Let it all fall apart.

Looking back, things are like they always were.
Nothing has changed, the same problems, the same complaints,
Everybody has gone f***ing insane, am I the only one exempt?
Lost morals, and desensitized to the values, that made us so strong.

We were divided, but we were also close,
We had our differences, but never came to blows,
We understood the line between right and wrong,
And that line was never crossed, to do so was suicide.

Looking back, on all those distant memories,
I never understood why we were who we were,
But now, it's starting to make more sense by the day,
I don't think I completely get it, but that's ok.

The little I see now, is enough to move on,
The poison and the cancer, the prick in my side,
I'll leave them all behind, and smile,
Because I'm the one who is saying goodbye.

I regret I can't fix your mess, I tried my best

The lines were crossed, the lies were cross,
The change never came, the promises remained unfounded.

Set me free from this despair, and let my wings spread wide.

I never expected you to be the type of person into poetry.. This is nice. a little more on the depressing side but nice.

legacyme3,

   The poem was flowing quite nicely until the fifth 'stanza', where it abruptly breaks from the four line form you set in the other stanzas. Which is funny, because there's three lines after that, which could have been neatly combined to form an actual fifth stanza. It would have kept in line with the rest of the poem, and perhaps would have drawn in the reader much easier than this mostly neat poem.

   That being said, I do agree with megamanmaniac on the depressing comment. If that was the direction you were going with, then congratulations, in any other situation, though, this seems a bit too forced. I can't exactly comment or criticize most of the emotions contained in this piece since, after all, poetry is owned only by the poet and not the person critiquing. I will, mention, however that not all poetry has to be dark and depressing, so if you feel the need to write more poetry (unless you're feeling in that particular mood), try your hand at upbeat pieces as well. With your words, that type of poem would suit you quite well.

   Also, I do have to mention the abrupt curse word in the third line. Cursing, in and of itself, is fine in poetry, so long as it remains consistent and keeps in well with the flow of the poem. I certainly don't recommended cursing more in your poems, but if you ever come back around to edit this piece, I suggest removing it completely from the piece, as it does seem mostly out of place. Keep up the good work, though, legacyme3!

- - ARLD 'Richard'.

ARedLetterDay :

I guess I'll explain a bit so you can hopefully see why I wrote it the way I did

First, when it comes to flow, and the broken 5th "stanza"... that was, obviously, intentional. I think it actually makes the piece better despite disrupting the "flow". When it came to it, I chose to say goodbye to several things, including conventional common thought. The idea is/was that many things were broken, with the last thing I chose to break being the 5th stanza. Additionally, I wanted one line to stand out in that stanza, and the best way to do that while fitting the theme was to give it its own line.

"Set me free from this despair, and let my wings spread wide."

I feel like this is the most positive line in the piece, A's I've made it clear my intention is to move on, and be free from a self induced pain. However, at the same time I'm choosing to admit I'm hurt and asked for help from no one in particular.

I know poetry doesn't need to be dark, but it does have to be what you feel, otherwise it's kind of a waste of time. I have a few lighthearted pieces, but it's mostly the depressing stuff I tend to write, which makes sense as I suffer from depression. I've done several pieces on site, so you may be interested in those.

As for the cursing, I try to refrain when possible in poetry, but sometimes I feel it's necessary. People are drawn to words that shouldn't be said, because they have a false power to them. This isn't ad true as it was years ago, but in this case, I was again trying to draw attention to a single line, as its rather important.

But regardless, it was nice revisiting this, as I don't look at my poetry much after writing it. Its not that I don't care, but for all intents and purposes, it's in the past, and I don't like touching the past. If I wrote it one way, I have to trust my gut, as it was how I felt at the time.

legacyme3,

   I see. I will definitely check out your other works. As I said before, nice job, and I hope to read more recent pieces from you.

- - ARLD 'Richard'.

P.S. Sorry for the 1 year late reply to this thread.

I actually never saw this before until it was just now brought back up (Well duh, Li... you weren't a member here when this was first posted!) it's not bad and I totally got the symbolism of breaking up the last stanza and agree with that choice. It goes with the whole theme of the poem. Some people forget when critiquing writing that writers have a bit of artistic liberty. You don't have to ALWAYS follow the "rules" or "standards" 100%. Your writing isn't bad if you break a rule when it helps hammer in a point or send a message. As long as you've demonstrated that you know how to properly write otherwise, I don't think people should take issue with things that aren't technically correct. It should be obvious that such things were done on purpose and the author knows what they were doing.

When seeing such things, I have to wonder what brings about the types of thoughts that inspire such poetry... is the poem a metaphor for something else? Is it somehow symbolic of something? I'm not actually expect you to answer these questions... they're really rhetorical and just me explaining the thoughts I get from reading.

But anyway, all of that jumbled thought mostly meant to say "good job" :p

Crazy Li,

   "Some people forget when critiquing writing that writers have a bit of artistic liberty."

   I didn't forget, I just stated my particular experience with the poem, which is usually what a critic does. Never said that you always have to follow the rules or standards, heck, I don't even do that 99.9% of the time with my poetry. I simply mentioned that because as I was reading it, the flow was nice, but then that broken up portion took me out of the mood, and I personally felt it was odd. I suggested some changes because I didn't want to assume he did it purposely, nor did I want to just say "Hey, didn't like that change, it was stupid.".

   Either way, if I came off as too critical or too mean, I deeply apologize and did not mean to. Thanks!

- - ARLD, 'Richard'.

Crazy Li :

Despite your questions being theoretical, I'll try to give you what I think are the answers.

This particular piece is basically about leaving a very important group of friends who stuck by me, but because of issues, something had to change. I tried changing myself at first, but as I quickly learned, I am not easily changed. Then I tried changing them. Big mistake, because the problems got worsr. Ultimately, I decided it was time to cut ties to save us more pain. We couldnt work past these issues, and despite getting along, it made more sense to leave, as we couldn't agree who the problem was.

So I left. At first, mentally, but later, physically.

So thats the story behind this piece in part. There are other bits I don't feel like sharing