Chapter 1:  Starting School.
Ring Ring Ring.  The schoo bell chimed signalling that first block was over.  " Don't forget students," the teacher said, " you have homework tonight."  The students poured out of their classes.  Among them was a teenage, fair skinned African American male whose hair has curly and tie in a ball over his crown.  He sported a green tuxedo with light green under garments and with green dress shoes.  " Hey Shadorin."  a young women of the same complextion yelled to him.  She was dressed in a yellow dress with a pink belt wrapped at the waste and a pink sash over her shoulder.  Her hair was straightened and parted over her crown.  " Huh,"  Shadorin said as he turned to see her, " oh.  Shadora.  What's up sis?"  "  Oh nothing," she responded. " I just wanted to see how your first day of high school was"  "Technically sis,  our first day off high school was last year when we were fifteen and in the ninth grade.  Anyway.  Let me see your schedule."  Shadorin said back cockily.  " Sure, but only if you show me yours."  she said handing him her schedule. " No prob." he hands her his schedule.  " Let's see" they both said simotaneously.
____________________________
| Royalty High School                           |
| xxxxdrive                    Grade: 10          |
| xxx   xxxx   xxxxxx         DOB:  11/17/xx|
|  Reading               K. Bloom               |
|  Algebra 2             R. Pasly                 |
|  English 2             J.  Smith                |
|  Biology 2              P.  Parker              |
|  Art 2                       R. Cody                 |
|  Chemistry 1         C.  Law                  |
|  Statistics               K.  Brook               |
|  World History        B.  Lock                |
____________________________
| Royalty High School                           |                                                      
| xxxxdrive                    Grade: 10          |                                                      
| xxx   xxxx   xxxxxx         DOB:  11/17/xx|
|  Reading               K. Bloom               |
|  Algebra 2             R. Pasly                 |
|  English 2             J.  Smith                |
|  Biology 2              P.  Parker              |
|  Art 2                       R. Cody                 |
|  Chemistry 1         C.  Law                  |
|  Statistics               K.  Brook               |
|  World History        B.  Lock                |
"Yeap.  We've got the same schedule" they both said.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . .. . . . . . . . .  .. . . . . . . . . . . . . .  .


This is a small portion of the first chapter of my book.  Please tell me your thoughts.

On3On :  That is only the first page of the book.  I hope to post a bit more by and by.  And as pertaining to Shadorin wearing a tux, I tried to give the illusion of high social class.  I describe him as wearing a crown and on their schedules it says Royalty High School.  Once I post a bit more, You will being to understand the story more.  Maybe I should have said how much of a small portion it was. lol.

I've written many stories. If I can find them I'd post them.

I was thinking some of the same things as the other person posted. I was wondering what the genre was, for one.  It's a bit difficult to give feedback with a short excerpt like that.

Is there a reason the dialogue isn't separated into paragraphs?

Singelli :  I intend to post more of the book.  I didn't make paragraph breaks because of all the Spacing it would make.  I don't like a ton of spacing.  It takes away from the actually amount of word that I write.  And when I wrote the manuscript I didn't want to waste any paper.  I just have to wait to get it published.

Do you mean that spacing it out makes it look like you wrote less?  I don't think it does.  But if you're more comfortable not spacing it out, that's fine. I was just curious.

mr.pace : This changes everything.
Two words, Crown and Royal.

I missed two words. Those. Two.
Now suddenly a lot falls into place.
Thanks for clearing that up.(Dang it.)

Please post more, when you want.
Cause I is annoyed, and curious.

Also, you can add breaks to the Vizzed version right? Please, me eyes hurt!! XP

My favorite was the, "Ill show you mine if you show me yours" part!

Local Mods :   Mr.Pace has asked me to ask if you would trash this thread.  He doesn't want anyone to read it, or any of his other threads for that matter.  

atb :
First of all, closing all of your threads is unfair if there are other people currently discussing it. Perhaps it would be alright to ask if INACTIVE threads be closed, but active ones should not be.

Second of all, closing and trashing a thread doesn't stop people from reading it.

Third of all, asking all your threads to be closed because you were banned is a silly and childish thing to ask.

Fourth of all, we are almost all aware of the whole "atb/mr. pace" thing, so name-games don't need to be played any more.

Singelli :  I don't do these things because I want too. I do only what De'Andre ask me to do.  I have no interest in vizzed at all.  I just come along when he ask me to do something for him.  If he wanted to make another account, he would.  He has told me that he has total access to vizzed and good make another account if he want.  I suppose school got in the way of vizzed board for him.
He asked me to make sure this thread was closed or deleted because he wants to protect his investment.  I don't know why he would want the others to be closed.  Don't ask me.  I only do what I am asked to do as a good friend.  That is the only reason I am a member of vizzed board now.  I don't even like vizzed. I am just here because he forced me to join. And I post when he ask me to.