After responding to another post, it has gotten me thinking...Why do girl stay/date men who treat them horribly? My boyfriend's sister was in a horrible relationship with a guy for several months. He was always putting her down and yelling at her and they were always fighting. The relationship ended when he started cheating on her and when she confronted him; things got a little violent. Luckily he aimed his anger at the wall and ceiling(seeing holes in the ceiling is what shocked me the most) instead of on her. Now that she's away from him you would think she would try to find a nice guy, but it seems like she's looking for another bad boy. She was with a guy who looked like he would fit the part, but he ended up being a really nice guy so she left him in the dust. The scary thing is that she isn't the first girl I know to be doing this. I just find it hard to believe that girl really like being treated horrible. So what are your guys' thoughts?

Being a male, and having lost someone to one of these "bad guys" I gave this particular aspect a bit of thought actually. I think a part of it depends on what kind of bad dude we are talking about. As far as the dude that is a real hard case or perhaps someone who somehow is deemed taboo, but not abusive makes sense as it gives the woman a sense of empowerment in thinking that they are privileged enough to be within that person's inner circle.

As for the person that is abusive...it is really hard to tell for sure without knowing the girl. I know that some may opt for this type of life style in an attempt to break down some barriers for the tough dude, and try to reform them. In some cases, I seen it work and the pair may end up together happily ever after. Some may do it because they're desperate for someone but the hard case they feels is all they got, and losing them will mean there will never be another guy. Some may do it because they might feel empowered, as I said before, in a very weird way (as a naive concept I've seen prevalent is that nice guys are always weak which is another major reason I believe). Some may do it because they feel they don't deserve the good guys, or they don't deserve them. Some...some may do it because they got no choice and they are being threatened not to break away (only applicable if already in a relationship with a hard case). It is a very broad concept and it is tricky to just nail a single universal reason.

Redunelord: Yeah, I agree with you. I think another problem women have is that when we fall in love, it really is blinding. We tend to look over all the faults and just see the good in the guy we have our eye on. Something I've fallen for is when the guy is legitimately trying to warn you about him(the song Heartbreaker comes to mind), but you want to prove him wrong. So you end up hurt in the end, kicking yourself because he warned you and you didn't listen. Luckily it only took once for me to learn my lesson; other girls aren't that lucky.

Unfortunately, I can't speak for every girl/woman. However, I can try to give some theories as to why girls or women stay with the guys that treat them badly. The most common reason I have found is, they think they can change the person. They think if they love the person enough, they will change. Unfortunately, that hardly ever works. Another common reason is, the person they are with threaten them with violence and the girl or woman is afraid to leave because they are in fear for their lives.

Now those are the most common reasons. Now maybe those aren't the reasons. Maybe they just love the person so much they don't really see that they're being mistreated. I honestly don't know the reasons. As I can't speak for everyone. I know personally, being raised in a abusive home, I wouldn't stay with the person. One time they hit me or really mistreat me and I'm gone. But not everyone can be that strong until years later. It baffles me to know that some just stay with their abusers. Even men are abused and stay with the women that mistreat them.

the theory ive come up with is their good in the sack, they're machoey and can protect the women, some girls are insecure and like authoritataive figures even if their plain mean, and alot of girls believe they're just mean because the yhave inferiority complex's (which they really dont they're just dicks). I found as soon as a girl finds somethign she likes she classifies it as 'cute' even if that thing is a massive tank of a mean man. it ridiculous (sorry if i generalised on women and girls, i agree everyone has individual differences)

rlmathias01 : Generally when anyone "falls in love" it is blinding to a degree, but I feel that is more of an infatuation than anything. This infatuation, regardless, do hinder logic significantly for a lot of people, and will be unlikely to see beyond their own narrow philosophy of how things works.

I think that theyare afraid(some of them) that they would be hurt or beat by their former partner

There is absolutely no doubt that some who already gotten into these relationships stay in out of pure fear, but why would they get themselves into another relationship like this? Perhaps it is also fear in ending up with another jerk, and they inadvertently goes with someone who they thinks is tough, and will protect them from their ex, but this protection extends to not hurting them in general...sort of an odd point but yeah fear is a factor for some people.

I have no idea maybe it is some kind of thing where they think that it adds protection but other than that I am not sure. Maybe it is just because they want something different.

Redrunelord :   I wouldn't so as call it love, but just the affection of being wanted.  I've seen countless female companions of mine including my own mother throw themselves at bad men because they don't want to be alone.  And I suppose that eases the thought of not be wanted.  Also, being a high school student, I find that it's usually for popularity in high school.

I think one answer is entertainment and the fact that they don't want to be alone. Girls don't like boring people, so they find one that is entertaining. Maybe not all of them but I've seen it a lot. They are also not committed enough to let go of mean people but at the same time if the guy is nice they will have no problem letting go.

Another reason might be an image they are trying to set so they feel special when they go out. They also probably like men who are dominant. Usually dominant men are real pricks and enjoy using and screwing people over and woman like that.

And another reason might be nice people are more likely to be attached and commit to a relationship and many woman don't want some psycho who is obsessed with her. Trust me I would know (I'm one of those psychos they talk about ) They just want to have fun... This doesn't go for all women but there is a huge population of men and woman who work in similar fashion.

Why does my advice count? I'm not dominant, I'm really nice in person / shy as well, I'm also a very boring person, and I've been watching others around me for years in crap relationships. I've tried getting girls to stop having relations with these types of people WHEN I see they are having a hard time (and they come to me I don't go to them) but none of them listen to me probably because I'm the complete opposite of their morals. I'm almost certain they like being treated badly and then they whine about it "my boyfriend is mean wahhh but I'm still with him". Whose the psycho now? I have the last laugh with a facepalm and let them figure it out themselves

mr.pace : No doubt about it, you're completely right that loneliness and a fear of loneliness is a huge factor. It is odd how we humans tend to desire companionship and fears being alone immensely, and sometimes above everything else. I always found my real girlfriend was my guitar, lol. Yeah, she always has something to say back, she never ignores me, I take care of her as she takes care of me, and we make each other happy. One of my friends calls her Lucille because the way we work together is like BB King and his guitar Lucille, but that will always be his lass and not mine.

Hey, we all do what we got to do to be happy in life, eh?

Redrunelord :    You're right.  We all do what we have to to stay happy, but sometimes the best thing we can do to be happy is to be alone.  Happiness often an emotion of great joy or glee and being some person usually in the first couple of weeks or days makes you feel good.  And it's to let go of that desire, but the greatest way to be truly happy is to first know you yourself am a beautiful person and that if no one else cares there's no need to worry so long as you're happy with yourself right?

mr.pace : Yeah, sometimes loneliness is a virtue. In being "alone" you can truly be yourself without fear of judgement, and it is a time for reflection. In being single, you need not worry about other people in the same regard, you have less pressure, unless peers are pressuring you to get with someone (which may be another factor why girls goes with bad men sometimes, and visa versa). I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that some of my best moments are when I'm alone in a dimly lit room that is rather "homey" with a drink and music fitting my mood in the background.

Yeah we got to accept who we are to truly be happy, and we got to be willing to find out who we are...you know, I think the key lies more in finding our purpose in life and fulfilling it to the best of our ability...I suggest you watch this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4CvFWCULuI

mr.keys : I wouldn't call hurting someone having guts, as having guts implies courage, and when you resort to delivering pain as a first resort...then you're a coward. Thus, I would say you're braver than you believe, and in the right manner.

Some girls are just stupid. I know a chick who's been with and has kept going back to the same guy for years. He uses her for her money, she's bought him like five cars, he's cheated on her and he won't be a man and stand up for her. She's going through junk with an ex of his and he says that it's her problem, even though it's his ex causing her to lose another car and even a house. I wouldn't care, but she's coming to work and b****ing and complaining about it all day. We've told her to leave her loser boyfriend but she says he's the only one that really loves her and understands her.
Some chicks just like being abused and treated like crap.

rlmathias01 : That is a question that I figure has driven men crazy for centuries. I know I myself have asked that question periodically. I try not to think too much about it. It can be frustrating at times because it seems like woman tend to be attracted to those “Bad Ass” types but in reality most of those guys are really insecure wannabes and eventually they ruin whatever they have going for them in terms of relationships by either taking their significant other for granted and or, allowing their insecurities to ruin everything.

I’ve always tried to be a good guy to whomever I talk to but for me it hasn’t happened yet but I at the same time am not rushing to get into a relationship. It would be nice though before I hit my mid 30s to find someone that will lead to a legitimate relationship and not one of those flings that people tend to have.

I really don't know I am very nice to my friends that are girls and they always end up with guys who are jerks it doesn't make any sense