And I already know that I'm going to hate doing this... But I need to do this for myself because I have to start acknowledging the problems in my life. I'd do this in real life if I wasn't too scared of my family tormenting me for every single mistake I do. I mean my dad's the last person I'm gonna confide in when I'm at my weakest. All I could think of was coming here to you guys. Anyways here it goes...

I'm an alcoholic. I always have most fun when I'm drunk and I'm constantly thinking about ways to get wasted. I wouldn't have a problem if I knew how to stop, but I can't. Drinking is the best means of relaxation I can think of, but when I've had a few drinks too much I can never know where and with whom I wake up the next day. I've tried to go without drinking in the past and I'm always very satisfied with myself when I manage to not have a drink for a few weeks, but then the cycle begins again. I've done a lot of thinking and I've come to the conclusion that my problem started when I turned 18 and I no longer had no limits whatsoever to stop me.

What I'm most scared of is losing all my real life friends. I think it has to do something with the Finnish culture since most of my friends are heavy drinkers. Not to mention that I'm not even an odd apple in our family - my parents are ex-alcoholics, my mother's parents are ex-alcoholics, my great-great-grandpa was an alcoholic and currently my father's mother is a closet drinker. Not to mention my outcast uncle who spends every single penny in alcohol. You'd think I'd get all the help from my family knowing what a pain alcohol has been in our background, but I know that admitting my problem to my family would bring me more shame than help.

I'm also scared of not having a drink ever again. I know many people who never drink and they're happy with their lives, but I'd feel like I was cornered if I never had a drink again. On the other hand I'm not sure if I can control my drinking. For now I know that I can't step into a pub in a while. Can't promise I won't have a drink at home. I'm so darn ashamed to admit this all and I understand if there's no sympathy coming my way, but I seriously need help. I know I'm in need of professional help but personally I would appreciate the support coming from you guys.

Your sign up was only 75 days ago, and you're already trusting us? Aww

We all have our weird habits. I have one I would never mention on a family friendly site (Don't ask), but it seems like you're in a bad situation. This may be a silly question, but have you tried rehab? It might be good for you? Look, I hate drunks as much as the next guy, but that's only when they do it for the sake of...how do I say...bamboozling? But with a person like you, I wouldn't hate you if you were a non-sober. So you're going through a lot. Your family has a history of being alcoholics and whatnot, but honestly, I don't know much about rehab, but maybe it will work? (Sorry I can't give better advice) 

Oh.....oh dear. Silly in a way it runs in your family but you want to try and stop drinking? Though you are afraid of what may happen. I mean  for you or for anyone its ok to drink but. I say doing it everyday is a bit too much. And it will strain your health in a way. I don't dislike you for saying this. I mean everyone is different of how they are, and what they want to be in life. Because you wasn't told no drinking. Your mind kept on saying its ok to drink, and it went on and on until it became a habit. As you can see now you are struggling to deal with it. I say do you best not to drink so much. You can drink for occasions and such. But I recommend not too everyday, because of your health. The more you drink the more your body will get damaged. And this can take years......before you know it. I don't want to say what will happen after that. But sill try to divert yourself from drinking. And do other thing that you love doing, to stop that in a way. Like your blog or anything else that you may like. I dunno if this advice can help. But if you need anything else just pm me, and I will respond back to you. Do your best. ^-^

First, it is really, REALLY brave of you to confess to all that. While I've never experienced something alike, or had friends experience it, my advice might not be that helpfull, but I still want to go ahead and try.

You can always ask for professional help. While you can greatly appreciate help from friends, when dealing with something of this sort, it usually doesn't help you in the longrun.

There's plenty of 'cures', and a lot of doctors and such people that can really aid you well during a cure. 
Of course, all the decisions are up to you. Do you really want it to stop? Do you think you might need certain help? Do you know of people that can give such help?

While I'm not experienced, I still hope this helps, and the best of luck to you!

Thank you for the comments. I was really afraid to make this post but at the same time I thought it would make my acknowledgement more real.

I haven't been in rehab before and I think that at the moment it would be too expensive. I have looked up the number to a counselor, though. My first step is to make that call tomorrow.

You don't need rehab, all you need is moderation and self control. You don't have to just go cold turkey and go to rehab all you have to do is assess the situation and slow things the hell down.

Well, I am probably a little young to help you out here but I can come up with a few things to set you on your way to semi-soberness.
Such as...

1) Talk to your family. It may seem like they will disapprove, but as you said, they have been through this before. Chances are that someone has noticed your problem and have simply not talked to you about it. It's also basically the next-best thing to rehab, as talking to someone who has been through it before and actually knows you on a personal level may be more efficient than you think.

 2) Set a limit for yourself. The way to break bad habits/addictions is not to cut it off completely and hope for the best, but to ease into it. Look at how much you drink, and set that as your starting limit. Each week or month (whatever is most comfortable for you) lower that limit just a little more. Alcoholism is an addiction, in which your body becomes reliant on whatever substance is in the question. You need to weaken that reliance before going alcohol-free (even for a bit) otherwise your body will feel as if it's being deprived of something a rebel. 

3) Avoid alcohol in general. I highly suggest staying away from places that serve alcohol for a time being, until you know that you can resist the temptation and/or order it maturely and keep it in moderation.

4) Stay strong. The most important thing is not to create excuses. If you reach your limit, don't justify getting another drink. Had a bad day? Call a friend. Ran out of soda/milk/whatever else you drink? Get some water. An octopus made your toilet as it's home and has been using your toothbrush to make it's beak and suckers squeaky clean? Flush the toilet...a lot.

I can't pretend that I know much on the topic of alcoholism, so I'm sorry to say I can't be much help.  However, I'm really happy that you're contacting a counselor tomorrow, and I hope you let us know how that goes.

It sounds like your family has a long history of the problem, however, so it shouldn't be so shocking that you fell into the same path.  I know that this is probably going to sound a bit harsh but.... surrounding yourself with the problem is more of an enabler, than a deterrent.  If I were you, I'd try to find somewhere else to spend the majority of your time, if you don't already.

That's really about all I can offer that hasn't already been said.   I'm sorry.

Singelli : I got the impression that her family are all recovered-alcoholics and not current-alcoholics. If they are indeed currently alcoholics then I agree with you that sillysoul should keep a distance until it's safe

I wanted to let you know that I contacted a counselor today and I have a meeting in the beginning of July. I was so shocked to notice how well they reacted to my situation! The woman on the other end was very kind and told me of the procedure we're gonna to through in July and she also said that we'll definitely fix me up, like I was suffering from flu rather than alcoholism! The way she took the whole thing so lightly made me feel at ease and as if what I'm going through wasn't the end of the world after all.

And I want to thank you all for your comments! They have given me more strength in dealing with everything and I think I'll open up to my dad this weekend: I know it's going to be painful, but I need him to understand that I need all the support from him I can get. I'm determined to make him listen and even if he doesn't want to understand I know I'll pull through with this either with his support or without. I'll create a new addiction to gummy bears or something if that's what it takes!

sillysoul : It's really great you contacted a counselor! I hope your dad will understand it