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Alright guys I could use some help

 

08-15-13 03:48 PM
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Ok so I like this girl, and she is one of my best friends. She likes one of my best guy friends. That guy friend told the girl friend (We will call them Bob and Mary from now on (not their real names)) that he likes her too. They were texting for a while and stuff and he seemed like he was going to ask her out. Then, all of a sudden, he told her that he can't go out with her. She was crying a lot and he was upset too. Turns out he liked another girl better. Anyway, she's texting me about how sad she is and I'm trying to cheer her up and sympathize with her. At the same time, Bob is texting me about how bad he feels and I have to try to sympathize with him. Everything is kind of better now. I said some really sweet things to her and I hope I might be able to get out of the friend zone. When is it appropriate to ask her out? How should I do it? Should I do it at all? Any advice would be great.
Ok so I like this girl, and she is one of my best friends. She likes one of my best guy friends. That guy friend told the girl friend (We will call them Bob and Mary from now on (not their real names)) that he likes her too. They were texting for a while and stuff and he seemed like he was going to ask her out. Then, all of a sudden, he told her that he can't go out with her. She was crying a lot and he was upset too. Turns out he liked another girl better. Anyway, she's texting me about how sad she is and I'm trying to cheer her up and sympathize with her. At the same time, Bob is texting me about how bad he feels and I have to try to sympathize with him. Everything is kind of better now. I said some really sweet things to her and I hope I might be able to get out of the friend zone. When is it appropriate to ask her out? How should I do it? Should I do it at all? Any advice would be great.

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08-15-13 05:33 PM
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You have probably heard this before, but don't rush things. Then again don't give up. I had a crush on a girl for ages but it never though she liked me since she rarely talked to me. I gave up and moved onto another girl which turned out to be "just friends with me" later that year the girl I liked asked me out, by this time I was over her but I still feel the guilt. 

I would break the touch boundary, not like a massive pervert but be nice. Only do if she does it to you even if it is just on the arm don't look like you are trying.

This link helped me a lot ->  http://www.wikihow.com/Ask-a-Girl-Out
You have probably heard this before, but don't rush things. Then again don't give up. I had a crush on a girl for ages but it never though she liked me since she rarely talked to me. I gave up and moved onto another girl which turned out to be "just friends with me" later that year the girl I liked asked me out, by this time I was over her but I still feel the guilt. 

I would break the touch boundary, not like a massive pervert but be nice. Only do if she does it to you even if it is just on the arm don't look like you are trying.

This link helped me a lot ->  http://www.wikihow.com/Ask-a-Girl-Out

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08-16-13 06:04 AM
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I'm not trying to contradict MechaMento, but I think maybe you shouldn't wait too long before making your move.

The "friend-zone" is like quick sand, it the longer you wait, the more you sink. Maybe RIGHT NOW, isn't the best time, as they both still are very upset, and it would be best to wait until she gets over him... but once she does, make your move.

And after he gets over her, you may (or may not) want to let him know you are starting to get a crush on her, just to show him some honour and respect.

Let me tell you something, becoming the go-to shoulder for girls to cry on when they are having a hard time with other guys is very very rarely a good thing if you like them. You want to become a boyfriend, and not a boy friend before it's too late.

By the way, you're not 30, are you?

I'm not trying to contradict MechaMento, but I think maybe you shouldn't wait too long before making your move.

The "friend-zone" is like quick sand, it the longer you wait, the more you sink. Maybe RIGHT NOW, isn't the best time, as they both still are very upset, and it would be best to wait until she gets over him... but once she does, make your move.

And after he gets over her, you may (or may not) want to let him know you are starting to get a crush on her, just to show him some honour and respect.

Let me tell you something, becoming the go-to shoulder for girls to cry on when they are having a hard time with other guys is very very rarely a good thing if you like them. You want to become a boyfriend, and not a boy friend before it's too late.

By the way, you're not 30, are you?

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08-18-13 07:57 PM
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Ask Bob if he'd be bothered if you ask her out.  If he says yes, give it a week or two.

When he says no, immediately turn and ask out Mary.

It's that easy.
Ask Bob if he'd be bothered if you ask her out.  If he says yes, give it a week or two.

When he says no, immediately turn and ask out Mary.

It's that easy.

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08-19-13 12:19 PM
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In this situation, I wouldn't wait to long until she starts to like someone else. Continue to send her cute messages, and most likely she will start to like you. I hope everything works out well!
In this situation, I wouldn't wait to long until she starts to like someone else. Continue to send her cute messages, and most likely she will start to like you. I hope everything works out well!

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08-25-13 08:36 AM
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Honestly I'd wait until she's feeling better before asking her out. She's felling like crap right now and I think that'd be taking advantage of her a little bit to ask her out while she's feeling vulnerable like that. So keep being there for her and when a bit of time has passed then see if she wants to go out with you. Not that I'm saying stop saying/doing cute things, just wait a bit to actually ask her out.
Because honestly if someone asked me out right after I had just gotten hurt by someone else I would be far less inclined to agree. :/
Honestly I'd wait until she's feeling better before asking her out. She's felling like crap right now and I think that'd be taking advantage of her a little bit to ask her out while she's feeling vulnerable like that. So keep being there for her and when a bit of time has passed then see if she wants to go out with you. Not that I'm saying stop saying/doing cute things, just wait a bit to actually ask her out.
Because honestly if someone asked me out right after I had just gotten hurt by someone else I would be far less inclined to agree. :/

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08-25-13 11:50 AM
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I assume that some time has passed since Mary appears to have gotten better over Bob's breakup.

Do you know how deep Bob and Mary's relationship was? I know that they were texting each other and most likely hanging out, but did they ever enter the "couple" or "relationship" phase?

If things between Bob and Mary weren't that serious besides texting and hanging out, then there isn't a really issue to not ask her out since there wasn't that strong of a relationship to begin with (although there was an attraction between the 2).

If things between Bob and Mary were serious besides texting and hanging out, then you should maybe wait a week or two for her to get over the breakup. If you jump too soon, you could end up being the rebound guy. While being the rebound guy isn't all that bad, down the road the relationship might be rocking since she might realize that she was only dating you to be close to Bob/get back at Bob (the latter not being the case).

I should also say that asking Bob's permission to ask out Mary isn't a good idea. Even thou there was an attraction and slight romance between Bob and Mary, Bob ultimately decided to stop the relationship before it got serious and to go out with someone who he liked more. Since Bob was the one who admitted that he liked another girl better then Mary, Bob's opinion doesn't matter since he broke things off.

And if you and Mary do start dating and Bob becomes jealous, then that is his fault since he had Mary and decided to end things.

Also do you know if Bob and this other girl he likes more are dating/going out?
I assume that some time has passed since Mary appears to have gotten better over Bob's breakup.

Do you know how deep Bob and Mary's relationship was? I know that they were texting each other and most likely hanging out, but did they ever enter the "couple" or "relationship" phase?

If things between Bob and Mary weren't that serious besides texting and hanging out, then there isn't a really issue to not ask her out since there wasn't that strong of a relationship to begin with (although there was an attraction between the 2).

If things between Bob and Mary were serious besides texting and hanging out, then you should maybe wait a week or two for her to get over the breakup. If you jump too soon, you could end up being the rebound guy. While being the rebound guy isn't all that bad, down the road the relationship might be rocking since she might realize that she was only dating you to be close to Bob/get back at Bob (the latter not being the case).

I should also say that asking Bob's permission to ask out Mary isn't a good idea. Even thou there was an attraction and slight romance between Bob and Mary, Bob ultimately decided to stop the relationship before it got serious and to go out with someone who he liked more. Since Bob was the one who admitted that he liked another girl better then Mary, Bob's opinion doesn't matter since he broke things off.

And if you and Mary do start dating and Bob becomes jealous, then that is his fault since he had Mary and decided to end things.

Also do you know if Bob and this other girl he likes more are dating/going out?


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08-25-13 04:08 PM
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tgags123 : I had my heart broken one weekend and by the next weekend had a first date set up with someone else.  Best thing I ever did for myself and am still dating the other guy now.  Yes, ask her out now and don't wait!  She'd rather be thinking about a new guy (possibly you) than the last guy she liked that broke her heart!   She probably doesn't realize you like her so much and girls want guys to make the first move.  You need to be confident and you will look like a knight in shinning armor to her.  Ask her to a dinner and movie, pay for everything, and if she still wants to keep you in the friend zone it will be pretty obvious at the end of the night.

Yeah, there is the chance that you put yourself out there and she doesn't feel the same way.  In which case, it's better to know that anyway so you can move on and find the girl you're supposed to be with.

Also, I don't think you need Bob's permission to date someone that he dumped, unless that's part of some "bro code" somewhere I don't know about   If she had dumped him it would be different.  If things work out with you and her then just mention it to Bob that you and Mary have decided to date.  Good luck


tgags123 : I had my heart broken one weekend and by the next weekend had a first date set up with someone else.  Best thing I ever did for myself and am still dating the other guy now.  Yes, ask her out now and don't wait!  She'd rather be thinking about a new guy (possibly you) than the last guy she liked that broke her heart!   She probably doesn't realize you like her so much and girls want guys to make the first move.  You need to be confident and you will look like a knight in shinning armor to her.  Ask her to a dinner and movie, pay for everything, and if she still wants to keep you in the friend zone it will be pretty obvious at the end of the night.

Yeah, there is the chance that you put yourself out there and she doesn't feel the same way.  In which case, it's better to know that anyway so you can move on and find the girl you're supposed to be with.

Also, I don't think you need Bob's permission to date someone that he dumped, unless that's part of some "bro code" somewhere I don't know about   If she had dumped him it would be different.  If things work out with you and her then just mention it to Bob that you and Mary have decided to date.  Good luck

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