I've been reading relationship posts and a surprising number of people say they wouldn't date someone because they'd be wasting their time if it's not the person they will end marrying.  No only on here but on a few other websites it sees like the objective of dating is to find a spouse and be happy forever after.

When you ask a person of your gender preference out.... why do you do it?  What's your goal?

I will not date someone unless I care very deeply about. I will not go out with someone that I don't really like just for the heck of it. It would not be fair to them. How would you feel if you really liked someone and you asked them out and they said yes, only to find out a week later that they don't really care about you at all?

For example, there is a girl that has (or had, not really sure) a massive crush on me. She kept flirting with me and telling me that she liked me, but I kept telling her no. I liked her as a friend and most people, if they were in my position, probably would have dated her for a little while just for the heck of it. But I don't want to trick her into thinking that I care for her.

That is one of the reasons that I have been single until recently. The other is that I am ugly as hell and about "as flirty as a pine cone", as I stated in another post.

I don't expect the person that I date to be the person that I marry. But I will not date someone unless I really do have feelings for them.

That is offensive to even suggest that gays are the same as straight people. >

Of course it's to find a spouse and be happy ever after, though I doubt that I will ever date, just so long I can spend time with that special, girl and get to know and love her, then I will be fine!

My goal in dating is to eventually find that one that I can spend the rest of my life with. I will not go out with somebody if I think they are going to use me, or if I do not care about them to the point that I would not give up my life for them. 

I want someone that I can spend my life with. Someone that will love me and that I can love back.
All I want is to be happy with that person forever.

I'm married to the only girl I have ever dated in my life. We're a typical story of a couple of high school sweethearts that will never be apart from each other, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'd do it exactly the same if I was given a chance to start over again. I am so blessed that I found the one girl that is one in a billion.

But that is the goal isn't it? To eventually marry the one you're with? To be together until death do you part? Why would you be with someone that you're unhappy with? I know some friends that are like that, and I just don't understand it.

MattyIce : I completely agree with you. That is pretty much the ideal situation. Congrats on getting that lucky, not many people find their match that quickly. I don't really understand the people that have been with like 15 girls / guys. Obviously you didn't love them all, so why would you date them?

tgags123 : Thank you, and trust me I do know how lucky I am. I'm one for one, and I'll always be one for one. I'll always be batting 1000. I know it, and she knows it. Thats the way it has to be. I didn't meet her until I was 17 years old. I never went out on a date with a girl until I was 17. A lot of my friends had already been with plenty of girls at that age. Like I said, and like you said, I don't understand it either. When I first saw my future wife, I just knew. I can't really explain that feeling. You just have to know. Those friends that I was talking about? Most of them are still unmarried. I wonder why that is? Let me tell you, they don't know what they're missing out on...

At this point in my life, I have much more important things to do than ask someone out. Granted, if a girl asked me out I would show her a good time and carry it out for a bit just to be polite and have a good time. I myself wouldn't ask anyone out at the moment though, I feel as if every decision I make will affect my life in the future and so I am trying to stay focused on learning and making good friends. 

Well, my first goal in dating would be to actually date... since that's yet to happen.
But in all seriousness, I would want to date someone because I like them and enjoy their company, and they make me happy. I think dating is about getting to know someone well enough so that you can honestly determine whether or not you would be happy with them as your spouse, or just being their friend (assuming you don't grow to hate the person during your relationship). 

I hate to jump straight on the bandwagon here, and I'd really love to hear from some people who are looking to date for some other reason than eternal happiness. But, I too, am only interested in dating if I think there is a chance that I might someday want to spend the rest of my life with that person.

As a female who spends a lot of her time on the internet, I don't typically have the problem of a lack of suitors. I think this makes it a lot easier for me to not act out of desperation. I'm not quite as prone to think that "this is my only chance" at romance as others who don't experience the same level of attention.

I also have the unfortunate experience of a lot of failed and sometimes abusive relationships under my belt. When somebody says the word "romance," it conjures up a very mixed and often negative image in my mind. Ending romantic relationships, abusive or no, is harder for me than starting them, even now, so there is no way I want to screw around with romance if it isn't something I think at least could last.

I've considered friendship to be more important than romance for a long time, though. The reason that one significant other is so much more important than everyone else isn't because you're romantically involved; for me it is because they become your best friend.

This still doesn't really answer the question directly. Why do I date? What's my goal? Recently, and in the future, I do it for love. So much love, that I want to do anything I rightly can for that person, and the fact is I can be there in more ways in a dating relationship than outside of one. And, of course, knowing that the other person can do the same for you ain't so bad, either.

Deep question, I like! 

I'm actually not looking for the "love of my life *swoon*". I'm looking for an intellectual equal I can debate with, not argue. 

I've asked one guy out, and at the time, it worked well. Unfortunately, I think it was my "bad boy" stage, so that didn't end up well. For the time it worked, however, it was great! We were the leaders in what basically amounted to Lord of the Flies. Only, you know, Ralph is still alive and pig heads weren't talking to us. They were deer bones, actually...

ANYWAY!

When I ask anyone out, gender really not mattering, I'm looking for someone I can talk to about intellectual or emotional things. I don't do it for love, I'm so jaded that it doesn't exist to me. I'm looking for someone I can spend the next few moments of my life with. Best friend with the benefits of claiming a romantic relationship! 

I tend to look for people who share common interests, like gaming and reading. I swear, if I found someone who read Dark-Hunter, played video games, RPed, and could discuss Doctor Who with a straight face, I'd cry. Because in about two seconds I'd be waking up. 

One thing is for sure, when I date, I'm not looking for a spouse. I'll never be looking for a spouse, because I never want to marry. It ruins everything. It's like what happens when you hear the word "work", you give up and make excuses. If I could stay with someone forever and not have to run through that particular, I would be so happy.

While dating won't be my primary focus in college, should it happen, I would be looking for one that I think would last for a long time. While it's important to get "experience" dating in college, I'm not necessarily the type who will go out of the way to date every other girl on campus. If there's a chance that the relationship will be a strong one, I'll go for it.

Now what do I look for in an actual relationship? For one, a girl. I know that college is very diverse and that everyone has different interests and preferences as to the type of person they date, but my preference is easily a girl.

Secondly, I'd prefer a girl that can hold her own. I'm not a very emotional person, therefore I don't do all the hand holding and hugging thing around people often, and if I can find a girl that can at the very least understand and respect that, then thats a check.

Furthermore, I would prefer a girl that takes her studies seriously and doesn't slack off. I'm not saying that I'm looking for one who never wants to party and always is reading a book, but if she's putting the effort in to do well in her classes, while managing to balance a relationship and social life, thats another plus.

In addition to the aforementioned, I would like a girl that let's me chill with the guys every once in a while. Some girls (I'm not generalizing all girls, but I've seen this happen to friends) tend to want to spend time with their boyfriend all the time, and never give them time to chill with their boys. I would like to do that, and don't want a relationship that prevents me from chilling and spending time with the guys I meet on campus. I really don't want to be disrupted when I'm playing a game of NBA 2K or trying to win a game of pool or something.

I'm sure there's more that I'd like out of a relationship, but I'm too lazy to figure them out right now and list the,.

Of course it's not all about me, and I'll need to adjust to what her needs are as well. I don't want to be a close-minded, controlling partner. I have to be willing to accommodate to some of her needs as well.

Simply to meet people who are interested in me.

I've never been a popular guy. I've always had very few suitors. I'm not exactly forward right away with everyone (except on the internet).

So I've largely dated most anyone who has ever had interest in me. My goal is ultimately to find someone I can be with, for as long as they can tolerate me.

For some it's a year, for some it's a month. Only once have I ever been sad when a relationship ended. To me, dating is the means to the end. If it results in marriage great. But even that isn't forever. I'm not going to fool myself into the eternity thing. People and love always change

Mainly trying to find the right person for me, regardless of gender (read into that as you will), and if we bond then see if it works in the short-term and then maybe the long-term. Saying that, however, I've never been one for asking people out on dates and rather shy/reserved about these sort of things.

When I ask someone out, I'll very careful about it. For one thing, I don't trust myself. Between hormones and emotions, I fear that I'd mess things up with the person I would be dating. That being said, I also don't actively seek out relationships. I usually stay alone, so I have very little experience with girls.

But if I did end up asking a girl out, I would do it because I want to find someone with similar interests. Also, because I'm lonely. I grew up in a house where my older siblings were great people and fun to be around, but they eventually moved away. I only had one brother left, who was only a year older. He hated me. He never did anything with me, never played games or watched a movie together. I think that's why I love playing games with others. Because I never got to when I was young.

In middle school, I started to really get into books. During recess (I have no idea why we had recess in middle school) I would read books in a corner. I remember one fond memories of reading on a bench, when a group of girls came over to me. One of them asked me out. Fearing that it was a trick, I simply said "No, thanks" to avoid humiliation. They walked away, seemingly unaffected and possibly annoyed.

Now that I'm in high school, perhaps things will be different. I want to break out of this shell I've created for myself and find someone that I can truly care about. I can't stand the thought of being alone for the rest of my life.

I want to find somebody special and just be with them. That's the point isn't it? Although I will say for the sake of conversation I asked someone out that I barely knew. It ended really badly. So don't do that.

Valorai : Did that really happen? Maybe it wasn't a trick but you never know and don't worry, more chances will come your way.

I have never dated somebody, but my goal would be to get to know each other better and have fun with each other. Sure, I would be looking for somebody that I could spend the rest of my life with but 99% of the time that doesn't happen with your first date and girl/boyfriend. 

Valorai : I would read during recess too!
(granted it was mostly because I hatteedd winter in every fiber of by being and just didn't want to go outside)