Note to mods: This is not a leave thread. This is merely a consideration of a small hiatus from the site, which from what I re-read in the rules is an allowed post. Please move or close, however, if I have misunderstood them once again. Sorry in advance if I have.

Another note: Void this thread from the TdV if you want, if possible. I'm not doing this to garner any sort of statistical boost in the TdV, and I want that to be clear that I'm posting this due to how I really feel right now, and not for some other ulterior motive.

Anyone who's seen probably any of my posts over the last two or three days so far has probably already noticed this (at least to a slight extent), but I've been acting like a scatterbrain on this site, ironically as I get trusted status (but not before complaining and complaining about not getting TP to the point of annoyance, most likely, despite how minor an achievement that is) during this span. I've been doing stupid little things here and there, and it's finally starting to get to me. I don't know how many (if any at all) agree with me, and it's likely I'm being too harsh on myself for the 5 trillionth time in my life. But, I'm really considering going away for at least a few days in order to refresh myself from scratch.

I'm not sure what might be causing this streak of, quite frankly, idiocy, coming from me, especially since I like to try to keep a cool head, an open mind, and a careful treading on every post I make. But I feel very clearly that it's happening, with the biggest example being my two last threads that I made both breaking the obvious rules set and getting closed as a result. I'm sorry if I have been being an annoyance with these stupidities, whether you believe I made these mistakes knowingly or not (and for at least one of them, I knew the rules clearly and let my excitement get the better of me). And even if you haven't noticed any of this, I have, and I want this to stop.

But before I just try to leave silently (if I do decide to), I want to state how I've felt the last couple of days about this little period of mine. These things might seem like insignificant blunders that don't really account for much, but right now they feel like a burden of my consistent misses and screw ups here in the forum as of recent, only amplified that they've happened during TdV, potentially making people believe that I have been trying to shortcut my way to gain extra points for the competition.

So that's my rant of the night, I guess. I'm still not entirely sure about going through with the brief leave, but it certainly feels pretty foreboding if I'm so worried that this thread itself is a violation of the Your Forum rules, even after reading them over several times while typing this up, reason for the note at the top of this post.

And, I'm sorry for even rambling a probably useless post anyway.

If you feel that you need to take a break and you want to, then you should, but it's up to you to see if you can fix anything that you feel is wrong and to feel better. But that's usually just if you're gone for a while. You don't have to be worried or anything about going away for a few days. A few days is nothing, big users can leave and simply forget to log in for a few days so it's no big deal, but if you feel that a break will help you, then you need to go along with what's better for you.

You have indeed seemed a little on edge. I guess you just need to "master" the website a little better and learn to take things a little more lightly. Take me for example: there is this thread where someone just blindly repeats what I consider to be utter nonsense. I have posted a few times but it quickly turned into a "deaf's dialogue." There is a simple solution to that: I simply do not go in that threat anymore.

You have to know that the Internet is a place full of trolls and people who just annoy you for the heck of it. Just ignore them! I know that "cyber-bullying" might be hard - I know how "real" bullying feels - but they are "just" words sent out by an anonymous person who (most probably) does not know you.

If you do take a break, keep in my mind what I just told and come back in full force!

janus : While I have been trolled and bullied in the past, my recent attitude hasn't been the result of any sort of insulting I've taken due to my mistakes here. I appreciate the concern, but that's one thing that hasn't happened here yet, thankfully.

Going back to the topic at hand, at least I can confirm that I'm not completely insane yet with my negativity with you noting it. It is probably true that I'm probably making this far more out of hand than it should, making a mountain out of an anthill. My concern is real, but I might have once again missed the point by going above and beyond when it shouldn't be that much of a concern. But then again, that's why I've visited three therapists in my life, as well as been through school guidance counseling on multiple occasions, so it's something I've come to expect myself to do.

...I guess, to add on to my post now, I'll admit what should be rather obvious of this post alone. I'm a perfectionist, and a harsh one, at that. Perhaps I gained that from my bullying experiences, or through society, but if I make a mistake, it's not that I'm a normal person like everyone else on this planet; it's that I'm an idiot for making that mistake to begin with. I don't want to derail this too much, so I'll leave it at that.

Ultimately, I question how much good the break will do in general. That, I'm not sure of. On one hand, I need to cool down and refresh. On the other, I know that keeping up with this thread and reading what others have to say can prove to be a bigger help than the break ever could be, given that I don't get overly defensive and start denying the advice all together.

zanderlex : I know that ultimately it's not a huge deal, but I want to know what others think of this whole thing before I delve headfirst into a decision, especially since, as I said, I'm looking at "at least" a few days; knowing me, that could quickly turn into a month or longer.

Well if it's a month or longer, it would be because you needed it to be a month or longer. You don't want to come back after a few days to feel the same way right? If you need to take months and you come back feeling better, then is it not worth it?

zanderlex : Of course. I'm just mentioning why it's a sizable point to begin with. I know full well that it's possible that a few days won't be enough, so I figured I wasn't just going to leave indefinitely without at least stating that I'm currently undergoing the decision, since you were saying that a few days wasn't really much of a big deal.

Even beyond that decision, though, is looking to others seeing my actions recently from a different point of view, so I can try to know what they've been seeing. That's the main reason for this thread.

Is there something that's bothering you in real life that could be causing you to make those mistakes? If so, then maybe you could talk to some friends about it, and try to find the source of your anxiety. I would certainly listen if I was a close friend. To be honest, I go through a similar struggle in real life on a daily basis. I am always messing things up, and saying things I shouldn't, and not thinking before I make a decision. My Vizard friends and muggle friends (friends not on Vizzed), Would probably tell you that I am a really nice guy, and all that good stuff. But whenever I let friends get closer to me, they start to see my clumsy, unintentionally mean, stubborn side. That's how I lost my girlfriend. Which just gave me even more anxiety, and put a bigger crack in my social stability. That means that I say things to people that I wouldn't normally say. When all that weight gets put on my shoulders, it makes me feel bad about myself. But the positive side is that if I keep going I will never be truly defeated. I will always be able to find friends who care for me. I once read a quote that said "There are only three options in life: Give up, Give in, or Give it all you've got." And that quote has stuck with me. As long as I have friends I will never be broken. And you can do it too, because unlike me, you're not a failure. Believe it! ( I mean that seriously)

I really wouldn't worry to much about these perceived "mistakes" that you are talking about. I think a lot of them are in your head. Even if they are not, it's really not the end of the world. Sometimes all of us make mistakes.

Also, during the TdV, it's easy to make mistakes when posting, just because you are trying to post so much all over the forums, it's easy to miss something that was said, or miss a small rule or something.

Don't worry. All is fine.

Honestly though, if you feel like your activity is burning you out, then I would highly advise you to take a rest for a bit and clear your head. Everyone needs to every now and then!

SWTerra : It happens. I would say in my case starts with lack of sleep and all of a sudden I am just not making much sense. I've read your posts and threads and I see what you mean but, that didn't change anything at least for me. I still think you're very friendly, easy going, and hilarious when you catch me slip on posts lol. I don't think you should be hard on yourself and the fact you are just shows you do try your hardest to not violate rules here. I know I have and been working on them as I go along and learn. But, a few days is always okay. Do it because you need it not because you feel that people here are becoming annoyed of you and need time to forget what happened. I think ultimately most of us are here to game, socialize, and make connections. In a way, I feel that most of us dealt with some bullying in the past and being here we should be more tolerant and considerate of one another. So, I'm new here and don't know nearly anything that most of you know but, I'm glad to be here and glad that users like you are helping me along the way. Can't really learn or grow much if you don't mess  up and I did a few times in my first weeks and was afraid to log in for a few days but, then I just realize we all make mistakes and at the end almost everyone here is very nice and understanding and super helpful so I put that aside and just kept on. I hope you sort things out and don't go for too long because, well who's going to teach me how to play games in Crazy House? lol. No really, do what you need and I'll be looking for more of your posts

I have been there and taking time away does help a whole lot. I took 2 months away from Vizzed (although it was going to be permanently, but some users convinced me to come back and I did). I focused on other things, and when those users told me that I need to come back, I was thinking about that it's time to return, and have been better than before.

Like Jordan said, this is TdV month, everyone that competes always mess up some point in the month, those minor rules can slide because there is a lot of those violation (as long you don't do it constantly).

So yeah, if you need time away to better improve yourself, that's cool.

Jordanv78 : Yeah, one part of me has to know that if I'm not the only one who's annoyed by my own actions, I'm definitely the most annoyed, which kind of cycles into added frustration and puts me even more on edge for the next mistake. I've really been wanting to fix this for a long time, and thought I'd be better than that here, especially with a community that isn't very judgmental, but here I am, anyway, back where I started. I apologize in advance if I just start straight-up venting if I continue to reply on here, because it feels almost inevitable at this point.

I just really wish I didn't feel like having to be such a perfectionist. While I'm usually fine if I'm around people who are clearly accepting of me, I can get into these sorts of fits with the rest of the world on the matter. And it's a two-edged sword, with both edges dealing harm to me. On one hand, I become incredibly stressed very easily, and try to isolate myself from the stress, which has resulted in rather ill-advised actions. On the other hand, those out looking in are probably going to see the arrogance I'm exuding from my expectation of such impossible perfection.

I know it's as easy as just saying no. I need to tell myself that I shouldn't strive for that level of perfection; it's impossible. But, damn, sticking to it is a different thing all together.

jlove92 : "users like you"

I think you're forgetting that we're only 11 days apart or so as members here. I wouldn't call myself that much more experienced here.

That aside, though, I'm really glad you brought up the point on my main reason for potentially leaving and what it is. Honestly, I don't have too much of a clue on what that is. Whether it's because I feel I need it, or because I feel like I've been an annoyance to others...

Knowing myself, it's more likely the latter. For one, I'm inclined to think pessimistically very often, and that's definitely the negative reason. And also, I do kind of thrive on others accepting me.

...Funny, right? I have very strong and clear opinions/views, but I rely plenty on outside acceptance. Isn't that a little bit of a contradiction?

IgorBird122 : I recall seeing your return thread talking about that. I'm ultimately not sure how much good it'll do. As I said, part of me wants to instead stick around and hear what others have to say on this, trying to keep an open and cool head in the process. I need to get it through my thick skull that I can't be so dismayed and disappointed by what is, ultimately, not even something I'll remember a year later.

If you really need the time to go away, and try to improve yourself then do it.
I left for a long, long time.. and unfortunately it was a situation out of my control.


But breaking small TDV rules, isn't that big of a deal- You weren't banned, you're still trusted.
TDV is one of the most spammiest competitions there is, and some users have gotten perma'd for doing even worser things than you have, so as far as you go; your nowhere near a big rule breaker.

More or less I think it's all in your head.


I was in the same situation not too long ago M8,  But everyone else encouraged me to stay and gave out great advice, more or less  I see people doing the same here.

Not to mention you actually aplogized for your actions, when it wasn't 100% required that takes some guts to do, I've seen members on this site just carelessly spam and break the rules without even so far as even attempting to do what you are.

I'd say if it's not as bad as everyone is saying, I would stay on the site and try to correct the problems I made and I would look into the advice people are giving you.

Speaking of people that can give advice..
Eniitan : Mind giving this guy some encouragement and some advice?

SWTerra : I do understand what you mean that it's always easier said than done to just "not let something bother you so much"

What I am getting at is this. This site and it's users are generally forgiving, if you act with kindness and compassion, which as far as I can tell, that's what you have generally done.

Also, this site is supposed to be FUN. If it's really causing you stress to be here and post in the forums, maybe it's best if you just took a breather for a few days. It's just really not that good for you to be so stressed out health wise. Your health, whether mental or physical is the most important thing to consider here. Not what we all think about your posts/actions/etc.

SWTerra : I suppose I did lol. I am extremely pessimistic about myself too. I am not very forgiving of my own mistakes so I get you there. But you should take all the good vibes from this thread and take it as a sign of acceptance and know that you're not annoying if you were I am sure you'd be getting some crazy posts here. This is actually the first gaming site I ever joined just because of my pessimism and not feeling accepted and there were days I did not log in at all just because of those feelings. But, I find that usually we carry some of our personal baggage into things like this that should be for fun and we overthink too much or take things to heart and judging by the posts here this seems to be just that nothing else. So, that's a good thing just look at the support you're getting. I think you should just take it as mistakes and let them go and keep going forward in the site. 

SuperCrash64 : I'm pretty sure I actually have an issue of apologizing far too much for things, when I really should be saying this: thanks for taking the time to read through this thread, and for taking the time to tell me that I'm not alone on this matter and that you care enough to worry about my overall condition.

Jordanv78 : I definitely want to have a thicker skin, especially online. I'm too thin-skinned to be anything better than the emotional equivalent of a Bob-omb as of now, and I know it hurts me in so many ways in the long run. My biggest problem is that I'm my worst critic, far worse than anyone else could potentially be. I'm very thin-skinned when it comes to how I view myself, and just a little slight can cause me to spiral into a horrible low like my reactions now. I know so much about how I react to things, but I know so little about the underlying reasons as to why I react in such ways. I know that this problem starts and ends with me. I know where to start with it. But I don't know how to get to that point.

jlove92 : I am who I am; what you see is what you get. If I'm to join any group at all, then they get every part of me. That's just how it goes with me. You can get my care and understanding, but that means you also get my outbursts and unpredictable behavior.

Most of what I was thinking has already been said, but I will say them anyway.

Your health is most important. If you feel that a break is best for your health, by all means, take as much time away as you need.
You will always be welcome back if/when you decide to return. :3

Remember that there are more aspects to the site than the forums as well.
If you don't want to get away from the site completely, you can always go into the RGR and play some games to unwind.

Vanelan : Right. I understand that health is far more important than sticking around on a site, and I've come to realize that everyone on the boards understands that plenty.

To everyone on the thread, and I'll summon everyone who's posted on here...

zanderlex :

janus :

TheBWoods15 :

Jordanv78 :

jlove92 :

IgorBird122 :

SuperCrash64 :



I've made my decision, and I'll admit I've cried a little bit seeing the care you all have shown towards me, regardless of what I may think of myself. I'm even slightly in tears now, to be honest.

I'll be staying here on Vizzed, but will take a break from any heavy posting. I'll probably take the time to get started on some reviews I've been meaning to do (random thanks to janus on commenting on my latest one and reminding me that I still have more of those to do). If anyone still wants to talk to me during this small posting hiatus, feel free to PM me at any point, since I'll still be checking my notifications regularly.

I'll say it for a fifteenth time, thank you guys for understanding and caring. I was honestly a bit worried as to how my outburst on this thread was going to be taken, but you all really stood up and helped me out. I can't thank you enough for that, and I'll do my best to work towards bettering my outlook on myself to try and avoid this reaction happening again.

Local Mods : You can close this thread. I'm fine now.

For some reason I just got that summon that you made on the first post.. I just got it today... weird. Anyways I'm glad you have everything sorted out and remember that health comes first no matter what. Everyone here has basically said all my thoughts here and I hope things can get better for you.

~closed at the request of the thread creator~