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04-16-12 07:20 PM
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My first chapter of my first story...

 

04-16-12 07:20 PM
catfight09 is Offline
| ID: 568799 | 609 Words

catfight09
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Subject X-32





Before I begin, I will go ahead and warn you that if you’re
looking for basic superhero stuff (spider-man, batman) you won’t find it hear
as it IS a superhero, it may not be the kind that you may have thought of.



On April 27, of the year 2728, there was a baby born; he was
supposed to be the future for the whole planet of Terratus. His name was Jack.
Jack was a very special kid. Ever since he was able to walk, Jack was taught
the wonderful skill of archery. It was indeed a long and gruesome task for
someone so young, but by the age of 7, he was a prodigy; his skills surpassed
even those of the primarch, the king’s personal guard. He never had a chance to
meet his mother; she died shortly after giving birth.



Around the age of 12, he served in the royal guard (elite
military troops). At first, Jack was honored with the idea, but later on, it
only seemed to bore him more and more as the days passed by. Little did he
realize, he was about to get his wish soon as an unknown spaceship was preparing
to land on his planet.



“Jack?” Harley called, “Jack, it’s time to get up.” Jack
realized that this was one of the many duties of his personal maid, but it
didn’t seem to lift his mood at all that morning. “I’m already up, maybe you
should do something useful, like make sure my bow is properly strung before you
attempt to bother me again,” Jack replied unsatisfied with his maid. “But Jack,
today’s….”  “Not the day to disrupt me
any more when I do my work…” Jack finished as he slammed the door in Harley’s
face.  Jack equipped his state of the art
bow along with his armor. “Today’s the same as any other. Same old routine with
the insignificant maid to match” Jack mumbled has he tugged on his boots. Just
as he had finally gotten the rest of his outfit on, Harley barged into the
room.  “HARLEY!! I told you about coming
in before-““Emergency…” She puffed, “There’s been a security breach and the
whole city is under attack. The civilians are evacuating now.”



Always something… No matter what anybody said about his
‘amazing dad’ it didn’t change Jack’s opinion about his father’s military
strategies. They were all the same: “Retreat / draw the enemy towards the woods
where you’ll be waiting to ambush them.” One day, Jack knew that this plan
would one day backfire and he had an unsettling feeling in his stomach when he
remembered those words.



As he crept out of the house, he heard a noise; like
something was stalking him. He surveyed the area, but couldn’t find anything.
Shrugging it off, Jack kept going through the house. “Almost there to the secret
base.”  Just as Jack turned around, he
heard a distant scream and everything went black.



When he woke up his head felt as though it was going to be
split open. He could hear all these noises….. It was a lot of screaming and
yelling. They were saying something, but he couldn’t make out what it was.
Everything was still a little blurry. When he tried to get up, he found himself
strapped to a chair. He wanted to look around, but the pain in his head
wouldn’t allow that to happen. He saw some people coming towards him. They were
saying something….. There was a tall, gaunt man with an irritated expression on
his face. There was also a middle aged woman with a worried look on her face.





Subject X-32





Before I begin, I will go ahead and warn you that if you’re
looking for basic superhero stuff (spider-man, batman) you won’t find it hear
as it IS a superhero, it may not be the kind that you may have thought of.



On April 27, of the year 2728, there was a baby born; he was
supposed to be the future for the whole planet of Terratus. His name was Jack.
Jack was a very special kid. Ever since he was able to walk, Jack was taught
the wonderful skill of archery. It was indeed a long and gruesome task for
someone so young, but by the age of 7, he was a prodigy; his skills surpassed
even those of the primarch, the king’s personal guard. He never had a chance to
meet his mother; she died shortly after giving birth.



Around the age of 12, he served in the royal guard (elite
military troops). At first, Jack was honored with the idea, but later on, it
only seemed to bore him more and more as the days passed by. Little did he
realize, he was about to get his wish soon as an unknown spaceship was preparing
to land on his planet.



“Jack?” Harley called, “Jack, it’s time to get up.” Jack
realized that this was one of the many duties of his personal maid, but it
didn’t seem to lift his mood at all that morning. “I’m already up, maybe you
should do something useful, like make sure my bow is properly strung before you
attempt to bother me again,” Jack replied unsatisfied with his maid. “But Jack,
today’s….”  “Not the day to disrupt me
any more when I do my work…” Jack finished as he slammed the door in Harley’s
face.  Jack equipped his state of the art
bow along with his armor. “Today’s the same as any other. Same old routine with
the insignificant maid to match” Jack mumbled has he tugged on his boots. Just
as he had finally gotten the rest of his outfit on, Harley barged into the
room.  “HARLEY!! I told you about coming
in before-““Emergency…” She puffed, “There’s been a security breach and the
whole city is under attack. The civilians are evacuating now.”



Always something… No matter what anybody said about his
‘amazing dad’ it didn’t change Jack’s opinion about his father’s military
strategies. They were all the same: “Retreat / draw the enemy towards the woods
where you’ll be waiting to ambush them.” One day, Jack knew that this plan
would one day backfire and he had an unsettling feeling in his stomach when he
remembered those words.



As he crept out of the house, he heard a noise; like
something was stalking him. He surveyed the area, but couldn’t find anything.
Shrugging it off, Jack kept going through the house. “Almost there to the secret
base.”  Just as Jack turned around, he
heard a distant scream and everything went black.



When he woke up his head felt as though it was going to be
split open. He could hear all these noises….. It was a lot of screaming and
yelling. They were saying something, but he couldn’t make out what it was.
Everything was still a little blurry. When he tried to get up, he found himself
strapped to a chair. He wanted to look around, but the pain in his head
wouldn’t allow that to happen. He saw some people coming towards him. They were
saying something….. There was a tall, gaunt man with an irritated expression on
his face. There was also a middle aged woman with a worried look on her face.

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04-16-12 10:27 PM
Sephitard9001 is Offline
| ID: 568948 | 39 Words

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Hmm, that's very interesting. It seems like it has potential considering that you've designed the protagonist's personality and the setting. Do you know where the story is going? Or are you just making it up as you go along?
Hmm, that's very interesting. It seems like it has potential considering that you've designed the protagonist's personality and the setting. Do you know where the story is going? Or are you just making it up as you go along?
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04-16-12 10:39 PM
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| ID: 568956 | 57 Words

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it is unique ill give it that it seems a little rushed though u might want to try and explain the surroundings u know what he sleeps on what Harley is wearing that kinda stuff other than that I does seem like it has potential like catfight09 said I also want to know if it goes anywhere  
it is unique ill give it that it seems a little rushed though u might want to try and explain the surroundings u know what he sleeps on what Harley is wearing that kinda stuff other than that I does seem like it has potential like catfight09 said I also want to know if it goes anywhere  
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04-16-12 10:41 PM
jlh is Offline
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Great beginning, it is fast paced and interesting for the first part, I will be looking forward to the second chapter!
Great beginning, it is fast paced and interesting for the first part, I will be looking forward to the second chapter!
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04-17-12 02:24 AM
catfight09 is Offline
| ID: 569057 | 19 Words

catfight09
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Sephitard9001 : Yeah I already have it figured out pretty much or at least a good bit of the plot. 
Sephitard9001 : Yeah I already have it figured out pretty much or at least a good bit of the plot. 
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