Most Halloween stories are scary, so I wrote something more funny to switch things up. If you are under the age of 13 I would not recommend reading it. To everyone else - enjoy!

The date was October 31st, 2015. That’s Halloween for any of you geniuses out there that can’t put two and two together. Ethan was trick-or-treating with his friends Simon, Josh, Tobi, Vik, JJ, and Harry. (If anyone gets the reference here I applaud you.) They are all just messing around, eating candy, and having fun. Until they came across the Clinton household, and that’s where our story begins.

“Trick or treat!” Ethan yelled as Hillary opened the door. “Whoa, that’s the ugliest mask I’ve ever seen!” JJ exclaimed. “It’s not a mask” replied Hillary. “Then I guess you’re just really ugly” Harry said. Hillary was not amused. “What do you peasants want?” She demanded. “We’re here for candy.” Simon replied. “No candy here!” Hillary said angrily. “Candy is for fun people and I am not fun. Now get lost!” She slammed the door and went back inside. “See, I told you she is a b****.” Tobi said. But the boys were not going down without a fight. They wanted their candy. JJ found a rock, picked it up, and shouted “GIVE US OUR CANDY!” He then proceeded to chuck the rock at her window, shattering the glass. Hillary came storming out of the door. “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!” she shrieked. Ethan thought he saw her eyes turn red for a second, but simply dismissed it as a figment of his imagination. “COME WITH ME. NOW!” she exclaimed as she grabbed the boys and rapidly threw them into her home.

The boys looked around and were pretty unimpressed with what they saw. For a family with so much money the interior of their house was pretty mediocre. All of the walls were a light gray and there were barely any decorations except for clocks. There were lots and lots of clocks. The furniture was all covered in scratch marks, like marks that a cat or dog would leave behind, yet there were no animals in sight. There was glass on the ground below the window that JJ broke with the rock. The house just seemed eerie, like something out of a horror movie.

“Come here you little brats!” Hillary demanded. The kids didn’t dare disobey. Ethan assumed they were going to clean up the glass, because that is the direction that she was leading them, but to his surprise she led them right by the glass and down a dark stairwell. The boys started to get scared. “Where is she taking us?” Vik asked quietly so Hillary couldn’t hear. “I don’t know but it’s pretty creepy.” Tobi whispered back. Despite the fear that was now residing in the boys, they continued to follow her farther and farther down the stairs. “Why the hell are there so many stairs?” JJ finally asked aloud, but Hillary did not answer. There was no light in the stairwell and they were now so deep underground that they couldn’t see their own hands if they put them right in front of their faces.

Finally, after walking for what felt like hours, they saw a flicker of light. Shortly after, they reached the bottom of the stairs. The lighting down there was dim, but it was definitely better than the complete lack of light on the way down. The room consisted of nothing but a torch on the wall and a hallway leading to God knows where. “Can you tell us where we are going now?” Simon asked. “Just a little further.” Hillary said with a malicious smile. They walked down the hallway until they came to a room with 2 sets of bars on either side. “Prison cells!” Harry realized, and said aloud. “Are you going to keep us down here?!” “That’s right!” Hillary answered. She picked them all up at once and threw them into the first cell on the left with surprising strength. “Have fun!” She yelled, and she let out an evil laugh as she walked back down the hallway towards the stairs.

“We have to escape!” Ethan exclaimed. “Right, because that wasn’t obvious.” Josh answered sarcastically. “Uh… guys?” Simon said. “Not now!” Josh replied “We’re trying to think of a plan!” “Guys!” Simon said a little louder. “Not now Simon!” Josh answered angrily. “GUYS!” Simon yelled. “LOOK!” The boys looked to the left side of the cell and saw why Simon was trying to get their attention. There was another person in the next cell over. “Hello?” JJ said to the man. No answer. “Who are you?” Tobi asked. The man slowly got up and turned around. The boys were shocked at what they saw. It was Donald Trump. “Mr. Trump?” Vik asked. Trump nodded. “What are you doing here?” Vik asked. Trump took a deep breath and hesitantly started to explain how he ended up there. “You see, Hillary was upset that I was beating her in the polls for the 2016 election.” He said “She started threatening me, but I continued to campaign anyway. I was building a great wall to keep her out – and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me – but I took too long. She captured me and threw me in here.” “How long have you been here?” JJ asked. “A week or two I think.” Trump answered “I’ve lost track of time. There is no sunlight down here so the only way for me to know a day has passed is when she comes down and gives my daily bowl of cereal – without milk.” “Without milk?!” Tobi exclaimed. “What a monster!” “Is it good cereal at least?” JJ asked “Like maybe Fruit Loops or Frosted Flakes?” “No,” Trump answered “It’s her own special cereal – Cap’n Corrupt. It’s made of whole grain and evil.” “Aren’t whole grain and evil the same thing?” Harry asked “Pretty much.” Trump responded “But at least evil tastes half-decent.” “Good point.” Harry replied.

The seven boys and Donald Trump talked for a while. “Sooo…. How are we going to escape?” Ethan finally asked. “We aren’t.” Trump answered. The boys were shocked. “What do you mean we aren’t?” Simon asked, confused. “We have to!” “You can try” Trump responded “but I wouldn’t recommend it.” He then went back to sitting in the corner.

The next day, when Hillary came to give them their cereal, the boys initiated their plan. As soon as she opened the door, Ethan jumped on her. The other boys then joined in, trying to keep her away from closing the door while they made their way out. They had almost gotten out of the door when a field of pure energy burst out of Hillary, throwing them against the wall. Ethan looked over at her in horror. Her eyes turned red, she grew horns on her head and claws on her hands, and her muscles doubled in size. The boys cowered away from her in fear. “YOU WORTHLESS KIDS!” Hillary shouted “COME WITH ME! YOU’RE IN DEEP s***.”

She dragged the boys, literally, further down the hall. Josh wondered what horrors awaited them. A torture chamber? Vik hoped that wherever they were going wouldn’t result in their deaths. Simon didn’t even want to think about it. They reached the end of the hallway. All that was there was a single door. “I didn’t want to do this but you leave me no choice.” Hillary said in a dark tone. She opened the door, threw the boys in, then closed the door, locked it, and walked away.

The room was very small, the seven boys were pressed up against each other. The only light came from a very dim bulb hanging from the ceiling. There were shelves on all sides of them. On these shelves were jars filled with… something. Vik picked up a jar to investigate what was inside and when realization hit, he dropped it in horror. “Guys….” He said “These jars are filled with… fetuses.” Everyone gasped. “What kind of sick person keeps a collection of fetuses in jars in their basement?!” JJ asked angrily. “Now I understand why she is so fond of Planned Parenthood.” Simon said. “She needs to get her fetus fix from somewhere.”

Hours passed. The boys tried their hardest to avoid looking at the aborted babies. They had to give credit to Hillary; if she wanted to torture them she was doing a great job. They were all extremely unnerved by the jars surrounding them. Eventually Hillary came in to give them their Cap’n Corrupt cereal, just like she had at the other jail cell. Vik noticed something about the lock when she was leaving. “Hey did you guys see that?” He asked. None of the other boys knew what he was talking about. “When the door was unlocked, did you say that little opening? If we can jam that it will prevent the door from locking. The only problem is that the door has to be unlocked.” Just then, Josh thought of a plan. He pulled a Pokemon card out of his pocket. “Next time she comes, one of us can throw this into the opening and jam it. Then we she leaves we can make our escape.” He explained. “There’s no way we’ll be able to throw that card into that tiny little opening.” Simon said. “Leave it to me.” Vik replied. “I am Vikstar123, the Tomahawk King. If anyone can make that shot it’s me.” The other six boys were extremely confused, but went along with it regardless.

The next day had arrived. Hillary came in and threw the cereal in front of the boys. She was just about to leave when Harry distracted her with a question. “How long are you going to keep us here?” he asked. “Forever!” she said as an evil smile crept across her face. While this conversation was going on, Vik took the playing card in his hand, took a deep breath, and threw it. It went right into the opening. Vik celebrated quietly. Hillary then closed the door, locked it (or so she thought), and walked back down the hall.

The boys waited a good half an hour or so before making their escape. They wanted to make sure she was gone. They had a golden opportunity here, they couldn’t blow it. Finally, when they were sure she was upstairs, they opened the door and crept out. They walked silently back through the hallways towards their original jail cells. Donald Trump was alarmed when he saw them walk by. “How did you get out?” he asked “Shhhh!!!” Simon whispered harshly. “It’s a long story. If we make it out we’ll be sure to get the cops to save you too don’t worry.”

They continued down the dark hallway until they came to the stairs. They walked up the stairs as quietly as they could, knowing that making too much noise could lead to their deaths. After walking for a few minutes they reached the door at the top of the stairwell. It caught the boys off guard. “I could’ve sworn it felt like hours on the way down, how did we make it up so quickly?” Ethan thought. “Then again, nothing today has made sense so why question it.” “I’ll listen to make sure the coast is clear.” Vik said. He pressed his ear up against the door. “I did not have sexual relations with that woman!” he heard a man say. Hillary seemed to be in an argument with this man, so he figured it would be a good time to go out the door. Vik motioned forward to the other boys. He slowly opened the door and they boys began to sneak around towards the front door of the house.

They were about half way to the door when Hillary saw them out of the corner of her eye. She spun around and screamed. “Run!” Simon yelled. The boys sprinted towards the door. Hillary ran into a closet and came out with a bucket of aborted fetuses that she began throwing at the boys. “Jesus Christ!” JJ exclaimed. “Does she not have a soul?” and that’s when it dawned upon him. She didn’t have a soul. She turns into some devil like creature when she gets angry. She traps people in her basement. She has a collection of dead babies and feels no remorse for the aborted babies. It was the only possibility.

They continued to make their way towards the door through the rain of fetuses. Tobi was the first to reach it. He yanked open the door and the boys ran free to the displeasure of Hillary Clinton. They ran straight to the nearby police station and told them what had happened. At first the police didn’t believe them, but the boys eventually persuaded them to check it out.

They arrived back at the Clinton household. “This is the police! Open up!” One of the police officers said while pounding on the door. Hillary opened the door and greeted the police officers with a smile more fake than Kim Kardashian’s butt. “Can I help you?” she asked innocently. “These boys here told us that you kept them locked up in your basement and tortured them with dead babies.” The police officer replied. “We’d like to investigate.” Hillary hesitantly opened the door for the police officers. “Over there!” Simon said, pointing to the door that led to the staircase. One of the cops tried to open the door but it was locked. “Unlock this door please.” He said sternly to Hillary Clinton. She slowly walked over to the door and unlocked it. The police officer opened the door to reveal nothing but a brick wall. “What?” Ethan said, confused. The police officers looked at the kids with a very unfriendly look on their faces. “Things like this are serious, you can’t just go around telling lies to the police!” One of them said to the boys. While the police officers were lecturing them, Vik studied the brick wall. The brick that was sixth to the right and sixth down looked a little odd. He pushed it but nothing happened. He pushed it five more times, for a total of six, and the brick wall moved to the left, revealing the entrance to the basement. The police officers heard the noise made by the moving wall, and turned around. They stopped talking mid-lecture, and began to go down the stairs.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you!” Hillary warned desperately. But the cops went down anyway. Hillary charged at the police officers like a crazy baboon. She caught the cops off-guard, but somehow they were able to stay on their feet. They pulled out their tasers and shocked her, then swiftly put her in handcuffs. They dragged her down the stairs with them. They didn’t trust her enough to leave her alone, even in handcuffs. The boys, who had waited at the top of the stairs, now decided to go with the cops.

They reached the bottom of the staircase and walked down the hall towards the first set of jail cells, the ones that Donald Trump was locked in. “Hey Mr. Trump!” Simon yelled. Donald turned around and saw the police officers. “Oh thank God! I was starting to get claustrophobic in here. It’s like that one time I got trapped in an elevator with Rosie O’Donnell.” He said with a shudder. The cops broke him out of the cell. He walked back down the hallways towards the stairs, making sure to kick Hillary on the way by.

The cops dragged Hillary back up the stairs and the boys followed. She was fighting all the way, but to no avail. As they are about to stuff Hillary into the back of their car to take her to jail, she looked at the boys and shouted “I’ll have my revenge!” as her eyes flash red.

The boys were invited by President Obama to go to the White House for a party to celebrate their bravery and courage. He didn’t really have much of a choice, this already looked bad enough for the Democratic Party, he had to do whatever he could to try to salvage their respect. Michelle Obama approached the boys at the party. “You guys should try the cupcakes.” She said “They’re sugar free and made with whole grain. And evil.” The boys laughed. “Funny joke!” Ethan said, but Mrs. Obama wasn’t laughing. “I’m serious. ” She said sternly as her eyes flashed red.

Today I learned tgags knows how to story, Hillary Clinton is evil, and fetus
10/10 Would read again.

That was... wow.

I don't know whether to be horrified at the accuracy or to be impressed by the wittiness of this story.

10/10 I hope you make a sequel

GameBoy1023 :
yoshirulez! :

Haha thanks so much guys! Glad you liked it

What the hell did I just read.

I mean, amazing story, but what even.

And Hillary is evil.

Vote Bernie.

tgags123 : Politics, they bore me. But this? This bores me even more. :p

It had a few silly pieces here and there, overall it was pretty good but just plain strange. South Park Kind of strange.

This is gold.

“She needs to get her fetus fix from somewhere.”

" I was building a great wall to keep her out – and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me"

" Cap’n Corrupt. It’s made of whole grain and evil.” “Aren’t whole grain and evil the same thing?”


Overall kinda cliche and the pokemon card bit was pretty lame, but otherwise this is great.

Sorry, but not politcally accurate. According to most polls as of late, Hillary is winning as is the democratic side by a small percentage, if not a medium amount. But funny, if not at all an inaccurate portrayal of our president elects. I chortled for sure.

Barathemos : Lol thanks. And no way, I'd actually prefer Hillary. I'd prefer not to pay for other people's stuff, thank you very much.

Popeye116 : Thanks man

manicman66 : Not according to this poll which was released a few weeks before I started writing this. I wasn't really trying to be accurate though, I thought the fact that Hillary had a stash of fetuses might give that away xD