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Maternal Attatchment to Siblings?

 

01-13-12 06:12 AM
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This is a rare case but I am 27 and have a 4 year old sister.  I have been raising her a lot more than her own mother.  I know I have a strong maternal attachment to my sister.  I am always there if she is sick, I play with her constantly, and I try to teach her life lessons.  I look after her so much and I feel more like a second mother than an older sister.  Is this bad?  Is there something wrong with me?  Have any of you been in this situation?
This is a rare case but I am 27 and have a 4 year old sister.  I have been raising her a lot more than her own mother.  I know I have a strong maternal attachment to my sister.  I am always there if she is sick, I play with her constantly, and I try to teach her life lessons.  I look after her so much and I feel more like a second mother than an older sister.  Is this bad?  Is there something wrong with me?  Have any of you been in this situation?
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01-13-12 07:00 AM
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I don't think that there is anything wrong with it at all, since many siblings have that strong of a bond. There is a huge age gap between myself and my siblings as well, not quite as large, but in my case I was the younger one. My sister took care of me a lot when she was a teenager, and apparently some of her friends actually thought I was her kid for awhile.
I don't think that there is anything wrong with it at all, since many siblings have that strong of a bond. There is a huge age gap between myself and my siblings as well, not quite as large, but in my case I was the younger one. My sister took care of me a lot when she was a teenager, and apparently some of her friends actually thought I was her kid for awhile.
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01-13-12 07:09 AM
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I can't say it's exactly the same, but I have a sort of a thing with my brother (who is only 4 years younger).

We may be close in age, but I take a very big interest in his future, and as his older brother I often showed him how to do a few things.

He's learned everything I could teach him, so you could say I had a few paternal moments with my brother
I can't say it's exactly the same, but I have a sort of a thing with my brother (who is only 4 years younger).

We may be close in age, but I take a very big interest in his future, and as his older brother I often showed him how to do a few things.

He's learned everything I could teach him, so you could say I had a few paternal moments with my brother
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01-13-12 10:32 AM
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Well its a very good thing ....I don't see anything bad in it ...well if you care for someone and really spend time with that person your bound to develop a strong attachment to that person...well though I have not been in this situation...But I think its a good thing....
Well its a very good thing ....I don't see anything bad in it ...well if you care for someone and really spend time with that person your bound to develop a strong attachment to that person...well though I have not been in this situation...But I think its a good thing....
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01-13-12 11:19 AM
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I cant see anything bad about that, it just means youre a great sister, mines was far the other way.
I cant see anything bad about that, it just means youre a great sister, mines was far the other way.
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01-13-12 12:07 PM
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I haven't seen anything bad about being in that situation, but I didn't really find myself in that situation, but I do find myself taking care of my brother a lot like a father figure. Main point is that its a good thing really.
I haven't seen anything bad about being in that situation, but I didn't really find myself in that situation, but I do find myself taking care of my brother a lot like a father figure. Main point is that its a good thing really.
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01-13-12 03:25 PM
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Well I seem to of forgotten one important thing.  My step mom acts like I tread too much on her mothering territory.  Though I find I take care of my little sister way more than she takes care of her.  It confuses my little sister as to who to listen to.  When my step mom is not around I am the head parental figure.  When my step mom is around I become lesser than the animals.  It's too confusing for me and my little sister.  I have not an idea of what to do.
Well I seem to of forgotten one important thing.  My step mom acts like I tread too much on her mothering territory.  Though I find I take care of my little sister way more than she takes care of her.  It confuses my little sister as to who to listen to.  When my step mom is not around I am the head parental figure.  When my step mom is around I become lesser than the animals.  It's too confusing for me and my little sister.  I have not an idea of what to do.
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01-14-12 12:32 AM
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In response to your first post, I have to say that I don't think that's weird at all. I don't think most people would call it a maternal, or rather--to be politically correct--a "parental" feeling, but I think most older siblings try to take care of their younger brothers and sisters. It's the nature of humanity, just the way we're wired. We're pack animals so we tend to look out for the "smaller and weaker" members of the family. I'm only nine years older than my youngest sister, but I always took an interest in helping her, and the others, when I could, and trying to make sure they were doing their home work, much more than my parents ever did. I also try to teach them life lessons. So in a sense, I don't think it's weird at all how you feel, and probably the only reason you DO feel more "maternal" than a sibling feeling is just the age difference. I would suspect that it's harder to connect on a sister-sister level than for sisters at a closer age.

But that your step-mom feels like you're stepping on her territory is a different beast all together. Especially if she deliberately tries to undermine you in front of your sister. You should talk to her and let her know that you're not trying to take anything away from her, and that you're only interested in what's best for your sister. You should ask her if she could treat you like more of a figure of authority when around your sister, because you ARE an adult, even if you are her sister, and even though her mother is the end-all-be-all final authority, she needs to recognize that you have wisdom to share, and have experienced things that your sister will need to learn from.
In response to your first post, I have to say that I don't think that's weird at all. I don't think most people would call it a maternal, or rather--to be politically correct--a "parental" feeling, but I think most older siblings try to take care of their younger brothers and sisters. It's the nature of humanity, just the way we're wired. We're pack animals so we tend to look out for the "smaller and weaker" members of the family. I'm only nine years older than my youngest sister, but I always took an interest in helping her, and the others, when I could, and trying to make sure they were doing their home work, much more than my parents ever did. I also try to teach them life lessons. So in a sense, I don't think it's weird at all how you feel, and probably the only reason you DO feel more "maternal" than a sibling feeling is just the age difference. I would suspect that it's harder to connect on a sister-sister level than for sisters at a closer age.

But that your step-mom feels like you're stepping on her territory is a different beast all together. Especially if she deliberately tries to undermine you in front of your sister. You should talk to her and let her know that you're not trying to take anything away from her, and that you're only interested in what's best for your sister. You should ask her if she could treat you like more of a figure of authority when around your sister, because you ARE an adult, even if you are her sister, and even though her mother is the end-all-be-all final authority, she needs to recognize that you have wisdom to share, and have experienced things that your sister will need to learn from.
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01-14-12 01:03 AM
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I'd say the only way it's a problem is if you're undermining your mother's authority or if in your head you ARE your sister's literal mother, haha. That obviously isn't the situation, in either case.

I'm truly sorry that your step mother is being so insecure about the whole situation. My mom and step mom used to duel it out over who got the last say on what I did, which was always irritating and ridiculous. It's sad that you're sister is being pulled both ways. Even if your step mother is awful to you, it can't hurt to tell her that rather than overrule her, you're trying to make sure your sister has as many role models as possible. People sometimes think that by having the same interests as them, you're competing, instead of taking equal part.

I hope everything works out for you. =)
I'd say the only way it's a problem is if you're undermining your mother's authority or if in your head you ARE your sister's literal mother, haha. That obviously isn't the situation, in either case.

I'm truly sorry that your step mother is being so insecure about the whole situation. My mom and step mom used to duel it out over who got the last say on what I did, which was always irritating and ridiculous. It's sad that you're sister is being pulled both ways. Even if your step mother is awful to you, it can't hurt to tell her that rather than overrule her, you're trying to make sure your sister has as many role models as possible. People sometimes think that by having the same interests as them, you're competing, instead of taking equal part.

I hope everything works out for you. =)
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01-14-12 01:22 AM
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Wow you have a 4 year old sister? That must be strange. Do you have any children of your own?

I can see how becoming "motherly" towards your sibling would be easy in that sort of situation. I am an only child, so I never went through any of this.
Wow you have a 4 year old sister? That must be strange. Do you have any children of your own?

I can see how becoming "motherly" towards your sibling would be easy in that sort of situation. I am an only child, so I never went through any of this.
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01-14-12 05:42 AM
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I dont see why youre step mom should care that you look out for your sister, especialy if she dosent, pretty selfish.
I dont see why youre step mom should care that you look out for your sister, especialy if she dosent, pretty selfish.
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01-14-12 07:14 AM
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Jordanv78 : I don't have any children I can't have any.  I had surgery in my stomach area so that kinda prevents me from having children.  And ya my little sis is not my daughter if any of you are thinking that.  If anyone has questions of the age difference friend me and talk to me on chat bar or talk to me in chat room when I am on.  Sorry just can't leave it to be seen in the future.
Jordanv78 : I don't have any children I can't have any.  I had surgery in my stomach area so that kinda prevents me from having children.  And ya my little sis is not my daughter if any of you are thinking that.  If anyone has questions of the age difference friend me and talk to me on chat bar or talk to me in chat room when I am on.  Sorry just can't leave it to be seen in the future.
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I don't think it's strange at all. I actually think that would be the natural feeling someone would have if their sibling was so much younger than them, that is how I feel towards one of my siblings... Two of my sisters are very close to me in age, and I think of them as equals, if that makes sense. I feel differently towards my youngest sister who is 10 years younger than me. I feel more responsible for her, since she is a little kid that needs taking after. So I guess like a sort of maternal attachment, but not as strong as in your situation.
I don't think it's strange at all. I actually think that would be the natural feeling someone would have if their sibling was so much younger than them, that is how I feel towards one of my siblings... Two of my sisters are very close to me in age, and I think of them as equals, if that makes sense. I feel differently towards my youngest sister who is 10 years younger than me. I feel more responsible for her, since she is a little kid that needs taking after. So I guess like a sort of maternal attachment, but not as strong as in your situation.
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01-23-12 01:18 PM
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I don't think it's strange and no, there is nothing wrong with you. I have the same sort of attachment to my sisters because I practically raised them. The difference is, I was much younger than you. My first sister came when I was seven and my second sister came when I was 12. I had to do pretty much everything for them from bathing them to helping them with homework because my parents either weren't home or wouldn't do it.

As for the situation with your step mom. If she keeps acting like you're undermining her, you can always just come out and tell her that you take care of your sister more than she does. That's what I'd do, but I don't know your step mom, so I don't know how she'd react.
I don't think it's strange and no, there is nothing wrong with you. I have the same sort of attachment to my sisters because I practically raised them. The difference is, I was much younger than you. My first sister came when I was seven and my second sister came when I was 12. I had to do pretty much everything for them from bathing them to helping them with homework because my parents either weren't home or wouldn't do it.

As for the situation with your step mom. If she keeps acting like you're undermining her, you can always just come out and tell her that you take care of your sister more than she does. That's what I'd do, but I don't know your step mom, so I don't know how she'd react.
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01-23-12 02:44 PM
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XxChaosxX : If I said that to her she would kick me out of the house with no one to go to.  I would be living in the cold and people hate letting people in their houses around her.  The nearest town is half an hour drive....  I also have no money or cell phone..... So I gotta try to stay on her good side!
XxChaosxX : If I said that to her she would kick me out of the house with no one to go to.  I would be living in the cold and people hate letting people in their houses around her.  The nearest town is half an hour drive....  I also have no money or cell phone..... So I gotta try to stay on her good side!
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I don't think it would be considered a problem to be close to your siblings. I mean family is family after all.
I don't think it would be considered a problem to be close to your siblings. I mean family is family after all.
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(edited by Markeith21 on 02-02-12 03:14 AM)    

06-20-12 03:13 PM
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Well I think this is normal for many teenagers/adults. My sister, now age 23, took care of me more then my mother. Granted my mother was a married to a drug addict who wasn't my biological father, and worked 2 or 3 jobs. She didn't work 2 or 3 jobs because we were poor, because we weren't. She worked 2 or 3 jobs because she loved to spoil me and my sister. But me and my sister aren't "Spoiled brats" we have always been nice to other people and we don't judge anyone. She is currently engaged, but her and her fiancé send me $200 each month.(For some reason O_ __o.)-VSOA
Well I think this is normal for many teenagers/adults. My sister, now age 23, took care of me more then my mother. Granted my mother was a married to a drug addict who wasn't my biological father, and worked 2 or 3 jobs. She didn't work 2 or 3 jobs because we were poor, because we weren't. She worked 2 or 3 jobs because she loved to spoil me and my sister. But me and my sister aren't "Spoiled brats" we have always been nice to other people and we don't judge anyone. She is currently engaged, but her and her fiancé send me $200 each month.(For some reason O_ __o.)-VSOA
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07-17-12 11:39 PM
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I can understand caring and loving your sister/brother and wanting to protect them but anything after that is just creepy and weird. I have seen some brother sister relationships that looked creepy and disturbing. 
I can understand caring and loving your sister/brother and wanting to protect them but anything after that is just creepy and weird. I have seen some brother sister relationships that looked creepy and disturbing. 
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It sounds perfectly natural, I'm just like you


and how old were your parents when they had you? You're 27 and you have a four year old sister o.O 
It sounds perfectly natural, I'm just like you


and how old were your parents when they had you? You're 27 and you have a four year old sister o.O 
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I had the male version of this with my little brother. He is 13 years younger than me. We found out my mom was pregnant as my parents were getting a divorce. My dad wanted nothing to do with him (even denied he was his), my older brother was not really a kid/baby person so he always was just shut up in his room when he was actually home, and my mom really wasn't mentally there after the divorce. She tried, but when she wasn't at work, she was pretty much sleeping or at my older brother's wrestling events (wrestling had always been the center of my families attention, not mine). I was pretty much the one taking care of him about 90% of the time from when I was 13 till my senior year of high school. There was one time he actually gave me a card he made at school on Father's Day and told me "Happy Father's Day". That made me cry. It was really hard for me to leave him when I had to get a life of my own away from my controlling mother. I am still very protective of him even though I don't get to see him much (being that I live 5 hours away).
I had the male version of this with my little brother. He is 13 years younger than me. We found out my mom was pregnant as my parents were getting a divorce. My dad wanted nothing to do with him (even denied he was his), my older brother was not really a kid/baby person so he always was just shut up in his room when he was actually home, and my mom really wasn't mentally there after the divorce. She tried, but when she wasn't at work, she was pretty much sleeping or at my older brother's wrestling events (wrestling had always been the center of my families attention, not mine). I was pretty much the one taking care of him about 90% of the time from when I was 13 till my senior year of high school. There was one time he actually gave me a card he made at school on Father's Day and told me "Happy Father's Day". That made me cry. It was really hard for me to leave him when I had to get a life of my own away from my controlling mother. I am still very protective of him even though I don't get to see him much (being that I live 5 hours away).
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