Hey everyone. I have a question. So me and my girl are engaged. But early on in our engagement me and her were at the beach. Because I didn't know about different ring sizes at the time her ring I gave her (which was a family heirloom) fell off her finger and into the ocean. Fast forward to today... she says we are not engaged because she doesn't have an engagement ring on her finger since I have not been able to afford one. She says that because she has no ring that I have been demoted to bf and gf. My question is do you need a ring to be engaged or not. I think no since there are people who have been married for years and are happy with kids and never had a wedding ring. But what do you guys think. I am really curious. I always say the girl is right but I cant say that this time. So any input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks everyone. 

You don't need a ring to be engaged. That's ridiculous. The ring is really just a gift that is often given during marriage proposals.

For years I was part of a religion that taught that wearing jewelry was wrong, and so they had (and still do have) thousands of married couples that hold to their teaching, yet got engaged and married without rings.

Rings are a symbol of the relationship that you two have, and you can't have a symbol of a relationship that does not exist yet (hence the reason we typically wait for them to say "yes I'll marry you" before we put the ring on their finger). So if the relationship of fiancee existed before the ring was on her finger, it still existed even after the ring fell off.

If a ring constitutes a relationship, then a married man or woman could "lose" their wedding and engagement rings, have a one night stand with someone else, and this wouldn't be considered cheating because they didn't have a ring anymore.


So long story short, yes you can be engaged without a ring. It almost sounds like she might have been teasing you though.

Eirinn : i didnt even know that a religion like that existed. And i know she wasnt teasing me. Ive been with her long enough to know when she is teasing or not. She does act childish alot. And it doesnt help that she has been hurt and used by her ex's and she has trust issues. But thank you for your input.

Yes, My father can't wear his ring because he works at his own restaurant. Above the grill the ring can get really hot and it will hurt like hell. And no I some people that lost their ring too. Of course you can be engaged when you don't have a ring.

I know of a couple where the guy doesn't have the girl's ring size and they want to pick out the ring together, instead of proposing with an actual ring, they use a cloth ribbon to wrap around her finger as symbolic representation that they are engaged. They then get the ring later that week. 

The ring is a representation symbolically to let everyone know that you are engaged. Not having a ring doesn't mean that you are not engaged. If she commits, that is what really matters, not the symbol.

Thanks guys... i wish she would understand that. And im not trying to insut you guys but i was hoping to have a few perspectives from the female side. If you guys are females im sorry. I dont know you guys well enough except for playforfun. So please forgive me. And guys can still tell me as well. Im not saying just girls. everybody can still pitch in your take on this. 

My parents never gave each other wedding rings never mind an engagement ring. So yes you can.

Well if she thinks you guys are not engaged because she doesn't have a ring, then she's obviously being greedy. Engagement rings are just gifts, they're totally optional...but sadly, some women in this world, and by that I mean a LOT of them, just NEED a ring. Welcome to my world

Well, the answer is no. You don't need a ring to be engaged. If you want a reason for the females perspective however, I can think of two possible reasons for her actions:

1) You said she has trust issues due to being used by previous boyfriends, so it is possible she refuses to advance in the relationship until there is something that "cements" it, such as an engagement ring. Something that shows you are truly invested and willing to bond lives.  If this is the case, don't look at the situation as her being "greedy" or "unreasonable", look at it as her trying to protect herself from any more emotional harm. This is the first and most likely reason. 

2) This may sound harsh, but it is possible that she could be having doubts with the relationship and simply came up with an excuse to delay advancing the relationship. If this is the case, reassure her and be sure she is comfortable around you and being with you. If she isn't ready, then she simply isn't ready and you should respect that. However, if this is the case then you should talk to her about it and show that you are willing to wait for her to be ready. This could or could not be likely, as I do not know the strength of the relationship seeing as how I am not either of you...I suggest asking if she is ready to advance in the relationship or if it really is just the ring that is stopping her. 

   In the end, the best thing is to do it to try to uncover the real reason behind not wanting to be engaged, as I really doubt if someone truly loves another, that they would demand a gift before being together. Hope all goes well, best of luck

From my point of view, a ring isn't needed for an engagement. It seems that this whole post has only males so I will try to help you out from a female's perspective.

Looking from your girl's point of view, she wants to make the marriage "official" by having a ring on her finger as a custom and symbol of being married. Girls in America in general love to be proud of showing off stuff such as jewelry and symbols to mean something about them or in this case, the ring. Little things DO count and mean something.
On the other hand, I might agree with Slythion because she could be doubting her commitment to you and questioning about her future. Women can be usually very sensitive, emotional, and unsure about their futures and if it will last on the long run.

You can try improvising something as a replacement of the ring (this is optional but it is worth a try).

The only thing you need to be engaged is the mutual intent to be married in the future. Neither require rings. How do you think people agreed to be married before engagement rings?

No, you don't need a ring. That is utter bull.

If she wants to play that game, then point out that you gave her one... a family heirloom no less, and she lost it. I would tell her that if she wants out of the engagement all she has to do is say so instead of saying such a ridiculously stupid thing.

If she really said that and it happened that way, I would seriously evaluate the relationship.  If she has trust problems and she suddenly demotes you because she doesn't have a ring (it doesn't matter who lost it or how.  She agreed to your proposal for marriage) then she has some serious emotional and relationship issues she's dealing with.

I'd take a few steps back and look at the relationship hard.  If my then-fiancee said the same thing to me I'd likely break up with her completely.  She didn't want to be with me and she was using the lost ring as an excuse to break off the seriousness of the relationship.  It seems like your girl is doing the same thing.  Maybe she's panicking or whatever but she doesn't want to stay engaged, that means she doesn't want to get married.  The ring part should not matter when it comes to her feelings and love and shared emotions.

Look hard at how happy you are.  Look at how happy she is with you and how you two work with each other's lives.  I'd think about not going through with marriage because of how she acted. 

That is not what someone in love does or how they act.  End of story.

Yes. Poor people can get engaged, so what makes it any different to people with money. If you don't get a ring, it doesn't matter, you'll be ok. It's really sad to hear about people who don't get engaged because they can't afford a ring, it's just ridiculous.

Yes, you can. I got engaged without a ring in high school. Thank goodness I didn't follow through with it. After she canceled the engagement, she turned into the school... well, you know what.

generalspleen : Of course you can be engaged without a ring. I say that because I was engaged without a ring, but I got my wife an engagement ring. I didn't have to, but I felt she deserved one, and she still wears it today, along with her wedding ring. I think its terrible your gf demoted you when SHE lost the ring in the ocean. That isn't right. You can always get sized for a ring at a jewelry store, and then maybe even pick a ring out while you're there! Kill two birds with one stone. lol

Engagement rings and wedding rings are sadistic conspiracies by the companies that make jewelry to trick you into buying their products by guilting you into buying an expensive and meaningless gift for your loved one under a romantic pretense. It's not some ancient tradition or necessity; it's a concept that was invented within the last hundred years when jewelers decided they weren't making enough money.

An engagement is a mutual interest in and agreement to get married. Buying a ring is completely arbitrary. Most people wouldn't buy a ring for a pre-engagement, although such a thing does happen (I wear a promise ring myself). Most people wouldn't buy a ring to signal when they've started dating someone. Engagement is just the point where jewelry companies decided to apply pressure to the men of the world.

Really the only function of an engagement ring is as a signal to hopefuls out there that you're off the market. If you can't afford a fancy ring, but you feel like you should give something, you can find extremely affordable rings on Amazon.com. The one I'm wearing now only cost about $16.

generalspleen : Absolutely. All being engaged means is that you have definite official intentions of getting married. The ring is really nothing more than a symbol. The original purpose of engagement/wedding rings (I guess technically still is the purpose) is to be a visible sign to others that you are no longer available. But just because you don't have a ring doesn't just mean that you are available. I really hope you don't take offense to this, but it is really kind of shallow to basically say "We aren't engaged until you can get me some jewelry to wear". Kind of implies that the money and possessions is what is needed to get married, which shouldn't be the case. I hope that she was either joking, or legitimately thought that rings were required to be engaged. If it isn't one of those 2, then the only other explanation is the shallow thing.

Crawldragon : you are wrong that it was made as a ploy for jewelers making money. Many cultures have their own way of letting others know that they are either married or going to be married so people know without asking that they are not available. Ours is rings. Now, not to say jewelers haven't sunk their teeth into this and made people thing you have to have this fantastic expensive ring to show your love. They have done that. But it actually was a tradition made to have a very functional purpose.