Nerd, In the Eye of the Beholder


Beep , Beep, Beep! The alarm rings loudly. “Awwwwg is it
6:30 already? I have to get ready for school.” He steps over a large Dungeons
and Dragons board that is set up in the middle of his bedroom floor and grabs
some clothing from the dresser. “Allen, are you almost ready for school?” “Yes
mom. I just have to get my backpack!” Allen opens up his backpack and takes a
look. It seems to be full of trading cards, school books, and video games. “Ok
I’m coming!” Allen yells down to his mom. “Ok you better hurry your friends are
waiting outside for you.” He runs down the stairs. His friends stand in the
door way. Scratchy the tall thin kid, Jack the “king of card games” a kid that
spends every second of the day thinking about or playing any card game he can
get his hands on, and DD the odd ball of any group. “We have to get going dude!
We are going to be late for school.” DD says. On the way to school the friends
walk the same path they always walk past the same stores they always see. “Hey
nerds, come here and give me your money!” “Oh no Allen its Cooper.” Cooper is
the local bully at the high school they attend. He is the team leader of the
football team and a total jerk. “We need to find a place to hide! My butt still
hasn't recovered from the last wedgie that ape gave me.” Scratchy said to the
group. They take off running. They know that Cooper can run much faster then
they can. “We need to find a place to hide!” They see a store that wasn’t there
the day before. They run into the strange looking building. Its dark and dusty
and has a off putting smell. They duck down and watch Cooper run by. “Where did
those nerds go?” breathe a sigh of relief. An old man with a long white beard
and a rope that looks like it could have been worn by Merlin himself. “What are
you kids doing here?” Allen answers “We were just trying to.” His sentence was
cut short. “I see what you are here for! You are here for this game, are you
not?” The old man walks past the many strange objects In the store and picks up
a video game console. “What kind of console is that? I don’t look like anything
I have ever seen before.”  Jack asks the
man. “Is it made by Sega or maybe Nintendo?” The old man looks up. “Ohhh no it
is not made by Sega or Nintendo.”  He
chuckles to himself. “This is a very special system and I have a game perfect
for you kids!” He runs back over to where he got the console and begins digging
through shelves looking for a game.  “
Here it is!”  He brings the game over to
them. It looks like an RPG from the box art. “We don’t have any money.” Allen
says to the man. “Don’t worry it is on the house. Take it and go home and give
it a try.” The old man says. “We have to go to school.” They say. “Take a look
at the clock boys, its already 4. School is over for today.” Allen thinks. “Wow
have we really been here that long?” They all go back to Allen’s house to play
the new game. They plug the console in and pop in the game. “Cool it is an RPG!”
They each create a character and hit the start. The floor shakes, the walls
flex, the lights flicker. “What is going on.” Everything goes black. When they
all come to they are shocked to see that they are in the game!


Part 1.
Go easy on the story. It is my very first try on writing any
kind of story. If anyone likes it I will write the rest of it if not then this
will be it.

Late reply lol

Dude, you have to write another now! I'm curious what happened next. xD
It's pretty good, man. It jumps straight to the point, but then again, it's a short story; It's supposed to.

Let me know when you make a new installment!

I'm getting into your story, but it has problems. Some of the order of your writing is against tradition, such as how you put "Allen answers “We were just trying to.”" It would normally be the other way around. You also need to put a lot more commas in there else the sentences are a little hard to read. Lastly, and less than important is that it is a huge block of text. There are prime points where you can break for a new paragraph. That has no impact on the writing but just makes it easier to read.

As a story though, it is a good beginning and I am looking forward to the next part. Also, I find your title a little confusing.

GenesisJunkie : Hey, man! What's up? . . .

This was really good! You kept me hooked the whole way through! JACK SOUNDS LIKE ME. This story was really well written and I thoroughly enjoyed it! I'm curious & anxious to see what happens next! Short stories are so much better than normal ones. 

Like Eirinn, let me know when you write the next part!

GenesisJunkie : Good story keep it up! right another bit and i will read it too!

Cool Story, I enjoyed reading your Story, Keep it up and I can't wait for Part 2!

wow.....its so cool! Please write part 2!