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05-31-14 02:53 AM
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06-05-14 05:49 AM
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Some kind of mental... thing

 

05-31-14 02:53 AM
zeross121 is Offline
| ID: 1028007 | 507 Words

zeross121
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So lately, my mind's been kind of going over the edge. Some of you know that my brain has two kinds of sides to it, or two "voices," in a way. One voice is telling me, "Hey everything is going to be alright, life will get better, everything will be all fairy tail happy in the end." While the other one is like just "Life isn't a fairy tail, there are no happily ever afters. You are you, and you are a disgusting fat a** that is getting all that you deserve. Everyone you talk to is annoyed to hell with you, stop bugging them you're only making their lives worst because you're ruining their good mood by talking to them. Don't put your problems onto them just because you wanna feel better, it's none of their business, it's your own and you deserve to feel this way."
The second voice is also the one that reminds me the only time I actually was happy was when I was on drugs. Back in high school, I was high everyday, wake up in the morning, smoke some, do the daily things, find a harder drug at night time and crash later that night. Wake up and repeat. It was a system that worked out easily, had money to support it. I had friends back then. I started getting sick from it, vomiting regularly, all I wanted to do was curl up in the dark and hide. But... that was the last time I was truly happy, like if I started that cycle up again then everything would be perfect. I know that that's not true and drugs only lead to terrible things. Save the lecture please.
But I'm 21, with a crappy job, cashier at a fast food restaurant, still live with my parents, that feels like they don't want me here anymore, I don't make much money and what I do make I happily give to them for bills and food and stuff around the house for everyone. My intelligence is extremely low, which if you've seen me talk in the chat rooms then you know that already. I'm too stupid for college.
Most of the time when I'm in chat I put on a smiling face and talk to people, being nice to everyone or at least try to be. I usually feel like I'm bugging people or disturbing them so I go silent a lot and just watch.

This is me just venting.. Saying what's on my mind for the night. If you wanna have a laugh at this, go ahead. I know loads of people have it worst, I'm not saying they don't or that you should pity me just some.. Stuff in my head. I'm terrible at putting things into words. There are some things that you can't put down into words. Don't treat me differently, don't act any differently when I'm around please.

Local Mods : This is probably against the rules in one way or another so feel free to close it..
So lately, my mind's been kind of going over the edge. Some of you know that my brain has two kinds of sides to it, or two "voices," in a way. One voice is telling me, "Hey everything is going to be alright, life will get better, everything will be all fairy tail happy in the end." While the other one is like just "Life isn't a fairy tail, there are no happily ever afters. You are you, and you are a disgusting fat a** that is getting all that you deserve. Everyone you talk to is annoyed to hell with you, stop bugging them you're only making their lives worst because you're ruining their good mood by talking to them. Don't put your problems onto them just because you wanna feel better, it's none of their business, it's your own and you deserve to feel this way."
The second voice is also the one that reminds me the only time I actually was happy was when I was on drugs. Back in high school, I was high everyday, wake up in the morning, smoke some, do the daily things, find a harder drug at night time and crash later that night. Wake up and repeat. It was a system that worked out easily, had money to support it. I had friends back then. I started getting sick from it, vomiting regularly, all I wanted to do was curl up in the dark and hide. But... that was the last time I was truly happy, like if I started that cycle up again then everything would be perfect. I know that that's not true and drugs only lead to terrible things. Save the lecture please.
But I'm 21, with a crappy job, cashier at a fast food restaurant, still live with my parents, that feels like they don't want me here anymore, I don't make much money and what I do make I happily give to them for bills and food and stuff around the house for everyone. My intelligence is extremely low, which if you've seen me talk in the chat rooms then you know that already. I'm too stupid for college.
Most of the time when I'm in chat I put on a smiling face and talk to people, being nice to everyone or at least try to be. I usually feel like I'm bugging people or disturbing them so I go silent a lot and just watch.

This is me just venting.. Saying what's on my mind for the night. If you wanna have a laugh at this, go ahead. I know loads of people have it worst, I'm not saying they don't or that you should pity me just some.. Stuff in my head. I'm terrible at putting things into words. There are some things that you can't put down into words. Don't treat me differently, don't act any differently when I'm around please.

Local Mods : This is probably against the rules in one way or another so feel free to close it..
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05-31-14 03:07 AM
Eniitan is Offline
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I remember this very clearly as you have told me this.....zero always remember like I said there are a group of people who will care for you. No matter what you go through. You know I am one of them. I tried to catch you on the chat yesterday I did say hi but, I was busy with somethings....you know very well that I will put my work aside, for anything that you want to talk about. Seeing you on makes me happy. And I am always able to vent to you, because you are able to help me. Not all people are able to go to college and such, due to one another intelligences. But zero I know this. You are not stupid at all ok? If then things would be a lot more worse for you. You are still fighting something despite how you are living right now. Remember I too live with my mother.......at least you have a job. And you are able to go to some places, unlike me who is mostly at home.....remember I love you as my friend, and that will never changed. I care also for your well being, as well as my other friends. Don't let that other voice say that your friends are not worth it, because they are. Keep on fighting zero, I'm always behind you all the way. ^-^
I remember this very clearly as you have told me this.....zero always remember like I said there are a group of people who will care for you. No matter what you go through. You know I am one of them. I tried to catch you on the chat yesterday I did say hi but, I was busy with somethings....you know very well that I will put my work aside, for anything that you want to talk about. Seeing you on makes me happy. And I am always able to vent to you, because you are able to help me. Not all people are able to go to college and such, due to one another intelligences. But zero I know this. You are not stupid at all ok? If then things would be a lot more worse for you. You are still fighting something despite how you are living right now. Remember I too live with my mother.......at least you have a job. And you are able to go to some places, unlike me who is mostly at home.....remember I love you as my friend, and that will never changed. I care also for your well being, as well as my other friends. Don't let that other voice say that your friends are not worth it, because they are. Keep on fighting zero, I'm always behind you all the way. ^-^
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(edited by Eniitan on 05-31-14 03:10 AM)     Post Rating: 1   Liked By: Supermatt6534,

05-31-14 04:25 AM
yoshirulez! is Offline
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zeross121 : I have something to say about this.

You don't bother us in the chatrooms. If anything, you make us extremely happy when you're in there. Yes I've noticed all of the stuff that you've stated, I just wish I could do something about it.

The main reason I'm posting here is to say that you don't annoy us. You shouldn't worry about annoying us. Just be yourself, and your true friends will either reject it or enjoy your presence even more.
And if you stopped coming entirely, that would suck for a lot of people.
zeross121 : I have something to say about this.

You don't bother us in the chatrooms. If anything, you make us extremely happy when you're in there. Yes I've noticed all of the stuff that you've stated, I just wish I could do something about it.

The main reason I'm posting here is to say that you don't annoy us. You shouldn't worry about annoying us. Just be yourself, and your true friends will either reject it or enjoy your presence even more.
And if you stopped coming entirely, that would suck for a lot of people.
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05-31-14 04:59 AM
LCRain is Offline
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I know no matter what I say it won't help things.  I want you to know though your friends here at least me will lend you a shoulder when you need it.  I can only speak for me, but I feel some of what you are going through.  The lack of motivation, feeling everyone is against you, and just completely lost in life.  I can't tell you things will get better or to cheer up and brave this storm.  I have learned to accept what is going on and learn that no one else can really help me. I know it will take a long time of planning, finding the right help, and lots of pit falls.  Hopefully through my post and others you know you are not alone and we are here to be your friends.  I wish you the best of luck and hopefully things will get better soon!  *Hugs*
I know no matter what I say it won't help things.  I want you to know though your friends here at least me will lend you a shoulder when you need it.  I can only speak for me, but I feel some of what you are going through.  The lack of motivation, feeling everyone is against you, and just completely lost in life.  I can't tell you things will get better or to cheer up and brave this storm.  I have learned to accept what is going on and learn that no one else can really help me. I know it will take a long time of planning, finding the right help, and lots of pit falls.  Hopefully through my post and others you know you are not alone and we are here to be your friends.  I wish you the best of luck and hopefully things will get better soon!  *Hugs*
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05-31-14 03:40 PM
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You don't annoy us zero... If anything, like yoshi said, it makes us happy to see you on in the chat. And even if you think you've caused trouble, it was always fixed in the end and you made amends and things like that. Try to ignore what tells you your bad... because in reality your good to us.
You don't annoy us zero... If anything, like yoshi said, it makes us happy to see you on in the chat. And even if you think you've caused trouble, it was always fixed in the end and you made amends and things like that. Try to ignore what tells you your bad... because in reality your good to us.
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06-02-14 08:10 PM
zanderlex is Offline
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zeross121 : Well, first of all, nobody is too stupid for college. Sure, you may not be the best for one of the elite private colleges, but there must be plenty of small colleges or community colleges out there that would be just right for you. If you can get into any college, no matter how small or easy, things will begin to look up.

To me, college isn't really about what you already know, it's about what you are willing to do, and if you are willing to try, then nothing should stop you from succeeding in school. Sure, you are in a bad place now, but right now you don't want to go for something big, you want to move foward a little bit at a time. Apply for other jobs, maybe even do two jobs, save up and go to a small community college. Nothing will happen if you dont do anything, but if you at least give it a shot, there is a chance that you can move forward.

Then, you can move onto a job that you would have fun doing, I'm sure if you actually enjoy what you are doingm you could become just as happy as you were back in high school. But the way I see it, it looks like you are just giving up and letting the bad side of being an adult take over, and thats not what you want to happen, you want to get things back on track, and that wont happen if you dont believe in what you can do and go for it.
zeross121 : Well, first of all, nobody is too stupid for college. Sure, you may not be the best for one of the elite private colleges, but there must be plenty of small colleges or community colleges out there that would be just right for you. If you can get into any college, no matter how small or easy, things will begin to look up.

To me, college isn't really about what you already know, it's about what you are willing to do, and if you are willing to try, then nothing should stop you from succeeding in school. Sure, you are in a bad place now, but right now you don't want to go for something big, you want to move foward a little bit at a time. Apply for other jobs, maybe even do two jobs, save up and go to a small community college. Nothing will happen if you dont do anything, but if you at least give it a shot, there is a chance that you can move forward.

Then, you can move onto a job that you would have fun doing, I'm sure if you actually enjoy what you are doingm you could become just as happy as you were back in high school. But the way I see it, it looks like you are just giving up and letting the bad side of being an adult take over, and thats not what you want to happen, you want to get things back on track, and that wont happen if you dont believe in what you can do and go for it.
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06-05-14 05:49 AM
sillysoul is Offline
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zeross121 : No, we would never laugh at you. What you're going through is a serious matter and you shouldn't be alone with it. It would be best if you had someone whom to talk to in real life but it's good that you've at least opened up in here. I think the biggest step is admitting something's wrong and bringing it up to everybody else.

I'm no psychiatrist but I have a feeling that talking to one and having a proper diagnose would make your life easier. I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and after my old medicine was replaced with anti-psychotics my life has made a 180 degree turn for the better. I wouldn't have believed earlier that a small pill can actually change everything, but it did. Just know that you don't have to go through this alone, at least we are here as your backup!
zeross121 : No, we would never laugh at you. What you're going through is a serious matter and you shouldn't be alone with it. It would be best if you had someone whom to talk to in real life but it's good that you've at least opened up in here. I think the biggest step is admitting something's wrong and bringing it up to everybody else.

I'm no psychiatrist but I have a feeling that talking to one and having a proper diagnose would make your life easier. I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and after my old medicine was replaced with anti-psychotics my life has made a 180 degree turn for the better. I wouldn't have believed earlier that a small pill can actually change everything, but it did. Just know that you don't have to go through this alone, at least we are here as your backup!
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