I was wondering if anyone has any helpful tips for those of us who have a hard time controlling our emotions. How can we express ourselves, without having big emotional outbursts? I'd appreciate any feedback or suggestions.

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Years of training under a waterfall.

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OK, really, controlling emotions can be either super easy, or the hardest thing you've ever done, based on how hard you make it out to be.

I'm not going to be intentionally offensive, but some people lack the ability to control their emotions, and it's perfectly normal.

If you want to try, the best thing you can do is simply tell yourself you will not fly off the handle. At least, that's how it works for me, and I used to have a hell of a time controlling my emotions.

Here are some other possible helps, as they are things I did myself.

-Poetry
-Writing yourself a letter, and reading it the next day (don't even have to be angry or anything)
-Putting your heart out there in other ways, maybe by doing volunteer work, and talking to others
-Simply living as a human being.

What problems are you having specifically? What types of emotions do you have trouble with?

You definitely want to find a way to convey whatever you're feeling. Outbursts occur from bottling up emotions. How to express it depends on the type of emotion and the type of person that you are.

Some people have trouble expression feelings of love or affection towards one another. They hold it back until they snap and end up just seeming angry instead of loving. If you have troubles with this, you need to just relax and say what you feel. Never concern yourself with how it might make you look or how the other person might react to it.

Others have trouble with expressing anger. You don't want to just yell at people all the time... especially in an inappropriate place. Typically, it's best to remain as calm as you can and express that you are upset with the offender by whatever it is. If you're lucky, they're reasonable and understand/apologize. This tends to relieve the anger by eliminating its source. Getting rid of the problem that's causing the anger tends to deal with it well. Failing that, having an outlet to vent your frustration is always good. For some people, physical activity is a way to vent (jogging, punching a heavy bag, etc...). Some play intense video games in which they can take out their anger on fictional characters. Others may do something simple like scream into their pillow. It depends on the situation and what works best for you.

I can probably be more helpful if I know what the exact area of difficulty is, though.

legacyme3 :
Crazy Li :

Thanks for the really great advice. I think these will help me out a lot. I honestly never thought about using something productive to focus, whatever emotion I may be feeling, and using that emotion to do something to express my emotions. I hope that makes sense. My brain is all mush today. Ha ha.

@Crazy Li, I have a very difficult time with sadness. I get sad very, very easily. I tend to let people hurt me with their words. And sometimes it gets to the point of me getting angry. So I am trying to find ways to control that or even use it for something more productive.

I don't know if this would help and someone would ask then why are you saying it, but maybe you can do something i do or realize the end result. You ask how to control emotions well that must mean you get upset quickly or sad, ect. Both happen to me fast and the way i deal with it is go online and try to forget and just game. When things hit the fan with me and my family or friends it easy to just to fall into rage and show them that you are angry and that i think they did something wrong but now i try to think into the future and see how my actions will effect not only me but the others around me. Me freaking out will only end up in them probably talking my computer away and only add more stress to their everyday life each isn't needed. So things i do to try and deal with it is:

Be with someone you are close to, or being alone.
Find something to distract you, with me it's going online or gaming, or talking to a friend.
Try to see what the outcome would be if you were to let your emotions fly.
Cry, this hurts your eyes and causes headaches and people will think you are a lame person and whatever but sometimes it's really needed.
Sleep

Whenever I get really really stressed out, I listen to music, or talk to my girlfriend.
Do you have a favorite song? Or do you have someone special in your life you can talk to?
These work as very good vents for me. Music makes the emotions go away, and my girlfriend can often relate to what I'm feeling, so she can help me let it all out.

SunflowerGaming : Ah, sadness.

If someone says something that upsets you, you should let them know if possible. Just a simple note that what was said bothers you.

Another thing you should do is turn your sadness into fuel for writing. Maybe you can use the emotion to write a poem or a story. You'd be surprised how often negative emotions lead writers to write very inspired things. But this is just about letting out your feelings in some form. Even if you don't share it with anyone, it doesn't matter. It's just about taking the feeling and doing something with it so that it doesn't keep bothering you.

Also, sometimes a good cry brings relief. You tend to feel better after letting it all out.

Some people decide to fight the sadness directly by invoking some activity that makes them happy or entertains them in some way so they forget why they were sad in the first place.

Xenthou :
Crazy Li :

Yeah, I do sometime listen to music, or I'll even work in Photoshop. I try to use my artistic talents as a way to let out my emotions. The problem I sometimes come across, whether it's in person or on the internet, people tend to make fun of me if I do express to them that something they said hurt my feelings. Or they call me names like, "You're just trying to play the victim.", "You're such a drama Queen!", "You use so many excuses to try and get away with what you want." And finally, "You're being so stupid."

That's when it gets me really angry and sad. I end up crying for a long while. I try to express myself, and while I am calm, the other person seems to want to push me to get angry and sad at the same time. I don't understand why. And if I try to explain why I reacted the way I did, they just laugh at me. I'm 31, I shouldn't have to deal with that anymore. But sometimes I still fell like I'm that little girl that get bullied everyday and I hate that feeling.

I used to write in my journals whenever I felt a negative emotion, but I haven't done it in a long time. I probably should get back into doing that just to release such negativity.

If people insult you for simply telling them how you feel, those aren't people you should be associating with. Seriously. Those kinds of people are not worth your time. I really hope they're not your friends doing this, because people like that are NOT friends. I hate people who are not understanding of others and the way they feel. Typically those same people are hypocrites and expect everyone else to sympathize with them when they're feeling badly too. It's pathetic.

SunflowerGaming :
You say you cry for a long time.
That's good, that's good! If you can believe it, crying is the BEST stress reliever.
Scientists have found in chemical analysis' of tears, that they contain stress hormones, so crying really odes help.
I can make myself cry if I'm stressed. It's a good thing, trust me.

Crazy Li :
Xenthou :

No they're not friends. Most of the time it's people that, for whatever reason, just down right don't like me. I know I'm not perfect and I have my faults, but doesn't everyone? I just don't understand why they insult me for having emotions. So I'm trying to find outlets to control these emotions, because if I have these kinds of emotions, most people will bully me for it.

There's nothing wrong with having emotions, dear. Those people are wrong for denying emotions. If you can, just avoid those types. They're most likely miserable people who have no idea how to cope with their own emotions and they viciously take that out on others. Maybe they're even envious that you can tell them how you feel when they can't find themselves able to do the same. They're bitter people who can only deal with their bitterness by bringing other people down with them.

SunflowerGaming : I know this is going to sound like some anti-bully promotional program yak-yak, but it works.
If you know in your mind that you are entitled to your emotions, then you have the power to ignore them. Or just listen to their words, and laugh at them in the back of your head that they're total idiots for thinking that they can make you feel bad because they can. Because if you know that they can't, they can't hurt you.

SunflowerGaming : Well lets be honest if they reply that "Your just stupid" as a respone then they all the likely not that smart. Crying is okay, its just a natural response that we generate when we feel depressed, sad, or even happy sometimes. We live in a time where Cyberbullying is the number 1 way of causing psychological harm to someone (at least to me it is). As long as you feel that you enjoy your life, you love your family and trusted friends and they love you too; then who cares what someone on the internet says.

You can control your emotions by listening to music. Thats what i do when i feel like im down and stuff. Or you can go outside and walk up and down the block and think about stuff.

One of the ways I control my emotions is, at least when I am alone, to let those emotions out. Maybe for about 10 seconds or so.

Then I mentally tell myself: "Okay, that's enough feeling that. Now stop feeling like that and feel normal again."


It sounds ridiculous, but I read it from a book that we had to do in 12th grade English class which was based on a true story. Holy crap it actually works really well. At least it does for me. Perhaps try mentally telling yourself that after allowing a brief lapse. Just let it out, grasp the emotion, get a hold of it, and then let it settle.

Crazy Li :
Xnethou:
Oldschool41 :
mr.keys :
jlh :
Sairek Ceareste :

Thanks guys. This kind of advice really helps me out. I think I'll try some of these the next time I come across someone that may throw me negativity. I just don't understand why they have to be cruel to someone they never even met in person. But I guess it's like most of you said, they do it to feel better about themselves. I hope to read more good advice like the ones that were posted.

SunflowerGaming : Its most likely that if we assult someone on the internet, where they are miles away that they won't feel guilty, regret, or sadden by what they have said (unlike in real life where we are more prone to those types of emotions when we get into a fight with someone who we can visually see.) You see it a lot during war time when soldiers feel shock n awe, regret, and emotionally disfunctional when they first kill someone (I'm talking about during Ancient times when war was fought up close and personal; wars fought today is a little bit more complicated; but that is for another topic.)