As you can see in the title my life isn't going so well right now. I know it could be much worse as long as I have food and shelter I shouldn't be complaining or being selfish when a lot of people in the world don't even have clean water, but back to the main point my life is pretty bad right now. I'm 18 years old and just finished highschool.
    I have only one friend currently in this world and that's mvhupsel: . He's been gone for a few days probably locked in his dad's closet or something or his landlord person won't let him fix his internet. He's probably been gone 5 days now, but that's the least of my worries since I'm pretty sure he will be back soon.
   On another note my girlfriend of almost 3 years, also only girlfriend I ever had, broke up with me and never wants to speak to me again. I'm probably never going to have another girlfriend. It was only some strange coincidence that we got together anyway. I'm an extremely shy person and we started hanging out as friends but we both liked each other. I could never actually tell a girl I liked or ask her out on a date. Never having anyone tell me they love me or show me affection really makes me depressed now that I know how good it feels to have someone who cares about you. I'll never so much as hug someone in my life again and that really breaks my heart even more.
   Third, I wanted to go to college and major in music and maybe do some musical composition. Sadly, my family, which includes me and my mother, are very poor and I cannot afford to go to college. I don't know how to get grants or scholarships and I was too nervous to ask the school counselor who helps people with that.
   If you haven't noticed so far I have anxiety problems and a lot of irrational phobias. A few include walking across a roads, driving, and using public restrooms.
   These phobias and anxiety also keep me from getting a job because have no further education than highschool limits me to working in stores which includes more of my phobias like handling money and talking to strangers. I also have horrible, horrible stamina. I cannot stand or walk longer than 2 hours without feeling so worn out that I can no longer walk. I worked out for a whole year and this never got any better. After running just one mile and I should also note I can only run for about 1/4 of the mile even after running 4 times a week for a year. I never got better I just gained muscle and got stronger and my cardio remained how it already was. I could never work in anything that required strenuous back to back labor. My mother is also pushing me to get a job so I can start paying the bills seeing as how she's been out of work for over 8 years. The only thing my mom pays for that the government doesn't pay for us is about half of the rent money for our house, electricity, gas, and entertainment which she is always threatening to take away my internet if I don't get a job which stresses me out more meaning I'll basically just be sitting in my room with nothing to do but think about how horribly my life is going.
   There's just no way I can support myself or do anything. I'm afraid of the world and there's nothing I can think of to do. I wish everything could go back to normal and I could be happy and carefree again, but there is NOTHING good left.

I really don't know what to tell you. I can't really say that cheesy "Oh it'll get better" thing, either. Because it might not. If your too afraid to talk to people in person, I'd suggest using the Internet to your advantage. You seem fine talking to strangers over the Internet. If you want to talk to people who can help you with grants and scholarships, email them. If you want to find a job, look up job offerings and email those people too.

With your girlfriend and breaking up, I'll just tell  you, there's plenty fish in the sea. It might take a long time to get another one, but It'll happen if you try to get one again. People who break up usually think they won't find love again, and they won't if they don't try to find love. But if you do, you can find it again.

Good luck with life. I hope it gets better for you eventually.

Not sure if this was posted to vent, or looking for feedback, so I apologize if I'm putting my word in where it isn't welcome.

So I can understand that you feel this way, and I actually have many similar problems, namely the shyness and a rather intense fear of public experiences. I hate going to the store alone, I'm so shy. However, I've found that if we press on and try anyway, we'll surprise ourselves. For example: I once went from never having been able to talk to anyone and being inside all my life, to holding down three odd-jobs to cover rent, food, and a phone for my family. I made this transition in about a week, but only when I had no choice. No, I'm not saying you should just get over it, because you can't "just get over" things like this, rather I'm saying that you'll surprise yourself with how strong you really are, just hang in there.

As for college grants: if you can do it, you should. You can easily find information about it online with a quick search -- the internet is a great tool for shy people like us. Don't give up when the fear tries to hold you back, just try to press on through. You'll make it through it one day, and you'll be glad of it. Hang in there. I'll pray for you.

Koda why....why didn't you tell me this?! I'm upset now for you not telling me...and you know I have been asking of mv and you knew at least something which makes it more upsetting. I'm sorry to hear things are not going well for you of the sort. And your gf why did she so that? And you also listed conditions that you have....this is sad indeed. koda is there any other things that you may be good at? As people need to have at least more than 1 or 2 talent. In case one fails for when you want to do good with it. And stamina? To me it seems that you have restricted breath or something. Because I have that too. I feel sad as you haven't told me this. If you can't tell mv then tell me you should had know that from long ago...things will always be ruff. But also good things will happen to you when you least expect it. And  please don't give up on hope koda ok? Things will go back to how they were before but it will just take sometime. Just hang in there. Though now I am scared of what you just said about mv. I knew some of it but not all...

Gingercream1 :
The thing is I wasn't trying to get a girlfriend we kind of met by an accident. To tell you the truth, I can't really talk to girls in person. The only reason we started going out was because she told me she loved me on facebook after we had been talking on there for 2 months and that let me know it was ok for me to tell her I loved her too.
I probably wouldn't be able to take a rejection from a girl and thus why I haven't never asked a girl to be my girlfriend. In all honesty, before I met her I had already convinced myself that I would be alone forever and I was ok with it. I really wish I never met her because then I wouldn't know how great it is to truly be loved by someone and then later learn what it feels like to have your heart ripped out and stomped on.... for two weeks straight now I lie in my bed at night thinking about her and all the fun times I had with her and I cry until I fall asleep. I also dream about her every night and when I wake up I feel extremely depressed and hate myself.


0ddie :  
Wow... that sounds absolutely horrible . I'd never try drugs myself. Even worse I'm sure if I had such a disease like that I would probably lose hope because I'm a weak person... 
Also I don't really like my mother very much.. She can be nice sometimes, but she snaps a lot and can turn anything into a fight. Such as I'm looking for turkey in the refrigerator and ask her where it is she will yet at me and call me a lazy idiot because I can't find it even though I was trying my best. My mom is sick a lot because she has a low white blood cell count and was cured of cervical cancer in the past. The doctors also think she now has liver cancer and another disease that comes from ticks. When she is in pain which a lot of the time she is, she can be very mean. I also don't show her very much respect because of this and I know that's a big problem too.

Eniitan :  
I'm sorry I didn't tell you I normally just try to hide my feelings but it's getting to much for me to handle alone now. My girlfriend broke up with me because she said she would never be with a guy who can't drive and is afraid of driving and can't get a job. Also she said I had been holding her back and didn't let her be free, which this is probably due to my anxiety and being afraid of everything.
I don't really have any skills. I don't really do anything except for play games on my computer and watch anime and I don't think those skills will get me anywhere in life. 

Koda, first of all, I would like to tell you how sorry I am that you're having to deal with all of that stuff. I can some what relate. Growing up, I was pretty much forced to be in isolation. I wasn't allowed to look at people, let alone talk to them. That was until I was 14, when my Mom finally left my Dad.

Anyway, I really wish I could give you some good advice, but I'm kind of drawing a blank at the moment. I'm sure at a later time I'll come up with something, for now, I'm here if you need to talk. =)

Koda :

Having friends can go a long way.

The biggest thing about life, when you want things to change, is you have to want if for yourself.

I don't know about the weak stamina thing.

But I do know about phobias, since I had one when I was growing up.

Whenever my mom was gone for too long in a store, I thought that she might have just disappeared out of thin air on account of the "rapture".


The way we conquer our fears, is by facing them.


That is what happened to me, although at first I was very afraid of my mom not coming out of a store when she left, or I was afraid of her and dad not coming back home when left me and my siblings at the house alone so that they could have the day out together.

But by facing this fear over and over again, and by realizing that there IS nothing to fear, the fears went away.

If you do the same thing, you should get the same results.


Break ups. . . just happen. It's unfortunate. Although things can be done to avoid it, I don't know enough about the situation here to really help you. Confidence is something that you can also train yourself to build. It's just like me at the dance. There's one girl there whom I like. . . even have a good chance at having someday. I usually have to wait until the end of the dance to get to finally dance with her, since she is the instructor. I build up my confidence up to that point, you know, just by getting into things at the dance, getting comfortable, asking a few other girls, and then I'll ask her at the end.

Nothing heals depression like time, There comes a moment when we just look up at the heavens and say.

"It doesn't have to be this way."

Then we look down at our own hands.

"I can fix this, if I only believe."

For accepting fate keeps us where we're at forever, but getting back into the fight let's us have a chance at victory.

My problem in life is I suck at being a good worker. But after a long time of fighting the mental battle, I got a grip, and my mind quite wandering all over the place.

Now I just need to make myself more aware of things.

Right now, you may be to depressed to do anything, and mourning time is important. But a time will come when that mourning is over, and you will be able to do something.

But hey, sometimes we look back at how we tried to fix things before our mourning time was over, and how we got back in the fight early.

And we're glad that we did, even though we did feel like it.

You can do it, and we'll be here for you. I'll be here for you. Lot's of people on Vizzed will be.

Hi there, Koda. I probably don't have anything new to say but I just wanted to let you know that you're in my thoughts. It was probably very difficult to write about your feelings, but I personally find it helpful when I'm feeling down. I hope that opening up to us has been useful to you.

I don't know what the entire scenario is but it sounds like your girlfriend left you somewhat impulsively? If she doesn't want to talk now, I'd say that the best thing for you would be to move on and never look back. It's sad to hear that you don't have much confidence in yourself, because there are so many people who are as shy as you are and probably are thinking this very moment they're gonna spend the rest of their lives alone. In my opinion the chances for that are very low if you haven't decided on being alone from your own will. Have you ever tried online dating? I'm not encouraging it, but I have friends who have found their matches online and they are still happily together. In their opinion online dating is much nicer than trying to find you significant other elsewhere, such as in pubs, since you get to tell about yourself freely in your profile and it's easier to find people with similar interests. I don't recommend dating now since your break up is still fresh, but perhaps you could try it sometime in the future?

Hang in there, we have your back!

In the short term I've got two words for you "temp service". I've had many many different jobs (I'm not proud of it) and there are a couple of industries that I've worked in that might be ideal for you - assembly and/or manufacturing.

The assembly job I had was at a plastics factory - I sat at a table for 8 hours and put a dab of grease and a spring onto a piece of plastic and then put another piece of plastic on top. You know those little handles inside of cars that pop the hood? That's what I assembled. No stamina needed and hours of quality time with my thoughts.

I also worked at an aircraft company building parts for jets. No excessive walking and keep to yourself if you like.

Another job that comes to mind was at a meat processing plant. Stand at a machine for 8 to 12 hours and place X amount of meat packages in a box. No complex conversations required.

All of these kinds of jobs are attainable with a HS diploma and a visit to your local staffing agency. (DO NOT GO TO ANYTHING CALLED DAY LABOR - It's most always intense physical labor).

Some of these other posters probably have better insight on the college and girlfriend dilemmas . However, I will say that a healthy relationship with the opposite sex requires that you have a healthy relationship with yourself and some friends first. Otherwise, the intimate relationship will become needy or co-dependent and destructive or dysfunctional.

Good luck, Koda. (I have faith in you)