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thelastrequim
10-16-13 10:52 AM
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What does your user name mean?

 

10-16-13 07:57 PM
Dragonlord Stephi is Offline
| ID: 907417 | 7 Words

Level: 51


POSTS: 213/605
POST EXP: 234371
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CP: 3270.6
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Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
thelastrequim : It's a popular spelling of it.
thelastrequim : It's a popular spelling of it.
Vizzed Elite
Giving Ged and Eragon a Run For Their Money Since 1998


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 01-27-12
Location: Baltimore, MD
Last Post: 2225 days
Last Active: 433 days

10-16-13 10:03 PM
aux1printer is Offline
| ID: 907538 | 87 Words

aux1printer
Level: 66


POSTS: 88/1073
POST EXP: 43140
LVL EXP: 2402653
CP: 1577.8
VIZ: 180904

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
My username is a result of me not being very creative. I needed to create a username for some website, and I couldn't think of anything. So I looked at something that was connected to my computer (I can't remember what it's called, or it's purpose. Nobody seems to use them anymore though.) and it had switches that said "Aux 1", "Aux 2", and "Printer". So I combined Aux 1 with Printer and got this. Now I use it for everything really, since I can remember it.
My username is a result of me not being very creative. I needed to create a username for some website, and I couldn't think of anything. So I looked at something that was connected to my computer (I can't remember what it's called, or it's purpose. Nobody seems to use them anymore though.) and it had switches that said "Aux 1", "Aux 2", and "Printer". So I combined Aux 1 with Printer and got this. Now I use it for everything really, since I can remember it.
Member
"Kamimamita!"


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 06-12-11
Location: Colorado
Last Post: 2955 days
Last Active: 1185 days

10-16-13 11:09 PM
IgorBird122 is Offline
| ID: 907577 | 47 Words

IgorBird122
The_IB122
Level: 140


POSTS: 1944/6414
POST EXP: 526201
LVL EXP: 32882767
CP: 40905.1
VIZ: 779500

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
Anyways, My username, what does it mean, well, I'll separate it, "Igor" which happens to be my name, "Bird" because when I joined Vizzed, I was obsessed with Angry Birds (not that much anymore) and "122" is my favorite number.
Igor + Bird + 122 = IgorBird122
Anyways, My username, what does it mean, well, I'll separate it, "Igor" which happens to be my name, "Bird" because when I joined Vizzed, I was obsessed with Angry Birds (not that much anymore) and "122" is my favorite number.
Igor + Bird + 122 = IgorBird122
Vizzed Elite
The Shadow King


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 01-07-13
Location: The Big Easy
Last Post: 1450 days
Last Active: 1436 days

10-17-13 10:06 AM
thelastrequim is Offline
| ID: 907725 | 22 Words

thelastrequim
Level: 55


POSTS: 66/738
POST EXP: 35589
LVL EXP: 1278460
CP: 1882.7
VIZ: 2961

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
IgorBird122 : At least when you use numbers it is because you like them, you know, instead of there being 122 more IgorBirds.
IgorBird122 : At least when you use numbers it is because you like them, you know, instead of there being 122 more IgorBirds.
Trusted Member
Feet, you say?


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 02-08-13
Location: U.S
Last Post: 2791 days
Last Active: 1181 days

10-17-13 10:19 AM
Mohammedroxx3 is Offline
| ID: 907728 | 31 Words

Mohammedroxx3
mohammedroxx3
Level: 122


POSTS: 1997/4716
POST EXP: 427341
LVL EXP: 20593231
CP: 37419.3
VIZ: 1465204

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
My username doesn't really mean much. It starts with my first name "Mohammed" and "rox" just mean I rock and "x3" just means multiplied by 3. lol, don't judge me. XD
My username doesn't really mean much. It starts with my first name "Mohammed" and "rox" just mean I rock and "x3" just means multiplied by 3. lol, don't judge me. XD
Vizzed Elite

Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 03-03-13
Location: Earth?
Last Post: 1092 days
Last Active: 981 days

10-18-13 06:20 AM
zanderlex is Offline
| ID: 908363 | 30 Words

zanderlex
dark mode
Level: 263


POSTS: 718/28312
POST EXP: 1930095
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CP: 156510.0
VIZ: 12361557

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
My user name is 95 percent my real name. I just switched the capitilization a bit during camp back in 2008 and it has stuck with me ever since then.
My user name is 95 percent my real name. I just switched the capitilization a bit during camp back in 2008 and it has stuck with me ever since then.
Vizzed Elite
Sergei's Mustache


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 09-25-13
Location: Inaba
Last Post: 72 days
Last Active: 4 days

10-18-13 07:24 PM
Brigand is Offline
| ID: 908897 | 32 Words

Brigand
Level: 89


POSTS: 991/2233
POST EXP: 116430
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CP: 2057.5
VIZ: 112856

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brigandage

Brigandage refers to the life and practice of brigands: highway robbery and plunder, and a brigand is a person who usually lives in a gang and lives by pillage and robbery.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brigandage

Brigandage refers to the life and practice of brigands: highway robbery and plunder, and a brigand is a person who usually lives in a gang and lives by pillage and robbery.
Trusted Member
Not even an enemy.


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 12-29-12
Location: Yurop.
Last Post: 2700 days
Last Active: 2686 days

(edited by Brigand on 10-18-13 07:25 PM)    

10-19-13 01:08 AM
emoteen134 is Offline
| ID: 909260 | 150 Words

emoteen134
Level: 57


POSTS: 177/821
POST EXP: 43848
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CP: 1970.2
VIZ: 1

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LMAO! I'm currently 21, so the user name really doesn't have a lot to do with me now, but it did A LONG TIME AGO!

The Story:

So, High school. A place where kids become who they are when they grow up. I was into A LOT of dark things. Like rock, cutting, being a loner, anger issues, wearing dark clothing, etc. And I REALLY like computers, even in High school, so I was signing up for a lot of things and I needed a user name, so I came up with emoteen134. Emo because I was at the time, teen because I was a teenager at the time, and 134 because I was between 13 and 14 at the time and there was already a 1 in 14. It just stuck with me ever since. So much so that its my Alias.

So yea, that concludes my story. 

Emoteen134
LMAO! I'm currently 21, so the user name really doesn't have a lot to do with me now, but it did A LONG TIME AGO!

The Story:

So, High school. A place where kids become who they are when they grow up. I was into A LOT of dark things. Like rock, cutting, being a loner, anger issues, wearing dark clothing, etc. And I REALLY like computers, even in High school, so I was signing up for a lot of things and I needed a user name, so I came up with emoteen134. Emo because I was at the time, teen because I was a teenager at the time, and 134 because I was between 13 and 14 at the time and there was already a 1 in 14. It just stuck with me ever since. So much so that its my Alias.

So yea, that concludes my story. 

Emoteen134
Member
The Nemesis of Expectation


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 09-04-13
Location: Hawaii
Last Post: 670 days
Last Active: 461 days

10-19-13 02:27 AM
Maki4Ever is Offline
| ID: 909297 | 37 Words

Maki4Ever
Level: 26


POSTS: 3/132
POST EXP: 9496
LVL EXP: 93694
CP: 669.5
VIZ: 26856

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
My user name means a lot to me
It means that I will be Maki for the rest of my life, with nothing anyone or anything can do to change what my parents have already gave me
My user name means a lot to me
It means that I will be Maki for the rest of my life, with nothing anyone or anything can do to change what my parents have already gave me
Member
Rock Star from Pasig City


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 10-15-13
Location: Philippines
Last Post: 2701 days
Last Active: 1025 days

10-19-13 03:25 PM
Pacman+Mariofan is Offline
| ID: 909807 | 35 Words


PacmanandMariofan
Level: 165


POSTS: 2155/9337
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CP: 38398.8
VIZ: 1566370

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
My user name doesn't have any deeper meaning but it is personally meaningful to me because Pac-Man and Mario are both popular video game franchises that I have grown up with for a few years.
My user name doesn't have any deeper meaning but it is personally meaningful to me because Pac-Man and Mario are both popular video game franchises that I have grown up with for a few years.
Vizzed Elite
2-Time VCS Winner
Philippians 4:6-7


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 10-22-12
Location: The Milky Way (not the candy)
Last Post: 928 days
Last Active: 928 days

(edited by PacmanandMariofan on 10-19-13 03:25 PM)    

10-19-13 03:42 PM
Sorinkun is Offline
| ID: 909828 | 32 Words

Sorinkun
Level: 47


POSTS: 266/514
POST EXP: 22745
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CP: 522.9
VIZ: 6071

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Sorinkun, is based on my real name and on the japanese young boys suffix. Ex: Daniel - kun, Skrillex - kun, David - kun, etc.

Like if you like my username!
Sorinkun, is based on my real name and on the japanese young boys suffix. Ex: Daniel - kun, Skrillex - kun, David - kun, etc.

Like if you like my username!
Member
As awesome as I can, as awesome as you can't!


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 09-15-13
Location: Romania - Europe
Last Post: 3314 days
Last Active: 2847 days

10-19-13 03:52 PM
Sidewinder is Offline
| ID: 909838 | 70 Words

Sidewinder
Level: 65


POSTS: 492/1093
POST EXP: 110877
LVL EXP: 2251789
CP: 4575.8
VIZ: 50810

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
My name comes from a song by an artist that I am a huge fan of. I love jazz, and play in the jazz band at my school. 

Sidewinder comes from a song by Lee Morgan, which was the very first song by him that I played, and I love it. Lee Morgan really influenced jazz (for me), and I learn a lot from his work, since he is dead. 
My name comes from a song by an artist that I am a huge fan of. I love jazz, and play in the jazz band at my school. 

Sidewinder comes from a song by Lee Morgan, which was the very first song by him that I played, and I love it. Lee Morgan really influenced jazz (for me), and I learn a lot from his work, since he is dead. 
Trusted Member


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 08-10-13
Location: United States
Last Post: 3698 days
Last Active: 3620 days

10-19-13 03:53 PM
tgags123 is Offline
| ID: 909839 | 59 Words

tgags123
Davideo123
Level: 161


POSTS: 2320/9012
POST EXP: 545798
LVL EXP: 54035703
CP: 35988.9
VIZ: 4584832

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
Well goodboy made the connection about my username yesterday. The "t" is because my first name is Tommy, the "gags" is because my last name starts with Gag, and the "123" is because I wanted it to be the same as my Xbox and PS3 gamertags, and it was taken on Xbox and PS3 so I added a number.
Well goodboy made the connection about my username yesterday. The "t" is because my first name is Tommy, the "gags" is because my last name starts with Gag, and the "123" is because I wanted it to be the same as my Xbox and PS3 gamertags, and it was taken on Xbox and PS3 so I added a number.
Local Moderator
Winter 2019 TdV Winner


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 04-26-13
Location: Long Island, NY
Last Post: 31 days
Last Active: 1 hour

10-19-13 04:15 PM
star4z is Offline
| ID: 909861 | 38 Words

star4z
Level: 26


POSTS: 100/127
POST EXP: 13279
LVL EXP: 89747
CP: 906.9
VIZ: 47287

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
My username is a variation on "Star Wars," and I wanted to add a number in it, so I created "star fourz." Though I pronounce it "star four-zee" now, just because that comes more naturally from its spelling. 
My username is a variation on "Star Wars," and I wanted to add a number in it, so I created "star fourz." Though I pronounce it "star four-zee" now, just because that comes more naturally from its spelling. 
Member

Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 06-22-13
Last Post: 2829 days
Last Active: 1010 days

10-19-13 08:50 PM
warmaker is Offline
| ID: 910192 | 53 Words

warmaker
Level: 91

POSTS: 1145/2198
POST EXP: 240742
LVL EXP: 7343816
CP: 4969.1
VIZ: 198528

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
Warmaker was a character from the series "Ender's Game."  It's a character in the book Xenophobia and I use the name for my profile in another website war strategy game I play.

I used to use "Davion" as my name from the Mechwarrior books.  Warmaker seems to sit with me just fine nowadays.
Warmaker was a character from the series "Ender's Game."  It's a character in the book Xenophobia and I use the name for my profile in another website war strategy game I play.

I used to use "Davion" as my name from the Mechwarrior books.  Warmaker seems to sit with me just fine nowadays.
Trusted Member

Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 05-02-10
Location: Honolulu, HI
Last Post: 3174 days
Last Active: 2838 days

10-20-13 04:45 AM
MechaMento is Offline
| ID: 910578 | 74 Words

MechaMento
Level: 86


POSTS: 850/2105
POST EXP: 204659
LVL EXP: 6027021
CP: 6973.8
VIZ: 33089

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
I guess my username resembles that I like Mentos. I like them a lot infact and that I can not put down a packet when I pick one up. The way you chew them in your mouth is just somewhat addicting. The Mecha part is just to add effect. It also begins with an M and makes the user name a little bit more interesting because the user name, Mento, is just really boring.
I guess my username resembles that I like Mentos. I like them a lot infact and that I can not put down a packet when I pick one up. The way you chew them in your mouth is just somewhat addicting. The Mecha part is just to add effect. It also begins with an M and makes the user name a little bit more interesting because the user name, Mento, is just really boring.
Trusted Member

Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 07-30-13
Last Post: 3075 days
Last Active: 2474 days

10-20-13 11:58 AM
thelastrequim is Offline
| ID: 910718 | 15 Words

thelastrequim
Level: 55


POSTS: 71/738
POST EXP: 35589
LVL EXP: 1278460
CP: 1882.7
VIZ: 2961

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
MechaMento : I have the exact same feeling with Mentos, I am addicted to anything mint.
MechaMento : I have the exact same feeling with Mentos, I am addicted to anything mint.
Trusted Member
Feet, you say?


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 02-08-13
Location: U.S
Last Post: 2791 days
Last Active: 1181 days

10-20-13 12:06 PM
B619ook is Offline
| ID: 910725 | 33 Words

B619ook
Level: 88


POSTS: 1680/2231
POST EXP: 80910
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CP: 2964.8
VIZ: 59605

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
Mines doesn't actually mean anything. I just like reading Books a lot so that's the reason why there's Book in my username. 619 were just random numbers I thought when making my username.
Mines doesn't actually mean anything. I just like reading Books a lot so that's the reason why there's Book in my username. 619 were just random numbers I thought when making my username.
Trusted Member

Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 05-28-13
Location: Earth
Last Post: 256 days
Last Active: 87 days

10-20-13 04:19 PM
GuardianZack is Offline
| ID: 910939 | 2077 Words

GuardianZack
Level: 65


POSTS: 1043/1059
POST EXP: 115694
LVL EXP: 2249968
CP: 20266.3
VIZ: 445887

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
That's a long story.

When I was about nine, I realized from the moment I met her that I was in love. I know that probably sounds irrational to say, but even now when I look back, I can say that she was my first true experience with love. She wasn't the most popular girl, and I met her on the playground one day, several guys picking on her. I stood up for her, and decided that from then on, I would be her friend and protector. Every day for the next several years, I stuck by her, and defended her from those who decided to cause her trouble. One day, near the end of my middle school years, we had our first dance. I asked her to go with me, and she agreed, but then ended up telling me she couldn't because she had already promised someone else. When the dance finally rolled around, the guy she went with made passes at her, and she ended up coming to me and crying. At that point in time, I finally told her just how much she meant to me. She said that she felt the same way, but just never knew why we never mentioned it. I had my first dance and kiss with her.

Over the next year, we stayed in touch and spent our time together, and everything was great. But something kept bothering me. I knew that our middle school years were over, and that as we went into high school, we would be changing in many ways. It turns out that we would be going to entirely different schools, and meeting entirely new people. And being so young, I knew it would be hard for us to manage a relationship, also realizing how most adults wouldn't believe a bond such as ours could exist at our ages. I had no idea what to say or to do, so on the last day of middle school, I gave her a jewellery box with a set of earrings. I told her how much I cared about her, and for that to always represent our bond, but I just couldn't be with her. I told her that I loved her, but in order to move forward, I had to let that go. Although upset, she accepted my decision.

A few years later, I heard from one of my closest friends that she had been transferred to his school, and was dating some guy that treated her badly. From him, I was able to get back in touch with her through phone talks, and I can't tell you how overjoyed I was. I had found her again, and I wanted to tell her how sorry I was for ever letting her go, and that it was one of the worst decisions I had ever made. She went on to tell me things that I had never known about her life.

The first thing was- she was adopted. Her real parents abandoned her, and her adopted parents treated her worse. She told me how they would cuff her to the bathroom sink and abuse her. She told me how hard her life had been with these guys who took advantage of her and abused her, but that's all she ever really had known. She told me that she had attempted suicide several times, but was treated for mental illness and taken to the hospital each attempt. Finally, she told me that her life had been nothing but constant pain, and the only person she ever had whom she felt really cared, was me. I was totally beside myself, because I felt completely and entirely to blame for everything that happened to her during the course of her life. I apologized and explained to her that I still loved her, but I knew in my heart that my apologies could never mend the abandonment she felt from me. She admitted that she still loved me, too, but could never be with me; that trust in me and in all people had been ultimately shattered. That was the last time I spoke to her for many years.

So, skip forward several of those years. I went through unbelievable mental anguish for quite some time, until I finally came to realize what I was doing- it wasn't solving anything, nor could I change the past. I heard from that same friend, that she had tried to overdose herself and landed in a mental institution. I knew at that point there was nothing I could ever say or do, and it all just made me feel that much more helpless. I started shutting myself off for a long time, thinking about things, and in the process losing my friends. Most of them didn't even try to stick by me when I truly needed them, and I guess that others, I just drifted away from- including my best friend. After a long time in solitude, I finally decided to turn my life around, and dedicate my pain and wisdom to something more positive. I decided to start helping others as my sole purpose.

It was the end of my high-school years, so I began dedicating more time toward my new passion than ever. People from every quality of life imaginable began flocking to me, but one person stood out from the rest. There was one girl in particular, who felt suicidal and completely unloved, and she reminded me a lot of you-know-who. For several years we spent our days talking to each other, and I would give her insight that I had learned through the trials of others. I felt that she cared about me deeper than friendship could go, but to prevent history from repeating itself, I kept urging her to find someone and follow her dreams. Without ever asking how I truly felt about her, she took my advice, and I suppose that she understood why I took that route. When she finally had moved on past her problems and found happiness, she told me that she had always felt that I was looking out for her like a guardian angel. She was the one who deemed me GuardianZack. Sadly, I never really got a chance to say thank you, because her life got busy and, slowly but surely, I was forgotten.

But the name stuck.

I started using it as a screen-name, but then others began associating me with it everywhere I went, including offline. I continued to spread good, and to help every person I came in contact with, no matter how great or small the issue was. It became so much more than a screen-name, but represented my past and who I was as a person. People would refer to me as Guardian, even when they didn't know my first name; I even sign my name with Guardian instead of Mr. sometimes. It isn't just a nickname to me, but it's part of who I am.

Just a few years ago, I found her again. She had moved on to get engaged, have several kids, and told me that she was alone. I told her that I still loved her, and that I wanted to be with her. I'm not one to see or understand why marriage is so important, and although I don't want my own children as not to take up my time dedicated to the world, she was what spurned me on to begin with. I had been engaged before, because I knew it was important to the person I was with at the time as far as their religious beliefs were concerned, but that bond still meant nothing to me as a person. But finding her again- I wasn't about to let that go without doing everything in my power to show her just how much I did indeed love her, and with her, that bond truly meant something. I offered to marry her, and to be a father-figure to her children. She told me that she still loved me, and wanted to give it a chance.

For the next several months, I hardly had a chance to speak to her. She kept making excuses to avoid meeting me face-to-face, but kept promising that we would be together soon. That's when I found out she was already engaged. I found out through a friend of his, and according to him, she had been known to cheat and make drama in the lives of many men. She tried to apologize and make it all sound reasonable, but could no longer cover up her own faults. It took me until that point to realize that, all the way back to that first school dance and kiss, she had made promises while with someone else. She fed off of the drama, and in my guilt and shame, I had dedicated my life to helping other people in her honor. It took that blow to realize, I had been blaming myself for over a decade as to how her life had turned out, when her actions had little to do with me. The truth finally smacked me in the face, that no matter what I felt that I had done, she made her own choices in life, and undoubtedly used my feelings as a weapon all along. It hurt, but it finally set me free, also. I finally felt free of the pain I had accused myself of inflicting, and relieved myself of trying to protect the world as a means of making amends.

That is when I also realized my own selfishness.

All this time, I had been calling myself a Guardian, and using the problems of other people to make myself feel better about what I had put her through. I wasn't helping people out of love and compassion, I was doing it to mend my own wounds. I had to ask myself, was I any better than her? Through my new-found clarity, those wounds have long healed, yet the scars remain. Those scars remind me of my own imperfections, and how I used my power for personal gain. But I have to take my own advice, as I have told many people in the past:

"Mistakes are just wisdom in disguise. Instead of allowing your faults to push you into those same mistakes forever, learn from them. Nothing good can come from blaming yourself without forgiveness, but if you instead use that knowledge to forgive and better yourself, others can ultimately learn from that example."

Since then, I've began to change drastically. I no longer help people because it makes me feel better. I don't listen and take interest because it will somehow mend my past mistakes. I don't do it because I expect something in return, nor do I do it for god or morality's sake. I do it because it's part of who I am; it isn't what gives me purpose, but it is my purpose. And I just hope, that someday when I am gone, Guardian will remain as a reminder. Not as a reminder of my accomplishments and failures, or even me as an individual. I simply want people to never forget what my life stood for, and if that can continue to help people even long after I'm gone- use that wisdom. Remember to love people for the right reasons, and treat yourself with that same love. Remember to listen instead of always being heard, and try to understand where other people are coming from, because they have reasons for what they believe in just like everyone else. Remember to have respect and tolerance for all life, no matter how great or small, because everything has a purpose; in that way, we are all just as equally important in our existence, no matter how different those purposes may be.

So, you asked me what my user-name means. It's much more than that. I hope it gets people to stop and think, and all that I am will shine as a symbol of peace and compassion. We all have a guardian angel inside of us, and we make a difference in the lives of others, as they in turn do for us. It may be something subtle, or that you don't even realize, but we each help compose the story of life in some way- and sometimes that contribution can leave an everlasting impression.

I am, and always will be, GuardianZack.
That's a long story.

When I was about nine, I realized from the moment I met her that I was in love. I know that probably sounds irrational to say, but even now when I look back, I can say that she was my first true experience with love. She wasn't the most popular girl, and I met her on the playground one day, several guys picking on her. I stood up for her, and decided that from then on, I would be her friend and protector. Every day for the next several years, I stuck by her, and defended her from those who decided to cause her trouble. One day, near the end of my middle school years, we had our first dance. I asked her to go with me, and she agreed, but then ended up telling me she couldn't because she had already promised someone else. When the dance finally rolled around, the guy she went with made passes at her, and she ended up coming to me and crying. At that point in time, I finally told her just how much she meant to me. She said that she felt the same way, but just never knew why we never mentioned it. I had my first dance and kiss with her.

Over the next year, we stayed in touch and spent our time together, and everything was great. But something kept bothering me. I knew that our middle school years were over, and that as we went into high school, we would be changing in many ways. It turns out that we would be going to entirely different schools, and meeting entirely new people. And being so young, I knew it would be hard for us to manage a relationship, also realizing how most adults wouldn't believe a bond such as ours could exist at our ages. I had no idea what to say or to do, so on the last day of middle school, I gave her a jewellery box with a set of earrings. I told her how much I cared about her, and for that to always represent our bond, but I just couldn't be with her. I told her that I loved her, but in order to move forward, I had to let that go. Although upset, she accepted my decision.

A few years later, I heard from one of my closest friends that she had been transferred to his school, and was dating some guy that treated her badly. From him, I was able to get back in touch with her through phone talks, and I can't tell you how overjoyed I was. I had found her again, and I wanted to tell her how sorry I was for ever letting her go, and that it was one of the worst decisions I had ever made. She went on to tell me things that I had never known about her life.

The first thing was- she was adopted. Her real parents abandoned her, and her adopted parents treated her worse. She told me how they would cuff her to the bathroom sink and abuse her. She told me how hard her life had been with these guys who took advantage of her and abused her, but that's all she ever really had known. She told me that she had attempted suicide several times, but was treated for mental illness and taken to the hospital each attempt. Finally, she told me that her life had been nothing but constant pain, and the only person she ever had whom she felt really cared, was me. I was totally beside myself, because I felt completely and entirely to blame for everything that happened to her during the course of her life. I apologized and explained to her that I still loved her, but I knew in my heart that my apologies could never mend the abandonment she felt from me. She admitted that she still loved me, too, but could never be with me; that trust in me and in all people had been ultimately shattered. That was the last time I spoke to her for many years.

So, skip forward several of those years. I went through unbelievable mental anguish for quite some time, until I finally came to realize what I was doing- it wasn't solving anything, nor could I change the past. I heard from that same friend, that she had tried to overdose herself and landed in a mental institution. I knew at that point there was nothing I could ever say or do, and it all just made me feel that much more helpless. I started shutting myself off for a long time, thinking about things, and in the process losing my friends. Most of them didn't even try to stick by me when I truly needed them, and I guess that others, I just drifted away from- including my best friend. After a long time in solitude, I finally decided to turn my life around, and dedicate my pain and wisdom to something more positive. I decided to start helping others as my sole purpose.

It was the end of my high-school years, so I began dedicating more time toward my new passion than ever. People from every quality of life imaginable began flocking to me, but one person stood out from the rest. There was one girl in particular, who felt suicidal and completely unloved, and she reminded me a lot of you-know-who. For several years we spent our days talking to each other, and I would give her insight that I had learned through the trials of others. I felt that she cared about me deeper than friendship could go, but to prevent history from repeating itself, I kept urging her to find someone and follow her dreams. Without ever asking how I truly felt about her, she took my advice, and I suppose that she understood why I took that route. When she finally had moved on past her problems and found happiness, she told me that she had always felt that I was looking out for her like a guardian angel. She was the one who deemed me GuardianZack. Sadly, I never really got a chance to say thank you, because her life got busy and, slowly but surely, I was forgotten.

But the name stuck.

I started using it as a screen-name, but then others began associating me with it everywhere I went, including offline. I continued to spread good, and to help every person I came in contact with, no matter how great or small the issue was. It became so much more than a screen-name, but represented my past and who I was as a person. People would refer to me as Guardian, even when they didn't know my first name; I even sign my name with Guardian instead of Mr. sometimes. It isn't just a nickname to me, but it's part of who I am.

Just a few years ago, I found her again. She had moved on to get engaged, have several kids, and told me that she was alone. I told her that I still loved her, and that I wanted to be with her. I'm not one to see or understand why marriage is so important, and although I don't want my own children as not to take up my time dedicated to the world, she was what spurned me on to begin with. I had been engaged before, because I knew it was important to the person I was with at the time as far as their religious beliefs were concerned, but that bond still meant nothing to me as a person. But finding her again- I wasn't about to let that go without doing everything in my power to show her just how much I did indeed love her, and with her, that bond truly meant something. I offered to marry her, and to be a father-figure to her children. She told me that she still loved me, and wanted to give it a chance.

For the next several months, I hardly had a chance to speak to her. She kept making excuses to avoid meeting me face-to-face, but kept promising that we would be together soon. That's when I found out she was already engaged. I found out through a friend of his, and according to him, she had been known to cheat and make drama in the lives of many men. She tried to apologize and make it all sound reasonable, but could no longer cover up her own faults. It took me until that point to realize that, all the way back to that first school dance and kiss, she had made promises while with someone else. She fed off of the drama, and in my guilt and shame, I had dedicated my life to helping other people in her honor. It took that blow to realize, I had been blaming myself for over a decade as to how her life had turned out, when her actions had little to do with me. The truth finally smacked me in the face, that no matter what I felt that I had done, she made her own choices in life, and undoubtedly used my feelings as a weapon all along. It hurt, but it finally set me free, also. I finally felt free of the pain I had accused myself of inflicting, and relieved myself of trying to protect the world as a means of making amends.

That is when I also realized my own selfishness.

All this time, I had been calling myself a Guardian, and using the problems of other people to make myself feel better about what I had put her through. I wasn't helping people out of love and compassion, I was doing it to mend my own wounds. I had to ask myself, was I any better than her? Through my new-found clarity, those wounds have long healed, yet the scars remain. Those scars remind me of my own imperfections, and how I used my power for personal gain. But I have to take my own advice, as I have told many people in the past:

"Mistakes are just wisdom in disguise. Instead of allowing your faults to push you into those same mistakes forever, learn from them. Nothing good can come from blaming yourself without forgiveness, but if you instead use that knowledge to forgive and better yourself, others can ultimately learn from that example."

Since then, I've began to change drastically. I no longer help people because it makes me feel better. I don't listen and take interest because it will somehow mend my past mistakes. I don't do it because I expect something in return, nor do I do it for god or morality's sake. I do it because it's part of who I am; it isn't what gives me purpose, but it is my purpose. And I just hope, that someday when I am gone, Guardian will remain as a reminder. Not as a reminder of my accomplishments and failures, or even me as an individual. I simply want people to never forget what my life stood for, and if that can continue to help people even long after I'm gone- use that wisdom. Remember to love people for the right reasons, and treat yourself with that same love. Remember to listen instead of always being heard, and try to understand where other people are coming from, because they have reasons for what they believe in just like everyone else. Remember to have respect and tolerance for all life, no matter how great or small, because everything has a purpose; in that way, we are all just as equally important in our existence, no matter how different those purposes may be.

So, you asked me what my user-name means. It's much more than that. I hope it gets people to stop and think, and all that I am will shine as a symbol of peace and compassion. We all have a guardian angel inside of us, and we make a difference in the lives of others, as they in turn do for us. It may be something subtle, or that you don't even realize, but we each help compose the story of life in some way- and sometimes that contribution can leave an everlasting impression.

I am, and always will be, GuardianZack.
Vizzed Elite


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 07-27-12
Location: Knoxville, TN
Last Post: 3798 days
Last Active: 3794 days

10-20-13 04:23 PM
Mr. Zed is Offline
| ID: 910943 | 35 Words

Mr. Zed
Level: 81


POSTS: 805/1811
POST EXP: 124151
LVL EXP: 4827135
CP: 2708.7
VIZ: 182711

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I just picked it because Zed is my favourite letter of the alphabet . It does not mean alot really I put Mr. at some of my usernames really . Just a habbit
I just picked it because Zed is my favourite letter of the alphabet . It does not mean alot really I put Mr. at some of my usernames really . Just a habbit
Trusted Member
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Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 07-01-13
Location: Lost .
Last Post: 2952 days
Last Active: 1286 days

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