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08-19-19 04:10 PM

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xxeliza321xx
11-09-17 12:14 PM
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Was I in the wrong for asking her out twice?

 

11-09-17 12:14 PM
xxeliza321xx is Offline
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I had a crush on someone who I am trying to get over now. I had to text her because it wasn’t possible to see her in person. First time I asked her if she wanted to get coffee or lunch and catch up sometime and she said she was busy with midterms, which ok, I got. She didn’t directly say no but that it would be hard for her because of midterms.

Then I asked her the same thing three weeks later (a couple of days ago now), thinking midterms are over & finals are in December (I’m not in school anymore, bur she’s a PHD) and no response even though she read my text.

I know about getting over her now and not thinking too much about this, but I was just wondering if it was honestly a mistake to have asked her twice since she didn’t reply the second time. I won’t text her again unless she texts me. Just asking if there is a lesson to be learned from this for the next gal.
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11-09-17 07:37 PM
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It's never wrong to follow your heart.

Never.

Sometimes, people just don't have the same thing on their hearts, and that sounds like what happened here.

Usually, someone with interest will find a way to make you feel like you are important to them.

I'm sorry.
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11-10-17 08:11 AM
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Don’t be sorry! Thanks for your answer! I deleted her number and emails yesterday.
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11-28-17 09:10 PM
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  It is always a mistake to ask someone for such a thing by text. It's highly impersonal. Meeting someone congenially is highly personal. There is an obvious status conflict between the interaction you chose and the interaction you want.

 Texting it was not even the first mistake. It couldn't have been. If someone was gasping with excitement every time they got correspondences from you, even a flimsy, impersonal text might pass mettle.

 Do you know how to flirt? Would you recognize it if someone was flirting with you?

 I am not entirely sure the instant crushes you keep having are being communicated to the subjects of your feelings. There are actually improvement courses you can take to work specifically on flirting. Get that point across that you like them that way is the main goal for communicating.

 P3
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11-29-17 02:44 AM
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Postman i cannot understand a thing that u typed my g
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11-29-17 05:44 AM
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You weren't wrong to ask two times.  If someone says they're busy or they have important events coming up, they're not exactly shutting you down.

BUT.... if they wanted to date you or see you or hang out, they'd find a way to do it no matter what's happening, outside a planned trip in another country.  I was going through a rough work period not long ago and my good friend wanted to get some beers because she was having a rough time in life too.  We ended up meeting at a bar for a few hours so we could dump our troubles on each other.  We made time because we wanted to see each other.

If she's not going to make time, she's not interested.  But because she didn't say, "I'm not interested," you could go a second time and ask.

Unlucky.  That's all.

The only lesson here is to take time to develop relationships with people before you really try to make a move.  Crushes don't respond well because they don't know you and don't understand what you're aiming at.  Talk to them more socially, without the hint of romance, and gauge their interest in you as well before you make a move.

There's no formal training.  It's hard but keep looking.
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11-30-17 01:14 PM
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Thanks, but the thing is, I didn't really want to come off too strong at first because I didn't know if she identified as LGBT like I do. That's why I was asking to get coffee or lunch with her - so I could have gotten to know her more first and tried to figure out if she was LGBT or straight before flirting with her so I wouldn't embarrass myself if she was straight, but oh well, what happened, happened.
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11-30-17 01:16 PM
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Thank you. That is why I deleted her number - she just never responded. And thank you, lesson learned!
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11-30-17 10:35 PM
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  That's the true beauty of being female. You can say that you like women to loads of people and no one will freak. Women are seldom seen as the predators men can be. Even when women do have a history of predation and that is known to all present, the benefit of the doubt is usually tendered unconditionally. Judicial professionals get special training to cure that bias.

 Be up front about your preferences. Not something that everyone needs to know[it is your personal life, after all]. When you decide you really like someone with no Y-chromosome, that preference ought to become the very next thing they learn about you - immediately before asking without demanding anything or giving creepy-too-interested-eyes, if they might like you that way. Do not emphasize your needs or even a need to know her answer. Keep your voice soft and aim for sympathy. Even if they say nothing or just a no, don't be upset.

 Most importantly, do not drop away from friends and acquaintances you were interested in because they did not share your amorous interest. A network is your social arsenal. Keep in touch with people who say no but remain friendly. Dropping them the very moment they indicate no interest is terrible form. The best you can do is to respond calmly and congenially.

 I would have no friends if I adopted an aversion to everyone who had not wanted a romantic relationship with me. Keep being nice. The second they say no to you is the point from which they learn who you really are. So be who you have been. Consistent. You stop being nice after hearing no and they will see a second face reform under your brow. Be a single personality human being.

  P3
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12-25-17 05:01 PM
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You were right in asking twice. You wanted a direct answer and she would not give you a direct answer. Now you know that she does not want a date.
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02-11-18 05:08 PM
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Thank you. I asked a seocnd time because as mentioned earlier, she didn’t give me a direct answer the first time & I wasn’t too clear about what her intentions were.

Its a rough ride getting over her, but I’m holding on tight!
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02-11-18 07:36 PM
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It happens, even if you lose out with her there are other people out there. Take it from a guy who went through 4 relationships. I just keep my head held high and keep on going and making people happy.

Don't be discouraged, the moment you lock your heart away is the moment you'll be alone forever.
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02-13-18 10:36 AM
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Aw thank you!
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05-09-18 10:59 AM
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Definitely take note of what Boured said, you're probably a great person and I'm sure it'll only bother you if you let it. Try to take your mind off it and I'm sure you'll find someone that you'll fall in love with just as much if not more.
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05-14-18 02:50 PM
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You weren't wrong at all. First time when you texted her she told you she had her midterms, so you gave her as a result a good amount of space for her to study (3 weeks). Thinking she's finished you texted her back, but she did not answer. I guess she must be busy with other things? Such as family or I don't know. If you want, call her to ask about her if she did well, and how's her life in general. Do you two get along well? Like are you guys already friends? If that's the case then don't hesitate on calling her, even if you're just acquaintances: it is never wrong to ask about a person.

if she says again that she is busy then go do something else, don't pursue her behind her back a lot. If I had a friend that would constantly say no to me I'd just see another friend or do something else. Always distract your brain by doing something. Hope I helped!
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05-14-18 05:35 PM
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Nope you werent wrong at all for asking her out twice. Sometimes you have to be persistent but you just dont want to be over baring and make her feel uncomfortable or come across as annoying or desperate. 
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05-17-18 10:58 PM
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Normally I'm not really good on getting and keeping relationships with anyone because any relationships I get only last like a week or less.

take it, I went through like 12 successful attempts at relationships, but these relationships last anywhere between a week like I mention to even an hour, then after 12, I decided that it's too hard to even have any kind of relationships and might as well stay single for the rest of my life, and some people thinks that's bad to be single, but like I give a you know what.

Not saying that you should give up after the 12th attempts and realize that your relationship life is going down the toilet, just keep going, whatever works best for you.
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Not to be the blunt force of this thread, but I'm thankful that you cut off contact with her. She clearly was less interested and committed than you were to establishing a relationship (Bravo on you for being courteous and asking her again after midterms!). I know many friends that get hung up on one lady and refuse admitting, "Hey man, maybe she's just not into me". 

There's a lot for me to conceptualize, since you know infinitely more about your situation than I do. greenluigi brought up some good questions to ponder, like how your relationship really was with this gal. Though this may be a more cynical perspective, I respectfully disagree with his idea that she may have been too busy to read the text. Likelihood is that she just wasn't interested, man. But OP, your courtesy will likely swoon a future crush, so keep at it and don't give up. Shoot us an update, if you feel so inclined!
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(edited by PixelBrick on 05-30-18 06:04 PM)    

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