Hello, Vizzed. I never really talk about myself much here, so I'm changing that. In many of my numerous threads, I mention how depressed i've become. This is partly why. Not too long ago, in June of 2016, I was incredibly agitated, due to not being able to find jobs. My self-hatred issues and seemingly reclusive demeanor probably plays a part. However, my mom actually found me a job. It was a dreadful factory gig. I had to stop fasting and prepare to work at 7:00 exactly. I was obviously tired and irritated. Me and my brother met our new employer after several painful minutes of driving. His name was Sokeil. He immediately got us ready to work professionally, but he strangely chopped my neck. I ignored it and moved on. We dropped our bags, then he started criticising my posture. He said I was sick or very strange. I was strongly offended. He couldn't stand me and said, "Tell him in your language: If he chooses to act that way, he will go home". I complained constantly soon after. I paced back and forth, with a growl. He forced me out. My older brother picked me up, I actually started crying, My mom said it was my fault and got rid of me almost immediately; I became super depressed. She also said none like me at all, and I belong in an asylum. Taking that into account, i cried. Bottom line, this experience was horrible. I got criticised endlessly and made a fool, just giving me more reason to hate myself. I don't know how to recover. I seriously need some help.









Note: After pondering this heavily, I must ask everyone: How do I improve? What should I do? Who is to blame? Can anyone be blamed? The point of this thread is to help my opinion of myself. I hope explaining my repeated sorrows would help.

Sighs* I really am sorry to hear about that. Life doesn't go as planned. But what is worse is when a mother doesn't try to comfort her child and constantly blames them for something that wasn't even their fault...I am truly sorry this happened to you. But please don't hate yourself. There is nothing wrong with you at all. You are just as you are like any other human being. What she did was wrong herself. Don't let what they did to you affect you. Which is why its always good to surround yourself with good friends that will help lift up your spirit's. life...can be cruel and won't go the way we planned it. But there is always a away to make the most of it. If we can see the right way to handle them. Thank you for explaining why with the threads you made to help us understand you more. And I can say this. I am sure there will be others on the board who will feel the same way as me for you. You are not alone.

I don't know if you're putting up a post just to complain, if you're looking for sympathy, or if you're considering making a change.

If it is change you're seeking, perhaps you should look into the philosophy of Stoicism.

Stoicism teaches that things that happen, and words directed toward us, have no impact on our feelings or our lives. It is how we react to those words and experiences that gives us our emotions.

A stoic would say you allowed your feelings to be hurt when the manager told you about being strange, ill, or attacked your posture. It's not his fault you reacted the way you did. Stoics would also teach that you are stronger than you know and you can keep your emotions in check and react appropriately, with a lack of passion, and you'll be happier for the experience because you are now controlling an element of your life.

If you want sympathy, well... Your profile says you're 19. Be an adult and don't get offended by words. Other people have control over you when you react to their words. Who cares what people say? It doesn't change your reality.

If you're complaining, well, never mind what I wrote.

I am an adult. Is it wrong to feel ashamed for my internal conflict? Age is but a changing variable. It doesn't matter what age I am; these words hurt. My problem is caring too much. I sympathize with others quite easily, and can read emotions. I feel their pain through body language alone; Don't treat me like an infant. My emotions help mold my judgement, and my mental state is decaying. I'm on the verge of depression every day, and you think a few words will help me out? For my whole life, I had been treated like trash. People walk over me, and blame me constantly. When your own mother hates your entire being, it's not a joyride. The psychological damage is too strong, and I'm only getting advice from my friends to find a solution. If you want to help, so be it. I'm not here to complain, only to improve. Please understand.

I'm looking for improvement. I want to live. I want to love. Love life. This is how I cope with my problems. I need all the help I can get. That is my goal. Thank you so much.

Closed due to PM request by OP.

If you want it back open, let me know.