As of last July, my husband and I moved into these lovely apartments and have NOT regretted it for one moment.  The apartment we live in his technically half the space of the house we last rented, but the floorplan makes the roominess of both places seem equal.  The rent is slightly higher, but internet and water come packaged under the rent.  It's away from the city, and if I look out my bedroom window, I can see trees over a brown picket (albeit very tall and ugly) fence.  True, those trees are a thin line between me and a railroad track, but I personally love to hear the train whiz by day and night.

With all the perks, there has to be a downside, right?  And there is.  The lady who lives upstairs lives off her music... She especially likes to feast her ears late at night when normal people sleep.  Now, awhile back my husband and I decided to complain about her habits.  Early in the morning and late at night, we'd hear blues, rock, and jazz being played so loud that it almost seemed to come from our very own apartment!  I guess we weren't the only ones to complain either, because our whole building received an admonishing note reminding us that extremely loud and continuous noises were not acceptable.

Well, this lady decided to blast music all night again (this very night)!  My husband and I tried to let it be, but as I tried to finish my spring cleaning, my temper rose when her music did.  It was 10pm, and I wanted to sleep.  How could I with her loud music?!  My husband, however, did not want to go knock on her door and piss her off before leaving me alone (he works nights).  At this point, I thought I'd take a page from the book of my earlier childhood.  You see, I remember how the situation was handled in several apartments/ dorms/ military "condos" my parents moved into.  If someone bust their broom against their ceiling/ your floor, it was a clear indicator you were being too loud.  There wasn't much hoo-hah about this.  If you got the infamous knock, you turned your TV set/ music/ howling down a notch.

Well, since my husband didn't want to stress before going to work, and I was quite irked, I found a metal rod (no idea what that goes to), and put it against my ceiling twice.  I was afraid to damage the ceiling, so I hardly rapped it at all, and I actually wondered if our neighbor would even be able to hear it.  My doubt was soon discounted however, when my husband opened the door and a very angry snorting woman was standing at our door.  She immediately exploded, ranting and raving about our attitude problem.  She insisted that we should have just come to her door and told her that her music was too loud, and that knocking on the ceiling was uncalled for.

Now realize, this lady would put a bull to shame.  She was practically trying to push my husband to get inside our door, screaming and yelling in her anger.  I'm sitting here thinking "You got the message either way... what's the difference?"

Vizzed, what's the difference?  Is a knock on the ceiling worth raging over?

This lady ended up threatening me and my husband with all kinds of crazy things.  She told a whole bunch of lies ("I never play music!"  "I'm only here three times a week!"  (As though it gives her the right to blast her music)  "The ONLY reason I'm even playing music is because my grandbaby is a month old today!" etc etc ), and my husband actually ended up shutting the door between me and the lady because of her pushiness.

MY whole life... I've seen a knock on the floor to not really be anything that serious. Would you get upset if someone knocked on your floor instead of coming to your door directly?

That's really stupid. She is the one blasting music while people are trying to sleep. If she lived in a house, sure... But it's an apartment. People live around you! You got to respect them the same as they respect you. She blasts music? I say break the ceiling. She'll probably get the message and leave everyone in peace. 9

I lived in a military family my entire life. Condos, apartments, dorms, even hotel rooms. I remember being 5 years old in a temporary hotel room as my dad was being moved to a family apartment rather than a dorm and we were playing. I was running around and jumping from the beds to the couch to the floor and then repeating the sequence. Obviously the noise I was making probably carried and eventually the people under us hit the ceiling to get us to quite down. My dad scooped me up and told me we had to calm down a bit. 

Everything was fine.

So, honestly it isn't a big deal.

She wanted to cause something because she could. She's obviously not truthful about why she's playing music if she does it most nights and she's probably been talked to before. I see no reason for her response and find it more than childish. 

I would much rather a broom tap than having to have to endure a talk with someone over something as small as just noise. I sure hope my neighbours aren't this inconsiderate when I move to New York. Sorry you have to endure this though, truly. 

Thanks for the responses.  I guess I should clarify slightly though.

I know this lady is extreme.... but what I'm really curious to know is.... do most people think tapping on a ceiling is rude?  I never in my life thought it to be something upsetting, and figured it was a pretty normal thing.

I wouldn't really find it entirely rude but I would prefer it if they came to me directly. But I would still understand if they would prefer not to come talk directly it's just that I may not get the message.

Especially if I was in the wrong I would actually feel a bit embarrassed.. Although I'm a pretty shy guy so I'd probably be embarrassed even if the situation was reversed

However in this case if what you're saying is true she over reacted way too much about it. If the building was complaining as much as you said they were she would've hear about it and should have understood the situation.

It's not really rude to tap on the ceiling per say but I just don't think many people do it now a days.

All those complaints and she hasn't been evicted? strange...

No, but if I'm such a thick head and I still don't know what I'm doing wrong even after getting the letter from the building admin, then tapping the ceiling would make me mad at you.

Ps. If I were you, I could have just taped an anonymous letter on her door and tell her straight that she's being too "loud" for someone who's supposed to be living in one, same establishment with other people.

Juliet :  I never even thought about that.  *blushes * That would have been a solution everyone could have handled...

Back when I lived in an apartment, this lady right above us would bang on the floor with a broom or something often.  I, being a natural peacemaker, didn't want any of us to confront the lady.  I don't remember what happened or even if it stopped.  But if I could go back in time as my 22-year old self, I'd probably ask the lady why she was doing it before judging her.  Understanding and respect can go a long way towards getting someone to change.  If you tell the lady she's getting on your nerves, she'll probably blast it all the more.  But if you go up and talk with her, apologize for offending her (letting her know that was not your intent), and try to make friends with her (maybe by bringing her some baked goods), it's more likely she'll stop or that you'll come to some sort of compromise.  The best way to defeat your enemy is to make her your friend.  It's likely she'll push you away at first.  She doesn't trust you and regards you as her enemy.  But she'll remember those moments that you reached out to her.

A knock on the ceiling seems to be a polite way to let them know. I see nothing wrong with it. We live in a duplex right now & the neighbors play their music somewhat loudly(thankfully not often). It doesn't really bother me personally though. I even tend to sleep through it if I happen to be super tired & need a quick nap. Then again, I fall asleep faster when I hear some sort of noise. Anywho, I think it's fine to either go to their door or tap on the wall/ceiling to let them know to turn it down a little.

I don't know that it's rude really, it's probably more of a personal perception on the matter. I would be fine with a visit or a knock on the ceiling, with little preference one way or the other.

However, I think that with the way people are these days (More hard headed and confrontational than when we were kids), you'd be more likely to get a rise out of them by knocking on the ceiling, and they might even turn it up louder (if that's possible!). It seems like the average IQ is dropping. lol

So yeah, I would recommend either the anonymous note that Juliet mentioned, or a personal visit like supernerd117 mentioned, though obviously the anonymous note is out of the question now. Still, I don't think the knock on the ceiling is rude by default, but many people would take more offense to it than they would to a knock on the door.

I wouldn't say so. With the information you gave of her, I'd assume she's the type that will also get mad when you knock on her door in the night. No difference
You can always contact the owners of the apartment, or the anonymous note Juliet mentioned.

As for me, I always do that when my dog/ my uncle/ my dad is snoring in their sleep. You actually wake up less people knocking on the ceiling then you would going upstairs, open a few doors here and there, and then telling them. 

I think she's just one of those people that thinks she can do whatever she wants and not have anyone tell her what to do. We have those kinds of people on our family and we don't really see them anymore because of how bad they are about it. I really doubt there would be any difference if you were to go up stairs and knock on her door. I think that she would have the exact same freak out as if you did the pole thing. You did absolutely nothing wrong, I wouldn't care if someone tapped the ceiling in my apartment. I would understand and try to be more quieter. I think that lady is a bit extreme. She could at least have the common sense not to blast music that late at night. Where I live you can get in trouble with the law if you are blasting music are being loud at that time of night. There are noise laws or something like that start around 9pm. You should check to see if there are noise laws in your area.

To military families tapping on the ceiling or floor is probably commonplace but to the rest of society I think it may be considered rude. However, each person will react to a situation differently so you ended up getting a visit from irate.

As with any situation, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. Going up to her front door, knocking then very politely asking if she could turn down the volume by half so you could visit dreamland, would probably have achieved better results.

By the way, it would not annoy me if someone knocked at me through the floor or ceiling because it would never happen. I don't need to blare music to enjoy it!

I lived in Boston for two years when I got married to my wife.  She was finishing school and I moved in with her.  She had an apartment right by the music school and we had people practicing music and listening to it at all hours of the day and week.  It was basically a dorm.  We're both professionals and my wife was working not to long after I moved in so people practicing the drums or their tuba at 2:00 am on a Wednesday was not good for us.

And I get angry when my wife is not able to sleep.

I went to war with these people.  There was a party going on during a Thursday night/Friday morning and I found the circuit breakers for the building.  I tripped their fuses to cut the power.  That ended the party pretty quickly.  I also did that to a guy who was playing the electric guitar at an insane time in the early morning.

I even nearly got in a fight when people were talking and their window was open.  The building was six floors high and there was an inner courtyard.  The guys were talking and their voices were bouncing around and making a ton of noise.  A few other people yelled at them to shut up and they refused.  They were four stories up and catcalled and yelled back.  This was perhaps 1:30 am on a Tuesday.  It was the end of winter and I went downstairs.  I threw a snowball at the window and hit the one guy in the ear while he was sitting there.  I continued to throw snowballs through the window. I heard something break, I heard something else shatter, and I didn't care.  I was enraged.

They came running down the stairs and came through the door to fight me, I guess.  I'm not a big guy but I'm extremely physically fit, I was pissed, and I was only a few months out of the Marines (I was six years in the Marine Corps).  I was ready to brawl.  I told them as much. I hoped they tried to fight me because I had so much pent up anger and rage and I finally had someone to hit.

They saw it, they went back inside, they stayed quiet and shut their window.

I'm not proud of anything I did.  It was mean and spiteful and there were better ways.  I could have asked people to be quiet or put messages on their doors.  What I did was brutal and effective.  It worked.  But it was a terrible thing to do to other people.

Singelli, you are fine to communicate to the gal that way.  Maybe she was embarrassed and didn't understand but now she knows.  I think you did nothing wrong.  If she's offensive like that again, complain again and see what happens. Usually tenants have to leave if they get multiple complaints.

Good luck.

I remember when I lived in an apartment, there was this old lady who always used to do...... something. Whatever it was, it was REALLY loud. I got fed up with how annoying she was being. I went to her apartment to tell her not to be so loud. She stopped.
The key is communication. You have to be blunt with the offender.

Singelli : rediculess ness sounds like one of those people that just dosn't get the world

Reading through all of your responses has really made me feel a whole lot better. I'm not the vengeful type nor am I even the least bit confrontational. However, I certainly missed out on a few obvious solutions that could have been a lot better than my own choice of action. I hope that most of your opinions reflect the rest of the world though, as I wasn't sure how much my actions should be frowned upon. My husband was quite upset with me tapping the ceiling and said most people would freak out over it like she did, and I didn't know if my nonchalant-ness was normal, or his worry. (This was before he had the interaction with the woman, and afterwards, he let his paranoia consume him, insisting the woman might come stab me in my sleep.)

You know what's kind of funny though? My husband finally reported the incident to the main office the day before yesterday. They told him that the complaints were actually NOT about her, and about the apartment above her. Not only that, but he tattled on me just to prove his point, and I was reprimanded through him. I guess I won't be tapping on ceilings any more. LOL

They actually told him to instruct me to just call the police next time, as though they don't want to handle noise complaints.