I know someone who's wife was murdered. I don't know what to say to him. Does anyone have any advice? I don't want to say something that will upset him any more than he already is.

SunflowerGaming : All you can really do is be there and give him a shoulder to lean on. I’ve never had anyone who I was close to murdered but I have lost family members and no matter how it comes it’s not an easy thing to deal with no matter how much you try to prepare yourself. I have been on both sides of grieving, there have been times where I have been inconsolable and no matter what anyone had to say I just wasn’t listening. I have also been the one who has tried to be there for someone who was going through a loss.

In either case it isn’t easy but in terms of being there for someone I just try not to say anything and to let the other person vent and just be supportive. It’s all you really can do. My thoughts are with him and his family.

Thanks guys, for the advice. I just want to avoid saying anything that would upset him anymore than he already is. I can't even begin to TRY and imagine what he's going through. I am in shock, I can imagine he must be ten times worse than I am.

SunflowerGaming : hm to this I would try and make them laugh or smile in the least. Literally Laughing is the best medicine and as a joke to the murdering of someone i would say "Lets go get revenge." xD or i would say "Time to gather the dragon balls." Just to make them laugh

I think I'd just tell them outright... Obviously I'd tell them that something bad had happened before hand... So it's jus not out of the blue... 

I think it's better to lead up to it though so that the receiver of the news is expecting bad news.. I think it helps some people psychologically as well... more than just saying it straight away and them being in shock... ( I've had bad experiences with people when this has happened their emotions seem to be more extreme than usual)

Also never tell anyone when they are intoxicated with anything... that will make their reaction more severe...

I'd also try not to make them laugh as well.. Laughter may be the best medicine but trying to tell someone that their loved one has died in a happy mood may come across as offensive... it may also make you appear that you don't care about the deceased or about the person you are giving the news to's  well being.... 

In the end it's better just to tell someone that to keep the news to yourself... they will find out eventually and they may be angry at you for not telling them sooner.

SunflowerGaming : You’re welcome… I understand… it isn’t an easy thing to deal with whether you’re just trying to be there for support or if you’re much closer to the situation. He and his family will be in my prayers.

you can be there for him them comfort show them unconditional love and be understanding of them just try and be a good friend and person and friend and they will appreciate you for doing it and you will feel better about yourself for doing it.

sonimcmuffin:
bvd1022 :

Thanks for the advice guys. I think I am going to go with the majority here and just let him know I'm here if he needs a friend. I don't want to say anything more than that so I know I won't say anything offensive. I'll keep you all posted on what's going on.

Here's my suggestion. Give him a couple of days to grieve his loss, then over time check up on him, at first for a little biit, then eventually try and talk to him as often as possible. Try to get him in a good mood and keep his mind away from his wife, if possible a little bit.

I would just be there for him and let him know if he needed anything to call me or contact me in anyway. It does help if you have lost somebody in your life then you can relate more.


Something I would do though is give him a while to grieve his loss and then start to talk to him and be there for him let him know that no matter what your there and just talk to him every day eventually and maybe let something out that is naturel of course and let the laughter begin. Or at least this is all what would happen to me.


Bintsy

Recently I've had a hard time with that. I think what I've done is good, though, offering my condolences, letting them know I'm available if they need me, and then actually being there when they needed me.

My girlfriends brother was shot in a mugging, and what I did for her was just listen to her feelings, and did my best to comfort her. Its hard to know what to do in a situation like that sometimes, but as long as they know that they aren't alone, and have great friends, family and loved ones there for them to provide a shoulder. It will help them recover slowly but surly.