can pursue.

I know I can write and I know I can do math, but imagine everything else I can do!  I know that intellectually as well as physically, I have value.  Even if I simply put a smile on someone's face every day.... that in itself gives me value.

People don't have to value me in order for me to
have value.

There are a lot of cool people in this world.
Seriously! I might not have any real life friends and I might not know how to socialize, but there are so many kind, wise, compassionate, creative, and incredible people in this world!  I've never gotten to know anybody as well as I've gotten to know the people here.... and you're all inspiring!  (Even the people I tend to disagree with are almost all every bit as amazing.)

You've welcomed me, cared about me, and even given me credit where none is deserved.  (Most helpful
this year, really? ha!)  Realizing that people can be so compassionate has given me reason to be bolder in the physical world.  Due to your kindness, I've opened up to a few people in real life (I haven't made any friends though), and I've learned that they accepted my flaws a lot sooner than I thought they would. The fact that people were willing to understand me and my shortcomings is just heartwarming.

There are so many talents here.  People who can write, people who can draw, people that can discern.... the hearts, minds, and brains of vizzed are absolutely and stunningly beautiful!  I wish I could be half as wise, half as creative, and half as kind as the people I've come to know.

There are a lot of cool things in this world.
Have you guys taken a good look at the world around you?  It is AMAZING!  There are so many cool things waiting to be done and accomplished and seen!

The more I look around, the more I want to do.... and I just wish I had the time and money!

I want to write more!
I want to learn Spanish and sign language... and other languages!
I want to become a proficient mountain climber!
I want to go to culinary school and learn to cook!
I want to travel and bike all the 'dangerous' and adrenaline-pumping trails!
I want a big camera with lots of lenses, and to learn to take amazing photos!
Babies and kids are freaking adorable!

And most of all, I want to learn to bike on a professional level.  Do you have ANY idea how cool biking is?!  There are so many kinds of bikes and so many types of trails!  You can road bike, mountain bike, or cyclo-cross!  Boy oh boy, do I want to be in shape enough to do something like that!  I mean..... just take a look at this video if you have the time!!!



(I mean, can we just take a moment to appreciate how absolutely amazing that level of skill is, and how beautiful that scenery is?!  If anything at all should inspire you today... this should be it!)

It is okay to desire, but it is unhealthy to yearn.

I guess this might be a little ironic after that little spiel above, but it's true! There are a lot of really, really awesome things to want in life.  And wanting things is NOT bad (well, for us normal people, anyways. We're not talking about psychopaths or drug addicts, for example).  It's healthy to desire something and work towards it.  It's great to like something enough that we DO feel
want.  But like most things, it needs to be kept in check.

When you want something so bad that you pine after it and it depresses you.... that's when you've let it spin beyond your control.  There are things I yearn for and have yearned for.  Good relationships and love are often at the top of the list for most people.  If you want and desire to be loved... great!  Don't accept anything less!  But if you turn every corner as an opportunity to find 'love', and if every failure brings you into the depths of despair... you are yearning and it's making you sick (physically, emotionally, and/or mentally).  Take a step back and direct your passion elsewhere until you can get a grip on everything else.  Yearning becomes an unhealthy obsession.

(Right now, I have to train myself not to -yearn- for the time, skill, and money to bike like the guy in that video!)

I am going to be down from time to time, and that's okay.
You know what, I've finally accepted that my emotions tend to roller coaster (whether it's due to my disorder or whatever else). I guess I used to deny this because it made me ashamed.  At times I'd feel like the death of my own mother wouldn't bother me.... and yet at other times even a story of a kind person could reduce me to tears.  I've learned that I don't need to be ashamed of this fact. There's little that can be done about it.

Instead, I need to embrace it and get a grip on it.  If I become depressed and I need to back away from my duties and obligations, then so be it.  I don't HAVE to constantly be active, or to seek the approval of everyone. Instead of becoming despondent when I can't find a solution, I need to turn my head and -cope-.  Life and people and things are too amazing and significant to mope for long.

If you've never looked at my friend's list... I advise you do. I'm very, very particular about the people I put there. The people on my friend's list are there because they've done something for me.  They are absolutely the most amazing people I know. They have taught me things about myself and helped me blossom. They've made me feel loved and cared about.  They've shared wisdom with countless people here on vizzed, and they are more giving towards others, than they are towards themselves.

They are... really... top notch people. The kind that bring tears to my eyes when I realize that I am one very, very lucky girl.

I love you all, and it is my sincerest hope that you have such a collection of jewels either here or around you in real life.  If you don't... and you need some... reach out. Don't be afraid.  The people you choose to interact with can be life changers, and life savers. They can be youre most valuable assets.

There might be a world full of people out there, but I am convinced that I am surrounded by the best of them!
I love you all, and I hope you have a very blessed day. Thank you for helping me realize that .... well.... life is good.
It's been awhile since one of those Singelli life rants has popped up, hasn't it?

Don't worry.... this isn't a rant.  At least... not like I've so often written.

As this year draws to an end and I find myself reflecting on its thoughts, emotions, and events, I realize something important:  
I've grown.  I hope we can all say the same thing.  If you find yourself shaking your head no, I encourage you to look again.  The great thing about human-ness is that we are -always- growing and learning something new.

Me?  I feel like I grew astoundingly.  I don't mean to brag and say I'm a way better person, but that the amount in which I've changed is staggering.

I can't believe I've been here for almost 2.5 years. While I understand that there are dozens of members who have been active for a longer time frame,  my time here has been incredible.... and it's attached with so, so many memories.

I've been in some dark places.  I don't think I quite realized how depressed I was until I started making web-friends here on vizzed. Through socializing with you all and learning so many amazing things, I came to realize that I was not as -okay- as I had perceived myself to be. In fact, I was very, very NOT okay.  Some of you might remember the several hiatuses I took, ranging from two weeks to four months.  Indeed, there have even been times when I've been here, but quiet (such as the past several months).  During those times, I may have seemed inactive, but I assure you, I wasn't.  I may have seen withdrawn, but I was getting to know you.

I've read your words. I've thought about your ideas.  I've contemplated the impact your opinions have on my life.

I've learned.... that even when the sky is grayest.... I can be happy.

I slipped into another bout of depression in November, but the great news is this:  it was shallow, and better yet... it was short.  Perhaps I am speaking too soon, but I've felt great for 3 days now, and I see hope in the future.

Hope is a strong word.  It's driven. It's promise.  It's a spark of joy.

I don't want to... nor have the need to... complain to you guys any more.  Any negativity I have, I can internalize and toss aside.

Does this mean I'm never feeling down or wanting someone to talk to?  Absolutely not!

But I do know how to control the flow instead of letting the dam crash down and drown everyone around me.  I don't need to cry out for help.  I've found it, and it was there for me all along.

Over the past year, I've learned a lot about myself and my environments:

It's okay that I don't know everything.
It might surprise the majority of you to know that I know absolutely nothing about socializing.  I write well, but written word is my forte when it comes to communication.  I could never hold conversations verbally like the ones I've held textually.  This inability to socialize has left me slightly incapable of normal functionality. It's not that I -can't- do things, but that I allow myself to believe that I can't.  Every day happenings that might seem normal to others (grocery shopping and talking to coworkers, for example) are rather crippling uncertainties for me.  I feel stupid and the idealizations of my own lack of knowledge swamp me.

But it's
okay.

When I first came here and met all these amazing Christians who were so well versed in the Word, I became intimidated. Where I once felt I was somewhat intelligent about the Bible, I quickly felt swallowed up by members like play4fun, pray75, mrfe, and SoL@R.  I realized JUST how little I knew, and I felt I had nothing to offer.  Those guys are AMAZING.

I didn't admit to them (and don't believe I have to this day), that I felt inferior to them in terms of my own relationship with Christ.

But again... it's
okay.

Why is it okay?  Because I DON'T know everything. I would be awfully silly to believe I can know something about everything.  Furthermore, the fact that there are intelligent people all around me is AMAZING!  I have learned so much from the four I mentioned above, and just as much from the other users of this site.  Where I once had the tendency to adopt the beliefs of those around me, I now form my own ideas and can provide evidences to those beliefs.  The very fact that I DON'T know everything means that I can continue to grow and better myself every day! How exciting is that prospect?!

I am valuable in some way.
Again, this is not a bragging point.  It's something that -everyone- needs to realize.  I can't tell you exactly how I'm valuable (other than in God's eyes), but I know that I am.  I have things to say write, and people sometimes ARE interested.  I can't tell you how many times I wrote crazy long rants and expected nobody to really care.  But to my astonishment, people DID care. They did read every silly word I blathered onto the page, and they responded accordingly!  No matter how many times I complained and whined and made excuses... people read what I wrote.

People at work are always talking about how smart I am, and I've always discounted their opinions.  There are so many smarter people in the world that I know I pale in comparison. But you know.. more and more often this year, it made me think:  I
could be smart.  I know I'm a quick learner and I know I have the capability to learn things I'm completely unfamiliar with. This idea is so exciting for me!  If I ever have the time or money, there are so many things I can pursue.

I know I can write and I know I can do math, but imagine everything else I can do!  I know that intellectually as well as physically, I have value.  Even if I simply put a smile on someone's face every day.... that in itself gives me value.

People don't have to value me in order for me to
have value.

There are a lot of cool people in this world.
Seriously! I might not have any real life friends and I might not know how to socialize, but there are so many kind, wise, compassionate, creative, and incredible people in this world!  I've never gotten to know anybody as well as I've gotten to know the people here.... and you're all inspiring!  (Even the people I tend to disagree with are almost all every bit as amazing.)

You've welcomed me, cared about me, and even given me credit where none is deserved.  (Most helpful
this year, really? ha!)  Realizing that people can be so compassionate has given me reason to be bolder in the physical world.  Due to your kindness, I've opened up to a few people in real life (I haven't made any friends though), and I've learned that they accepted my flaws a lot sooner than I thought they would. The fact that people were willing to understand me and my shortcomings is just heartwarming.

There are so many talents here.  People who can write, people who can draw, people that can discern.... the hearts, minds, and brains of vizzed are absolutely and stunningly beautiful!  I wish I could be half as wise, half as creative, and half as kind as the people I've come to know.

There are a lot of cool things in this world.
Have you guys taken a good look at the world around you?  It is AMAZING!  There are so many cool things waiting to be done and accomplished and seen!

The more I look around, the more I want to do.... and I just wish I had the time and money!

I want to write more!
I want to learn Spanish and sign language... and other languages!
I want to become a proficient mountain climber!
I want to go to culinary school and learn to cook!
I want to travel and bike all the 'dangerous' and adrenaline-pumping trails!
I want a big camera with lots of lenses, and to learn to take amazing photos!
Babies and kids are freaking adorable!

And most of all, I want to learn to bike on a professional level.  Do you have ANY idea how cool biking is?!  There are so many kinds of bikes and so many types of trails!  You can road bike, mountain bike, or cyclo-cross!  Boy oh boy, do I want to be in shape enough to do something like that!  I mean..... just take a look at this video if you have the time!!!



(I mean, can we just take a moment to appreciate how absolutely amazing that level of skill is, and how beautiful that scenery is?!  If anything at all should inspire you today... this should be it!)

It is okay to desire, but it is unhealthy to yearn.

I guess this might be a little ironic after that little spiel above, but it's true! There are a lot of really, really awesome things to want in life.  And wanting things is NOT bad (well, for us normal people, anyways. We're not talking about psychopaths or drug addicts, for example).  It's healthy to desire something and work towards it.  It's great to like something enough that we DO feel
want.  But like most things, it needs to be kept in check.

When you want something so bad that you pine after it and it depresses you.... that's when you've let it spin beyond your control.  There are things I yearn for and have yearned for.  Good relationships and love are often at the top of the list for most people.  If you want and desire to be loved... great!  Don't accept anything less!  But if you turn every corner as an opportunity to find 'love', and if every failure brings you into the depths of despair... you are yearning and it's making you sick (physically, emotionally, and/or mentally).  Take a step back and direct your passion elsewhere until you can get a grip on everything else.  Yearning becomes an unhealthy obsession.

(Right now, I have to train myself not to -yearn- for the time, skill, and money to bike like the guy in that video!)

I am going to be down from time to time, and that's okay.
You know what, I've finally accepted that my emotions tend to roller coaster (whether it's due to my disorder or whatever else). I guess I used to deny this because it made me ashamed.  At times I'd feel like the death of my own mother wouldn't bother me.... and yet at other times even a story of a kind person could reduce me to tears.  I've learned that I don't need to be ashamed of this fact. There's little that can be done about it.

Instead, I need to embrace it and get a grip on it.  If I become depressed and I need to back away from my duties and obligations, then so be it.  I don't HAVE to constantly be active, or to seek the approval of everyone. Instead of becoming despondent when I can't find a solution, I need to turn my head and -cope-.  Life and people and things are too amazing and significant to mope for long.

If you've never looked at my friend's list... I advise you do. I'm very, very particular about the people I put there. The people on my friend's list are there because they've done something for me.  They are absolutely the most amazing people I know. They have taught me things about myself and helped me blossom. They've made me feel loved and cared about.  They've shared wisdom with countless people here on vizzed, and they are more giving towards others, than they are towards themselves.

They are... really... top notch people. The kind that bring tears to my eyes when I realize that I am one very, very lucky girl.

I love you all, and it is my sincerest hope that you have such a collection of jewels either here or around you in real life.  If you don't... and you need some... reach out. Don't be afraid.  The people you choose to interact with can be life changers, and life savers. They can be youre most valuable assets.

There might be a world full of people out there, but I am convinced that I am surrounded by the best of them!
I love you all, and I hope you have a very blessed day. Thank you for helping me realize that .... well.... life is good.
Vizzed Elite
Singelli


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 08-09-12
Location: Alabama
Last Post: 2499 days
Last Active: 2475 days

(edited by Singelli on 12-07-14 11:48 AM)     Post Rating: 14   Liked By: Barathemos, Eniitan, Furret, Laian, Mia03, Mistress, Momo Aria, Pacman+Mariofan, patar4097, Snu, TheFadedWarrior, thephantombrain, TornadoMudkip, Trendkiller,

12-07-14 12:56 PM
thephantombrain is Offline
| ID: 1111942 | 151 Words

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Beautiful video and a beautiful post...

I think I've told you before that you are the result of every thought you've ever had. These new thoughts and ideas that you've embraced seem to change the substance of every experience that you encounter, don't they? The lows aren't nearly as deep and the highs open truly limitless possibilities. I love everything about this post. You make me smile and I'm glad to know you.

One thing I want to share with you is that every time we Netplay with audio enabled, it feels like a completely natural exchange. This tells me that you are entirely capable of having quality one one conversations with people once you feel comfortable with them. The only challenge now is to find a way around that awkward feeling when meeting new people. There is a way and your post only proves that you will find an answer.
Beautiful video and a beautiful post...

I think I've told you before that you are the result of every thought you've ever had. These new thoughts and ideas that you've embraced seem to change the substance of every experience that you encounter, don't they? The lows aren't nearly as deep and the highs open truly limitless possibilities. I love everything about this post. You make me smile and I'm glad to know you.

One thing I want to share with you is that every time we Netplay with audio enabled, it feels like a completely natural exchange. This tells me that you are entirely capable of having quality one one conversations with people once you feel comfortable with them. The only challenge now is to find a way around that awkward feeling when meeting new people. There is a way and your post only proves that you will find an answer.
Trusted Member
Guaranteed fresh by 01/08/17


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 07-21-13
Location: Wichita, Kansas, USA
Last Post: 1462 days
Last Active: 355 days

Post Rating: 1   Liked By: Singelli,

12-07-14 01:39 PM
Trendkiller is Offline
| ID: 1111962 | 138 Words

Trendkiller
Level: 14

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Likes: 1  Dislikes: 0
This post is very awesome. You have realized that life is precious and that there's more to life than doing things for ourselves. I go through depression for multiple reasons but after my brother died I went to the Methodist hospital in Houston and it was only at that time that I learned that my problems were minuscule compared to what those individuals were going through. In those 6 days I came to terms with the fact that my problems were not significant enough to cause me continue being so down on myself. I also came to terms with another fact. Death is a part of life. It's just the last part. The last part is almost always the most difficult in life or video games. It doesn't matter. The last part is almost always difficult to swallow.  
This post is very awesome. You have realized that life is precious and that there's more to life than doing things for ourselves. I go through depression for multiple reasons but after my brother died I went to the Methodist hospital in Houston and it was only at that time that I learned that my problems were minuscule compared to what those individuals were going through. In those 6 days I came to terms with the fact that my problems were not significant enough to cause me continue being so down on myself. I also came to terms with another fact. Death is a part of life. It's just the last part. The last part is almost always the most difficult in life or video games. It doesn't matter. The last part is almost always difficult to swallow.  
Member

Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 04-08-12
Location: Iowa, LA
Last Post: 2644 days
Last Active: 87 days

Post Rating: 1   Liked By: Singelli,

12-07-14 03:01 PM
mvhupsel is Offline
| ID: 1111996 | 716 Words

mvhupsel
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I was going to refrain from posting like I usually do (in fact it took me a while to decide whether or not to post this after I was done), but after reflecting about everything I read and seeing how many of the things you said resemble things I personally went through, I decided to try something different for once.

I've also been dealing with depression for a good chunk of time now and I've been through some really dark times in my life not only because of depression itself, but because of the way I see myself and how people around me often affect me in a negative way. having nothing and no one to hold on to only made things even harder, mostly because that actually slowly became a catalyst for hatred from others directed towards me.

"People don't have to value me in order for me to have value."
I can't stress enough how important this phrase is to me. It goes even further to me, not only do they not have to value me, but they also don't have to accept me, at least not entirely. Dealing with rejection has always been complicated, but I learned that in the end the cruel parcel of people in the world really don't care about me, I'm the one that has to look up for myself. Of course that doesn't extends to every single person on the face of the planet, there are gentle, nice and caring people in this world, that show those qualities through many different ways, but I'm the one that have to search for them and even then I can't really expect anything from them. Carrying this belief is what kept me going countless times, since I don't think I'm exactly the luckiest guy when it comes to the people that surrounds me. I had (and to this day I still have) to sacrifice many things because of the way things work for many aspects of my life...

After having been through a variety of "unpleasant" (better leave it at that) situations, this led me to make a decision. Accepting the fact that I often won't be accepted for being myself and just try to get the best out of things regardless. Sure, it's not always possible to get the desired outcome (actually, you won't be able to do so most of the time), but from the moment I accepted that, I stopped shunning and complaining about the things that troubled me so often. Instead I started seeking the results I desired, while focusing mainly on those that I could actually accomplish... It really made a huge difference, you have no idea (or maybe you do, who am I to say).

I still have a hard time being optimistic, along with seeing the good side of things and people, I'm often pessimistic and look down upon myself, but seeing examples like your own give me strength to keep trying to change this situation I'm in. I don't really expect anything from you nor anyone really, but that's exactly what makes it so meaningful, the fact things are how they are regardless of me interfering. When you do get to see something that pleases you happening spontaneously, it gives you strength to keep dealing with everything that tries to reject you and bring you down.

I wish that you continue flourishing and I don't say this with the connotation we all know and are tired to listen by now. Instead, I wish that you can flourish to no one but yourself, to be able to truly reach whatever it is that your heart desires, yet is shrouded by so many obstacles and uncertainties.

I'm may not be as optimistic when it comes down to my own expectations, which may look like hypocrisy since I just eulogized that, but I don't care, I can't push myself to be someone that I'm not, having others do that same thing is more than enough to me, I'm fine with being whatever I am. Still, I'll keep trying to improve on how I look at my own expectations, if that means something good could come as a result. Then, who knows... maybe I'll also find whatever it is that shall make me happy as well.
I was going to refrain from posting like I usually do (in fact it took me a while to decide whether or not to post this after I was done), but after reflecting about everything I read and seeing how many of the things you said resemble things I personally went through, I decided to try something different for once.

I've also been dealing with depression for a good chunk of time now and I've been through some really dark times in my life not only because of depression itself, but because of the way I see myself and how people around me often affect me in a negative way. having nothing and no one to hold on to only made things even harder, mostly because that actually slowly became a catalyst for hatred from others directed towards me.

"People don't have to value me in order for me to have value."
I can't stress enough how important this phrase is to me. It goes even further to me, not only do they not have to value me, but they also don't have to accept me, at least not entirely. Dealing with rejection has always been complicated, but I learned that in the end the cruel parcel of people in the world really don't care about me, I'm the one that has to look up for myself. Of course that doesn't extends to every single person on the face of the planet, there are gentle, nice and caring people in this world, that show those qualities through many different ways, but I'm the one that have to search for them and even then I can't really expect anything from them. Carrying this belief is what kept me going countless times, since I don't think I'm exactly the luckiest guy when it comes to the people that surrounds me. I had (and to this day I still have) to sacrifice many things because of the way things work for many aspects of my life...

After having been through a variety of "unpleasant" (better leave it at that) situations, this led me to make a decision. Accepting the fact that I often won't be accepted for being myself and just try to get the best out of things regardless. Sure, it's not always possible to get the desired outcome (actually, you won't be able to do so most of the time), but from the moment I accepted that, I stopped shunning and complaining about the things that troubled me so often. Instead I started seeking the results I desired, while focusing mainly on those that I could actually accomplish... It really made a huge difference, you have no idea (or maybe you do, who am I to say).

I still have a hard time being optimistic, along with seeing the good side of things and people, I'm often pessimistic and look down upon myself, but seeing examples like your own give me strength to keep trying to change this situation I'm in. I don't really expect anything from you nor anyone really, but that's exactly what makes it so meaningful, the fact things are how they are regardless of me interfering. When you do get to see something that pleases you happening spontaneously, it gives you strength to keep dealing with everything that tries to reject you and bring you down.

I wish that you continue flourishing and I don't say this with the connotation we all know and are tired to listen by now. Instead, I wish that you can flourish to no one but yourself, to be able to truly reach whatever it is that your heart desires, yet is shrouded by so many obstacles and uncertainties.

I'm may not be as optimistic when it comes down to my own expectations, which may look like hypocrisy since I just eulogized that, but I don't care, I can't push myself to be someone that I'm not, having others do that same thing is more than enough to me, I'm fine with being whatever I am. Still, I'll keep trying to improve on how I look at my own expectations, if that means something good could come as a result. Then, who knows... maybe I'll also find whatever it is that shall make me happy as well.
Vizzed Elite
Another hopeless soul...


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 06-19-12
Location: Same World as you... yet still a different one.
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12-07-14 06:41 PM
Mia03 is Offline
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Singelli : That video was amazing!! Sometimes I wish I could do that but then I remember that I would fall off that cliff so fast. The front flip on the bike was super cool too! I hope we see you in a cool video like that someday!
Singelli : That video was amazing!! Sometimes I wish I could do that but then I remember that I would fall off that cliff so fast. The front flip on the bike was super cool too! I hope we see you in a cool video like that someday!
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The Shadow Wolf


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

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12-07-14 07:11 PM
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Singelli : Believe it or not, I enjoyed the part at the end where he hops over the fence. I have never seen it done that way. You are a wonderful person and I know that without meeting you. I am sorry I said something about you being a dude. I didn't realize that you are the opposite of a dude. You're a lady! I'm sure a respectable one too. Keep you chin high and you'll get all the recognition you deserve. It seems like I know you, a little already.
Singelli : Believe it or not, I enjoyed the part at the end where he hops over the fence. I have never seen it done that way. You are a wonderful person and I know that without meeting you. I am sorry I said something about you being a dude. I didn't realize that you are the opposite of a dude. You're a lady! I'm sure a respectable one too. Keep you chin high and you'll get all the recognition you deserve. It seems like I know you, a little already.
Member

Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

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12-09-14 12:16 PM
Light Knight is Offline
| ID: 1112733 | 65 Words

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How glad I am to read this thread!

One thing you have yet to learn, is that you are easily as amazing as all those people you admire. In fact, I can say for sure, not many people come here and have as big of an impact as you. If vizzed was a real country, you'd be a household name; the poster girl of kindness.

How glad I am to read this thread!

One thing you have yet to learn, is that you are easily as amazing as all those people you admire. In fact, I can say for sure, not many people come here and have as big of an impact as you. If vizzed was a real country, you'd be a household name; the poster girl of kindness.

Vizzed Elite
Former Admin
Loyal Knight of Vizzed


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Registered: 12-08-04
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