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12-14-19 01:14 AM

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What would you do?
Your reaction to this hypothetical situation
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09-16-16 12:28 PM
09-24-16 05:30 AM

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What would you do?


09-16-16 12:28 PM
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Ok, so let's say that you have a child. The child is 7 years old, when you and your spouse find out that he/she is not your biological child and was mixed up at the hospital. You are offered to "exchange" children with the couple that is parenting your biological child. In this hypothetical situation (hopefully this stays hypothetical for all of us), would you want your "real" son or daughter back? At first glance, this seems like the easy, run-away pick. It's your very own child after all, with you and your spouse's DNA. If you think about it more, however, it's really hard just to give up 7 (or whatever you want the age of the child to be) years of loving your child, even though they were not. You showed the same amount of love and affection for them as you would for your "real" child, because you, in fact, did not think the baby wasn't yours. 

I honestly can't decide in this situation, it's just a really messed up thing. I would rather just not even know that the babies were accidentally switched at birth than to know and cause this whole mess. What would y'all do?
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09-16-16 12:37 PM
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"I'll give you my Bulbasaur for your Charmander."
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09-16-16 12:43 PM
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I wouldn't say this is an easy decision for me but I came to the conclusion pretty quick that I would keep my non-biological child.

Swapping would be a bad decision imo because yes, he's/she's coming back to his/her biological parents, but his/her non-biological parents are the same people he/she has bonded with for 7 years. You're changing his/her life so drastically, it's not worth it. Not even for his/her biological parents, that he/she doesn't even know.

If he was still a baby then my answer would be different.
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09-16-16 12:53 PM
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I mean there's no way that you'd just be allowed to 'swap children' but for the sake of the question let's say you can.
See, I'd be extremely conflicted. Something like this actually came up in chat like two weeks ago and it really had me thinking.

Thing is, I don't think I can raise a child knowing it's not mine. It's just not in me and I wouldn't be able to accept it. I will never adopt a child since I just wouldn't be able to love it the way I should as a father. Might make me sound like a bad person but that's just who I am and what I believe is right or wrong.

In this scenario I would always look at the kid we've been raising differently. Which is something I can't help, but the kid doesn't deserve that. Also, they've known us as their parents for 7 years. They grew up with us, and so did our 'real' child with the other couple. You can't really take that away from them either. 

So either the child stays where they are and I wouldn't be able to look at it as a father or you take away what both children believed to be their parents and take away their entire world pretty much.

Then there's also the idea to not let the children know and forever carry this huge, dark secret on your back. Which is morally the worst out of the three but might also be the best for the kids. It'd get even worse if they ever do find out though.

It's just a horrible situation that I don't wish on anyone.
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09-16-16 01:00 PM
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In this situation, it's not up to the parents to decide. I'd rather ask the kid and let him/her decide his/her own future.

Parents can't decide over everything concerning a kid's life and specially its future. In some cases, just like this one, it's better to let the kids know what's going on and let them decide. Probably it's not the best solution, but it's the most fair for everyone involved.

My choice is based on recent events, when many cases of robbed children (snatched away from their families at birth by faking the child's death) have been made public, and with those kids (now adults) wanting to know who their real parents are. This situation is a bit similar, and I would prefer the kid to know it has biological parents elsewhere rather than having it search by itself when it decides to meet them.
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09-16-16 01:15 PM
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EX Palen :

These kids are 7 though. Can you really let a 7 year old decide their future all by themselves with the little life experience they have?
It's a parent's job to guide a child until they're old enough to decide their own path. I feel like you'd have to wait longer before having them make that decision.

Not attacking your opinion but it just doesn't sound right to me.
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09-16-16 01:46 PM
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I would let the child decide what to do. If he or she wishes to go to his or her biological parents, I will let him or her see the real parents. Of course, you can't just swap kids in real life. 

Honestly, by my choice, I would just keep the child. It doesn't matter if I didn't give birth to him and her, what matters is I raised that child, so I am the child's parent. At the same time, I want my own child to live a happy, healthy life with his or her parents, as long as they are willing to raise him or her.
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09-16-16 01:51 PM
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To be honest I think the child would be happy with the mixed up parents, they grew up with them and got attached to them. So even if he was my son biologically he wouldn't be mentally. I would visit him from time to time but I wouldn't switch off as it would not be very good for the child in my opinion, same with the son I thought was mine.
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09-16-16 01:52 PM
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Furret : You can see it either way, but I personally would prefer it that way. I'd like kids to live the life they want, including with whom they want to live.

Maybe it's a bit early, but it's a life decision and it can't be all on the parents' side. If the parents aren't sure of what to do, then what can you lose in asking the kid? Like I said, it's their life and they should have a say about whom they live with, even if they aren't old enough to really pick the right decision.
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09-16-16 03:17 PM
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For me, biology doesn't factor in. I know at least a few kids that are treated better by their friends' parents than their own and I don't feel any kind of obligation to be loyal to someone for nothing other than blood relation, especially if it's someone who's earned my disrespect many times over. They may not carry your genes, but after 7 years of care and upbringing, they're your child, and I think they would probably feel the same way. If I were to find out that they were switched at birth, I'd tell them because I don't think it would make a huge difference to either of us. That bond is genuine.
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09-16-16 03:32 PM
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At the age of 7, I would've already grown majorly attached to my non-biological child; at that point, the decision is easy: keep the one I've already raised. That's without even taking into account the feelings of the child, which should, for the most part, be the most major factor in making this decision. By the age of 7, deep attachment from their end to you has already been embedded.

Now, if the child was still an infant, or maybe one or two years old, the decision might be more tough. At the end of the day, barring other external circumstances, there's little to no reason why the kids can't stay in contact with their biological parents, even if they weren't raised by them.
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09-16-16 03:36 PM
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EX Palen : The thing is at that young of an age they're probably not going to grasp the gravity of the situation and the impact it'll have. Even if they were to make a decision one way or the other they may likely end up regretting it. I'd tell them, and obviously if they really want to live with one family over the other then they should get a say but to leave the decision entirely on him/her if they don't know, I think would be an unfair burden to put on that child so early in their life making them spend time to think about it.

Anyway I'd likely keep the child. If I spent 7 year raising a child, watching it grow up, I'd consider it my child. I can understand why some people might feel differently though. I'd like to meet my biologically related son/daughter but I wouldn't "trade" for him/her, likely shattering the lives of them both. I'd make sure to have the contact info of those parents because even if the child wouldn't want to live with them they may want to meet them later in life. On the other hand if it was younger to the point where they're too young to notice, say a baby, then I would likely go through with it.
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09-16-16 08:23 PM
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xxAriaxx : I'm with you on letting the kids make a decision. I understand they're seven years old but they're getting put into a tough position. They have biological parents but then they have the people who have raised them the past seven years and those are basically mom and dad.

There's a different between and a father and mother and a mom and a dad.

I don't know how it's possible for that to happen to us. The hospital my wife works at, University of Michigan's Mott Children Hospital, has you stay in the same place as your kid. There is no group of kids crying together in a nursery for mistakes to happen. It's individualized. That's helpful.

If it were to happen, like Aria said, I'd ask the kids and let them make a call. I'm responsible for whoever decides to pick me and let me continue raising them or just getting to know them. I'd probably hope the kid I raised would want me in their life and I'd also hope the kid who's biologically mine would want me in their life in some form or fashion.
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09-16-16 09:47 PM
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Short answer no. Long answer after seven years both me, hypothetical spouse and the switched at birth child would presumably all be bonded to each other and not only would it be traumatic for me and my spouse it would also be traumatic for the switched at birth and biological child to be swapped to the biological families they (presumably) had never even met before. Also as much as I believe children should have choices in their lives seven is a very young age to make life altering decisions and as a result I would not let either child make the decision on whether or not they should be swapped to their biological family, but I would allow my biological child to meet me and my family as well as a allowing my child to meet his/her biological family.

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Gotta agree with imamonster and say it's not really "easy" since the other is your flesh and blood, but the answer came before I even finished the question: no, I would not trade them. This kid may not be your flesh and blood, but he or she is every bit as much your child as they would have been had they been your biological child. It's the sane as with adoption. Someone else made them, but you are their parents and they are your child.

Family is more the bond than the blood.
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I'd be too busy listening to linkin park and arguing on the internet about how the 90's were better
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Such a complicated situation but I know for sure that I wouldn't make the exchange. It doesn't matter that the child is not my own blood but what matters is that I've raised them as my own for seven years. I've seen them learn to talk, learn to walk and I've been there for them for the whole time. My biological child who was raised by other people is a total stranger to me and biology doesn't fix those seven years I was away. I have heard that these kinds of mistakes have been made in the past and I hope that no one has to go through a scenario like this.

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Yeah, I really wouldn't change my kid. I mean, sure the other kid is my "real" son, but I have no real connection with him.
Let's look at it from a different angle. You have a step-dad who you called dad for 16 years. Then your "real" dad comes and you have to choose between them; It's obvious you'll choose you're step-dad, as he's been more of a dad than your "real" dad. It's a metaphor, I'll choose my non-biological son since I have a better relationship than my "real" son.
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09-22-16 10:19 AM
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Well I had my answer but, after reading some replies  here, I am quite torn. Seven years is a long time. This child has been raised by people that could just be anything and I for one would feel like my biological child will take after those people- what if he/she was raised in a really bad  home? How can I after seven years, teach this child the difference between good and bad? Why would he/she listen or love me when I am a total stranger and his attachment is with the other couple. On the other hand, it is my biological child and I want to make sure he/she has a good home and the best care possible and I would feel that I am the only option for that because I know who I am and no matter how that other couple present themselves, they could be completely different at home so, I will always wonder if my biological child ate, went to school, or was mistreated even more now that they know it is not their biological child. This part is just thinking about blood, the need to have what "belongs" to you.

But, as humans, most of us should have emotions. I mean you raise a child as your own for seven years: first steps, first words, watch it grow all those years and grow to love him/her. I don't know that I could let him/her go because it feels just as much of my child as my biological and just like that I would too wonder how life is treating him/her and what kind of place they call home and what kind of people they now call family. 

I don't know what I would do. I'd always worry for one and the other. Ideally, I'd keep both and raised them as brothers/sisters and offer the same unconditional love. But, in the case that I have to choose, I would pick my biological child because I have given my love and discipline to this other child and I would hope that after seven years he/she is able to hold on to some of that and grow up to be a good person. Whereas for my biological child, I don't know how he/she was raised and I would like to offer my love and try to provide and guide him/her to have a better future. But, would try hard to keep in touch with my other child, because to me he/she would always be mine and would always have a place in my heart and my house specially once old enough to make his/her own decisions.

I know that the other child may feel a sense of abandonment from my end and may feel very different about if I truly love him/her and if I did how could I let go? And my biological child would feel a disconnection, lack of love at first and would not be able to love me until time has passed and I've done all I can to win that love- sometimes you get it and sometimes you don't. So, either way, both children would feel hurt, lost, confused, and abandoned to a certain point- I would just hope that the other couple is good, loving, and we could all keep together for the sake of the children and instead of feeling like they lost their parents, they can feel like they gained two more parents and a brother/sister.
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09-24-16 05:17 AM
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Well, my first instinct was to see if there was a way to keep the child AND get the biological kid back as well. However, that just wouldn't be fair to that kid to take them away from the only home they've ever known. I mean if the other parents are abusive or something then it would be right to take the kid back (and probably even legal if that were the case).

But barring being able to insert favorable situations into this, I suppose my final answer would be to keep the kids where they are, but definitely form a relationship with those other parents. I can't imagine them not wanting to do the same. We could all talk to each other about how mature the kids have become/ when we think a good time to tell them would be. Eventually the ideal scenario would be for all of us to be like an extended family.
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