RULES!!!!!
PLEASE DO NOT
SWEAR,INSULT,SPAM,
FLAME,ADVERTISE,POST
PORN,INSULT
JOKE RULES!!!
DO NOT SAY INSULTING,
RUDE AND HURTFUL JOKES
BECAUSE IT WILL UPSET
UPSET OTHER MEMBERS AND
ME SO PLEASE DON'T!!!!

This might fit more in "Crazy House -- Joke Sharing", so I'll move it there.

Note: Using caps hurts people's eyes and it's like shouting, it would be better if you could avoid it

[moved to "Crazy House -- Joke Sharing" forum]

zara6615 :
sorry for using caps
i meant:
Rules
Please do not swear,insult,
spam,flame,advertise and
post porn.
Joke Rules:
Do Not Say insulting,
Rude and Hurtful Jokes
to other members because
it will upset them and
will upset me and will
cause a fight so please
don't!

zara6615 : hey i noticed your from England like me


okay i love this one
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.

The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."

hackerman : hehe, that was pretty good.

Hahahaha I forgot about this one

---

A French, a German and a Dutch guy were cast away on a almost lonely island. On the second day, there were caught by a tribe of native island dudes. The Chief came over and said "all of you will bring me 2 different fruits, GO!" and they went in the jungle.

The French guy came back first and brought a lychee and a grape. Then the Chief said "now put them in your Anus and if you laugh, we kill you!"    The French dude tried it and when the lychee stroke his butt he had to laugh and was murdered.

Then the German dude came back with a apple and a banana. The same game he had to do it, cause Chief is a brave man ;-)
The German was brave too and took the apple with half of the banana but then he  laugh out loud and got killed.

In Heaven the German met the French and the French asked "why did u laugh?" 

"I almost did it but then came the Dutch dude with a watermelon and a pineapple!"

Ok... that one is just disturbing. But it reminded me of another joke.

There were two men, one smart one and another dumb one. They both went to heaven and, in front of the gates, God said He would tell each of them 100 jokes. If they laughed at any one, then they would be sent to Hell. The first man went and, after 10 jokes, laughed and got sent to Hell.

The second man went and God told him several jokes, one right after the other. God was in the middle of joke 100 when the man burst out loud laughing. When God asked him why he started laughing now, he responded, "I just got the first one."

(That could probably be told in a better way than I did.)

oo, I've got one!

One day a secretary is leaving on her lunch break, and she notices her boss standing in front of a shredder with a clueless look on his face. The secretary walks up to him and asks if he needs help.

"Yes!" he says looking and sounding relieved, "This is very important."

Glad to help, she turns the shredder on and inserts the paper. Then her boss says, "Thanks, I only need one copy."

LOL

A duck walks into a bar and walks to the Bartender.
The duck asks "Do you have any bread?"
The bartender says no. Directly after he says no, he asks "Do you have any bread?"
The bartender says no again,looking annoyed.
The duck asks "Do you have any bread?"
Furiously, the bartender says "No we don't have any bread! If you ask me that again I'll nail your beak to this table!"
The duck asks "Do you have any nails?"
Confused, the bartender says no
The duck then replies with a question: "Do you have any bread?"

Ha, I like Mudkipz's joke.

All the animals are at a party.    How are you going to get across the alligator lake?
Swim across. The alligators are at the party.

Ok. I have another one.

You stuff a giraffe into a refrigerator. How will you get the elephant in there?
Take the giraffe out and put the elephant in there.