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10-09-12 01:09 AM
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Hidden in the Basement!

 

10-09-12 01:09 AM
SunflowerGaming is Offline
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| ID: 669183 | 487 Words

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This story is a rough draft of an idea I had. I want to see what you all think before I continue on.

She wakes up on a cold cement floor. Dazed and confused, she looks around, only to see darkness. She feels cold. She's chained up to something. She can't see what it is. She tries to get up but can't hold her balance. She falls to the ground. She sees a tiny crack of light at the top of a long staircase. She can't walk too far as the chain that is attached to her heel won't allow her to get very far.

She hears foot steps above the ceiling. 'Who is that? Why am I here?' She has no memory of how she got there. The last thing she remembers is walking home from school. She knew she should have  taken the bus. 'How am I going to get out of here?' She is petrified. Has anyone noticed she hasn't come home? It's starting to get dark out. Who is walking on the floor above. She hears the door at the top of the stairs, it sounds like someone is opening it with a key.

Who is going to come through that door? Are they going to hurt her. She already has a gash on her forehead. Did they knock her out? Is that why she can't remember what happened? Then she hears the door slowly creek open. She she's the dark shadowy silhouette of a man. He looks big. She can't make any features out. He slowly walks in, but not so she can see his face. He's wearing a mask. He puts down a plate of food and a bottle of water. He says nothing and walks away.

He closes the door behind him. It's dark again. How is she going to try to eat or drink if she can't even see her hand right in front of her. She isn't sure if she should even eat or drink what he gave her. Did he poison it? She decides she'd rather starve. She tries to feel around for something, anything to help her try to break the lock on the chains. To no avail!

What will happen to her? Why did he choose to take her? She didn't understand. She couldn't sleep because she was afraid that he might return. She didn't know his intentions. She was going to stay awake all night if she had to. She wasn't going to give him any way to hurt her. She was going to have to try to look for a way out when the daylight returned. The only window in the room she was in was a tiny square window. She was small enough to fit through it, she just can't see anything to use to get the lock open.

When daylight comes, she would be awake to try to make her escape.
This story is a rough draft of an idea I had. I want to see what you all think before I continue on.

She wakes up on a cold cement floor. Dazed and confused, she looks around, only to see darkness. She feels cold. She's chained up to something. She can't see what it is. She tries to get up but can't hold her balance. She falls to the ground. She sees a tiny crack of light at the top of a long staircase. She can't walk too far as the chain that is attached to her heel won't allow her to get very far.

She hears foot steps above the ceiling. 'Who is that? Why am I here?' She has no memory of how she got there. The last thing she remembers is walking home from school. She knew she should have  taken the bus. 'How am I going to get out of here?' She is petrified. Has anyone noticed she hasn't come home? It's starting to get dark out. Who is walking on the floor above. She hears the door at the top of the stairs, it sounds like someone is opening it with a key.

Who is going to come through that door? Are they going to hurt her. She already has a gash on her forehead. Did they knock her out? Is that why she can't remember what happened? Then she hears the door slowly creek open. She she's the dark shadowy silhouette of a man. He looks big. She can't make any features out. He slowly walks in, but not so she can see his face. He's wearing a mask. He puts down a plate of food and a bottle of water. He says nothing and walks away.

He closes the door behind him. It's dark again. How is she going to try to eat or drink if she can't even see her hand right in front of her. She isn't sure if she should even eat or drink what he gave her. Did he poison it? She decides she'd rather starve. She tries to feel around for something, anything to help her try to break the lock on the chains. To no avail!

What will happen to her? Why did he choose to take her? She didn't understand. She couldn't sleep because she was afraid that he might return. She didn't know his intentions. She was going to stay awake all night if she had to. She wasn't going to give him any way to hurt her. She was going to have to try to look for a way out when the daylight returned. The only window in the room she was in was a tiny square window. She was small enough to fit through it, she just can't see anything to use to get the lock open.

When daylight comes, she would be awake to try to make her escape.

--------------------
vizzed
Trusted Member
Courage is not having the strength to go on, it's going on when you don't have the strength. ????


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 05-29-10
Location: United States
Last Post: 1636 days
Last Active: 1636 days

10-13-12 04:26 AM
Crazy Li is Offline
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| ID: 671896 | 193 Words

Crazy Li
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Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
I decided to read this first of your story posts because it's a short sample to give me an introduction to your writing.

I will say that this little teaser does intrigue me. I want to know more about this girl... who she is, what her life was like before, how she ended up in this situation and why (questions she also wants answers to, I'm sure)... also what happens to her from here on. You definitely make me curious about where this story goes and other info you have to offer. I think it's a sign of good writing when you leave your audience wanting more like that. A common mistake some people make is giving too much info or too many answers up front. You successfully give a small glimpse of the situation while leaving the reader in the dark about most of what's happening. The girl in this story wants to know just as much as the person reading and asks herself some of the same questions the reader does. Seeing that, the reader can anticipate learning the answers as the character learns them as well.

Please do continue this.
I decided to read this first of your story posts because it's a short sample to give me an introduction to your writing.

I will say that this little teaser does intrigue me. I want to know more about this girl... who she is, what her life was like before, how she ended up in this situation and why (questions she also wants answers to, I'm sure)... also what happens to her from here on. You definitely make me curious about where this story goes and other info you have to offer. I think it's a sign of good writing when you leave your audience wanting more like that. A common mistake some people make is giving too much info or too many answers up front. You successfully give a small glimpse of the situation while leaving the reader in the dark about most of what's happening. The girl in this story wants to know just as much as the person reading and asks herself some of the same questions the reader does. Seeing that, the reader can anticipate learning the answers as the character learns them as well.

Please do continue this.

Vizzed Elite
Everyone's Favorite Monkey


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 09-21-12
Location: out of this world
Last Post: 4428 days
Last Active: 2784 days

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