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04-24-24 12:54 PM

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generalspleen
03-14-13 12:52 PM
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06-17-13 02:47 PM
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generalspleen

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03-14-13 12:52 PM
generalspleen is Offline
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| ID: 755450 | 336 Words

generalspleen
Level: 33


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Hey guys. It's me again. I have another poem for you all to read. This poem is actually my first poem I wrote. This poem won the talent show while I was at job corps last year. The funny part is was that the talent show was over when I went back to job corps from leaving for the weekend and they had already chose a winner but when I started reading to the guys in the dorm the main judge heard it and he told me that instead of letting the real winner perform at the graduation ceremony they (all the judges) told me that I was going to be reading this poems at the graduation ceremony. How cool is that!!! Well enough of that. Here is my first poem ever. It's titled fly...

Somewhere deep inside as times goes by
To raise off the ground and into the sky
Exploring the world with your own two eyes
Don't worry my friend, someday you will fly

God made you in a very unique way
And no one in history is the same to this day
And never let anyone take that away
So embrace yourself, and take hold today

Don't let doubt take control of your mind
Leave it in the past. Leave it all behind
Jesus was put on the cross and crucified
So our sins can be lifted and our spirits revived

So as the caterpillar wanted to fly
He transformed himself into a butterfly
After waiting in a cocoon while his old life dies
He looked back at his life and he said "Goodbye"

Let me know what you all think. I love to here your thoughts. And please help me spread my work around vizzed. I want people to see what people think of my work. It makes me happy to know someone loves what I do. So please guys... spread my work around? It would a lot to me


Thank you very much and have a blessed day
Hey guys. It's me again. I have another poem for you all to read. This poem is actually my first poem I wrote. This poem won the talent show while I was at job corps last year. The funny part is was that the talent show was over when I went back to job corps from leaving for the weekend and they had already chose a winner but when I started reading to the guys in the dorm the main judge heard it and he told me that instead of letting the real winner perform at the graduation ceremony they (all the judges) told me that I was going to be reading this poems at the graduation ceremony. How cool is that!!! Well enough of that. Here is my first poem ever. It's titled fly...

Somewhere deep inside as times goes by
To raise off the ground and into the sky
Exploring the world with your own two eyes
Don't worry my friend, someday you will fly

God made you in a very unique way
And no one in history is the same to this day
And never let anyone take that away
So embrace yourself, and take hold today

Don't let doubt take control of your mind
Leave it in the past. Leave it all behind
Jesus was put on the cross and crucified
So our sins can be lifted and our spirits revived

So as the caterpillar wanted to fly
He transformed himself into a butterfly
After waiting in a cocoon while his old life dies
He looked back at his life and he said "Goodbye"

Let me know what you all think. I love to here your thoughts. And please help me spread my work around vizzed. I want people to see what people think of my work. It makes me happy to know someone loves what I do. So please guys... spread my work around? It would a lot to me


Thank you very much and have a blessed day
Trusted Member
the god of cop chases


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 01-21-13
Location: Florida
Last Post: 2704 days
Last Active: 1283 days

03-14-13 01:10 PM
Eirinn is Offline
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Eirinn
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Again, another nice piece. Also, funny story, and really cool. You must have been shocked.
Again, another nice piece. Also, funny story, and really cool. You must have been shocked.
Vizzed Elite
Eirinn


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 07-18-12
Last Post: 2058 days
Last Active: 2058 days

03-14-13 02:50 PM
generalspleen is Offline
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| ID: 755527 | 222 Words

generalspleen
Level: 33


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Eirinn : Thanks again And I was really shocked. Mainly because the held the talent show after I left for the weekend so I didn't have any idea that it was going on. When I got back I just read my poem to my friend which was one of the judges (I had no idea he was a judge at the time) and he kept having me read my poem to more and more people in the dorm and after about the sixth time I read it he snuck off to tell the other judges and the next day they told me I won the talent show. My first response was (and I kid you not) "is this some sort of prank?" Turns out it wasn't. But I will tell you this. I was nervous as heck reading in front of a crowd of people. It wasn't even funny. But I made it through in mostly one piece so that was good. And that is how my poetry took off. By the way I posted two more poems. You should take a look. Here is the first one: https://www.vizzed.com/boards/thread.php?id=55671 And here is the second one: https://www.vizzed.com/boards/thread.php?id=55673
Let me know what you think of those and please share them with the vizzed community.


Thank you very much and have a blessed day
Eirinn : Thanks again And I was really shocked. Mainly because the held the talent show after I left for the weekend so I didn't have any idea that it was going on. When I got back I just read my poem to my friend which was one of the judges (I had no idea he was a judge at the time) and he kept having me read my poem to more and more people in the dorm and after about the sixth time I read it he snuck off to tell the other judges and the next day they told me I won the talent show. My first response was (and I kid you not) "is this some sort of prank?" Turns out it wasn't. But I will tell you this. I was nervous as heck reading in front of a crowd of people. It wasn't even funny. But I made it through in mostly one piece so that was good. And that is how my poetry took off. By the way I posted two more poems. You should take a look. Here is the first one: https://www.vizzed.com/boards/thread.php?id=55671 And here is the second one: https://www.vizzed.com/boards/thread.php?id=55673
Let me know what you think of those and please share them with the vizzed community.


Thank you very much and have a blessed day
Trusted Member
the god of cop chases


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 01-21-13
Location: Florida
Last Post: 2704 days
Last Active: 1283 days

06-07-13 02:56 PM
Eniitan is Offline
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| ID: 812503 | 9 Words

Eniitan
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wow this amazed me general this is really wonderful
wow this amazed me general this is really wonderful
Vizzed Elite
Number 1 Sailor Moon, Final Fantasy And Freedom Planet Fan On Vizzed!


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 08-16-12
Last Post: 571 days
Last Active: 59 days

06-17-13 02:47 PM
SacredShadow is Offline
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| ID: 819357 | 131 Words

SacredShadow
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This is amazing, your rhyme is excellent and I think that this is a great piece. I will read your other pieces as well, this was really good and I think that it was a really amazing poem. I wish I was better at writing poems, I have never really been into it, I am not that great when it comes to writing, I like to read but I am just not good at writing poems or pieces like this, this is coming from someone who's strong point in school is math and science. I hope that I can get better at writing and composing pieces like this. I am sure I will pick up the skill somewhere along high school, this was a great poem and I enjoyed reading it!
This is amazing, your rhyme is excellent and I think that this is a great piece. I will read your other pieces as well, this was really good and I think that it was a really amazing poem. I wish I was better at writing poems, I have never really been into it, I am not that great when it comes to writing, I like to read but I am just not good at writing poems or pieces like this, this is coming from someone who's strong point in school is math and science. I hope that I can get better at writing and composing pieces like this. I am sure I will pick up the skill somewhere along high school, this was a great poem and I enjoyed reading it!
Vizzed Elite

Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 01-14-13
Last Post: 402 days
Last Active: 369 days

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