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Poem: Crossroads.
Short poem about life, problems and hope!
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jlh
04-29-12 06:51 PM
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Singelli
10-23-12 06:51 PM
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Poem: Crossroads.

 

04-29-12 06:51 PM
jlh is Offline
| ID: 576915 | 199 Words

jlh
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                                                                                                Crossroads

 I'm standing at these crossroads.
The god and devil is tearing at my soul.
Wondering witch way to go?
I'm dealing with this life blow by blow.

It was rough in my past.
All I know is I can't go back.
Wondering how long my life will last.

I'm struggling to stay a float.
I feel like I'm under a cloud with a lightning bolt.

It can't get much worse.
What's it all worth?
It's my soul I have to search.

Looking for whats right, got to fight the good fight.
Got to work hard in this life.

I can't forget, I got to keep what I get.
This life can be a gift.

I can't see the future and what's in it.
All I got is this moment.
I got to live this life without knowing the end of it.

Something deep in my soul.
Telling me not to go down the wrong road.
Accomplish my goals.

Stay on the right path and try not to slip.
While I'm alive I might as well go for it.

Note: I hope that anybody that reads this enjoys it and please understand that it is just a poem, thanks.
                                                                                                Crossroads

 I'm standing at these crossroads.
The god and devil is tearing at my soul.
Wondering witch way to go?
I'm dealing with this life blow by blow.

It was rough in my past.
All I know is I can't go back.
Wondering how long my life will last.

I'm struggling to stay a float.
I feel like I'm under a cloud with a lightning bolt.

It can't get much worse.
What's it all worth?
It's my soul I have to search.

Looking for whats right, got to fight the good fight.
Got to work hard in this life.

I can't forget, I got to keep what I get.
This life can be a gift.

I can't see the future and what's in it.
All I got is this moment.
I got to live this life without knowing the end of it.

Something deep in my soul.
Telling me not to go down the wrong road.
Accomplish my goals.

Stay on the right path and try not to slip.
While I'm alive I might as well go for it.

Note: I hope that anybody that reads this enjoys it and please understand that it is just a poem, thanks.
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04-30-12 07:35 PM
XxChaosxX is Offline
| ID: 577509 | 269 Words

XxChaosxX
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I'm not someone who enjoys poems that rhyme. It's not that your poem isn't good, I just don't like poems that rhyme. Fix up the few grammatical errors, and try to use more creative language. Quite a few of the phrases you've used in this are overused and cliche. That's not a bad thing. I started out using cliches more than you can possibly imagine. You just have to learn how to avoid those cliches and rack your brain for more creative phrases. For instance: saying "It was rough in my past" is really vague. What about your past was rough? What causes you to have these feelings.

You'll find readers are interested in what causes the feelings just as much as the feelings themselves. If you have an entire poem based solely around how you're feeling it can get repetitive. If you explain what it is that causes these feelings then it makes for a much more interesting poem. As for the rhyming aspect...if it were me I would take the rhyming out. I find rhyming in poems distracting and often trying to rhyme takes away from the poem because you wind up changing certain words to try to make certain lines rhyme. And changing one word can mean the difference between a complete poem and one that requires more work.

This is a great first draft. You succeed in getting across the feelings of instability and discomfort, which is what I'm assuming this poem is about. But you need a story. That's essentially what poems are: small stories. I'd love to read the story behind the feelings.
I'm not someone who enjoys poems that rhyme. It's not that your poem isn't good, I just don't like poems that rhyme. Fix up the few grammatical errors, and try to use more creative language. Quite a few of the phrases you've used in this are overused and cliche. That's not a bad thing. I started out using cliches more than you can possibly imagine. You just have to learn how to avoid those cliches and rack your brain for more creative phrases. For instance: saying "It was rough in my past" is really vague. What about your past was rough? What causes you to have these feelings.

You'll find readers are interested in what causes the feelings just as much as the feelings themselves. If you have an entire poem based solely around how you're feeling it can get repetitive. If you explain what it is that causes these feelings then it makes for a much more interesting poem. As for the rhyming aspect...if it were me I would take the rhyming out. I find rhyming in poems distracting and often trying to rhyme takes away from the poem because you wind up changing certain words to try to make certain lines rhyme. And changing one word can mean the difference between a complete poem and one that requires more work.

This is a great first draft. You succeed in getting across the feelings of instability and discomfort, which is what I'm assuming this poem is about. But you need a story. That's essentially what poems are: small stories. I'd love to read the story behind the feelings.
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04-30-12 07:44 PM
Klutch is Offline
| ID: 577519 | 59 Words

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Wow, jlh, another really awesome post!
I've got one for you.
Roses are red Violets are Blue,
I've Got five fingers,
The middle ones for you!

I mean Roses are red, violets are blue,
You're very talented,
And Chaos is too!
Both of you are seriously good at writing poems, jlh got any more, I'd love to read them?
Wow, jlh, another really awesome post!
I've got one for you.
Roses are red Violets are Blue,
I've Got five fingers,
The middle ones for you!

I mean Roses are red, violets are blue,
You're very talented,
And Chaos is too!
Both of you are seriously good at writing poems, jlh got any more, I'd love to read them?
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04-30-12 07:48 PM
jlh is Offline
| ID: 577523 | 48 Words

jlh
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Klutch : Thanks klutch and i thought your first poem (the one crossed out) is hilarios. I do have more in my profile, i think i wrote three or four of them and i have another one that i will share in the near future.Thanks for the support bro. 

Klutch : Thanks klutch and i thought your first poem (the one crossed out) is hilarios. I do have more in my profile, i think i wrote three or four of them and i have another one that i will share in the near future.Thanks for the support bro. 
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04-30-12 07:51 PM
Klutch is Offline
| ID: 577527 | 31 Words

Klutch
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No problem man, I'm going to go check those out, right now, I do not prefer the company of men or anything, but I really like you dude, as a friend.
No problem man, I'm going to go check those out, right now, I do not prefer the company of men or anything, but I really like you dude, as a friend.
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10-23-12 06:51 PM
Singelli is Offline
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I like this one a lot.
It doesn't have a very steady rhythm unlike the other two, but this one I like for its -content-.  I especially like the last part because it's something EVERYONE can relate to: that temptation to do what one knows is wrong.  It's hard to stay on the right path, and your last bit in this poem does a nice job capturing that struggle.  

This one feels like it should be made into a song.
I like this one a lot.
It doesn't have a very steady rhythm unlike the other two, but this one I like for its -content-.  I especially like the last part because it's something EVERYONE can relate to: that temptation to do what one knows is wrong.  It's hard to stay on the right path, and your last bit in this poem does a nice job capturing that struggle.  

This one feels like it should be made into a song.
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