This is a
true story!.

I will use fake names to protect peoples identities.

I do NOT write this because I want attention or people to feel sorry for me.

I write this simply because I think it can be good for people in the same
situation that I was in too see where the road they’re walking on is leading.
And also it always feels really good to write about something that has happened
to you, it makes you see everything clearly. I should probably warn you before
I start telling my story, that it may not be very appropriate for readers under
the age of 13, luckily this forum is age restricted.

One thing that I would like to say before I begin is also that English is not
my first language, so there may be a couple of grammar errors in this text, but
I hope you will be able to read it anyways. If there are any major errors
though, please tell me so that I will be able to correct them! ^^
I’ll start
off by telling you a bit about myself and how my life was around that time when
everything started. Or in fact, I’ll start even before that, it’ll make it
easier for you to see the whole picture.

I grew up with my mother, I have no siblings and my father left my mother
before I was born. I’ve never met my father and I honestly don’t know if I even
want to. I’ve lived in the capital of Sweden for my whole life, Stockholm. My
mother never had much money but we weren’t exactly poor, we always had enough
money to buy everything we needed and a little bit more than that. My childhood
was good, I was a really happy child back then. I didn’t have many friends but
I was happy anyways, I enjoyed playing by myself. I moved a lot when I was
little but, I never moved far, I always lived close to the city. When I was six
years old I started school, like all kids do. I had been looking forward to it,
but it didn’t live up to my expectations AT ALL. When I was six years old I
could, read, write, I could count to thousand and was generally really smart. I
found that school was really boring, no challenges and I didn’t learn a thing.
Luckily I went directly from class zero to second grade, I already knew
everything (and more) that you had to do in first grade. So I didn’t have to go
there at all. Because of that I was a whole year younger than the other kids.

In my new class I got bullied for two years, in fourth grade I finally got
friends and I became that happy kid I originally was again.

Two years later I moved a bit outside Stockholm (where I still live), and due
to that I had to switch schools. The school I switched to was in a really snobbish
neighbourhood, and the kids there were snobby. I got bullied from the first day
because I didn’t look like a rich person, I wasn’t living in a villa and I didn’t
have much money. The whole school hated or feared me, and the ones who didn’t
bully me, completely ignored me. I was treated like an infectious disease. Even
by the teachers!

I don’t know how but I managed to go to that school for almost two and a half
years! I didn’t tell my mother about how bad it was, instead I hid it as much
as possible. I became depressed, and I stopped talking, I trusted no one and I
wanted to die.

On the first term of the eighth grade I stopped going to school completely. My
mother understood that something was seriously wrong and told my teacher that I
was sick and let me stay at home.

It was by now it all started. I was 13, it was exactly two years ago.
By this
time there lived a girl in my house called Carla. Carla and I played a lot when
I was younger and had just moved there, she was one year older than me and one
of my best friends.

When I stopped going to school I started hanging out with Carla every day, when
her school had ended for the day. We started smoking cigarettes and we also
begun stealing beers from the local grocery stores. Neither mine nor her mother
knew anything about what we were doing. One Friday evening we decided to go to
a youth club together. There we met those guys that were like 16 or 17 years
old, they were really “cool”. They smoked cigarettes, drank booze every
weekend, went to cool parties and much more.

Me and Carla was really interested of those guys and we exchanged phone number
with them, and decided to meet up soon.

After that, me and Carla started seeing those guys, and one of them became my
boyfriend (I didn’t even like him :/)

My boyfriend introduced me to these two other guys called Mike and James. Mike
and James seemed like really nice guys and they owned their own apartment,
really close to where I live. I now know that these two were the biggest drug
dealers in my area, both well known to the police. None of them could  speak Swedish so I had to speak English when
talking to them. They were from Nigeria I think and the had escaped to Sweden illegally,
they also told me that they were 25 and 28 years old, witch I now think is a
lie.

One day I had a huge fight with my mother so I decided to run away from home
(note that the relation between me and my mother became really bad at this
time).

I ran home to Mike and James and they said they were really happy to see me. My
plan was to just stay there for one night and then head back home, I just
wanted to give my mom a warning, I wanted her to miss me.

The next day I woke up with a horrible headache (I had been drinking a lot the
day before). I asked Mike for aspirin or something that would make me feel
better. Me made me a cup of tea and said that he’d put the aspirin in the tea,
he told me to drink. I trusted him so I thanked him and drank the whole cup.
After a while I began feeling strange, I realized that my body was paralyzed. I
was wide awake, but I couldn’t move. I told Mike and James that I felt weird,
but they didn’t respond. They rolled up a joint and smoked it. After finishing the
joint they turned over to me and started taking my clothes off. I asked what
they were doing, and I told them to stop, I told them I wanted to go home, I
told them I was a virgin, I told them it hurt, but they didn’t stop.  All I could do was just lay there, unable to
move, crying and begging them to stop.
Together those two bastards destroyed something I will never get back.

The day after that, I finally managed to go home, I thanked them for letting me
stay there and I walked home.
When I came
home my mother was really mad, she yelled at me and told me that she didn’t
care if I came home ever again. I was tired and all I wanted to do was take a
shower and go to sleep, I didn’t tell my mother what had happened. In my
confused mind I didn’t even realize what they had done to me. It felt like it
hadn’t happen d to me, everything felt unreal. I took me a whole week to fully
understand what had happened those two days. I felt like it was all my fault
and I didn’t tell anyone except Carla, who promised not to tell anyone. After
what had happened, I broke up with my ‘’boyfriend’’ and didn’t meet any of
those older guys ever again. This was one week before my 14th
birthday.
A few days
after my birthday I started in a new school, it was the second term of eighth
grade. But after the incident I felt like nothing mattered anymore, like I didn’t
care whether I was alive or dead. I wanted to get drunk and happy, I hated
school and I hated everyone. I went to the new school a couple of times but
soon I gave up.

I started hanging out on a place called Sergels Torg in Stockholm Central.
Basically it’s in the middle of the city, and it’s also a place known for being
a place with many drug dealers. But aside from the drug dealers a certain group
of youths hang out there too, mostly emos, kids with a bad home or no home at
all or just people who are different. I started hanging out there every day and
made many friends. Many of these kids have drug problems and everyone smokes
cigarettes and drinks alcohol.  

This is where everything went straight to hell.
I stopped
going to school, I stopped going home, I lived with my new friends or where
ever I wanted. This was in April 2012 I think.

So much stuff happened that summer and most of it I don’t even remember. I got
drunk every day, I slept with random guys all the time, I did so many crazy
things. I didn’t have money so I stole whatever I needed, food, clothes,
underwear. I also started stealing more expensive stuff, which I could sell for
money. In July 2012 I met this girl called Hannah, our lives were very similar,
and our personalities too, we became best friends from the day we met. She was
one year younger then me.

Hannah introduced me to weed. Me and her started smoking every day.  I have almost no memories at all from the time
between July and the end of October, I was high 24/7.  Basically the only thing I remember is that every
day, me and Hannah woke up around 1p.m and went for a “weed hunt” which meant
that we went out trying to get weed somehow, and when we did, we headed home. I
saw so much weird stuff and met so much weird people during that time. I’ve
learned a lot from it, but sometimes all the sad things I’ve seen really brings
me down. At this time I also stated taking random pills people gave to me, I
would take anything anyone gave to me.

In the beginning of October I moved to a foster family. I started going to
school again, I still met Hannah every day, but since the foster family gave me
money, it was easier than ever to get drugs. Of course this didn’t work out
long at all, I still hated school and the family I live with suspected that
something were wrong. Three weeks later, I packed my bags, and walked out the
door. I moved in with Hannah again. We continued to live like we’d done before,
and on the first on November, it was my mothers birthday. I didn’t even know what
day it was until around 5p.m, I was high as Mount Everest when I hurried home,
ate cake with her, told her “happy birthday” and then two hours later I said
goodbye. That is the one thing I’ve done that I regret the most.
In December
I was placed in a rehab 90 miles outside Stockholm. I lived there for four
months, I spent both New Year’s Eve and my birthday locked up in there.

When winter break was over, I started going to a school in the small village
near the rehab. I still hated school so I never attended the classes, instead I
used the school as an opportunity to get drugs. I came to know all the drug
dealers in the village, and got what I needed from them. No one at the rehab
noticed what I was doing. After three months I became really tired of that
place and I started to run away for a night or two really often. I tried new
drugs all the time. And finally I wasn’t allowed to go outside the rehab, they
suspected I was using drugs and wouldn’t let me out of sight. I became really
depressed, and I started cutting myself more than I had ever done before. I
also tried to take my life. After that my mother forced them to let me move
home again, she wanted me back!
In the end
of March 2013 I moved home again.

It took two weeks before I started seeing Hannah again. She told me that from
now on we should stop being at Sergels Torg and stop doing all drugs except
weed. I agreed with her.

We hanged out everyday this whole summer smoking weed  every single day, my mother didn’t notice a
thing. But for about three months ago my mother wanted me to do a drug test. I
didn’t want to raise her suspicions so I agreed and, I thought that I could
stop smoking weed for a few weeks and then do it again, when she wouldn’t be
suspicions anymore.

But after doing the first test I changed my mind, I wanted this to end, I
wanted to have a good relationship with my mother. So I inactivated my facebook
account and changed telephone number without telling anyone. I started my new
life three months ago and so far I haven’t felt like using drugs at all. I’m
happier than ever before. And even though all the memories of the past is still
there, I feel like I can use them for the good instead. I can help people who
is in the same situation I was.
If you have
any questions feel free to ask. I don’t easily get offended so it’s fine. ^^

.... wow.

You are some brave for expressing all of that. That is quite the story, and I know it can help a lot of people.

I thought your life had been terrible when you met "Mike" and "James" and they did the unthinkable to you... but then the whole segment about Sergels Torg made my jaw drop.

I can't tell you how happy I am that someone who has been where you have been, and through what you have been through is now happily clean and starting a good life. I mean you are 15!!! That just blows my mind.

Your life story is sad a times, but very inspirational. You are at a point in your life now that you can be whoever you want to be. You have seen rock bottom, and now have a chance to become a powerful woman who can help people who are still down there.

Some things I can hardly believe, like how you were raped at 13... just sick. How at 14 there are many guys who would sleep with you... I always KNEW that it existed, I've seen movies, read books, but to hear it from someone who is now on vizzed is quite a shock.

How are things with your mom now? Does she know everything? And are you able to enjoy school a little now?

Anyway, thanks for posting this, I now have a lot of respect for you.

Light Knight : Thank you for your kind words, they almost brought me to tears >w<
It is quite a shocking story I guess, but compared to people I've met who is my age it's nothing at all. My life has been the life of a princess compared to others I know, that thought is probably what has kept me from giving up. I wanted to commit suicide after getting raped but I stopped feeling sad for my self when I heard other peoples stories. It could have been so much worse. I used to think that really horrible things like these (and much worse) almost never happened, but now I know that it happens all the time, it happens everywhere. And when it happens to you it's really hard to understand, you keep thinking ''it's a misunderstandings, ''of course it would never happen to me'' and stuff like that. I think that's the main reason that people don't report everything to the police. You don't want it to happen to you, so you tell yourself that it's all a misunderstanding, and eventually the lie becomes reality.

Me and my mom have a better relationship today than we've had in YEARS! It feels so good, for like 5 years all we've been doing is fighting and finally it's over! I still feel so bad for all the pain I've caused her, and I will probably always do. 
And yes I still hate school, but it's my last year now (I'm repeating ninth grade) and I just have to do it, it's less then a year and then it's over. I have to keep going, I want to feel proud of my self when this year is over. I want to be able to talk with people my age about my good grades (unlike last year).  I've set my mind to this and I know that I'm able to do it! I'll be going to a school really near where I live soon and I'm looking forward to it ^^

The only bad thing I've experienced those past three months is that I don't have any friends at all anymore. I have absolutely no one to talk to (except my mother of course). And that's why I'm really happy that I've found Vizzed, it has been the only place for me to get to talk with other people since then and I've had a really good time on here!

I have one question. Did you ever tell your mother about all this? If so, what was her reaction?

At any rate, I admire your courage for sharing this with us. This is quite a sobering story, that's for sure.

Chewedmint : I've told her most of it by now, it was really hard though, but it was for the best. I don't want to hide it from her anymore.

Well, I'm glad you have a good relationship with your mother now. I lost mine to cancer over 9 years ago; it's tough to have to grow up without a mother.

Chewedmint : Aw man, I'm sorry to hear that! I'm really happy that my mother is alive! 

Oddie : I commend you for coming out.  I had a lot of problems that I had to fess up to my parents about, but I felt better after I did.  They still don't completely understand me, nor do I think they want to, but they have tried to do so much to accommodate me and help me with my addictions and issues, especially my mom.  She has helped me so much, but has been a bit too forceful at times.  I'm not sure what to do about that, but at least our relationship is better.

Another one of these stories... these stories make me hurt so deeply inside.  I'm so sorry for all you've been through 0ddie.... especially at such a young age.  When I read stories like yours, I feel so horrible for being discontent with my own life.  I almost feel guilty for complaining about things like a tough boss, or uncooperative students.

You're the third person I know on vizzed to have such a story. It sickens me to know that people in this world are so awful, and it makes me sad to hear about SOOOOO many YOUNG kids getting addicted to drugs at such a young age. I NEVER see anything positive come of it, so I'll never understand why there are people that advocate the use of drugs for recreational purposes.  All I've ever seen from drug use ..... is the countless number of lives it destroys.  The innumerable amount of hearts broken and people abused.

Thank you for sharing this with us, as sad as it is.  I'm extremely proud of you for coming clean about it and trying to move your life in a more positive direction. Those friends you're making on vizzed?  Keep them CLOSE. If you ever feel weak, turn to them IMMEDIATELY and let them be your strength.  Sometimes we have to swallow our pride and realize we can't handle the pressure on our own. If you need the support to keep going strong, never hesitate to ask for it!

Singelli : Oh my *wipes tears* your comment really made me feel very touched. Thank you so much for caring. 
And you really shouldn't feel bad for being discontent with your life some times. I believe that if a problem is important to you, it means that it really is important. Every time you complain or cry over something you shouldn't be like ''think of all the starving kids, this is nothing compared to that'', if you feel sad about something, then you have the right to do that. Please do me a favor and don't feel guilty for that reason!

0ddie : I'm sure you will make some friends when you move to your new school. Vizzed is great, but it's nice to have people to spend time with in real life too.

I have been thinking about your life story all day... it makes me so happy to know you have come clean on your own accord and are staying close to your family.

So in your country, high school finishes at grade 9? What is next?

Light Knight : Yup. I hope so too! I can barely wait to get there and meet new people and learn stuff again! 
I don't know what the English word is really but according to google translate (which is not very trust able) next up is ''secondary school''. I'll be going there for three whole years and than I can choose between either start working or go to university.

...just wow... Just reading that makes me feel bad for complaining about my life...

I am so sorry for what you went through. But knowing you will keep on fighting makes me happy. I am sure you are a strong person now.
I hope you are a lot better now.

I'm so sorry for what happen to you. Sometimes it makes me think, the same thing could have happen to me if I made just 1 mistake....

I'm glad that you are changing for the better now, and you "keep on fighting". If you ever need anyone or anything, just let me know and I will be there for you.