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12-20-12 09:38 PM
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How to not be a pushover?

 

12-20-12 09:38 PM
Resuri is Offline
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Lately, I haven't been depressed, but it seems like I dont even care about anything. Maybe it could be depression, but I've noticed that I have been becoming a bit of a pushover. I've even had people point it out lately.... Its irritating because I dont want people to feel like they could just take control of me. I just... I feel like I'm surrounded by morons and its just easier to do what they tell me than to deal with their stupidity. Is that bad? Ugh, Any tips on how to be more assertive? >~<
Lately, I haven't been depressed, but it seems like I dont even care about anything. Maybe it could be depression, but I've noticed that I have been becoming a bit of a pushover. I've even had people point it out lately.... Its irritating because I dont want people to feel like they could just take control of me. I just... I feel like I'm surrounded by morons and its just easier to do what they tell me than to deal with their stupidity. Is that bad? Ugh, Any tips on how to be more assertive? >~<
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12-20-12 11:08 PM
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Honestly?  That's a really hard issue to deal with it.  I know, because I've been that way for years... in fact, for most of my life.  When I first started teaching, I got RAN over because I'm such a pushover.  It stressed me out to extremes I cannot even explain. It was horribly depressing and wasn't good for my health.  I STILL don't know quite how to fix the problem, though I've gotten better at dealing with it.

I guess you just have to come to a point where you realize you have to take care of yourself.  I don't know how that realization comes about, but it's the only thing that made me start to be a little more assertive.  That, and having someone put pressure on you to put your foot down.  For example, if you have any friends, tell them of your issue, and ask them to help you.  For example, let's say you're in the cafeteria in line and someone cuts in front of you.  Although you might be inclined to grumble and do nothing about it.... a friend could say "No, we're not going to let this happen.  Take your spot back.  It was yours."  ((I don't mean someone that's going to aggravate or encourage you into a fight.... so please don't take it that way.  LOL))
Honestly?  That's a really hard issue to deal with it.  I know, because I've been that way for years... in fact, for most of my life.  When I first started teaching, I got RAN over because I'm such a pushover.  It stressed me out to extremes I cannot even explain. It was horribly depressing and wasn't good for my health.  I STILL don't know quite how to fix the problem, though I've gotten better at dealing with it.

I guess you just have to come to a point where you realize you have to take care of yourself.  I don't know how that realization comes about, but it's the only thing that made me start to be a little more assertive.  That, and having someone put pressure on you to put your foot down.  For example, if you have any friends, tell them of your issue, and ask them to help you.  For example, let's say you're in the cafeteria in line and someone cuts in front of you.  Although you might be inclined to grumble and do nothing about it.... a friend could say "No, we're not going to let this happen.  Take your spot back.  It was yours."  ((I don't mean someone that's going to aggravate or encourage you into a fight.... so please don't take it that way.  LOL))
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12-22-12 07:08 PM
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Singelli : I would have never pictured you to be a push over! You seem like the really out going, assertive type of person.^^
But you're so right! I guess, it is something that I have to learn on my own. At least, I'm  glad break is finally here so I dont have to deal with the tards from school. c:
Singelli : I would have never pictured you to be a push over! You seem like the really out going, assertive type of person.^^
But you're so right! I guess, it is something that I have to learn on my own. At least, I'm  glad break is finally here so I dont have to deal with the tards from school. c:
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12-22-12 11:46 PM
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I wish I could help. I think that I used to be a pushover but over time I just stopped. I mean, I'll still help others, even if I have to go out of my way to do it, but I don't feel like a pushover. I would say that having confidence in yourself would help alleviate that. 
I wish I could help. I think that I used to be a pushover but over time I just stopped. I mean, I'll still help others, even if I have to go out of my way to do it, but I don't feel like a pushover. I would say that having confidence in yourself would help alleviate that. 
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12-24-12 11:52 AM
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Start saying no to people.  Say no and stand your ground.  If you're afraid of conflict, you won't have a very happy life.  Conflict happens all the time.  Practice "No."

Once you get used to it, you'll be fine.  It takes effort.
Start saying no to people.  Say no and stand your ground.  If you're afraid of conflict, you won't have a very happy life.  Conflict happens all the time.  Practice "No."

Once you get used to it, you'll be fine.  It takes effort.
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01-11-13 10:28 AM
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This Thread Should Get A Little more Attention.

With all the silly crap I see on the news I think the new generation of kids can learn a thing or two form the rest. So why not give it up folks? What do you have to loose?
Honestly?
A person just asked how to be Tuff-er than the "norm". And everyone gets quiet?

I learned a little trick that helps me still to this day.

My sister once came to my door asking for help raising her child.
Everything I have done since is a direct result of thinking about being accountable for another person.
Every Day.
"I Think of the baby that I was asked to take charge of. The Rest Is Easy."
How About The Rest Of You Out There?

What Makes A Person TUFF?

Good Luck To All.
Peace.
This Thread Should Get A Little more Attention.

With all the silly crap I see on the news I think the new generation of kids can learn a thing or two form the rest. So why not give it up folks? What do you have to loose?
Honestly?
A person just asked how to be Tuff-er than the "norm". And everyone gets quiet?

I learned a little trick that helps me still to this day.

My sister once came to my door asking for help raising her child.
Everything I have done since is a direct result of thinking about being accountable for another person.
Every Day.
"I Think of the baby that I was asked to take charge of. The Rest Is Easy."
How About The Rest Of You Out There?

What Makes A Person TUFF?

Good Luck To All.
Peace.
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01-23-13 08:49 PM
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It is all up to you. You just need to stand up for yourselves. Heck even snap if you have to just do not let people kick you around fight back a little.
It is all up to you. You just need to stand up for yourselves. Heck even snap if you have to just do not let people kick you around fight back a little.
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02-07-13 05:57 PM
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Fallman 
orionfoxgibson 
7
warmaker
 NotJon

Thanks you guys for posting! x3 

Ahha, I guess, I did needed to step up and stand up for myself. I actually took some time to reflect on this. I feel now that I understand myself better and what I was going trough wasn't really that I was becoming a 'pushover' but it was more that I was developing severe "learn helplessness".

 ~~Learned helplessness occurs when an animal is repeatedly subjected to an aversive stimulus that it cannot escape. Eventually, the animal will stop trying to avoid the stimulus and behave as if it is utterly helpless to change the situation..Even when opportunities to escape are presented, this learned helplessness will prevent any action. ~~
Compared to being a pushover:
   ~~~ A person who is easy to overcome or influence.
   A thing easily done.~~

It was not so much that I was being easily influenced by others, but, it was more of me feeling like there was no escape and no point in trying to even bother with them. You see, the people at my school are just on the high scale of being morons and its so frustrating dealing with that, that I guess I was learning that there was no use in trying to go against their demands or debating over what they think is correct which goes to learn helplessness. Now that I know about this, I have become a bit more sociable and happier for that matter. ^^




Fallman 
orionfoxgibson 
7
warmaker
 NotJon

Thanks you guys for posting! x3 

Ahha, I guess, I did needed to step up and stand up for myself. I actually took some time to reflect on this. I feel now that I understand myself better and what I was going trough wasn't really that I was becoming a 'pushover' but it was more that I was developing severe "learn helplessness".

 ~~Learned helplessness occurs when an animal is repeatedly subjected to an aversive stimulus that it cannot escape. Eventually, the animal will stop trying to avoid the stimulus and behave as if it is utterly helpless to change the situation..Even when opportunities to escape are presented, this learned helplessness will prevent any action. ~~
Compared to being a pushover:
   ~~~ A person who is easy to overcome or influence.
   A thing easily done.~~

It was not so much that I was being easily influenced by others, but, it was more of me feeling like there was no escape and no point in trying to even bother with them. You see, the people at my school are just on the high scale of being morons and its so frustrating dealing with that, that I guess I was learning that there was no use in trying to go against their demands or debating over what they think is correct which goes to learn helplessness. Now that I know about this, I have become a bit more sociable and happier for that matter. ^^




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02-07-13 10:12 PM
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I know where you're coming from. A lot of times it's easier to just agree with an idiot than to tell them why they're wrong. But they'll never really learn that way.


One thing that's hardest to overcome is the fear of being rude or hurting someone's feelings. It sucks when a friend asks you to do something that you don't want to or just can't do for some reason, but occasionally you just need to say no. And sometimes you need to be completely blunt about it, especially if they keep harping on you for the same thing.

Just be sure to explain your reasons for not wanting to do something, or why you think a certain thing. Be prepared to back yourself up. And if someone starts trying to berate you, just walk away. Just say, "Okay, we're done here." and leave. They'll get the picture.
I know where you're coming from. A lot of times it's easier to just agree with an idiot than to tell them why they're wrong. But they'll never really learn that way.


One thing that's hardest to overcome is the fear of being rude or hurting someone's feelings. It sucks when a friend asks you to do something that you don't want to or just can't do for some reason, but occasionally you just need to say no. And sometimes you need to be completely blunt about it, especially if they keep harping on you for the same thing.

Just be sure to explain your reasons for not wanting to do something, or why you think a certain thing. Be prepared to back yourself up. And if someone starts trying to berate you, just walk away. Just say, "Okay, we're done here." and leave. They'll get the picture.
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02-08-13 04:46 PM
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Well, dont know if this helps but when I was younger in a crowd that was talking, people totally ignored what I tried to say and they just started talking on top of me like I was not even there. For some time (years maybe) I was like "oh okay, sorry I excist". Then I got fed up with it and if somebody tried to talk over what I had to say like that, I would just raise my voice. And if they continued I would just yell "excuse me, I was talking over here!!!" And after awhile it did not happen again.

BUT!!! I also try to this day make sure I will never ever do it to anyone else either.
Well, dont know if this helps but when I was younger in a crowd that was talking, people totally ignored what I tried to say and they just started talking on top of me like I was not even there. For some time (years maybe) I was like "oh okay, sorry I excist". Then I got fed up with it and if somebody tried to talk over what I had to say like that, I would just raise my voice. And if they continued I would just yell "excuse me, I was talking over here!!!" And after awhile it did not happen again.

BUT!!! I also try to this day make sure I will never ever do it to anyone else either.
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03-05-13 04:46 PM
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Very simple solution. Have a switch. Be able to go from 0 to Batcrap in 3 seconds.

But honestly:

You don't have to be a jerk to everyone. You can be nice and do nice things for people. But never let them mistake your kindness for weakness. You do this by recognizing people taking advantage of you and  to not let people who talk smack rattle you. Most people that need to take advantage of/make fun of others are really just insecure with themselves.  When someone does this. Pull them aside and tell them exactly how you feel. Most people do not realize that they say or do things that are making you upset. If they continue being a moron... Let them. They are not worth your time and effort anyways.

In the words of Malcolm X: Be polite, courteous. and respectful but if someone lays a hand on you. Put them on the ground,.
Very simple solution. Have a switch. Be able to go from 0 to Batcrap in 3 seconds.

But honestly:

You don't have to be a jerk to everyone. You can be nice and do nice things for people. But never let them mistake your kindness for weakness. You do this by recognizing people taking advantage of you and  to not let people who talk smack rattle you. Most people that need to take advantage of/make fun of others are really just insecure with themselves.  When someone does this. Pull them aside and tell them exactly how you feel. Most people do not realize that they say or do things that are making you upset. If they continue being a moron... Let them. They are not worth your time and effort anyways.

In the words of Malcolm X: Be polite, courteous. and respectful but if someone lays a hand on you. Put them on the ground,.
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04-30-13 05:50 PM
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Just stay firm and stand on your position on the topic. I f it is something serious then by all means don't be afraid to tell them what you think, if you want them to leave you alone, then be firm and tell them no! Don't let them take advantage of you, and tell them if they want something, they can do it themselves, otherwise if you don't assert yourself, then they will continue taking advantage of you because they will know that you won't refuse. If it means being a little bit of a jerk to them, if that's what it takes then do it! If it means that you won't be bothered from their stupid wants and needs, then do it! I have seen the same things happen in school, and I am all too familiar with what you mean. I hope you get what you want, I hope this helped!
Just stay firm and stand on your position on the topic. I f it is something serious then by all means don't be afraid to tell them what you think, if you want them to leave you alone, then be firm and tell them no! Don't let them take advantage of you, and tell them if they want something, they can do it themselves, otherwise if you don't assert yourself, then they will continue taking advantage of you because they will know that you won't refuse. If it means being a little bit of a jerk to them, if that's what it takes then do it! If it means that you won't be bothered from their stupid wants and needs, then do it! I have seen the same things happen in school, and I am all too familiar with what you mean. I hope you get what you want, I hope this helped!
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