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generalspleen
07-09-13 03:36 PM
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A tragic life

 

07-09-13 03:36 PM
generalspleen is Offline
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| ID: 840786 | 349 Words

generalspleen
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Hello there again vizzed community It is I general spleen here with another poem. Now this poem is an original like the others I posted but this one particular poem I got paid to do by this person right here:
Zeross121:
He asked me to make a poem for him for his own personal desires or whatever the reason may be. Anyways so I have completed said poem ad here it is for all to see!!! I hope you enjoy it. I call it... A Tragic Life. Enjoy
Depressing thoughts cloud his mind,
Death is closing in from behind,
His plea to live has been declined,
His dead body is what you will find.

All of his life he has lived in this hell,
He has been trapped for so long inside his cell,
This man before you has lived so long in his shell.
The problems in his life he has no one to tell.

Everything around him has gone down the drain.
He is surrounded by fiery rain.
He is tired of living life with all of his pain,
But he is too scared to put a bullet through his brain.

He drops the gun and his eyes swell with tears.
He sits in his chair and chugs a few beers,
Trying to forget his sorrow and his fears.
He gets in his car and dies from a deer.
Zeross121: I hope this is what you were looking for
And to everyone else if you guys would like me to make a poem for you guys I have a seperate thread where you can make your requests. I hope you all enjoyed this poem even though its dark. It's what zeross121 asked for basically I shall be posting more poems soon. If that's what you all want me to do then let me know when you comment on my poems. You guys motivate and encourage me to keep writing. And let me know if u have a personal request in my other thread. This is general spleen signing out. Bieeeeee!!!!
Thank you very much and have a blessed day
Hello there again vizzed community It is I general spleen here with another poem. Now this poem is an original like the others I posted but this one particular poem I got paid to do by this person right here:
Zeross121:
He asked me to make a poem for him for his own personal desires or whatever the reason may be. Anyways so I have completed said poem ad here it is for all to see!!! I hope you enjoy it. I call it... A Tragic Life. Enjoy
Depressing thoughts cloud his mind,
Death is closing in from behind,
His plea to live has been declined,
His dead body is what you will find.

All of his life he has lived in this hell,
He has been trapped for so long inside his cell,
This man before you has lived so long in his shell.
The problems in his life he has no one to tell.

Everything around him has gone down the drain.
He is surrounded by fiery rain.
He is tired of living life with all of his pain,
But he is too scared to put a bullet through his brain.

He drops the gun and his eyes swell with tears.
He sits in his chair and chugs a few beers,
Trying to forget his sorrow and his fears.
He gets in his car and dies from a deer.
Zeross121: I hope this is what you were looking for
And to everyone else if you guys would like me to make a poem for you guys I have a seperate thread where you can make your requests. I hope you all enjoyed this poem even though its dark. It's what zeross121 asked for basically I shall be posting more poems soon. If that's what you all want me to do then let me know when you comment on my poems. You guys motivate and encourage me to keep writing. And let me know if u have a personal request in my other thread. This is general spleen signing out. Bieeeeee!!!!
Thank you very much and have a blessed day


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(edited by generalspleen on 07-09-13 03:40 PM)    

07-09-13 04:13 PM
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HAHAHA Brilliant Sir Spleen brilliant ! Hilarious, dark and deadly. Exactly what I was looking for, Thank you Sir Spleen !
HAHAHA Brilliant Sir Spleen brilliant ! Hilarious, dark and deadly. Exactly what I was looking for, Thank you Sir Spleen !


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07-09-13 04:15 PM
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Mohammedroxx3
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Uhh. . . Um. . . Wow, this is an amazing poem alright. And the really amazing thing here is that you were able to describe anyone with great rhythm and characteristics. 

I look forward to your future poems man!
Uhh. . . Um. . . Wow, this is an amazing poem alright. And the really amazing thing here is that you were able to describe anyone with great rhythm and characteristics. 

I look forward to your future poems man!

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07-09-13 04:29 PM
generalspleen is Offline
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generalspleen
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zeross121 : your quite welcome good sir? If you have anymore requests just post it in my request thread and we can discuss more business there
Mohammedroxx3: could you possibly explain what you meant in your post? I don't understand what you are trying to say about the poem. Thanks in advance
Thank you very much and have a blessed day
zeross121 : your quite welcome good sir? If you have anymore requests just post it in my request thread and we can discuss more business there
Mohammedroxx3: could you possibly explain what you meant in your post? I don't understand what you are trying to say about the poem. Thanks in advance
Thank you very much and have a blessed day


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07-10-13 10:21 PM
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Wow. I did not see the ending coming. lol It was, of course, well written. Keep it up, man. It's been too long since I read a poem by you, so hopefully I find more from you soon.
Wow. I did not see the ending coming. lol It was, of course, well written. Keep it up, man. It's been too long since I read a poem by you, so hopefully I find more from you soon.

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07-10-13 10:47 PM
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I was a little surprised by the ending, I wasn't expecting it. But this is a really great poem, you had really good poetic elements, and I think that it is a nice extra when you can make rhyme possible in your poem, it is a nice little extra bonus that i think makes the poem even better. You made it dark and dreary and I think that is cool because not all poems or life in general is rainbows and butterflies. So very good job with this, this is amazing, keep it up and keep on writing! This was a great read!
I was a little surprised by the ending, I wasn't expecting it. But this is a really great poem, you had really good poetic elements, and I think that it is a nice extra when you can make rhyme possible in your poem, it is a nice little extra bonus that i think makes the poem even better. You made it dark and dreary and I think that is cool because not all poems or life in general is rainbows and butterflies. So very good job with this, this is amazing, keep it up and keep on writing! This was a great read!

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07-11-13 05:15 PM
generalspleen is Offline
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generalspleen
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mohammedroxx3 : I guess my summons didn't work lol. I'm still trying to figure what you were trying to say in your post about my poem. I've been trying to figure it out but can't. Please help? Thank you
Eirinn: Thank you very much!!! Haha yeah it has been awhile hasn't it? I posted one a little earlier today and plan on posting another one either tomorrow or this weekend so you can look forward to those lol.
Razor-987: Haha yeah I wasn't really expecting the ending myself to be honest. It was the best choice that rhymed I guess. And thanks for the input. I really appreciate it
Thank you very much and have a blessed day
mohammedroxx3 : I guess my summons didn't work lol. I'm still trying to figure what you were trying to say in your post about my poem. I've been trying to figure it out but can't. Please help? Thank you
Eirinn: Thank you very much!!! Haha yeah it has been awhile hasn't it? I posted one a little earlier today and plan on posting another one either tomorrow or this weekend so you can look forward to those lol.
Razor-987: Haha yeah I wasn't really expecting the ending myself to be honest. It was the best choice that rhymed I guess. And thanks for the input. I really appreciate it
Thank you very much and have a blessed day


Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.
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07-11-13 05:22 PM
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generalspleen : I meant that you described the person in your poem. Plus it had great rhythm and it's very interesting to read.

Great job man, keep up the good work with your poems!  

Eirinn :

Razor-987 :

Summon failed.
generalspleen : I meant that you described the person in your poem. Plus it had great rhythm and it's very interesting to read.

Great job man, keep up the good work with your poems!  

Eirinn :

Razor-987 :

Summon failed.

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07-11-13 05:36 PM
generalspleen is Offline
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generalspleen
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mohammedroxx3 : Thank you for summoning them. I can't summon properly like I used to on my phone I guess. And thank you for explaining what you meant. And I also made a new poem if you want to check it out. It's called scars. Let me know what you think of it. 
Thank you very much and have a blessed day
mohammedroxx3 : Thank you for summoning them. I can't summon properly like I used to on my phone I guess. And thank you for explaining what you meant. And I also made a new poem if you want to check it out. It's called scars. Let me know what you think of it. 
Thank you very much and have a blessed day


Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.
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07-11-13 07:45 PM
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No problem man, it was really awesome and I feel the need to recognize good work and put it out there, your poem had all of the essential poetic elements and I think you tied it all in very nicely and you made a very nice awesome poem. It is absolutely no problem by recognizing your talent for writing. Keep up the awesome work and keep writing!
No problem man, it was really awesome and I feel the need to recognize good work and put it out there, your poem had all of the essential poetic elements and I think you tied it all in very nicely and you made a very nice awesome poem. It is absolutely no problem by recognizing your talent for writing. Keep up the awesome work and keep writing!

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