Okay so this isn't about any specific kind of relationship. It's more about giving tips on how people can build healthy relationships. I am a little lacking in experience in this are so I wanted to get some advice. So it can be about friendship, romance, family life. Whatever kind of relationship, as long as it helps give members tips on how you create those kinds of relationships.

I think one of the biggest tips for having a healthy relationship is to always 'understand'.  People are flawed, and even the people you view as most perfect will screw up.  However, sometimes when they screw up, that's the time they need you to be the least critical.  Even when people get defensive and nasty, it's usually because they KNOW they did something wrong.  Give them that space to be ashamed without rubbing it into them how wrong they were.

Alright. Here goes. Best tips i can give someone is always think of your partner. The reason i had my first gf for a longer period of time then i do with any of my most recent relationship's is because i'm the type of guy that always puts someone else's comfort and stability first. Doing this will show her that you truly care and want her to be around you.

Anyone who would like to add to this please do so.

Not that I've ever been in a relationship before (although I could have; I just wasn't ready/confident enough for one) is to be patient, and simply be yourself. If you have to change your personality for someone, you're not going to be happy and it isn't worth it.


Remember. I said personality. That doesn't mean you can stay a couch potato if you are one. You still need to be willing to engage in the relationship as well. If you are willing, you have to be willing and show yourself to be so.

I'm surprised no one mentioned this, but something a little cliche:  the little things REALLY do matter.  My husband does so many little things every day that it's the same as him doing a really big thing every once in a while.  However, I like the little things, because they constantly remind me of how special I am to him.  I think this goes for ANY relationship though.  Occasionally by your friend lunch without telling them, or fill out a card and give it to them... or even just surprise them with a hug.  It makes a difference.

The healthiest relationships are formed by givers. When you do things for your partner rather than demand they do things for you, you're less likely to run into problems. Usually relationship difficulties are caused by takers. So don't be selfish if you want a healthy relationship

Also, you must bare in mind that it takes two to make the relationship work. Even if you give and are considerate and do things for your significant other... it could still fail if they're unreasonable. At the same time, don't always assume everything is their fault. You may be contributing to problems somehow as well.

This last point is key... never try to change the other person. That will always doom your relationship. If you don't like the person how they are now, why did you start this relationship? Why do you want to be with this person? You should never try to change anyone because you can't. You can only change yourself. It's very common to feel the sentiment that you want someone to become a better person... but only they can do it and only if they want to. The more you try to change who they are, they more they will resist and both of you will be miserable. You need to accept who they are, or you shouldn't be in a relationship with them. The best you can do is be encouraging of any personal progress they decide to make on their own.

warmaker : Thank you. Your advice fits perfectly for my current situation. I often don't see what I am doing wrong, and after awhile people tend to get tired of telling me what I am doing wrong. It's not my fault, but I can understand where they're coming from. Your advice is really going to help me practice on being a better person in social society. I love advice like this, it is very clear and also explanatory. It helps me know that even with social activities and human interaction, it takes practice. I'll let you know who I do with your advice. I am sure it will have a lot of positive results.

Crazy Li : You are definitely right. Trying to change someone who doesn't want to change themselves never works out. I know because I've been on both ends of that situation. If you don't want to change yourself for the better, or if someone tries to force you to change instead of waiting for you to realize you need to change, things don't work out very well. And you end up with really negative results. You gave really good advice as well. Thank you.

Singelli : The little things definitely do count. My family, at times can't afford to really do "big things" for each other, but all the little things we are able to do for one another, actually means a lot more than one big gesture. And understanding that everyone is flawed in their own way helps a lot. Sometimes I tend to get stubborn and not want to admit when I'm wrong. Then if I calm down and think about it rationally and logically, then I realize it and I want to change and try to make amends with whomever I may have upset.

Sairek Ceareste : Like Singelli said, understanding is definitely a huge part of having a healthy relationship. Very good advice.

Thank you guys. This will really help me to practice on being a better person when I am associating with others. I tend to misunderstand things very easily. It's something I really don't like about myself. So this advice will help me to strive to be more calm and rational when dealing with other people and trying to practice making more healthy relationships with all kinds of different people.

I think the best way to get or have a very healthy relationship with your loved ones , your friends , your families , etc. is to have trust in each other ..

SunflowerGaming : Well I think it’s obvious that one of the main things that is needed for any relationship to be a healthy one is honesty. It isn’t necessarily the easiest thing to do right off due to either trying to fit in with the “In” crowd, (We’ve all been guilty of this one.) or, simply just trying to impress someone. As you get older though “Fitting in” isn’t really so important but being honest is.

It is a lesson that I have learned as I’ve matured and realized the errors of my ways. It may not sound so simple for some people and unfortunately some may not get the “Wake up call” that they need.

As for me since realizing my mistakes I have tried as best as I can to repair any damage I may have caused and have focused much energy in trying to help others by simply offering some advice as I like to do on Vizzed as much as I can.

From the perspective of someone who’s made mistakes and felt peer pressure when he was in school believe me when I say it’s much better to be honest and not worry about what people may think. Honesty and communication is best for any relationship.

bvd1022 : Yeah, when you grow up to an older age, you definitely can see things a lot more clearly, than you would if you were a teenager, or even younger for that matter. I know sometimes people can take honesty as being rude or insulting. I try my best to be honest, but not be brutal about it. Honesty is a good thing, the only time it's a negative situation is if someone is being bluntly honest just to hurt you.

SunflowerGaming : Well, that’s true as long as you allow yourself to mature and such. In my case I didn’t really realize that I was going nowhere fast until I left school and had some time to sit and really think about things. It’s not easy at first to sit and see things for what they are. It also isn’t fun having to admit to yourself that the way you thought of things isn’t necessarily the way the world works.

Over time I have learned to be honest and have really learned to be humble about things and rather than trying to pass the buck and blame others it’s much better to just simply say I was messed up and it’s no one’s fault but my own. Although I still haven’t gotten my diploma I’ve been very busy in the years since. Hopefully I can finish filling the gaps so to speak and everything else will gradually fall into place.

Based on what I have learned from my own experiences and the experiences of others around me, the main thing is to be honest. Not only be honest to your partner, but be honest to yourself. Do not try to lie to yourself about the relationship working if it is obvious there is a gap in the bond between the two people. Also, lying to yourself about who you really are does not help the relationship grow because it is just fraud.

Also, just listen to your partner and don't be completely deaf to your close friends. In order to grow the relationship, there needs to be positive communication between the two people. Even if there is good communication, your friends, being on the outside of the relationship, are better able to get a better overall view of your relationship and your partner. Sometimes, you may be oblivious to something about the person, but your friends may know it. Instead of inadvertently lying to yourself about your partner, you can realize everything about the partner.

ashark29 : I couldn’t agree with you more. It took me a long time to mature and to realize that lying to people even if it’s meant as a good natured rib isn’t the answer and to realize that fitting in wasn’t worth it if it meant not being who you really are and trying to pretend to be something you’re not. Although it has been many years since I was in what I call the rough period of my life I still have shame and regret from the mistakes I made in my youth. As I said over time I have learned to be an honest person and I really wish I had that mindset when I was younger. To be perfectly honest with you I have spent years trying to figure out what I was thinking back then.

I can only hope now that many years have passed that I will be able to repair any damage I may have caused or at the very least make a mends with certain people who have been out of my life for years. I hope so at least. As far as relationships my main issue was I jumped into relationships too quickly, didn’t give the good relationships I had much of a chance and fought too much to save relationships that were not good for me. I can really relate to what you said about lying to yourself about a relationship working and ignoring the obvious. I have been in those shoes too often. It also affected my honesty and how I acted towards people. Not making any excuses that’s on me but if you can’t be honest with yourself there really is no way you’re going to be able to be honest with anyone else. Lessons learned, lessons learned.

Find a girl that won't cheat on you like my girl did.

djent : It’s not the easiest thing to do unfortunately. Fact is even if you meet a woman who is good natured and such, sometimes you can drift apart and even though cheating isn’t right, we’re all human, things happen and people make mistakes and errors in judgment.

I will give you an example… This isn’t the easiest thing for me to talk about but it fits into the topic of healthy relationships. Back in my teen years my parents were separated. The separation went on for most of my teen years and I will admit the separation didn’t really help me much as I went from an honor roll student with near perfect attendance before high school to someone who didn’t really care much about school, became less and less interested in school, hung out with the wrong people, turned into not the most honest person and became really screwed up due to all the above. I do not blame my parents for any of that and accept the blame for it. My parents eventually got back together after a separation that started when I was twelve and ended when I was I think seventeen if memory serves me.

In that time one of them was involved with someone else (This was something I didn’t take very well as you can imagine and it did play a part in my downslide) but all the while my parents loved each other. They just celebrated their thirtieth anniversary last weekend which was only two days before my birthday. They’ve known each other since they were kids so they’ve probably got a relationship going back as far as 40 maybe 50 years. It just goes to show you that sometimes relationships can survive that kind of thing.

As I said I do not blame them for what I went through. Yes their separation affected me in a not so good way but at the end of the day it wasn’t them who caused me to more or less screw up my life, it’s on me. One thing I regret about my teens above all my other regrets (And there’s many) is that I didn’t handle stress very well back then or at least not as well as I manage to do now. More or less the life I knew from my childhood right up until I was a few months away from becoming a teenager more or less got flipped upside down and I didn’t know how to handle it and that was a big problem for me. I wish I had the maturity that I do now, back then because I would have been able to cope a little better with things. It also didn’t help that I had no friends really who were going through the same thing that I was so there really wasn’t much commonality when I would seek advice from them.

As I said I freely admit that I was a screw up and that the person I was back then was not who I really am and want to be. Frankly the person I was is a person that I don’t like. Sometimes I am grateful that I can’t remember much from my teen years beyond things that were bad. I just hope now as a grounded, mature adult who has learned to be honest that there isn’t anyone that I may have hurt back then much less was rude to. I would really feel terrible about that and even feel terrible thinking about that.
As far as your girlfriend well, I’ve been in those shoes a couple of times being cheated on and such. It wasn’t enjoyable and it does hurt but what I have come to realize as I’ve gotten older is that sometimes if someone cheats on you it is often a sign of lack of commitment or, simply just showing you no regard.

It isn’t like what my parents went through because they’ve been through a lot together and we’ve been through hell and back as a family. I often think that one of the reasons why they were able to make it through the hard times was because they knew each other for years before they even got together and it’s hard to break that kind of bond with someone regardless of what may happen. As I said they never stopped loving each other even during the worst of times and through my own ups, downs, and sideways during that period. Even during the worst times when they could hardly speak to each other you could tell they still loved each other even if they couldn’t verbalize it.

As for me, things may not be perfect, I myself have been through an awful lot but I’ve made it through some pretty hard times both before and after my parents’ separation. I will admit I damaged myself back then but I’ve been rebuilding my life for years. It may not be perfect, I may still have my regrets and guilt over my mistakes but things could be a lot worse and like I have said many times on Vizzed I am grateful that I got the wake-up call I needed. I just wish it had come when I was still in my teens and not in my early twenties. I am still grateful that I am still young enough (Although I feel real old) to change things.

My advice is don’t let what happened with your girlfriend sour you. I was soured for a long time due to anger over what I had to deal with in regard to my last real relationship which was many years ago. Although the anger was definitely justifiable, it isn’t really productive and as I’ve said many times anger in itself is like a cancer and it will eat at you if you let it. It isn’t worth it. You also might be selling yourself short if you hold on to anger and someone new enters the picture. Although I admit whole-heartedly that I do have some trust issues because of what I went through but over time I have learned as I have gotten older two things. Number one to be a lot wiser in regard to who I may seek a relationship with and, to really and I mean really spend a lot of time thinking about it and getting to really know the person before you jump into a relationship. And, number two, although it is tempting to judge someone based on those trust issues, you have to give them a fair chance. Not every woman or guy for that matter will end up doing you wrong.

You just have to really be wise about your choices. Best of luck to you.


SunflowerGaming : I’m sorry if I have invaded your space here. I just felt like I should offer some advice.

bvd1022 : No problem whatsoever. That's what this thread is for! Besides, I enjoy reading what you have to say.

SunflowerGaming : Well I’m glad you do. It helps me seeing as I sleep sporadically… Hope any advice I have given helps.

Oldschool41 : I agree with you. Communication or to be more specific adequate communication is vital for any relationship. As I have said before there was a time when I wasn’t the most honest or the best person so I am deeply in tune with what you said for number two and I couldn’t agree with you more.

I make no excuses about that stage of my life, I know I was more often than not wrong and fell prey to trying to “Be cool” or be “In” with the “In Crowd.” I cannot tell you how much I regret that. It’s far better to be honest about things. Even though I was admittedly screwed up during that period of time I did write sporadically and it’s odd that I was so into trying to impress everyone by not really being honest that I kept the one thing that I do, my writing to myself for a long time. I didn’t even tell my family.

I can’t really say what my thought was at the time. I guess I didn’t want to be embarrassed to a degree or, didn’t want to face criticism from people who either told me I wouldn’t amount to anything or teachers who were convinced I could only read and write at a third or fourth grade level. Admittedly, when I first started writing I was horrible. I had no grasp whatsoever about things like grammar and structure and such. The ironic thing is I didn’t really start learning things until after I left school. Although I was still very much immature and was still a BS’er to a degree I probably learned more about writing after I dropped out than I ever did when I was in school.

Looking back on things now as an adult with his head on straight I really wish I let people know what I really did instead of BS’ing them. Perhaps things would have worked out differently for me and I wouldn’t have as much guilt or as much regret as I do today. Despite my character flaws at that time and even though I can’t remember much from that period, the one thing that I do kind of take pride in is as bad as I was screwed up, I never once cheated on anyone I was seeing at the time. It may not seem like much but at least I have that much going for me.

Now of days I feel so bad if I even as much as raise my voice to someone. There’s no way I could bring myself to do something like that. You’re pretty spot on. I just wish I practiced all of that in my youth. My life would have been much easier and maybe a little more enjoyable. Far as people I interact with now that knew me when I wasn’t at my best, I just hope that they see the person I am now and will forgive any harm I may have caused years ago. Lord knows I have trouble forgiving myself.