well this is inspired by the thread pg scary story! so lets get this started!it was 3 days before Halloween and 3 boys Joe tom and jack and one girl Kate at first Kate wanted to go trick or treating but the boys (who were just starting middle school) said it was babyish so they deiced to go to scary places around the neighborhood they want to jacks house and planned everything they deiced to go to the old abandoned house close  Joe's house and the graveyard they decided to go to Joe's house after that tomorrow after school they would try to find a way to get into the grave yard at night since at night its locked jack said we could pick the lock! yea!Tom said  but with what?wait! jack said Kate give me your hairpin.ok said Kate they kept try and they got it!now they went across the black to the old house the door was not locked so problem solved they know how to get in!after that they all went to sleep at there houses one not to well Kate started to get really nervous she was not one to believe in ghost but she had herd so many rumors about that house that she couldn't even sleep she just decided to close her eveys tomorrow  was a big day.it was Friday afternoon they had just bin let out from school they all met up near the abandoned house there first stop by the time they got there it was already night time are you guys shore about this? said Kate what the little girl scared?! said Joe"s then he stared laughing she approached the house um after you Kate after that Kate thought figures men! so she stepped into the house it was dark and cold and the next thing she knew the door closed behind here she stared screaming hey HEY HELP! PLEASE!when the opened the door she was scruged up in a ball say help me help me............. then when she relised it was over she ran home as fast as she could! after that jack said hey mabey we should just head home and skip the graveyard come on jack said tom don't be a party pooper it was probably just the wind that closed the door!said tom and closed it? said jack after that he did not respond and just walked to the to the graveyard jack did not want to go in but tom said dont be a wimp! he went in first right after the gate closed it was a wooden gate so they could not see a thing but right before the door closed the thought the saw a hand emerge from a grave!they herd a scream and opened the door they did not see tom he was gone!kate jack and joe were still close friends for the rest of there lives but they never found tom

so how did you like it? comment on you likes or dislikes about the story mods if this thread is in the wrong place please move it thanks for reading my story bye!!!!!!

It was okay. The only thing I disliked was the grammar.

sorry about the grammar im only ten so i tried my best to spell correctly!

https://www.vizzed.com/boards/thread.php?id=46117


I think it is really cool that my writing inspired you to write your own story. I agree with the grammar comment, but you are still young and have plenty of room to grow. Your story needed more of a lead up to the scary part, and also I would have liked if your story was more intense. You should also try developing your characters more. You will learn all the tricks of how to write a great story as you get older. This is just the beginning of your story writing I hope, and I would like to see how you would rewrite this story in a few years time. Please, don't ever stop writing.

Can you spread it out so it is not a text wall? This makes it /really/ hard to read. Regardless of age, you know what capital letters are: Use them. You also know what periods are. Use those too. You have potential - but you need to make sure that you make use of everything you do know when you are writing.

I'm reading this at night and its so scary alone

skippercapt : ha im glad thats what is suppose to be

 Could barely read it man. Also where the heck is your grammar in the that giant paragraph?  

Mobouis1 : sorry i made this a while ago i completly forgot about!