So lately, my mind's been kind of going over the edge. Some of you know that my brain has two kinds of sides to it, or two "voices," in a way. One voice is telling me, "Hey everything is going to be alright, life will get better, everything will be all fairy tail happy in the end." While the other one is like just "Life isn't a fairy tail, there are no happily ever afters. You are you, and you are a disgusting fat a** that is getting all that you deserve. Everyone you talk to is annoyed to hell with you, stop bugging them you're only making their lives worst because you're ruining their good mood by talking to them. Don't put your problems onto them just because you wanna feel better, it's none of their business, it's your own and you deserve to feel this way."
The second voice is also the one that reminds me the only time I actually was happy was when I was on drugs. Back in high school, I was high everyday, wake up in the morning, smoke some, do the daily things, find a harder drug at night time and crash later that night. Wake up and repeat. It was a system that worked out easily, had money to support it. I had friends back then. I started getting sick from it, vomiting regularly, all I wanted to do was curl up in the dark and hide. But... that was the last time I was truly happy, like if I started that cycle up again then everything would be perfect. I know that that's not true and drugs only lead to terrible things. Save the lecture please.
But I'm 21, with a crappy job, cashier at a fast food restaurant, still live with my parents, that feels like they don't want me here anymore, I don't make much money and what I do make I happily give to them for bills and food and stuff around the house for everyone. My intelligence is extremely low, which if you've seen me talk in the chat rooms then you know that already. I'm too stupid for college.
Most of the time when I'm in chat I put on a smiling face and talk to people, being nice to everyone or at least try to be. I usually feel like I'm bugging people or disturbing them so I go silent a lot and just watch.

This is me just venting.. Saying what's on my mind for the night. If you wanna have a laugh at this, go ahead. I know loads of people have it worst, I'm not saying they don't or that you should pity me just some.. Stuff in my head. I'm terrible at putting things into words. There are some things that you can't put down into words. Don't treat me differently, don't act any differently when I'm around please.

Local Mods : This is probably against the rules in one way or another so feel free to close it..