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PokefanKala
11-06-13 11:26 PM
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11-07-13 07:51 PM
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The Death of a Pokemon

 

11-06-13 11:26 PM
PokefanKala is Offline
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| ID: 924025 | 114 Words

PokefanKala
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The pokeball was empty
There was nothing left inside
The trainer’s heart felt empty too
And he did nothing but cry.
He supposed he’d thought a Pokémon
Could do no more than faint,
But he’d been wrong.
It had realized
A dark and endless fate.
He didn’t know
How many battles
It’d been struggling through,
But he wished it could have gave a sign
He wished he could have knew!
In the middle of a forest
In the mocking light of day
He was forced to watch quite helplessly
As his friend faded away.
The companion to his Doctor,
The Sherlock to his John,
Only one thing was for certain…
His Pikachu was gone.
The pokeball was empty
There was nothing left inside
The trainer’s heart felt empty too
And he did nothing but cry.
He supposed he’d thought a Pokémon
Could do no more than faint,
But he’d been wrong.
It had realized
A dark and endless fate.
He didn’t know
How many battles
It’d been struggling through,
But he wished it could have gave a sign
He wished he could have knew!
In the middle of a forest
In the mocking light of day
He was forced to watch quite helplessly
As his friend faded away.
The companion to his Doctor,
The Sherlock to his John,
Only one thing was for certain…
His Pikachu was gone.


--------------------
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"Oh, that's clever! Is it clever? Why is it clever?" -SH


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Post Rating: 1   Liked By: Mr. Zed,

11-06-13 11:38 PM
Mr. Zed is Offline
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| ID: 924031 | 70 Words

Mr. Zed
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Nice Poem you have here .  Good ryhming scheme and all that . The feel was quite excellent too . Adds that depressed feeling followed by that last line of acceptance that what has gone has gone . His Pikachu was now " Pushing up daisies " as it were . Overall good job but there was one mistake I spotted but I probably mistaked it for a mistake . 
Nice Poem you have here .  Good ryhming scheme and all that . The feel was quite excellent too . Adds that depressed feeling followed by that last line of acceptance that what has gone has gone . His Pikachu was now " Pushing up daisies " as it were . Overall good job but there was one mistake I spotted but I probably mistaked it for a mistake . 

--------------------
It was that creature... the one i saw in my nightmare!
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11-06-13 11:46 PM
PokefanKala is Offline
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PokefanKala
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Mr. Zed : Thank you! I'm glad you liked it! If you don't mind, could you tell me where the mistake was so I can fix it?
Mr. Zed : Thank you! I'm glad you liked it! If you don't mind, could you tell me where the mistake was so I can fix it?

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"Oh, that's clever! Is it clever? Why is it clever?" -SH


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11-06-13 11:53 PM
Sidewinder is Offline
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Wowzers, that was a pretty deep poem you got there.

I really like what you say here,

"The companion to his Doctor,
The Sherlock to his John,
Only one thing was for certain…
His Pikachu was gone."

That was a really cool comparison, between a Pokémon and his Master with Sherlock and John Watson. 

I really like the work you do, and the outcome is fantastic. 
Wowzers, that was a pretty deep poem you got there.

I really like what you say here,

"The companion to his Doctor,
The Sherlock to his John,
Only one thing was for certain…
His Pikachu was gone."

That was a really cool comparison, between a Pokémon and his Master with Sherlock and John Watson. 

I really like the work you do, and the outcome is fantastic. 

--------------------
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11-06-13 11:57 PM
PokefanKala is Offline
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| ID: 924039 | 13 Words

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Sidewinder : Wow! Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it!
Sidewinder : Wow! Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it!

--------------------
Layout made by Matthew2321
Trusted Member
"Oh, that's clever! Is it clever? Why is it clever?" -SH


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11-07-13 01:42 AM
Mr. Zed is Offline
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| ID: 924055 | 122 Words

Mr. Zed
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Ok . As I said . I do not know if  it was a mistake that I found or identified a mistake in your poem . I could be wrong . 



But Right here when you say : But He wished he could have GAVE a sign . I think ist is supposed to be have given . as sign but that wouldn't rhyme .  And when you say : He wished he could have KNEW .  I think it is supposed to be have known . But again that would not have rhymed . So the rhyming scheme is ok it is just the grammer right there I think is a bit off . Then again I could be wrong . 
Ok . As I said . I do not know if  it was a mistake that I found or identified a mistake in your poem . I could be wrong . 



But Right here when you say : But He wished he could have GAVE a sign . I think ist is supposed to be have given . as sign but that wouldn't rhyme .  And when you say : He wished he could have KNEW .  I think it is supposed to be have known . But again that would not have rhymed . So the rhyming scheme is ok it is just the grammer right there I think is a bit off . Then again I could be wrong . 

--------------------
It was that creature... the one i saw in my nightmare!
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11-07-13 03:29 AM
steel_attacker is Offline
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steel_attacker
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I never knew someone who could write a poem about Pokémon! Anyway, great poem. Can you post more of this? 
I never knew someone who could write a poem about Pokémon! Anyway, great poem. Can you post more of this? 


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11-07-13 07:51 PM
PokefanKala is Offline
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Mr. Zed : Oh, yeah! Good catch! As you said, I kind of took artistic license for rhyme and flow, but yeah. Those are technically incorrect.
Mr. Zed : Oh, yeah! Good catch! As you said, I kind of took artistic license for rhyme and flow, but yeah. Those are technically incorrect.

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