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Poems of mine . Enjoy!
Poem collection of mine I'll be adding to as I can.
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12-20-14 11:20 AM
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Poems of mine . Enjoy!

 

12-20-14 11:20 AM
Brain-Splattered is Offline
| ID: 1115150 | 1639 Words

Level: 42


POSTS: 14/421
POST EXP: 75583
LVL EXP: 502749
CP: 1516.8
VIZ: 97630

Likes: 1  Dislikes: 0
Hello everyone. This is just a thread I'm making for me to share my poems with you. I will be starting with a couple of dog poems I wrote. I hope all of you like it and will enjoy the rest that I will be adding off and on as I can. Well on that not let's get this show on the road. Enjoy!

My Forever Family

I'm on my way to a new home from foster care,
A bundle of nerves and excitement for everyone to see,
I have a lot of kisses and love I am bursting to share,
It's a long car ride with my hopefully forever new family.
All the way to my new home they talk to and pet me,
My tail wagging like it has never ever wagged before,
I get so excited that in the car I accidentally pee,
I'm happy I have someone who won't abuse me anymore.
I jump out of the car to a world of new smells and sounds,
They gave me a new collar, new name, and lots and lots of attention,
So I race around checking out my turf ... my new stomping grounds,
Inside the house I'm shown toys .... plus a big fluffy bed I just have to mention.
My own full bowl of food and water ... how great is this I ask you,
Lot of comfy furniture to lay on and a huge yard for me to explore,
For awhile I was scared and it would disappear and turn out untrue,
Afraid I'd go back to the shelter ... to never have that family I long for.
I am happy to report tho that after a lot of months have gone by,
I no longer worry about that ever happening to me,
I spend my days in joyful bliss, so happy I could and almost do fly,
Because I know I am loved by my new forever family.
____________________________________________________________________________________

Sooo Cold

Someone please tell me what it is that I've done wrong,
They seemed so glad to have me when I came here as a pup,
Why am I put outside and left chained up alone so long,
Everyday was a wonderful adventure while I was growing up.
All those hours spent to train me as companion and as a friend,
They would feed me and brush me almost every single day,
I can remember many days of chasing balls in the yard end to end,
Daily walks and so many treats I would get just to sit and stay.
Now the family puts me outside on a chain ... cold ,shine or rain,
I don't see the inside of the house because outside is where I get fed,
I'm even ignored when I whine from hunger or the occasional pain,
Trading a nice warm fluffy bed for a hard wood floor dog house instead.
Now they do not walk , play fetch with, or cuddle with me anymore,
Because they suddenly no longer have the time I am now cast aside,
Now I sit here on my chain afraid, unsure, waiting for it to be like before,
Wondering what I have done wrong and why the love I am denied.
Why am I left so alone ... oh tell me please,
Why am I forgotten and left out here to freeze?
____________________________________________________________________________________

Hello all coming in to add some more. Enjoy. 

Unknown Love

I struggle awake from a dream,
Your face in my mind's eye,
All I want to do is scream,
Then curl up like a baby and cry.
Everytime I'm around you
I just have to look into your eyes
Everyday my mind aches without a clue
Wondering if today is the day my soul flies.
I want to tell you everything,
And hope beyond hope that you feel the same,
Fear of rejection holds my tongue ... unable to say anything,
Watching you walk in and out of my life ... so lame.
You smile... and I just totally melt,
Do I even come close to doing the same thing to you?
I really wish I knew how you felt,
I'm just to damn scared to know what you'll do.
So with that in mind I grab a bottle of whiskey off the floor,
Slamming the first few shots as fast as I can get them in the glass,
Berating myself for being such a coward ... just wanting to kick my own ass,
Wishing with all I am that you'll come through that door.
But alas it always end the same frustrating way,
I stumble to the shower to clean up ... feeling not right,
Somehow back in bed only to have the dreams of you steal me away,
Chasing something that could be if I just wasn't afraid to fight.
Who knows maybe one day....
Someday......
____________________________________________________________________________

Death's Calling

Death comes with a sad smile on her face,
She whispers of safety and love for just you,
Death is beauty personified and gentle grace,
She always speaks unerringly true.
Death in mere moments becomes your greatest love,
She becomes your siphon ... your pain relief,
Death sends your soul to the heavens above,
She takes all of you in and ends your grief.
Death is the only true neutral entity you'll ever meet,
She cradles you in her cold embrace,
Death cannot be coerced, ignored, forgotten, or beat.
Death knows your heart as no one else ever will my friend,
She will come as you gasp your last lungfull of air,
Death's embrace you will welcome in the end,
She will show you compassion beyond compare.
Death will come ... as you breath your last few,
She will wipe you clean and guide you start anew.
Death is all....
She will call....
Time to go.......
____________________________________________________________________________

Money

I absolutely need you,
It's so damn true,
Without you I am lost,
To keep you I'll pay any cost.
I just can't exist without you,
Why this intense need ...realLy I have no clue,
Without you would be like denying the very air I breathe,
And accepting the fact that we should not ever be.
With you I get anything I could ever need,
It's time to go earn and for my ego to feed,
For money is said to be the giver of all,
It's time we hooked up and had a ball.
I would kill for that sinful green,
Anyone would ... you know what I mean,
Money is said to make all of the world go around,
Delivers soaring highs and has sent some crashing to the ground.
Money is the be all,
Money is the end,
Money is at your beck and call,
Enemy or friend?
It will always be there,
Need for it will never go away,
You'll collect it all with care,
Just for it to pass you by in the end someday.
Money you can never have enough of it,
It will rule your life .. ain't that some s***....
____________________________________________________________________________

Apologies

How do I tell you I'm sorry,
With a gesture or maybe a touch,
How do I ease this worry,
Inside it hurts way too much.
I angrily turned my back to you,
When you needed me the most,
Snuffed out a friendship true,
Your heart I blindly did roast.
I know what I did was so very wrong,
If  I could do it over again I would,
Compared to you .... I was not as strong,
I'd make it up to you if I could.
I see now what caused this was a lie,
Too late to save our friendship now,
I'm too stubborn to even give it a try,
One day I hope you will forgive me somehow.
An apology you definitely deserve to hear,
Would you even listen to my heartfelt plea,
Over this matter I have shed many a tear,
A way to mend this friendship ... I don't foresee.
I will just sit here banging my head against the wall,
Yearning for a chance to come along my way so I can see,
If our long lost  friendship can even be saved at all,
The day we'll be face to face and I can apologize ... finally.
____________________________________________________________________________

Lost

I wake scared out of my mind every night,
Sweat covering me like I'm stuck in a stream,
Shaking and crying from extreme fright,
Hoping futilely to never again have that dream.
Every night it always starts the same,
I'm in a large old house,
Something evil chases me as if its a game,
Like a cat chasing a mouse.
The house is familiar to me like from a past life,
I can hear voices and see shadowy images from the past,
Times of happiness and oh so many of terrible strife,
Suddenly it screams and I take off running fast.
As I pass by a mirror in the hall I see a child's face,
I hear its claws ever close, snapping in and out of floor and wall,
Chasing me from room to room with a fevered pace,
Screaming in frustration each time its prey escapes ... the gall.
I run into a room upstairs searching frantically for a way out,
All I can hear the whole time is its breathing just steps behind me,
Always just missing me ... ready to kill me of that I have no doubt,
Finally too tired to run more I jump into a closet and curl up like a baby.
With sweat pouring off me and shaking I wait for the end to come clear,
I hear its steps and breath getting ever closer to the door,
I turn my back to it praying only to have its breath brush against my ear,
It speaks the one and only time ... you are mine forever more.
_____________________________________________________________________________________




Hello everyone. This is just a thread I'm making for me to share my poems with you. I will be starting with a couple of dog poems I wrote. I hope all of you like it and will enjoy the rest that I will be adding off and on as I can. Well on that not let's get this show on the road. Enjoy!

My Forever Family

I'm on my way to a new home from foster care,
A bundle of nerves and excitement for everyone to see,
I have a lot of kisses and love I am bursting to share,
It's a long car ride with my hopefully forever new family.
All the way to my new home they talk to and pet me,
My tail wagging like it has never ever wagged before,
I get so excited that in the car I accidentally pee,
I'm happy I have someone who won't abuse me anymore.
I jump out of the car to a world of new smells and sounds,
They gave me a new collar, new name, and lots and lots of attention,
So I race around checking out my turf ... my new stomping grounds,
Inside the house I'm shown toys .... plus a big fluffy bed I just have to mention.
My own full bowl of food and water ... how great is this I ask you,
Lot of comfy furniture to lay on and a huge yard for me to explore,
For awhile I was scared and it would disappear and turn out untrue,
Afraid I'd go back to the shelter ... to never have that family I long for.
I am happy to report tho that after a lot of months have gone by,
I no longer worry about that ever happening to me,
I spend my days in joyful bliss, so happy I could and almost do fly,
Because I know I am loved by my new forever family.
____________________________________________________________________________________

Sooo Cold

Someone please tell me what it is that I've done wrong,
They seemed so glad to have me when I came here as a pup,
Why am I put outside and left chained up alone so long,
Everyday was a wonderful adventure while I was growing up.
All those hours spent to train me as companion and as a friend,
They would feed me and brush me almost every single day,
I can remember many days of chasing balls in the yard end to end,
Daily walks and so many treats I would get just to sit and stay.
Now the family puts me outside on a chain ... cold ,shine or rain,
I don't see the inside of the house because outside is where I get fed,
I'm even ignored when I whine from hunger or the occasional pain,
Trading a nice warm fluffy bed for a hard wood floor dog house instead.
Now they do not walk , play fetch with, or cuddle with me anymore,
Because they suddenly no longer have the time I am now cast aside,
Now I sit here on my chain afraid, unsure, waiting for it to be like before,
Wondering what I have done wrong and why the love I am denied.
Why am I left so alone ... oh tell me please,
Why am I forgotten and left out here to freeze?
____________________________________________________________________________________

Hello all coming in to add some more. Enjoy. 

Unknown Love

I struggle awake from a dream,
Your face in my mind's eye,
All I want to do is scream,
Then curl up like a baby and cry.
Everytime I'm around you
I just have to look into your eyes
Everyday my mind aches without a clue
Wondering if today is the day my soul flies.
I want to tell you everything,
And hope beyond hope that you feel the same,
Fear of rejection holds my tongue ... unable to say anything,
Watching you walk in and out of my life ... so lame.
You smile... and I just totally melt,
Do I even come close to doing the same thing to you?
I really wish I knew how you felt,
I'm just to damn scared to know what you'll do.
So with that in mind I grab a bottle of whiskey off the floor,
Slamming the first few shots as fast as I can get them in the glass,
Berating myself for being such a coward ... just wanting to kick my own ass,
Wishing with all I am that you'll come through that door.
But alas it always end the same frustrating way,
I stumble to the shower to clean up ... feeling not right,
Somehow back in bed only to have the dreams of you steal me away,
Chasing something that could be if I just wasn't afraid to fight.
Who knows maybe one day....
Someday......
____________________________________________________________________________

Death's Calling

Death comes with a sad smile on her face,
She whispers of safety and love for just you,
Death is beauty personified and gentle grace,
She always speaks unerringly true.
Death in mere moments becomes your greatest love,
She becomes your siphon ... your pain relief,
Death sends your soul to the heavens above,
She takes all of you in and ends your grief.
Death is the only true neutral entity you'll ever meet,
She cradles you in her cold embrace,
Death cannot be coerced, ignored, forgotten, or beat.
Death knows your heart as no one else ever will my friend,
She will come as you gasp your last lungfull of air,
Death's embrace you will welcome in the end,
She will show you compassion beyond compare.
Death will come ... as you breath your last few,
She will wipe you clean and guide you start anew.
Death is all....
She will call....
Time to go.......
____________________________________________________________________________

Money

I absolutely need you,
It's so damn true,
Without you I am lost,
To keep you I'll pay any cost.
I just can't exist without you,
Why this intense need ...realLy I have no clue,
Without you would be like denying the very air I breathe,
And accepting the fact that we should not ever be.
With you I get anything I could ever need,
It's time to go earn and for my ego to feed,
For money is said to be the giver of all,
It's time we hooked up and had a ball.
I would kill for that sinful green,
Anyone would ... you know what I mean,
Money is said to make all of the world go around,
Delivers soaring highs and has sent some crashing to the ground.
Money is the be all,
Money is the end,
Money is at your beck and call,
Enemy or friend?
It will always be there,
Need for it will never go away,
You'll collect it all with care,
Just for it to pass you by in the end someday.
Money you can never have enough of it,
It will rule your life .. ain't that some s***....
____________________________________________________________________________

Apologies

How do I tell you I'm sorry,
With a gesture or maybe a touch,
How do I ease this worry,
Inside it hurts way too much.
I angrily turned my back to you,
When you needed me the most,
Snuffed out a friendship true,
Your heart I blindly did roast.
I know what I did was so very wrong,
If  I could do it over again I would,
Compared to you .... I was not as strong,
I'd make it up to you if I could.
I see now what caused this was a lie,
Too late to save our friendship now,
I'm too stubborn to even give it a try,
One day I hope you will forgive me somehow.
An apology you definitely deserve to hear,
Would you even listen to my heartfelt plea,
Over this matter I have shed many a tear,
A way to mend this friendship ... I don't foresee.
I will just sit here banging my head against the wall,
Yearning for a chance to come along my way so I can see,
If our long lost  friendship can even be saved at all,
The day we'll be face to face and I can apologize ... finally.
____________________________________________________________________________

Lost

I wake scared out of my mind every night,
Sweat covering me like I'm stuck in a stream,
Shaking and crying from extreme fright,
Hoping futilely to never again have that dream.
Every night it always starts the same,
I'm in a large old house,
Something evil chases me as if its a game,
Like a cat chasing a mouse.
The house is familiar to me like from a past life,
I can hear voices and see shadowy images from the past,
Times of happiness and oh so many of terrible strife,
Suddenly it screams and I take off running fast.
As I pass by a mirror in the hall I see a child's face,
I hear its claws ever close, snapping in and out of floor and wall,
Chasing me from room to room with a fevered pace,
Screaming in frustration each time its prey escapes ... the gall.
I run into a room upstairs searching frantically for a way out,
All I can hear the whole time is its breathing just steps behind me,
Always just missing me ... ready to kill me of that I have no doubt,
Finally too tired to run more I jump into a closet and curl up like a baby.
With sweat pouring off me and shaking I wait for the end to come clear,
I hear its steps and breath getting ever closer to the door,
I turn my back to it praying only to have its breath brush against my ear,
It speaks the one and only time ... you are mine forever more.
_____________________________________________________________________________________




Trusted Member
Letter Bee Assistant ( Old School Spirit )


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 12-19-14
Location: Wisconsin
Last Post: 3028 days
Last Active: 2694 days

(edited by Brain-Splattered on 12-21-14 12:52 AM)     Post Rating: 1   Liked By: MCJungleKitty,

12-22-14 08:07 PM
Brain-Splattered is Offline
| ID: 1115746 | 936 Words

Level: 42


POSTS: 37/421
POST EXP: 75583
LVL EXP: 502749
CP: 1516.8
VIZ: 97630

Likes: 2  Dislikes: 0
Here's some more poems. Hope y'all enjoy them.

My Soul

I don't want to see you laying there,
Unmoving on the hospital bed ... silent as can be,
The damn doctors don't seem to care,
Tubes all over and some machine helping you breathe.
I want to hear you laughing and see your smile,
Please speak to me and tell me you are gonna be okay,
This is just fate right .. you'll be ok in a little while,
Wrap me in your arms and stop this cruel slow decay.
No matter how mad I was you always knew what to say to cheer me up,
Always had a smile and a hug just waiting for me,
With you around I couldn't help feeling like a kid getting a Christmas pup,
My life without you I cannot and will not foresee.
Please grip my hand, speak, open your eyes,
I'll take anything you can do ... just come back to me my soul,
Tell me you can feel and hear my heartfelt cries,
You ... back to the way you were is my one and only goal.
I curse god, fate, and anything else that had a hand in this bad joke,
Come on ... let me hear your witty comments or sunny laugh again,
I will not let you go ... to see you this way ... nay I say ... I revoke,
This cold still person in front of me is not you my soul .. my friend.
I pray, I cry, and enraged I scream,
Stop this unwavering feeling of dread,
When I wake up it will just be a bad dream,
Before you try to go tell them to please ... take me instead.
______________________________________________________________________________________

I Promise

I promise you with all my soul ... my captured heart,
I promise I will always love and cherish you,
No matter what happens we will never be apart.
Hopefully to never say goodbye or adieu.
As long as I live ... for you ... I will do anything,
You are my world and I will never let you go,
When I'm with you my heart is always singing,
Always to the world at large ... fortissimo!
Your smile lights up all my days and nights,
Your kiss always sends me to cloud nine,
Your laugh I would take over any tourist sights,
Holding you close, my only thought ... all mine.
When I am with you I feel safe and strong,
Warm when you're near and severe ache when you're gone,
My soul mate ... how can we ever be wrong,
You bewilder me, excite me, you are my phenomenon.
Even on the rare ocassions that you make me mad,
I take one look at you and always see,
That without you I'd be lost and unbelieveably sad,
I always realize that you & I are meant to be.
Forever, for always, two hearts together,
Beating ever as one .. always and forever.....
____________________________________________________________________________________

Mother

All I have to do is think of your glowing smile,
And the funny way you used to laugh and sigh,
Made me feel loved ... made it all worthwhile,
Remembering you always brings a tear to my eye.
The person who loved me more than anything,
The select few in the family I have kept in my heart,
To lose you so suddenly is so very upsetting ,
My world crumbles and I feel myself coming apart.
You were always there for me even when I didn't know it,
My mother, my friend, my most valued treasure,
You are so sorely missed that I feel my sanity I must commit,
You were the one by who all else I would measure.
Mom ... I don't like living without you,
But I know you would have insisted that I do,
I'm happy to admit I'm a momma's boy too,
I never want to say farewell or adieu.
I would give anything to get you back in my life,
I know that sadly and unfortunately that will never be,
You were there for me through my trials and strife,
Even tho you are gone I know you are still watching over me.
I hope when we meet again that I'll have made you proud,
That you'll have a hug reserved just for me,
We'll get to hang out again like we used to and laugh aloud,
From a son to a mother ... I will always love thee.
____________________________________________________________________________________

Bottom Line

You are truely my everything,
so honey please always remember this,
To my life so much joy you bring,
If you were to leave .. it's you I'd miss.
To me nothing else but you ever matters,
For good or bad ... as long as I'm just with you,
You'll have to forgive me if my mind scatters,
Whatever happens we'll always make it through.
I know I don't compliment you like I should,
I always think of you whether it's day or night,
I hope I have made my feelings understood,
As long as we are together everything is alright.
Woman you're my sunny, cool fall morning,
My rainy , sleepy, cozy, sweet afternoon,
My laid back and chill the stress away evening,
My cuddle up late at night soft lullaby tune.
I love you the same as our wedding day,
Even in the rare times we don't get along,
I hope you know and listen to what I say,
My love for you is past , present , and lifelong.
I will always love you oh wife of mine,
I'm not going anywhere ... bottom line.
____________________________________________________________________________________




Here's some more poems. Hope y'all enjoy them.

My Soul

I don't want to see you laying there,
Unmoving on the hospital bed ... silent as can be,
The damn doctors don't seem to care,
Tubes all over and some machine helping you breathe.
I want to hear you laughing and see your smile,
Please speak to me and tell me you are gonna be okay,
This is just fate right .. you'll be ok in a little while,
Wrap me in your arms and stop this cruel slow decay.
No matter how mad I was you always knew what to say to cheer me up,
Always had a smile and a hug just waiting for me,
With you around I couldn't help feeling like a kid getting a Christmas pup,
My life without you I cannot and will not foresee.
Please grip my hand, speak, open your eyes,
I'll take anything you can do ... just come back to me my soul,
Tell me you can feel and hear my heartfelt cries,
You ... back to the way you were is my one and only goal.
I curse god, fate, and anything else that had a hand in this bad joke,
Come on ... let me hear your witty comments or sunny laugh again,
I will not let you go ... to see you this way ... nay I say ... I revoke,
This cold still person in front of me is not you my soul .. my friend.
I pray, I cry, and enraged I scream,
Stop this unwavering feeling of dread,
When I wake up it will just be a bad dream,
Before you try to go tell them to please ... take me instead.
______________________________________________________________________________________

I Promise

I promise you with all my soul ... my captured heart,
I promise I will always love and cherish you,
No matter what happens we will never be apart.
Hopefully to never say goodbye or adieu.
As long as I live ... for you ... I will do anything,
You are my world and I will never let you go,
When I'm with you my heart is always singing,
Always to the world at large ... fortissimo!
Your smile lights up all my days and nights,
Your kiss always sends me to cloud nine,
Your laugh I would take over any tourist sights,
Holding you close, my only thought ... all mine.
When I am with you I feel safe and strong,
Warm when you're near and severe ache when you're gone,
My soul mate ... how can we ever be wrong,
You bewilder me, excite me, you are my phenomenon.
Even on the rare ocassions that you make me mad,
I take one look at you and always see,
That without you I'd be lost and unbelieveably sad,
I always realize that you & I are meant to be.
Forever, for always, two hearts together,
Beating ever as one .. always and forever.....
____________________________________________________________________________________

Mother

All I have to do is think of your glowing smile,
And the funny way you used to laugh and sigh,
Made me feel loved ... made it all worthwhile,
Remembering you always brings a tear to my eye.
The person who loved me more than anything,
The select few in the family I have kept in my heart,
To lose you so suddenly is so very upsetting ,
My world crumbles and I feel myself coming apart.
You were always there for me even when I didn't know it,
My mother, my friend, my most valued treasure,
You are so sorely missed that I feel my sanity I must commit,
You were the one by who all else I would measure.
Mom ... I don't like living without you,
But I know you would have insisted that I do,
I'm happy to admit I'm a momma's boy too,
I never want to say farewell or adieu.
I would give anything to get you back in my life,
I know that sadly and unfortunately that will never be,
You were there for me through my trials and strife,
Even tho you are gone I know you are still watching over me.
I hope when we meet again that I'll have made you proud,
That you'll have a hug reserved just for me,
We'll get to hang out again like we used to and laugh aloud,
From a son to a mother ... I will always love thee.
____________________________________________________________________________________

Bottom Line

You are truely my everything,
so honey please always remember this,
To my life so much joy you bring,
If you were to leave .. it's you I'd miss.
To me nothing else but you ever matters,
For good or bad ... as long as I'm just with you,
You'll have to forgive me if my mind scatters,
Whatever happens we'll always make it through.
I know I don't compliment you like I should,
I always think of you whether it's day or night,
I hope I have made my feelings understood,
As long as we are together everything is alright.
Woman you're my sunny, cool fall morning,
My rainy , sleepy, cozy, sweet afternoon,
My laid back and chill the stress away evening,
My cuddle up late at night soft lullaby tune.
I love you the same as our wedding day,
Even in the rare times we don't get along,
I hope you know and listen to what I say,
My love for you is past , present , and lifelong.
I will always love you oh wife of mine,
I'm not going anywhere ... bottom line.
____________________________________________________________________________________




Trusted Member
Letter Bee Assistant ( Old School Spirit )


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 12-19-14
Location: Wisconsin
Last Post: 3028 days
Last Active: 2694 days

Post Rating: 2   Liked By: MCJungleKitty, rebelyell,

12-22-14 09:58 PM
rebelyell is Offline
| ID: 1115771 | 59 Words

rebelyell
Level: 43

POSTS: 279/431
POST EXP: 16656
LVL EXP: 538135
CP: 3013.0
VIZ: 45771

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
Wow really good stuff. I enjoyed the Soul very much I lost my mother this way.And it touched me. And the Mother poem was a punch to the heart in a good way. You might want to but a warning saying don't read if drinking. But I found them a joy to read and I hope to see more.
Wow really good stuff. I enjoyed the Soul very much I lost my mother this way.And it touched me. And the Mother poem was a punch to the heart in a good way. You might want to but a warning saying don't read if drinking. But I found them a joy to read and I hope to see more.
Member

Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

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12-23-14 08:24 AM
Brain-Splattered is Offline
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Hey Rebel. Thanks for the compliments on the poems. Yeah I hear you about the warning. lol
 The Soul poem I wrote, seems like ages ago, during a time of mourning because my fiance died and I turned to writing trying to handle it. It helped but it was a rough stretch. The mother poem I wrote a year after my mother died from multiple strokes and a couple of heart attacks. Most of my poems tend to be personal experience but I have quite a few that are not. ?Yeah you'll be seeing a lot more. I'll be putting them in as I can. Take it easy for now Rebel and Merry Christmas. :O)
Hey Rebel. Thanks for the compliments on the poems. Yeah I hear you about the warning. lol
 The Soul poem I wrote, seems like ages ago, during a time of mourning because my fiance died and I turned to writing trying to handle it. It helped but it was a rough stretch. The mother poem I wrote a year after my mother died from multiple strokes and a couple of heart attacks. Most of my poems tend to be personal experience but I have quite a few that are not. ?Yeah you'll be seeing a lot more. I'll be putting them in as I can. Take it easy for now Rebel and Merry Christmas. :O)
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Letter Bee Assistant ( Old School Spirit )


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 12-19-14
Location: Wisconsin
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12-23-14 04:35 PM
MCJungleKitty is Offline
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MCJungleKitty
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   Hey man, I might not be into poetry but I really liked those. It's definitely different than the ones we talk about in English class. Those have no feelings, they're just about random stuff that no one cares about or knows anything about. I have no relations to these poems like rebelyell does, but for some reason I really liked these. When I first saw the thread name, I thought it'd be boring. That's how boring poetry (usually) is for me. 

   Your first 2 poems, about the dog, really hit me for some reason. Maybe it's because that's how I feel. I don't really know, but they really made me feel something special. I didn't really have anything to say about your next 2 poems, I don't know why. They were just interesting, that was all I felt. For the 'Money' poem, it felt entirely correct, like everything you said was true in every way. 'Apologies' is a poem where I felt little connection, but I never experienced a situation like that, I guess I only felt bad for the person in the poem. The last one in your first post, 'Lost', had a sense of fear. I felt like I was waiting in suspense, not knowing what was going to happen. The end was awesome, it gave me some chills.

   In your second post, your first one, called 'My Soul', I had no personal connection. Again, it was me just feeling bad for the person in the poem. I know the feeling is different from person to person, and it definitely hits home if it's happened to you, like it has for rebelyell (I feel sorry for you man. Really do, I can't imagine life without my mom). In 'I Promise', there was nothing special to me. 'Mother" is like 'My Soul'. There wasn't much feeling for me, but there is for people who have had similar experiences in life. You shouldn't expect me to get 'Bottom Line' as I'm only 14, but there was probably some feeling for other people .

   Hope you enjoyed the feedback, and if you love what you do, keep doing it! Peace .
   Hey man, I might not be into poetry but I really liked those. It's definitely different than the ones we talk about in English class. Those have no feelings, they're just about random stuff that no one cares about or knows anything about. I have no relations to these poems like rebelyell does, but for some reason I really liked these. When I first saw the thread name, I thought it'd be boring. That's how boring poetry (usually) is for me. 

   Your first 2 poems, about the dog, really hit me for some reason. Maybe it's because that's how I feel. I don't really know, but they really made me feel something special. I didn't really have anything to say about your next 2 poems, I don't know why. They were just interesting, that was all I felt. For the 'Money' poem, it felt entirely correct, like everything you said was true in every way. 'Apologies' is a poem where I felt little connection, but I never experienced a situation like that, I guess I only felt bad for the person in the poem. The last one in your first post, 'Lost', had a sense of fear. I felt like I was waiting in suspense, not knowing what was going to happen. The end was awesome, it gave me some chills.

   In your second post, your first one, called 'My Soul', I had no personal connection. Again, it was me just feeling bad for the person in the poem. I know the feeling is different from person to person, and it definitely hits home if it's happened to you, like it has for rebelyell (I feel sorry for you man. Really do, I can't imagine life without my mom). In 'I Promise', there was nothing special to me. 'Mother" is like 'My Soul'. There wasn't much feeling for me, but there is for people who have had similar experiences in life. You shouldn't expect me to get 'Bottom Line' as I'm only 14, but there was probably some feeling for other people .

   Hope you enjoyed the feedback, and if you love what you do, keep doing it! Peace .
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12-23-14 07:57 PM
Brain-Splattered is Offline
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@ MCJungleKitty  Hey it's cool. I didn't expect any poetry thread to take off and be a big hit. Poetry is not for everyone but I do believe everyone can get some kid of emotion or enjoyment out of poems if they are done right. Yeah I've been through the stuffy poems in English class. I remember most of them bored the crap out of me. Long story in how I finally got around to enjoying poetry and finally writing it. So not going into that but needless to say I found a good way to write them and went crazy doing so. Yeah I should have changed the name of the thread to get more people to check it out but I couldn't really think of anything to change it to that pops out at a reader. Hey I love to hear critiques of my poems. Lets me know if I am doing a good job and what poems the people who read them are leaning to. Because every reader responds to different emotions and situations in poems. I also try to make the poems as true to what I or anyone else in that situation would feel at the time. Yeah losing my mom really sucked cuz she was also one of my best friends. I've lost a lot of family members but not going into that right now. Yeah at 14 I don't expect you'd know about that but you will soon. Somewhere along the line you'll meet that one you just have to be with and can't be without. Thanks for the feedback Kitty. It's much appreciated. Yeah I love writing poems so you'll definitely be seeing more added. 
@ MCJungleKitty  Hey it's cool. I didn't expect any poetry thread to take off and be a big hit. Poetry is not for everyone but I do believe everyone can get some kid of emotion or enjoyment out of poems if they are done right. Yeah I've been through the stuffy poems in English class. I remember most of them bored the crap out of me. Long story in how I finally got around to enjoying poetry and finally writing it. So not going into that but needless to say I found a good way to write them and went crazy doing so. Yeah I should have changed the name of the thread to get more people to check it out but I couldn't really think of anything to change it to that pops out at a reader. Hey I love to hear critiques of my poems. Lets me know if I am doing a good job and what poems the people who read them are leaning to. Because every reader responds to different emotions and situations in poems. I also try to make the poems as true to what I or anyone else in that situation would feel at the time. Yeah losing my mom really sucked cuz she was also one of my best friends. I've lost a lot of family members but not going into that right now. Yeah at 14 I don't expect you'd know about that but you will soon. Somewhere along the line you'll meet that one you just have to be with and can't be without. Thanks for the feedback Kitty. It's much appreciated. Yeah I love writing poems so you'll definitely be seeing more added. 
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Letter Bee Assistant ( Old School Spirit )


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

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12-31-14 07:53 AM
Brain-Splattered is Offline
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Gonna add some more. These are actually a three poems I wrote for the group I chat with at a anime site I hang out at called Otaku-Streamers. Enjoy!

The Facts

Greed laughs at us all,
Pain drives us all every day,
Fear causes us to fall,
Hate destroys all in its way.
Loyalty commands we sacrifice,
Love lifts us above all life's ordeal,
Fate says we have to roll the dice,
Courage emboldens us to be real.
Jealousy wants all that appears in its path,
Humor gathers all of those closest to you,
Depression drowns us in a misery bath,
Destiny decides what route you travel through.
Shyness causes us to shun the world outside our door,
Faith demands we believe in magic ... that miracle shot,
Ego forces us to strive to be more than we were before,
Patience reigns us in when we have a dangerous thought.
All of these make us who we are on the journey to the end,
Even those of us trapped in this website of dreamers,
Watching anime, chatting it up with enemies or just a friend,
It's unavoidable, not up to you, welcome to otaku-streamers.
____________________________________________________________________________________

Anime Time

Excitement begins to build as I open my laptop,
Scrolling through my bookmarks and see Otaku-streamers,
To my watch list and select the perfect one on the spot,
Ready to start my anime ... a world of imperfect dreamers.
Will it be a great anime or an utter epic fail,
Is this the anime today that will satiate my need,
Maybe a good action anime like Fairy Tale,
Or a mecha anime like for example appleseed.
Hmm wait and give it some more thought,
While I grab some cold pizza from the night before,
Got to have coffee .. damn I almost forgot,
On my way back my mind comes up with many more.
Maybe one I've seen before like say Claymore,
Or an under-dog story like Beet : The Vandel Buster,
oh I know ... a game based one like Persona 4,
I got it now it has to be for sure HunterXHunter.
Now that I've made my choice I'll load my selection,
Get relaxed in my favorite recliner with my feet propped,
As I watch Gon with his unyielding determination,
And watch all the bad guys get walloped and dropped.
Ah yes ... this is exactly what I needed to see today,
My day is filled with chaos and fun, it's truely heaven,
Time for me to say goodbye so I can watch my anime,
OS is great ... maybe after this I'll watch Eureka Seven.
So I finally made my streaming choice,
And I'm now watching and having a blast,
Open your eyes and raise your voice,
Pick your poison .. I mean anime and cast!
Deploy! Deploy! Deploy!
Ah hell with it .. just enjoy!
____________________________________________________________________________

Anime Time 2

I finished HunterxHunter and now I'm back looking for more,
Got another cup of coffee so I am ready, so hell yeah let's go,
Maybe this time a older mecha anime will do ... like Patlabor,
Or a sports anime that has it all in it's story like Hajime No Ippo.
I go into SB in OS and ask for a few suggestions to help me,
I get tons of suggestions to help me find that anime with zing,
Maybe a game based anime is what I need ... like say Amatsuki,
Wow another suggestion I just have to see ... it's Hellsing!
I also see another worth watching ... it's Tegami Bachi: Letter Bee,
It brings to mind another I'd watch again ... Zettai Karen Children,
I know a sci-fi is the genre I need ... it would have to be Level E,
Hard to choose from so many here ... maybe Witch Hunter Robin.
I finally decide on the excellent Yuu Yuu hakusho,
Hard to admit I even gave some thought to Naruto,
Someone slap me for just say that ... Oh Hell to the NO,
May as well force myself to watch this anime Hamtaro.
Ugh! After that what can I say to save my own ass,
Screw this, I know what I'll watch ... Psycho-pass.
I sit back and let my stress fade away,
Streaming anime is what I'm out to do,
Till I'm done and see y'all again I'll say,
Happy holidays from me to all of you.

Gonna add some more. These are actually a three poems I wrote for the group I chat with at a anime site I hang out at called Otaku-Streamers. Enjoy!

The Facts

Greed laughs at us all,
Pain drives us all every day,
Fear causes us to fall,
Hate destroys all in its way.
Loyalty commands we sacrifice,
Love lifts us above all life's ordeal,
Fate says we have to roll the dice,
Courage emboldens us to be real.
Jealousy wants all that appears in its path,
Humor gathers all of those closest to you,
Depression drowns us in a misery bath,
Destiny decides what route you travel through.
Shyness causes us to shun the world outside our door,
Faith demands we believe in magic ... that miracle shot,
Ego forces us to strive to be more than we were before,
Patience reigns us in when we have a dangerous thought.
All of these make us who we are on the journey to the end,
Even those of us trapped in this website of dreamers,
Watching anime, chatting it up with enemies or just a friend,
It's unavoidable, not up to you, welcome to otaku-streamers.
____________________________________________________________________________________

Anime Time

Excitement begins to build as I open my laptop,
Scrolling through my bookmarks and see Otaku-streamers,
To my watch list and select the perfect one on the spot,
Ready to start my anime ... a world of imperfect dreamers.
Will it be a great anime or an utter epic fail,
Is this the anime today that will satiate my need,
Maybe a good action anime like Fairy Tale,
Or a mecha anime like for example appleseed.
Hmm wait and give it some more thought,
While I grab some cold pizza from the night before,
Got to have coffee .. damn I almost forgot,
On my way back my mind comes up with many more.
Maybe one I've seen before like say Claymore,
Or an under-dog story like Beet : The Vandel Buster,
oh I know ... a game based one like Persona 4,
I got it now it has to be for sure HunterXHunter.
Now that I've made my choice I'll load my selection,
Get relaxed in my favorite recliner with my feet propped,
As I watch Gon with his unyielding determination,
And watch all the bad guys get walloped and dropped.
Ah yes ... this is exactly what I needed to see today,
My day is filled with chaos and fun, it's truely heaven,
Time for me to say goodbye so I can watch my anime,
OS is great ... maybe after this I'll watch Eureka Seven.
So I finally made my streaming choice,
And I'm now watching and having a blast,
Open your eyes and raise your voice,
Pick your poison .. I mean anime and cast!
Deploy! Deploy! Deploy!
Ah hell with it .. just enjoy!
____________________________________________________________________________

Anime Time 2

I finished HunterxHunter and now I'm back looking for more,
Got another cup of coffee so I am ready, so hell yeah let's go,
Maybe this time a older mecha anime will do ... like Patlabor,
Or a sports anime that has it all in it's story like Hajime No Ippo.
I go into SB in OS and ask for a few suggestions to help me,
I get tons of suggestions to help me find that anime with zing,
Maybe a game based anime is what I need ... like say Amatsuki,
Wow another suggestion I just have to see ... it's Hellsing!
I also see another worth watching ... it's Tegami Bachi: Letter Bee,
It brings to mind another I'd watch again ... Zettai Karen Children,
I know a sci-fi is the genre I need ... it would have to be Level E,
Hard to choose from so many here ... maybe Witch Hunter Robin.
I finally decide on the excellent Yuu Yuu hakusho,
Hard to admit I even gave some thought to Naruto,
Someone slap me for just say that ... Oh Hell to the NO,
May as well force myself to watch this anime Hamtaro.
Ugh! After that what can I say to save my own ass,
Screw this, I know what I'll watch ... Psycho-pass.
I sit back and let my stress fade away,
Streaming anime is what I'm out to do,
Till I'm done and see y'all again I'll say,
Happy holidays from me to all of you.

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Letter Bee Assistant ( Old School Spirit )


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 12-19-14
Location: Wisconsin
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12-31-14 09:17 AM
Singelli is Offline
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Singelli
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You write some really great things. I too, like writing poetry, but I'm not that great at it and don't do it all too often. It's actually one of my goals this upcoming year... to write for at least 20 minutes a day.  Writing is one of my greatest forms of therapy, and I'm sure I'd go mad without it. 

I really, really like a lot of your lines from "The Facts".  Mostly, I LOVE the line "Loyalty commands we sacrifice".  That is just so... poetic and awesome. haha. It's totally true, too.  Way to go!

Keep practicing, and your expressions will become even better.
You write some really great things. I too, like writing poetry, but I'm not that great at it and don't do it all too often. It's actually one of my goals this upcoming year... to write for at least 20 minutes a day.  Writing is one of my greatest forms of therapy, and I'm sure I'd go mad without it. 

I really, really like a lot of your lines from "The Facts".  Mostly, I LOVE the line "Loyalty commands we sacrifice".  That is just so... poetic and awesome. haha. It's totally true, too.  Way to go!

Keep practicing, and your expressions will become even better.
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Singelli


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 08-09-12
Location: Alabama
Last Post: 2499 days
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12-31-14 09:43 AM
Brain-Splattered is Offline
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@ Singelli Thanks a lot. I try my best with each poem. Got a request for you ... could you please change the text color cuz I am having a hard time reading that light color . Been writing poems for about 25 years ( off and on as life permits and I feel inspired to write ) so I have a ton of poems. I also have a lot of sci-fi, fantasy, and a couple of horror stories I have wrote but never finished. I'm hoping to one day eventually finish some of them. Maybe get the poems and the stories I have finished published. Who knows .... a dream for another day. 

Glad to hear you like to write as well. Well if you ever need or want help with something you are working on then feel free to holler my way. I'm always up for being creative. Yeah writing is my therapy as well ... has been for a long time now. Right now I am actually working on a surprise for the people here but it's gonna take awhile because I keep figuring out different ways to write this and keep erasing it and re-writing it.  

I'll be posting more off and on. Don't wanna post too many at one time. Gotta keep y'all anticipating and coming back for more. 
@ Singelli Thanks a lot. I try my best with each poem. Got a request for you ... could you please change the text color cuz I am having a hard time reading that light color . Been writing poems for about 25 years ( off and on as life permits and I feel inspired to write ) so I have a ton of poems. I also have a lot of sci-fi, fantasy, and a couple of horror stories I have wrote but never finished. I'm hoping to one day eventually finish some of them. Maybe get the poems and the stories I have finished published. Who knows .... a dream for another day. 

Glad to hear you like to write as well. Well if you ever need or want help with something you are working on then feel free to holler my way. I'm always up for being creative. Yeah writing is my therapy as well ... has been for a long time now. Right now I am actually working on a surprise for the people here but it's gonna take awhile because I keep figuring out different ways to write this and keep erasing it and re-writing it.  

I'll be posting more off and on. Don't wanna post too many at one time. Gotta keep y'all anticipating and coming back for more. 
Trusted Member
Letter Bee Assistant ( Old School Spirit )


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 12-19-14
Location: Wisconsin
Last Post: 3028 days
Last Active: 2694 days

(edited by Brain-Splattered on 12-31-14 09:44 AM)     Post Rating: 1   Liked By: Singelli,

01-02-15 05:09 PM
Brain-Splattered is Offline
| ID: 1119096 | 747 Words

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Ok got some more to post in here but I would like to take the time to warn anyone who is easily offended to not continue to read this. Also the poems I post in here may be a bit more mature at times ( not sexual tho ). Please enjoy these for what they are and that is poetry written to entertain and tell a story. Not sure how to do spoilers so I just left the word with stars and you can guess what it is. :O)
Well anyways on with the poems :

Get A Life

Why do I have to daily get to see your face,
Are you doing it to remind me of the past,
Just get the hell out of my personal space,
Go bother someone else ... have a blast.
You've lied to me so very many times,
Admitted to multiple episodes of cheating,
Thanks for owning up to your crimes,
Nevermind .... please do stay for your beating.
You blame everyone else for your stupid and careless mistake,
Why can't you never admit the truth behind all those lies,
You have no clue what love is ... cuz all you do is take,
Just for once stop, listen, and hopefully come to realize.
To everyone else you try to paint yourself as a pure saint,
Only to crash and burn with the telling of each new tale,
The blindfold has been pulled off revealing your taint,
You sure blew the hell out of that .... what an epic fail.
You chose this lonely path to walk along,
No one else is going to hold your backstabbing hand,
Live up to your lies and be pure and strong,
Give back to those that care ... instead of always demand.
Stop acting like you care at all about anyone besides just you,
Go find another low life that you can share your misery with witch,
Because to anyone that matters they'll see through what you do,
Get a life, grow a heart, you selfish, conniving, arrogant b***h!
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I'm Coming

Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock!
Answer the door quickly so that I may tear you apart,
I tingle all over in anticipation of your look of shock,
Images of your bloody corpse warms my cold heart.
I have stalked and hunted you for so many years,
You were always ... just .... escaping from my clutching grasp,
Now you're trapped ... the hunt has begun ... turn the gears,
Let me hear your glorious screams and that ragged last gasp.
You shine bright in my chaotic world of everlasting dark,
Run! Run while you still have some sense of hope,
Nowhere to hide ... your blood draws me like a shark,
Hide! In the darkness where you flail and grope.
I see your tracks and hear your heart rapidly beating,
Please keep this hunt going for me forever my prey,
Can you feel my breath as upon your back I come creeping,
Can you feel me sink my claws and teeth into your body I flay.
Now there is only sweet blood and pain,
Knock! Knock! Can we please do that again?
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Rage

I am absolute rage,
I am certain death,
Free me from this cage,
I am inevitable like a breath.
I am hate building up repeatedly until it explodes,
Can you feel my eyes piercing your slender back,
If I can ever be free, for her a fate awaits, as black forebodes
My body trembling in anticipation of a snack.
I am the wind, while I spring at you unseen
For you I'll go to the utmost extremes
For I'm the ground where you will die.....horribly obscene
I catch your scent upon the damp air,
Off I go as the hunt begins to near an end,
The smell of fear and ... oh yes despair,
You know your fate, something I hope you truly can comprehend
Your story has ended .. I will turn the final page,
Your death awaits as I have explained,
Her end has always been preordained,
Someone please release me from this cage.
I manage to calm myself and fall into an uneasy sleep,
With one thought on my mind ... she is mine to reap.
Your rotting corpse and bloodless eyes fill me with glee,
I promise I will kill you and all your precious family tree.
For now I dream of what could be,
To be released .. To be set free ....
Ok got some more to post in here but I would like to take the time to warn anyone who is easily offended to not continue to read this. Also the poems I post in here may be a bit more mature at times ( not sexual tho ). Please enjoy these for what they are and that is poetry written to entertain and tell a story. Not sure how to do spoilers so I just left the word with stars and you can guess what it is. :O)
Well anyways on with the poems :

Get A Life

Why do I have to daily get to see your face,
Are you doing it to remind me of the past,
Just get the hell out of my personal space,
Go bother someone else ... have a blast.
You've lied to me so very many times,
Admitted to multiple episodes of cheating,
Thanks for owning up to your crimes,
Nevermind .... please do stay for your beating.
You blame everyone else for your stupid and careless mistake,
Why can't you never admit the truth behind all those lies,
You have no clue what love is ... cuz all you do is take,
Just for once stop, listen, and hopefully come to realize.
To everyone else you try to paint yourself as a pure saint,
Only to crash and burn with the telling of each new tale,
The blindfold has been pulled off revealing your taint,
You sure blew the hell out of that .... what an epic fail.
You chose this lonely path to walk along,
No one else is going to hold your backstabbing hand,
Live up to your lies and be pure and strong,
Give back to those that care ... instead of always demand.
Stop acting like you care at all about anyone besides just you,
Go find another low life that you can share your misery with witch,
Because to anyone that matters they'll see through what you do,
Get a life, grow a heart, you selfish, conniving, arrogant b***h!
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I'm Coming

Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock!
Answer the door quickly so that I may tear you apart,
I tingle all over in anticipation of your look of shock,
Images of your bloody corpse warms my cold heart.
I have stalked and hunted you for so many years,
You were always ... just .... escaping from my clutching grasp,
Now you're trapped ... the hunt has begun ... turn the gears,
Let me hear your glorious screams and that ragged last gasp.
You shine bright in my chaotic world of everlasting dark,
Run! Run while you still have some sense of hope,
Nowhere to hide ... your blood draws me like a shark,
Hide! In the darkness where you flail and grope.
I see your tracks and hear your heart rapidly beating,
Please keep this hunt going for me forever my prey,
Can you feel my breath as upon your back I come creeping,
Can you feel me sink my claws and teeth into your body I flay.
Now there is only sweet blood and pain,
Knock! Knock! Can we please do that again?
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Rage

I am absolute rage,
I am certain death,
Free me from this cage,
I am inevitable like a breath.
I am hate building up repeatedly until it explodes,
Can you feel my eyes piercing your slender back,
If I can ever be free, for her a fate awaits, as black forebodes
My body trembling in anticipation of a snack.
I am the wind, while I spring at you unseen
For you I'll go to the utmost extremes
For I'm the ground where you will die.....horribly obscene
I catch your scent upon the damp air,
Off I go as the hunt begins to near an end,
The smell of fear and ... oh yes despair,
You know your fate, something I hope you truly can comprehend
Your story has ended .. I will turn the final page,
Your death awaits as I have explained,
Her end has always been preordained,
Someone please release me from this cage.
I manage to calm myself and fall into an uneasy sleep,
With one thought on my mind ... she is mine to reap.
Your rotting corpse and bloodless eyes fill me with glee,
I promise I will kill you and all your precious family tree.
For now I dream of what could be,
To be released .. To be set free ....
Trusted Member
Letter Bee Assistant ( Old School Spirit )


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 12-19-14
Location: Wisconsin
Last Post: 3028 days
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01-14-15 11:14 AM
Brain-Splattered is Offline
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This poem I did for a anime site contest. The whole idea was to pick a theme or plot from an anime and write a poem about it. Tell me whatcha' think of it please. This what I submitted to that contest : 

Anime : Valkyria Chronicles
Subject : War

War

In war as in life there often comes many a time,
When losses suffered can no longer be absorbed,
When grief and loss become all that you know,
You've given absolutely everything you've got.
Looking around all you see is organized crime,
People doing things that they normally abhorred,
Country versing country for what they see as status quo,
Man versus man for the ideals in blood they have sought.
Woman versus woman to protect that lost orphaned child,
Child versus child all for that warm safe place to sleep,
Out on the battlefield sirens wail and the dying screams,
Bombs explode and guns fire into the chaos that is reality,
Body parts fly and blood running like a river gone wild,
Like lambs to a slaughter house come all ye blinded sheep,
Slaughtering wholesale for a politician's hopes and dreams,
Greed causes them to devolve and massacre all morality.
Watching as kin and friends are killed with no distinction,
People starving and homeless trying to just survive the day,
Warriors or patriots as they like to call themselves a lot,
Always looking for the next war or next battle to be fought,
Singing praise of victories to fuel their misguided ambition,
Praying that they will kill all who would stand in their way,
Until the day they too wind up dead, sadly to be forgot.
So lift up your banners, raise your swords, pikes and voices,
Strap on that shiny armor and get atop your trusted steed,
But do be careful of those same politicians for there choices,
War cares for naught except for on whose soul it will feed.

This poem I did for a anime site contest. The whole idea was to pick a theme or plot from an anime and write a poem about it. Tell me whatcha' think of it please. This what I submitted to that contest : 

Anime : Valkyria Chronicles
Subject : War

War

In war as in life there often comes many a time,
When losses suffered can no longer be absorbed,
When grief and loss become all that you know,
You've given absolutely everything you've got.
Looking around all you see is organized crime,
People doing things that they normally abhorred,
Country versing country for what they see as status quo,
Man versus man for the ideals in blood they have sought.
Woman versus woman to protect that lost orphaned child,
Child versus child all for that warm safe place to sleep,
Out on the battlefield sirens wail and the dying screams,
Bombs explode and guns fire into the chaos that is reality,
Body parts fly and blood running like a river gone wild,
Like lambs to a slaughter house come all ye blinded sheep,
Slaughtering wholesale for a politician's hopes and dreams,
Greed causes them to devolve and massacre all morality.
Watching as kin and friends are killed with no distinction,
People starving and homeless trying to just survive the day,
Warriors or patriots as they like to call themselves a lot,
Always looking for the next war or next battle to be fought,
Singing praise of victories to fuel their misguided ambition,
Praying that they will kill all who would stand in their way,
Until the day they too wind up dead, sadly to be forgot.
So lift up your banners, raise your swords, pikes and voices,
Strap on that shiny armor and get atop your trusted steed,
But do be careful of those same politicians for there choices,
War cares for naught except for on whose soul it will feed.

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01-15-15 01:26 PM
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Brain-Splattered : It's pretty obvious you love poetry from what you've written. That said, it seems as if you're trying too hard to fulfill a specific aspect of poetry (the descriptive aspect of it). I felt quite moved by your poem based on Valkyria Chronicles, and it kept my attention well from beginning to end. But upon further analysis, it's not much more than that. It's descriptive, but it's little else. It's enough to keep someone's attention the whole time, but as readers become more discerning, they are not likely to return to it because they cannot gain much insight or enjoy it as much as a more well-written poem. I, too, struggle with things such as this, except I usually fall short in different ways. Do not look at a poem, and just say "that's crap" and move on (unless you would feel morally bad even looking at the poem). Either take what you have learned from the writing of this poem and move on, or try to improve it. I usually fall into the former category. I rarely edit my poems (except in my mind before they hit the paper), unless I feel quite devoted to a particular concept or see an opportunity for improvement in some way. That is a fine way to learn. But you may learn in a different way. That's fine, too.

My suggestion for this particular poem: Make it even MORE raw (but I don't mean cruder). Don't rhyme at all (unless you see a artistic opportunity that cannot be passed up), and try to prevent the lines from being too close in number of syllables. Experiment around, most of all. Perhaps put awkward breaks into the poem to support the feel. I feel, that considering the content of the poem, it would do quite well with a more raw context. But most of all, turn this into a fun opportunity to learn. It's no good if you aren't having fun.
Brain-Splattered : It's pretty obvious you love poetry from what you've written. That said, it seems as if you're trying too hard to fulfill a specific aspect of poetry (the descriptive aspect of it). I felt quite moved by your poem based on Valkyria Chronicles, and it kept my attention well from beginning to end. But upon further analysis, it's not much more than that. It's descriptive, but it's little else. It's enough to keep someone's attention the whole time, but as readers become more discerning, they are not likely to return to it because they cannot gain much insight or enjoy it as much as a more well-written poem. I, too, struggle with things such as this, except I usually fall short in different ways. Do not look at a poem, and just say "that's crap" and move on (unless you would feel morally bad even looking at the poem). Either take what you have learned from the writing of this poem and move on, or try to improve it. I usually fall into the former category. I rarely edit my poems (except in my mind before they hit the paper), unless I feel quite devoted to a particular concept or see an opportunity for improvement in some way. That is a fine way to learn. But you may learn in a different way. That's fine, too.

My suggestion for this particular poem: Make it even MORE raw (but I don't mean cruder). Don't rhyme at all (unless you see a artistic opportunity that cannot be passed up), and try to prevent the lines from being too close in number of syllables. Experiment around, most of all. Perhaps put awkward breaks into the poem to support the feel. I feel, that considering the content of the poem, it would do quite well with a more raw context. But most of all, turn this into a fun opportunity to learn. It's no good if you aren't having fun.
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01-15-15 03:12 PM
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@ Supernerd117 : Like the advice and glad y'all like the poems. Yes I do love to write poetry. In a way I agree with you on being too descriptive but I have always done that because I want the reader to feel it all and as strongly as possible. It fails about half the time but when done right, there is nothing like watching someone's face change emotion after emotion when you have it right. To me if the reader cannot sympathize and feel what the poet was feeling ( or close to it ) then the poem has failed to deliver ( the subject can be crap as long as the emotion is there ). Not saying it is not a good poem. I would never say that, although I have read many a snoozer. As far as the rhyming goes that I will always continue to do. I will try being less descriptive in future poems to see how that goes but I cannot write them any other way and still see it as my style of poetry ( has to be descriptive and rhyme ). 

As far as preventing lines from being too close in number of syllables I can work on that. It's just something I have done a lot trying to make the cadence of the poem not vary way too much. Yeah I got no problem with experimenting with that and seeing what happens. I'm always up for improving my poetry but not for completely changing my style. Oh I edit my poems a lot because I may have something pop in my mind that screams this is better than what I have there at the moment. I'm one that likes to scribble ideas until I get it how I want it then I put it paper. 

Ok I've jabbered on enough and no I wasn't trying to be rude in anything I said in this. So don't take it that way. I do however want a example of what you meant by making it RAW or a better explanation of what you meant. Looking forward to it . Take it easy all. :O)
@ Supernerd117 : Like the advice and glad y'all like the poems. Yes I do love to write poetry. In a way I agree with you on being too descriptive but I have always done that because I want the reader to feel it all and as strongly as possible. It fails about half the time but when done right, there is nothing like watching someone's face change emotion after emotion when you have it right. To me if the reader cannot sympathize and feel what the poet was feeling ( or close to it ) then the poem has failed to deliver ( the subject can be crap as long as the emotion is there ). Not saying it is not a good poem. I would never say that, although I have read many a snoozer. As far as the rhyming goes that I will always continue to do. I will try being less descriptive in future poems to see how that goes but I cannot write them any other way and still see it as my style of poetry ( has to be descriptive and rhyme ). 

As far as preventing lines from being too close in number of syllables I can work on that. It's just something I have done a lot trying to make the cadence of the poem not vary way too much. Yeah I got no problem with experimenting with that and seeing what happens. I'm always up for improving my poetry but not for completely changing my style. Oh I edit my poems a lot because I may have something pop in my mind that screams this is better than what I have there at the moment. I'm one that likes to scribble ideas until I get it how I want it then I put it paper. 

Ok I've jabbered on enough and no I wasn't trying to be rude in anything I said in this. So don't take it that way. I do however want a example of what you meant by making it RAW or a better explanation of what you meant. Looking forward to it . Take it easy all. :O)
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02-03-15 04:20 PM
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#AntiSandwichBrigade

on topic though, the poems I've read so far were great, keep it up!
#AntiSandwichBrigade

on topic though, the poems I've read so far were great, keep it up!
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02-13-15 12:51 AM
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Brain-Splattered : I'm sorry! I didn't realize you replied until now. What I mean by "raw" is to break the poem's flow through certain choices in order to sell the focus of the poem/story. I do recommend tweaking with your style a bit. I don't recommend abandoning it, but it really helps to mess around and learn new things.

And I also feel that I was too critical in my previous post. As a poet, I try to help people with advice. But I think I really gave some lame criticisms. When I said "it's not much else", I based it upon how I felt at the time. But I have changed since then, and what I felt to be little now can seem to be big. Please forgive me for acting lame.

So yeah. I do recommend messing with the poem. But it is definitely still pretty awesome as-is.
Brain-Splattered : I'm sorry! I didn't realize you replied until now. What I mean by "raw" is to break the poem's flow through certain choices in order to sell the focus of the poem/story. I do recommend tweaking with your style a bit. I don't recommend abandoning it, but it really helps to mess around and learn new things.

And I also feel that I was too critical in my previous post. As a poet, I try to help people with advice. But I think I really gave some lame criticisms. When I said "it's not much else", I based it upon how I felt at the time. But I have changed since then, and what I felt to be little now can seem to be big. Please forgive me for acting lame.

So yeah. I do recommend messing with the poem. But it is definitely still pretty awesome as-is.
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