This was years ago in middle school, but I'm still having a very hard time forgetting about it because even though I don't think I'm a lesbian, I'm almost sure I'm bisexual. Its just very offensive and upsetting to me and I think other members of the LGBT community would agree with me.

So how can I try to forget about this more and shut this thought off more?

xxeliza321xx : I think that, some things just need to be let go. I understand that you want to be called by what you believe your identity to be, but some people might slip up every now and then with words. It happens. I don't know. Just my thought.

I'm just going to assume the censored word starts with either a B or a W.

In any case, it's irrelevant what the word is, because it clearly hurt you, and it's clearly a bad, derogatory term.

The best advice I can give is learn to be a bit less concerned with what others think of you. I don't mean to make this about me, but I figure by sharing an anecdote, you might be able to figure it out for yourself. Skip below if you don't want to read the story.

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So, the story starts as little Leggy is 17 years old. He's in high school, and he has friends. Few friends, but friends. He has a gay/bisexual/pansexual friend (I honestly never found out or cared what his orientation was, since it didn't concern me. That's his life). One day, this friend hugs Leggy. Leggy doesn't really like (or didn't like) physical contact from guys. Because Leggy sees himself as a straight person.

This rubs off, and Leggy one day returns the hug, thinking "It's no big deal. He's a friend." Leggy is 100% correct, it is no big deal to hug a friend.

However, some bigots saw Leggy hugging him, and saw this as license to insult.

Now Leggy is a "queer". A "faggot". A "cock-sucker". And Leggy is very upset by this. Leggy's friend tells Leggy to let these things roll off the back, because those people mean nothing to either of us. This isn't at all romantic. It's just one friend helping another out.

Leggy and his friend smile and nod, and go about their business each time this happens. Leggy was still straight at the time (long story short, I am bisexual, now) and learned a vital lesson.

Now, when someone calls Leggy those awful names, like "queer", etc, he doesn't mind it so much. Leggy learned to block it out. Because the only people Leggy should listen to and care about the opinions of, are people whose opinions matter.

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In essence, it's easier to forget about things like that if you tell yourself that the person and what they said don't matter.

Who are they to say that you are something? Why does it matter to you what they said about you?

They clearly aren't your friend. And clearly, you don't talk to them anymore, if at all. If they aren't important to you, then neither is what they said.

I would try to just do your best to move on and be less concerned about what others think of you. but it is disgusting when people use terms like that. Just shows how ignorant people can be by using words like that without know anything about bisexual people.  It most likely hurt you. Best of luck.

Most of the best advice has already been given, but I would just like to add that, in addition to trying to care less about what others have to say about you, you should also be sure to accept yourself the way you are. I'm not saying that you don't already, just that self acceptance goes hand-in-hand with being able to let those hurtful comments roll off your back. If you accept yourself and others unconditionally, then the very idea of such insults should also begin to have less of an impact. If such matters are meaningless to you, how can another's comment have any effect? 
Anyways, it might also help to consider the situation at the time. It might not mean much to you, but it was middle school, after all. All anyone cares about is 'fitting in' or 'looking good' to those that THEY care about. Chances are that the insult wasn't even personal, but rather a self-fulfilling act of status. Middle school topics are fleeting and it's probably more about who said 'it' than whatever 'it' was. Might not help you much, but just another perspective. Best of luck in moving forward.

I can't figure out what the offensive word was (either the lesbian or the censored word). If it was the censored word which was offensive, then what does lesbian have to do with anything?

tRIUNE : Word that was censored started with a c....& thanks everyone! I will!

xxeliza321xx : One can never really forget something you can only represe a memory I would suggest that you try and repprese it or hold onto it but its just something that someone said it dosn't mean its true so you shouldn't listen to it and go on to have a merry lifebut if you choose to hang onto it please try not to think about it too much take my advice its nothing more than words not everything you hear is true

Well here is a way to feel good about it if you are not lesbian then that renders the insult null and void plus I think that he was just being a a**hole.

The way i think you should do it is just to ignore the words, At the end of the day you know what your sexuality is and that's all that matters!

People will say all kinds of stuff to you that you won't like and i'm pretty sure at the age of twenty you should be used to that by now. After all if you really think everyone in this world is going to appreciate you for who you are you are wrongly mistaken... 

Just live your own life, Enjoy the people who your friends with and just ignore all the losers that want to pursue you to cause misery...

I hate to use a generic term like this but Just ignore the haters... 

Ok I will try to. I just found that unbeliveably rude of her!

I was called a fag when I was in middle school and when I asked the grown ups to do something about it, I was told to suck it up and fight back. Nobody never even bothered to set things straight if I was gay, bi or straight. Oh well, such were things back when. What can you do especially now? Call all those hicks and tell them that what you did back when was not so p.c.?

Brigand : yea you're right lol

xxeliza321xx : "What other people think of me is none of my business." - Dr. Terry & Rupaul

Well, I'd like to offer some advice, but, not being part of the LGBT community I feel like there isn't a way to see 100% eye-to-eye. I get called these names all the time even though I'm not gay, and well I guess I completely don't care because it's not true.

The way I see it? Yeah, words hurt. They can hurt a LOT, but if you're not a lesbian? The insult has no bearing, because there's nothing for it to 'stick' to. If you WERE a lesbian, then that is half right, but as long as you don't act like the meaning of the second, censored word, it can't stick to you either. 
Labels can only stick to you if you let them, and I personally don't consider myself made out of glue. :/  <--- this is coming from a Christian asexual demi-girl, so believe me, I've heard my share. *and the reproducing by budding jokes. Ooooh so many of those*

So don't let yourself get it stuck. It's not true, so there's no meaning behind it. :3

The only thing I can do is offer my opinion on this matter. The reason why this bothers you I think is because you are still trying to justify why it happened. I believe that you are trying to understand why someone would do something this cruel with no obvious reason or benefit to them selves. This is a deeply personal issue, someone not only insulted you but tried to make your choices for you based on what they thought.

There are many other complicating issues to accompany this also but we will do the short version. The reason it happened was because its easier to pick on someone then be picked on, so you were just called out to distract everyone from the person making the comment. There is no right for you in this instance if it wasn't about being a lesbian it would have been something else. This has little to do with your actual sexuality now and may very well have been the other person projecting their hidden issues on to you.

The thing to rember is what others think is just your image which can and will change but your character is who you really are and it is what other people will eventually see because it will change your image to what is correct.

For the record, anyone that uses the C-word to insult someone is despicable. It's up there with the N-word on the list of words that only exist to dehumanize others.


That said, screw her. You know your own self worth. The Lesbian part shouldn't be viewed as an insult. If you are lesbian, so what? If you're not, so what? It's like saying you have green eyes or black hair... it's a description. The second word, however... well... I kinda already stated my thoughts on that. And that it was a female that used it is even more insulting and I can see why it would bother you. She cannot get past her own insecurities with her self-image so she sought to tear you down by objectifying you. This tells me that she isn't worth talking to or dealing with until she can get over her own issues.

You are who you are. What matters is that you are comfortable in your own skin. Focus on that, on improving yourself however you see fit in order to be happy with who you are. When you hit that point, what that girl said to you in middle school won't even matter anymore.

Ahhhhh....thanks people!

Middle school... ahhh those where the days. I discovered my own identity around then, I'm gay. It's not always easy being out about it. People can be mean and cruel. It's hard to not dwell upon it, but what you must realize is that only your opinion of yourself matters. Whatever anyone else thinks is irrelevant, and none of their business to begin with. A lot of people call names to draw attention to someone else, other than their selves. It's a bad way for them to be, but it happens... I was called names and bullied for years. I reported it and nothing was ever done about it. I dress differently than others, and I carry myself different. But, sometimes you have to just focus on yourself. You should always be happy and proud of yourself, no matter what you have been through. It makes you much stronger. I hated being put down all the time, and discriminated. But then again, I am thankful for it as it made me much stronger than I was yesterday. If you are happy with yourself, and love yourself entirely, nobody else's opinion matters. You must look at the source of these words. Most likely the people who call you names have much worse of a life than you do. They are miserable and want you to be miserable as well. It will get better, even if you don't think it will. I promise my best wishes to you!!