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The Awakening of a New Soldier (Chapter 6)
01-18-14 11:57 PM
Mohammedroxx3 is Offline
| ID: 963596 | 2555 Words
| ID: 963596 | 2555 Words
Mohammedroxx3
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Well, Hey guys. So, I guess my time of the day has finally come to continue typing up my The Prologue of this story can be found here: https://www.vizzed.com/boards/thread.php?id=71309 Chapters 1-3 can be found here : https://www.vizzed.com/boards/thread.php?id=71409 Chapters 4-5 can be found here: https://www.vizzed.com/boards/thread.php?id=71449 Alright. Made things as simple as possible. Just read the previous chapters in order before reading on if you haven't already. Now, let's begin typing up this story! Chapter 6: Unexpected Change In Plans Tom and Bob both continued to walk through the hall ways cautiously and quietly. One thing that they were known for is that whenever they both do a "funny" plan together, it always works out fine almost all of the time. Usually, it is because either Tom is very serious and cautious so he makes the plan work out perfectly or if not, then Bob does something either dumb or smart by luck that actually fixes the plan for them just like how he left his Iphone to record a video for 12 hours without stopping it and then it helped them find the correct classroom number. However, this time, they thought that things could actually turn around and luck may go against them. When they were walking, Tom was looking at the classroom numbers and he noticed that he was about to approach the correct number very soon. (Which was room 142). He was counting it as he was moving and he said in a low and inaudible voice, "Room 134, room 135, 136, 137..." However, there was a gigantic unexpected problem that shocked the both of them and they nearly fainted. Tom noticed that there was a big man at the end of the hallway slowly approaching them with an evil smile. He was laughing. Tom looked at his eyes and saw a dream. It was like a dream of Tom falling down a dark red and endless pit. And as he went down, it was getting hot. Even more hot to the point that he was burning and his clothes got on fire. Tom was suffering and he heard Bob yelling help in the bottom of the pit. It was a nightmare about to come true once again for Tom. Tom stood and trembled in fear. He then said in an audible and yet a trembling and low voice, "Oh... Oh my goodness. No way... He is still here. After all of these years. I thought he was gone. I thought this eternal nightmare at every school day was finally gone. Was I wrong? But how can this be happening? Why? oh no. The teachers said he was gone. Everyone said he was gone years ago but he is right there approaching us. The living hell is about to drag us to it's burning fire. Oh my goodness. Someone help us... Is this really him? That guy... No... Oh no..." Bob also saw the same person and he was shocked just like Tom. Bob also said, "This must be a dream. This is a night-mare. It can't be. I am sure it is not him. A night-mare can't just have a sudden return. Oh god no." They both recalled and remembered a guy long from the past since they were little toddlers in 2nd grade. It was several years ago. Several forgotten and old memories returning to them. That guy was an aggressive and extremely abusive gym teacher way back at 2nd grade. He was around 7 feet and 10 inches tall. He was not fat or chubby in anyways, however, he was very strong. He was extremely strong with huge anger issues. He tends to get angry several times without any logical reasoning which pretty much gave this world a night-mare for the students of this school. His name was Jeffery. Others usually call him Jeff as a nickname. Others also said that he was like a less cryptic version of Jeff the Killer. He was Tom and Bob's gigantic real-life nightmare during the school day way back at 2nd grade. His eyes were always red and his finger nails were extremely sharp, like the nails of the furious devil in hell. He always had this scary and yet silent evil laughter, especially when he would see a student AKA his little targets of his fun and innocent blood. They both clearly remember way back at 2nd grade the horrible memories from Jeff. All he does his yell very loud in gym periods and then he beats up lots of innocent students to make a supposedly good example out of himself as a good gym teacher. Once, they recalled him beating up students and make loads of blood come out of their mouth and all over their body. Then, once any teacher or adult arrives, he quickly hides the student he just beaten up. He either shoves him to another room or just stands right in front of him with his big body so the teachers can't see him. If the teachers do see a student full of blood, Jeff would just say that the student simply fell on the floor and got himself hurt. He then once got caught, beating up Bob at 2nd grade. The vice-principal caught him and fired him and got him arrested for 2 years in jail for child abuse. It was a furious battle. Tom even recalls the memory. Tom suddenly started dreaming about that memory. He remembered that him and Bob were doing push-ups back at 2nd grade and then Bob couldn't handle it and he fell at the 12th push-up. Jeff then arrived and kicked him on the ground to continue. Blood came out of Bob's mouth. Tom then got mad and he quickly ran and kicked Jeff in the stomach in an attempt to protect Bob. Jeff then quickly recovered and he kicked Tom on the face and Tom fell on the floor and slide across the room on the floor and then he went unconscious. He then continued to beat up poor little Bob. Tom then woke up and started crying when he saw Bob getting beaten up. Then Tom jumped up and yelled at him to stop. Then, Tom's old bullies at school arrived. They were a bunch of older students and they saw Bob getting beaten up. The bullies said that only they would do that and they went right at Jeff to protect Bob and Tom. They all got sticks and gathered around Jeff and went on him to tell he fell on the ground. The vice-principal then came in. Jeff yelled to the vice-principal to help him from the students. Then the vice-principal said, "Nice try Jeff. I saw the whole thing on surveillance cameras. She then called the police and he got arrested." The bullies then helped Tom and Bob to recover and they said, "Don't worry guys. Only we are here to do that to you since that is our job. However, we never go that hardcore." They then walked away. Then Tom woke up and realized that he was in real life. He saw that Jeff continued to approach Tom and Bob and they continued to walk backwards slowly. Jeff then said, "Aww.. Well, ain't dem those little kids I remember. They are still tiny and soft life what I remember. You little babies are about to cry. Looks like you remember me. Don't you? Hahaha." Tom then got mad and said back, "Oh look. Hello abusive idiot. How's your day? How much kids did you kill today?" Bob was whispering, "Tom... What are you doing?" Jeff then said, "Heh. I wish I got any enjoyment today. but you'll see what will happen." Bob then said, "Jeff, I thought you were fired." Tom then interrupted, "Yea! You were fired for being a big rotten jerk with a negative IQ. Then you got arrested for 2 years!" Jeff got extremely mad and he yelled back, "Say that again. I dare you. Say it again and you won't be able to say anything afterwards. I'm back because the principal was crying and needed someone to guard the classrooms after school for the teachers to have a simple discussion about plans without you little rascals daring to interfere." Tom then said back in a daring voice, "Oh. What plans? Care to tell me big beef jerky?" Bob then said, "Oh wait a sec. The teachers hired you to guard the classroom specifically from us? Or you mean all of the students in general?" Jeff said back to Bob, "No, Not only you little bugs. I meant the whole pest house. Or should I say this school." Jeff then turns to Tom and said, "Oh... Say what you just called me again. And do you really think I would tell you their plans little fool? I barely even know their plans myself but I don't care to know. As long as this pest house gives me my daily payments for guarding this classroom from you little bugs, then I don't care." Tom then said, "Exactly proves my point beef jerky. You have a negative IQ because you can't even comprehend what they are saying." Jeff then stood quite for a second and started growling like a lion. He then yelled, "Okay! You're getting it little punk!" Tom and Bob prepared to run but then the principal came out of a classroom and said, "What is going on here? Jeff, don't touch them. Tom and Bob, leave this school now!" Tom and Bob then both said, "Yes Ma'am..." They then walked away. As they were walking away, Bob said in a low whisper, "Tom, did our plan fail this time?" Tom then said, "hehe. No, follow me." He then walked with Tom to the boy's bathroom and they started hiding in the stalls. Tom then said, "Okay, now, it's our time to make a new plan as fast as possible. Change in plans now!" Bob then said, "Uhh... ok. So, lets see. First thing is that Jeff is guarding the door. Thats something we need to keep in mind. The second thing is that the principal wants us to leave the school. Hmm..." Tom then said, "Hey Bob, look there!" He points at the ceiling and there was a gigantic vent in the ceiling. Tom then said, "That is perfect. We can climb up there and easily do through the school and spy on the teachers from there! Also, it's perfect size for us to crawl in! Not only that, I can recall that the classrooms also has the same exact vent but it was like a closed cage so we can literally spy on them from the top of the classroom. You can also Will they manage to pull it off and actually climb up the vent safely and successfully? Will they manage to navigate to the right classroom? What are they gonna hear from the teachers? That is all for now for this chapter! Boy, this one was a long chapter so I wasn't able to do 2 or more chapters at once like last time but I'll try my best next time. Thank you all for reading if you even cared to read and I wish you all an awesome day on vizzed. The Prologue of this story can be found here: https://www.vizzed.com/boards/thread.php?id=71309 Chapters 1-3 can be found here : https://www.vizzed.com/boards/thread.php?id=71409 Chapters 4-5 can be found here: https://www.vizzed.com/boards/thread.php?id=71449 Alright. Made things as simple as possible. Just read the previous chapters in order before reading on if you haven't already. Now, let's begin typing up this story! Chapter 6: Unexpected Change In Plans Tom and Bob both continued to walk through the hall ways cautiously and quietly. One thing that they were known for is that whenever they both do a "funny" plan together, it always works out fine almost all of the time. Usually, it is because either Tom is very serious and cautious so he makes the plan work out perfectly or if not, then Bob does something either dumb or smart by luck that actually fixes the plan for them just like how he left his Iphone to record a video for 12 hours without stopping it and then it helped them find the correct classroom number. However, this time, they thought that things could actually turn around and luck may go against them. When they were walking, Tom was looking at the classroom numbers and he noticed that he was about to approach the correct number very soon. (Which was room 142). He was counting it as he was moving and he said in a low and inaudible voice, "Room 134, room 135, 136, 137..." However, there was a gigantic unexpected problem that shocked the both of them and they nearly fainted. Tom noticed that there was a big man at the end of the hallway slowly approaching them with an evil smile. He was laughing. Tom looked at his eyes and saw a dream. It was like a dream of Tom falling down a dark red and endless pit. And as he went down, it was getting hot. Even more hot to the point that he was burning and his clothes got on fire. Tom was suffering and he heard Bob yelling help in the bottom of the pit. It was a nightmare about to come true once again for Tom. Tom stood and trembled in fear. He then said in an audible and yet a trembling and low voice, "Oh... Oh my goodness. No way... He is still here. After all of these years. I thought he was gone. I thought this eternal nightmare at every school day was finally gone. Was I wrong? But how can this be happening? Why? oh no. The teachers said he was gone. Everyone said he was gone years ago but he is right there approaching us. The living hell is about to drag us to it's burning fire. Oh my goodness. Someone help us... Is this really him? That guy... No... Oh no..." Bob also saw the same person and he was shocked just like Tom. Bob also said, "This must be a dream. This is a night-mare. It can't be. I am sure it is not him. A night-mare can't just have a sudden return. Oh god no." They both recalled and remembered a guy long from the past since they were little toddlers in 2nd grade. It was several years ago. Several forgotten and old memories returning to them. That guy was an aggressive and extremely abusive gym teacher way back at 2nd grade. He was around 7 feet and 10 inches tall. He was not fat or chubby in anyways, however, he was very strong. He was extremely strong with huge anger issues. He tends to get angry several times without any logical reasoning which pretty much gave this world a night-mare for the students of this school. His name was Jeffery. Others usually call him Jeff as a nickname. Others also said that he was like a less cryptic version of Jeff the Killer. He was Tom and Bob's gigantic real-life nightmare during the school day way back at 2nd grade. His eyes were always red and his finger nails were extremely sharp, like the nails of the furious devil in hell. He always had this scary and yet silent evil laughter, especially when he would see a student AKA his little targets of his fun and innocent blood. They both clearly remember way back at 2nd grade the horrible memories from Jeff. All he does his yell very loud in gym periods and then he beats up lots of innocent students to make a supposedly good example out of himself as a good gym teacher. Once, they recalled him beating up students and make loads of blood come out of their mouth and all over their body. Then, once any teacher or adult arrives, he quickly hides the student he just beaten up. He either shoves him to another room or just stands right in front of him with his big body so the teachers can't see him. If the teachers do see a student full of blood, Jeff would just say that the student simply fell on the floor and got himself hurt. He then once got caught, beating up Bob at 2nd grade. The vice-principal caught him and fired him and got him arrested for 2 years in jail for child abuse. It was a furious battle. Tom even recalls the memory. Tom suddenly started dreaming about that memory. He remembered that him and Bob were doing push-ups back at 2nd grade and then Bob couldn't handle it and he fell at the 12th push-up. Jeff then arrived and kicked him on the ground to continue. Blood came out of Bob's mouth. Tom then got mad and he quickly ran and kicked Jeff in the stomach in an attempt to protect Bob. Jeff then quickly recovered and he kicked Tom on the face and Tom fell on the floor and slide across the room on the floor and then he went unconscious. He then continued to beat up poor little Bob. Tom then woke up and started crying when he saw Bob getting beaten up. Then Tom jumped up and yelled at him to stop. Then, Tom's old bullies at school arrived. They were a bunch of older students and they saw Bob getting beaten up. The bullies said that only they would do that and they went right at Jeff to protect Bob and Tom. They all got sticks and gathered around Jeff and went on him to tell he fell on the ground. The vice-principal then came in. Jeff yelled to the vice-principal to help him from the students. Then the vice-principal said, "Nice try Jeff. I saw the whole thing on surveillance cameras. She then called the police and he got arrested." The bullies then helped Tom and Bob to recover and they said, "Don't worry guys. Only we are here to do that to you since that is our job. However, we never go that hardcore." They then walked away. Then Tom woke up and realized that he was in real life. He saw that Jeff continued to approach Tom and Bob and they continued to walk backwards slowly. Jeff then said, "Aww.. Well, ain't dem those little kids I remember. They are still tiny and soft life what I remember. You little babies are about to cry. Looks like you remember me. Don't you? Hahaha." Tom then got mad and said back, "Oh look. Hello abusive idiot. How's your day? How much kids did you kill today?" Bob was whispering, "Tom... What are you doing?" Jeff then said, "Heh. I wish I got any enjoyment today. but you'll see what will happen." Bob then said, "Jeff, I thought you were fired." Tom then interrupted, "Yea! You were fired for being a big rotten jerk with a negative IQ. Then you got arrested for 2 years!" Jeff got extremely mad and he yelled back, "Say that again. I dare you. Say it again and you won't be able to say anything afterwards. I'm back because the principal was crying and needed someone to guard the classrooms after school for the teachers to have a simple discussion about plans without you little rascals daring to interfere." Tom then said back in a daring voice, "Oh. What plans? Care to tell me big beef jerky?" Bob then said, "Oh wait a sec. The teachers hired you to guard the classroom specifically from us? Or you mean all of the students in general?" Jeff said back to Bob, "No, Not only you little bugs. I meant the whole pest house. Or should I say this school." Jeff then turns to Tom and said, "Oh... Say what you just called me again. And do you really think I would tell you their plans little fool? I barely even know their plans myself but I don't care to know. As long as this pest house gives me my daily payments for guarding this classroom from you little bugs, then I don't care." Tom then said, "Exactly proves my point beef jerky. You have a negative IQ because you can't even comprehend what they are saying." Jeff then stood quite for a second and started growling like a lion. He then yelled, "Okay! You're getting it little punk!" Tom and Bob prepared to run but then the principal came out of a classroom and said, "What is going on here? Jeff, don't touch them. Tom and Bob, leave this school now!" Tom and Bob then both said, "Yes Ma'am..." They then walked away. As they were walking away, Bob said in a low whisper, "Tom, did our plan fail this time?" Tom then said, "hehe. No, follow me." He then walked with Tom to the boy's bathroom and they started hiding in the stalls. Tom then said, "Okay, now, it's our time to make a new plan as fast as possible. Change in plans now!" Bob then said, "Uhh... ok. So, lets see. First thing is that Jeff is guarding the door. Thats something we need to keep in mind. The second thing is that the principal wants us to leave the school. Hmm..." Tom then said, "Hey Bob, look there!" He points at the ceiling and there was a gigantic vent in the ceiling. Tom then said, "That is perfect. We can climb up there and easily do through the school and spy on the teachers from there! Also, it's perfect size for us to crawl in! Not only that, I can recall that the classrooms also has the same exact vent but it was like a closed cage so we can literally spy on them from the top of the classroom. You can also Will they manage to pull it off and actually climb up the vent safely and successfully? Will they manage to navigate to the right classroom? What are they gonna hear from the teachers? That is all for now for this chapter! Boy, this one was a long chapter so I wasn't able to do 2 or more chapters at once like last time but I'll try my best next time. Thank you all for reading if you even cared to read and I wish you all an awesome day on vizzed. |
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01-19-14 10:45 AM
Frodlex is Offline
| ID: 963985 | 209 Words
| ID: 963985 | 209 Words
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Well, I just got through reading it and it is somewhat dreadful. Here's why. The imagination and the story are alright, they could use work but the real problem is the way you've written it. The grammar and all the spacing flaws and well, it's really hard to explain easily. One easy example is that you have used just one huge block of words. If you were to read any published work of fiction it would be spaced out nicely with proper paragraphs and dialog spacing. I can help you out a little in these areas if you want, I won't claim to be a expert in anyway shape or form but I've been reading huge books since I was 2-3ish and I've been doing creative writing for quite some time now and I should be able to offer some decent advice. If you are interested please PM me. EDIT: Gheez, I can not forgive myself for forgetting to mention this but one thing you may want to keep in mind is that everyone is their own worst critic, I am absolutely no exception in anyway shape or form. But I detected a hint of this when you were starting out this post. I just wanted to add this. EDIT: Gheez, I can not forgive myself for forgetting to mention this but one thing you may want to keep in mind is that everyone is their own worst critic, I am absolutely no exception in anyway shape or form. But I detected a hint of this when you were starting out this post. I just wanted to add this. |
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(edited by Frodlex on 01-19-14 10:50 AM) Post Rating: 2 Liked By: Mohammedroxx3, SacredShadow,
01-19-14 10:50 AM
Mohammedroxx3 is Offline
| ID: 963987 | 94 Words
| ID: 963987 | 94 Words
Mohammedroxx3
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Frodlex : I see. You're right. I definitely need to put some spacing in the paragraphs and divide it into paragraphs and probably turn off my layout so it can be easier for others to read it. I would edit it now to fix the problem but if I edit it, the whole story will be full of question mark diamonds everywhere and I can risk messing it up completely with lots of question marks. but in the future chapters, I'll put some spacing and turn off my layouts. Thanks for the constructive advice. |
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01-19-14 10:55 AM
Frodlex is Offline
| ID: 963988 | 162 Words
| ID: 963988 | 162 Words
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Thank you for seeing it for what it was and not me trying to be a jerk or anything. And if I did come off as rude or anything I apologize entirely for it, it was never once my intention to do so. As I said in my edit I am not sure if you are being hard on yourself or not when it comes to judging your own work but if you are try to ease up just a bit, everyone is their own worse critic and if you let that stop you you're not gonna go all that far in terms of writing, but if you truly care enough and work towards that goal you'll be there in no time at all. It's all about how you look at it man. I wish you good luck and if you ever need some writing advice give me a try, I'm alright at writing and supposedly even better at giving out advice. |
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