(AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm not quite sure about this one. The format is... well, it's very disorganized. (Not that I tried to use a particular rhyme scheme or rhythm in this anyway. Unpredictability of dying, you know.) This is an attempt to describe a man's experience as he drowns and freezes to death after falling through the ice while skating or something. Okay. Enjoy! Or don't. I can't make you do anything. You can cry if you want. Or roll your eyes. Or throw your computer at the wall. Or think, "What a waste of time!" Your choice.)

CRACK!
The ice gives way and I’m pulled down by the icy black fingers of the water, the cold reaching every part of my skin, penetrating through my skull like a killer brain freeze.
Charlotte screams and runs toward me, sliding across the frozen pond, falling to her hands and knees.
“MARCUS!” she yells, reaching for me, “HOLD ON!”
She cannot get to me, though she tries anyway.
It would mean breaking the ice as I did, joining me.
I must break free by myself.
I must pull away.
For her.
I kick, struggling upward from what feels like a vortex, sucking me endlessly, tirelessly down, but the ice flows are a prison, a roof on the watery graveyard below.
My palms find the underside, sliding uselessly, trying to push through, but there is no crack to be found to take as a road to the air, to land, to her.
I’m trapped.
Caged.
Chilled by the thought.
So cold!
My body slows.
Too cold.
I can’t shiver, although enough chills run up my spine.
Frozen.
Black obscures my vision.
“MARCUS!” comes her voice.
I do not register it. I can’t.
So…. Cold.
The ice is no longer imprisoning me. Now it is spreading from within.
Frozen.
I’m sinking, an ice sculpture pulled to the pond’s floor by the playful water nymphs.
Land, just like up there, with water to breathe instead of air.
Air…
Purple and red splotches join the black. I cannot see.
Up and down are lost to me. I want to try floundering in circles but can barely move to start.
I can’t hear Charlotte.
I breathe and water fills my lungs just as the ice fills my veins.
Drowning
Drowning
Drowning
Sinking
I don’t feel the cold anymore.
Numb
One last gurgle
Everything went black.

Nice job with this, it is rather unique, but at the same time I liked it, I think you have some pretty good skills to write something like this. I like how in some parts you isolated just one word, it really adds suspense in my opinion. Nevertheless, nice job and keep up the great work! I enjoyed your tragic poem! It is unique because a lot of poems are about happiness.

I really enjoyed your poem! It's the imagery and onomatopoeia that makes me really see the poem as I read it and I love how visual you've made it. Being stuck underneath a layer of ice would be incredibly terrifying and I love how you captured that feeling too. I hope to see more of your work!

I enjoyed this, it's a good interpretation of someone leaving existence(though no one knows what that like) incredibly depressing, but that's what good writers do, make you depressed... *applause*

I think this was really great Maybe a little hectic with so many words in the beginning for starting it, but it got smooth and deep. I think that overall this is great. I've always been a fan of darker readings, and this is there I'd like to read more of what you write, if you'd be okay with that