My friend, a 93 year old woman that was tough as nails....passes. My roomate, in the hospital. I want to move to Texas, but I can't until the funeral and my roomate gets his fun fun fun stuff done at the hospital...which may include dialysis. And that my friends is just in two days. You may know me as silly impetuous manic, but inside I feel deep pain that is currently being fixed by the bottom of a bottle. 

mrfe :
bobq :
I am sorry. No matter how many times I tell you two I quit. NO matter how many times I tell you guys I will slow down...I can't. I know it's going to kill me. I also know that pot is NOT helping me merf. But something deep inside me knows that a temporary fix helps. Even if it IS temporary. I am not sure what to do. I call out to Vizzed. I am thinking of calling out to some professional help. I just don't know what to do. One is too many , and a thousand is not enough...I give. I give in to the pain. I give in to the stress. I give in to the stupidity of my life. I just want some support and maybe a way to cope that DON'T involve me getting sauced. Or stoned. Or mad at the world. I just want to be happy. And not fake happy yay. A sincere, honest, fuzzy feel good happy. I give up anymore about what to do.

Well mrfe will tell you to find God, but that is the answer that every religious person would give.

My answer, is to look inside yourself and find out what you want more than anything else. The next step is to dedicate yourself to achieving those goals. It will keep your mind busy, it will keep you happy and it will give your direction in life.

I'm not really sure what to say...Anytime you just need to vent, or just talk about something frustrating, I'll listen. I'm so sorry for your loss. But I'm glad you want to make change to your life, and know that pot isn't the answer to all problems. I would suggest what bob says mrfe would say, but I have a feeling you may not want that as an answer. I've just recently been through depression myself, like the actual mental disorder. So my advice from that is this; always have something to look foreword to. Stay in touch with friends and or/ family. And look on the bright side to things. And try to be happy. The happier you feel on the inside, after awhile it will leak outward.

manic... why haven't I been in on this loop?   You know I care for you deeply, right?

I can't offer much advice other than what you're doing now.  REACH OUT.  I can't tell you how much it has helped me with my hard feelings recently. And if I or anyone else can offer you even an ounce of the relief I have felt.... let us know. We're here for you, and though it may be hard to believe, having friends and talking to them is just about one of the best things you can do.  I'm always an open ear.

Take care of yourself. You're on the right track by acknowledging something is wrong...

WHY HAVEN'T YOU SPOKE TO ME ABOUT THIS...