I'm different.

We all know that.

We're all different.

And most of us have one thing in common when we gather together over the world wide web.

Most of you complain.

Most of you know that I hate complaining. That I love motivation and trying to spread it when I can.

Yet people still nag and gripe and complain. Sometimes, they even get emotional about it.

Buy why? What does it mean?

Life, at it's core, is wonderful.

I always end up looking like the bad guy when I try to help, be it over the web or in real life.

So now I'll try a different approach. It is the logical choice of action.

I'll make myself an example out of myself. I'll swallow my pride and thoughts this one time, for everyone here.

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I was born a month early on the way to the hospital in a taxi cab in North Chicago. Very small, very frail. The birth of me drained my mother, and she was terribly sick. I was faring no better. When we reached the hospital, we were worse. My mother stayed in a bed for a week, and I was hooked up to a machine for a week as well. My first days alive were being upheld by a cold, heartless machine. I owe my life to that technology. Technology is wonderful.

Jump 10 years. My older brother, the third out of four, Jim, died when a car slammed into him on a bike ride. We were all devastated. He was 12. 10 years isn't enough time to know a brother.

Then, 4 months later, my father died of colon cancer. That, sadly, was the breaking point for my mother. While not abusive, she did drink her sorrows away. Currently, she is sleeping with the mail man, and thinks I do not know about it.

My fondest memory of them was all of us (pop and all of us boys) sitting down and watching the original 3 Star Wars films together one night. As we were calling out what characters we were, I spotted, you guess it, Boba Fett.

My older brother, Jake, also suffered. He became mentally unstable, and became suicidal. Me and my oldest brother, Jordan, did all we could as the only sound members of the house.

Family vacations became solo vacations. Before I turned 16 I had been thru California, Oklahoma, Missouri, Illinois, and Iowa at least 4 different times. Mostly by myself, a few times with Jordan, but then he got his college done and became a cop. The times I was alone were the times I wished I was with somebody. Every fun sight I saw or place I toured was only fun for me.

One time in Chicago I was waiting for a bus outside an old jazz club, and every time the door swung open I'd hear the sweet, raspy sounds of jazz. I mustered up the ganas to slip thru the door, and fell in love with jazz music.


As I grew up, I was considered a nerd to my peers. I loved Zoids, Gundam, Transformers (Jazz was my favorite, after the above encounter with the music genre), Pokemon, Star Wars, not sports or silly things like that. Robots from different corners of fiction were my ultimate pals. As such, I was picked on. Picked on for being geeky, being skinny, talking funny, for everything.

At one physical at the doctor's, he told me that my funny talking would always hold me back as a person. I nearly got up and left, but I knew I would break something on the way out.

I've (with help from my Eagle Scout of a bro) performed many medical dealing on myself, such as pulling my own wisdom tooth, setting my own broken arm, and bandaging my traffic accident wounds.

Even at summer camp I found no fun. Except for the scenery. The Quartz Mountains were so very pleasant. Untouched, unsoiled. Standing like stoic warriors. I spent most activity time scaling these great hills.

Then, one camp guide sat me down and laid out what the key to being confident was. He motivated me, he pumped me up. He showed me how nobody could break my stride. Confidence is the key that starts inside.

Around age 12-14 there was a little wooded area to the West of my house, and in that little bit of woods came a small grey raccoon. Every night before bed I'd drop scraps on the ledge of my window, and every night the little guy would sit up with me, munching on his bounty. I called him Pontius. Sometimes I'd crack the window slightly and let him sniff and lick my fingers. And fewer times I'd open the whole window and let him walk around my room.

Our neighbors, however, hated the raccoons busting into their trash. They hired a guy to set up traps in the wooded area to get rid of them. After a week without seeing Pontius, I went into the trees and found him, along with other little masked bandits, snared in traps, dead.

I wept right there by my late night snack buddy. I buried him with my favorite blanket. I've never told my family of friends.

As I grew older, a certain girl and me started spending time together. She was perfect. She accepted me, she cared for me. But a boating accident got in the way.

Long part short, she died with tubes up her nose.

Perhaps, machines are...not perfect?

I was told I was very smart, sharp, and creative in school by the teachers. About 9th grade I stopped really caring about grades, I started to only put in minimal effort. While still making a B+ average, I know I could do better. The schooling system ruined me. The kids, the mindless work....Why should I be nice to the peers that scorned me for who I was? I quickly learned to bite back, but using words instead. I aimed at personal, sensitive issues, and was soon very good at using common sense, logic, and witty remarks to stand my ground. Nobody could break my stride.

My friends learned to never take me seriously, they learned that my jokes meant no harm, that my words held no real power. We put the powers in words. If you didn't speak the words, you can not determine what they mean to convey.

As life went on, my brother Jake tried to kill himself. He failed, and is now in the nut house.

My mom is getting ready to send me to visit my Grandmother in Illinois, and is waiting for the forms to send me to summer camp.

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There. What does that prove? Why is complaining so "fun" to some of you? Why do the masses think that they have the world's problems on them?

We're all fighting a hard battle. Every single one of us. My battle has taught me that logic is stronger than emotions, that I control my feeling, not the other way around.

"The world is a tragedy to these who feel, but a comedy to those who think." -Horace Walpole.

And yet, I do not complain. (I did share my problems, but as an example) I feel that I am above complaining over something as wonderful as life.

In a way, you can count this thread as my life story, but my previous "origins" thread is counted as my Genesis.

Now I hope you all see that you're not the only ones with a rough patch in your life.

I may be slightly emotionless, robotic, and may come off as a jerk. But I too am human. I too feel on the inside. I too hurt when my peers look down on me.

Just like you all, I am wired differently. Like we're all robots built with different gears and cogs.

Never forget, that whatever way you treat other people, they are fighting a hard battle a well. Never, never forget. You can treat them like trash if you feel the need to, but always remember that they too have problems in this wonderful series of events we call life.

Thank you for reading, gang.

I am glad ur bak and here to stay, interesting thread. I like what you had to say. I never had any beef with you. I do tolerate most of what you have to say, but some has been questionable.

No. Not here to stay.

I used to think that you were a jerk, but now I realize your just a jerk to annoying newbies. Your story is pretty amazing.

i never thought of you as anything different than a good guy and i hope no one thinks of you different

Interesting turn of events that just took place on Facebook. I was fooled, I have to admit. Here is the conversation between "JazzCoon" and myself.....



4 minutes agoJesse Lashbrook
And now that I'm un-banned from the chat room, I can stop being so "civil" towards you. I lied when i said I was sorry, or when I said I'd change my ways. I just needed to "make nice" with you for a bit to make sure people saw me being "nice". I'm still the mean, horrid, Beta me I always was.

3 minutes agoJesse Lashbrook
Now I'm back in the chat, Geeo likes me over you and wants you gone, and you're too butt-hurt to go into the chat room. My plan, my scheme, worked like a well oiled machine.

3 minutes agoCorrina Jimenez
Me leaving chat had NOTHING to do with you

2 minutes agoJesse Lashbrook
I'm so happy the gears fell into place like they did. I, am the victor. How fitting. As soon as the "Sun went down" the "Raccoon got into the trash"

I am glad you told us this story.

I was curious myself about your origins, but never made a point to ask about it, after all, it was none of my business, and with that I let the thought go.

It may be because I am listening to depressing music and getting over my family having zero income right now, but my face looks a lot like the =/ smiley. Not happy, not sad, but blank and emotionless. But inside I feel the sad. It's like a frown, but it's a frown that doesn't want to be a frown. It wants to stay hidden, because it learned something from this, if that makes sense, and I am not crazy.

Things like this always make me sad, but I've gotten to the point where the sad knows better than to influence how I speak to someone, I can be sad in chat, sure, we all can, but I really try my best to hide it most days.

Whereas you think logically, and don't think as much with emotions, I'm the exact opposite I think. I think I wear my heart on my sleeve, and think with emotion way too much. I don't see a problem with it, and I don't think thinking logically would help me, because, well... that's not me. I'm not logical. I'm way too invested in emotion to let logic change my outlook on life.

However, I come out of this with a better understanding of where you are coming from.

We all have our own battles. Your battle is different from mine, while mine doesn't involve death of people I care about, mine involve a different kind of demon, with different ways to combat it. With what I have gained from this, I can safely say that there is hope in the world, and that there will always be a way.

Thank you Jazz, you have given me much to think about.

legacyme3 : Unfortunately Jazz told me that this thread was just a bunch of BS so he could get unbanned from chat. Sad really, logic to him is just basic cruelty.

legacyme3 : Yeah man. I feel for ya. But don't ever be sad. I'm sure not. I'm as happy as a lark. Just keep looking up, get yourself motivation. Self-motivation is the best kind of motivation.

Keep on keeping on, bro. It'll get better some how, dig? Stay sane inside insanity.

SunflowerGaming : Something tells me you're mad at me for agreeing with Geeo in regards to kicking you from chat that one time. I doubt that warrants you spreading lies about me. It isn't helping your case at all. Please don't make up anymore "chats" between us, cause think about it- If I were a bad guy, would I reveal my plan? Of course not, I'm a higher breed of scum than that. Your attempts to "ruin" me is pointless.

That wasn't a fake chat and you know it. Grow up a lil. And I honestly could care less about chat. I haven't been in chat in weeks and don't plan on returning. I have a real life to live. So I would appreciate you moving on and finding someone else to harass. I'm done with people like you. And the whole geeo thing, well all I have to say about that is, at least I act my age.

SunflowerGaming :

Whether it's real or fake, or neither nor, it doesn't change what I personally learned from this. That whole issue is between you two, I don't think he has reason to lie, but I don't have any knowledge on it. So I'm going to play sideline and say it doesn't matter.

What matters is the message, whether he made it up or not, and that's what I got out of it.

If he made it up, hes only fooling himself, and if he isn't, and you are falsely accusing him then you are fooling yourself. Either way, it doesn't change the message.

Jazz- I got a new motivation.

legacyme3 : I know I am not lying. Whether he is lying to me or everyone else, I know the truth and this just shows me yet again you stick your nose in something you know NOTHING about.

[sigh]

I thought not being in the chat room was going to mean no more trouble from you. I guess not.

I'm closing this before more things are said.