That's right, you read that title right: it's time for a change. No, I'm not talking about anybody here; I am talking about myself. It's time for a change in the way I treat my body. 
It didn't hit me until a few days ago. Now, the connection is just strange, but hear me out. I was visiting my Mom, watching UCF beat Auburn in the Peach Bowl. Before she went out shopping while I watched the game, we got to talking about her protein smoothies. I asked her why she was drinking them, and she said it actually fills her up. See, she just had surgery about a month or two ago where they made her stomach a lot smaller, and put some kind of sleeve on it. Since she started dieting, she's lost almost 70 pounds, and since the surgery, it's about 25 pounds. For somebody that wouldn't know her, they wouldn't see it. But she looks a lot better, and you can tell that it's definitely increased her confidence in herself. I commented that maybe I should try the smoothie thing, and she asked why. I told her that I wasn't very confident in myself.
See, I have kyphosis ( kind of like scoliosis, but I have a hunchback and a gut instead ). Over the past few months, I have been extremely lazy. I won't put my clothes away, I'll just grab from the pile until I'm out of something, and then I'll just wash everything again, and repeat. I've cooked maybe two or three times. Mostly, I'll either go out and get some food from Arby's to last me 2 days, or I'll throw some Beagle Bites or something like that into the oven. Doing this stuff, it hasn't helped me, and I knew it. So, I changed my drinking habits. I stopped drinking as much alcohol ( I was drinking 2 or 3 bottles a night, 3 or 4 times a week ) and now only have a drink (rarely I'll have 2) a night, 2 or 3 times a night. I've also cut down on the caffiene and sugar by switching from Dr. Pepper and Mtn Dew to Coke Zero No Sugar. It's helped a little bit, but it wasn't helping me with the thing that I was really worried about: I was getting my "Freshman Fifteen" in my Sophmore year of college, but I wasn't actually getting the weight from it... just the gut. 
I think this is part of the reason I haven't really put myself out there. Since I broke up with my last girlfriend ( she was getting busy with soriety stuff, and I just couldn't talk to her about some things), I've pretty much been a hermit, except for when I'm online, or playing video games. And I don't want that. 
Now, I didn't tell my Mom all of this, but I did tell her about the back and the gut and the "Freshman Fifteen" things. She acknoledged it, and suggested that maybe I should do the physical trainer thing that is offered as my University's enormous gym, which I am starting next week. ( I have to make an appointment to do a physical or something first before I can get the physical trainer. I'm just waiting for my student loans to come in in the next week or so. )
Well, when she had gotten home, she had gotten me some protein and a blender. Now, the protein was not the super high end stuff, but it wasn't cheap either, and neither was the blender. What this meant to me is beyond words. But, the best way I can describe it is that I was finally making a heartfelt connection with my Mom ( really my step-mom, but she raised me as her own. So, as far am I am concerned, she is my mother ), and I don't want to lose that. 

I'm going to do this protein smoothie thing. I just went out and spent abotu $150 on a bunch of fruit and on those cups that you see people at the gym with with the weird metal balls. I even bought a new pair of shoes for the first time in almost two years. ( Those shoes are for just day to day stuff. I'm gonna buy some workout shoes after I do the initial thingy for the personal trainer, and when I have my doctor's appointment next week with my VA doctor ). The goal in mind here is that with all of this commitment, I will finally be able to be proud of myself. I want to be able to put myself out there, and not hide in my little bubble I call my room, and use my dog as an excuse to say that I interact with somebody. And, as an added bonus, I might actually look like a person with some muscle, rather than a teenage version of the Hunchback of Notre Dame, even if I did just turn 24. 



( No, this isn't a New Years Resolution thingy-ma-bobber. The timing jsut so happened to line up like that was all. )

Aw man, and I thought I was messed up. No more pity parties for me! I've been living with my family, too. I have a mother, a father, and a brother. I'm also lazy (although I'm more productive than what you described), and have bad habits. I'm hoping to make better ones day by day, minute by minute. That's how habits change. A decision here, an action there, and gradually you become better, even if your circumstances are not. Congratulations on deciding to take action and make your life better.

Well, self improvement is always good and every little step helps ^w^. I'm glad that you're trying and making an effort to better your life.

Though, I do want to say that losing almost 95 pounds doesn't... quite sound that healthy to me tbh. I mean, I don't know her situation so I can't say much, but I just wanted to say not to go extreme with it. You need food to survive X'D.

I've been taking time to pay attention to my habits and try to pinpoint where some of my core issues are, too. A few days ago, I just decided that I needed to be more rational, more productive and more self sufficient, which happened to coincide with the date. There's a point where we just have to get past the "feeling" part in "not feeling like doing anything" and realize you're either doing it or not.

Habits are particularly difficult for me. I don't know if I've ever broken one, if I'm being honest... But I'm gonna try. I wish you success.


Sanspai : It comes down to where the weight comes from. At one point, my dad for example, weighed as much as Payton Manning. The difference is that Payton is very tall and relatively muscular and my dad is five feet and seven inches tall and has a lot of body fat. And even then, it wouldn't be unreasonable for someone below average hight to weight that much if they were a body-builder. Muscle can be heavy, too.

m0ssb3rg935 : I wouldn't say it's about habits, really. It's more about realizing that if I want to better myself, and actually feel good about my body and be able to put myself out there and try to get into a really nice relationship, then I have to get over the "not giving a damn" atitude that I have, and just freaking do stuff. 

I woke up this morning, and spent an hour cutting up fruit, opening cups of fruit and draining the juice, getting spoonfulls of peanut butter and strawberry jam, and then other stuff... yeah, it took me an hour to prep 8 smoothies (plus the one for today) so I can just dump the stuff in the blender in the morning, rather then spend 10 minutes making one. All I have to do is add my scoop of protein and a cup of either apple juice or orange juice. I'm scared to try to put milk in there too, since all the fruit I got was not cheap.