Hey everyone. I don't want to get into what exactly the problem I'm having is, because I don't want to start any drama. I promised myself and the moderators I wouldn't start drama. But I do need some advice on some things. Maybe some of you will have some suggestions for me on how to handle this situation.

Let's see how I can word this right....

Please forgive me if I word this wrong. I will try my best not to offend anyone. If I do, I apologize now. So I was recently hurt by a few people I trusted. And the hurt, is killing me inside. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can move on a little faster from this situation. I can't stand the hurt inside and I am trying to focus on my other life problems. If anyone can help me, I would really appreciate it. Even the smallest suggestion might help.

I don't think that something like this is bad drama, so I wouldn't worry too much. As far as your current predicament, first of all, I'm sorry to hear that. It is never easy to be hurt like that by people who are close enough to trust. Do you have anybody around right now who you can lean on right now? If you do, seek comfort from those who haven't hurt you. I hate the old advice that things take time, but sometimes that is key. Try to distract yourself in something that you enjoy doing. I understand that you currently have other life problems going on right now, as you said, but that cannot be a source to use to distract yourself from that. Dealing with one problem just has it's way of making you remember all your problems. Don't forget to find time for yourself to focus on something that isn't a problem.

rcarter2 : Thank you. I am definitely going to try to distract my thoughts with something I actually enjoy doing. And yes I do have some people I know i can trust and turn to. I appreciate the advice. And it was very good advice. I hope others will be as helpful as you are.

No problem. I hope that you can get through it as quick and painless as possible.

rcarter2 : I hope so as well. The faster I can get through this, the better.

Sometimes when someone hurts us we tend to try to get as far away from them as possible. However, when it comes to social troubles, communication and understanding are the keys to solving them. Tell one another how you felt in the time leading up to the event, afterwards, and so on. Come to an understanding on why the events went down as they did. Forgive each other, even if you're sure you did nothing wrong, and move on. I can't tell you how much I want closure with certain people. 

Oh but if talking is something that you absolutely do not wish to do with this person at this time, talk to your friends about it - like me. I know that talking with you in April when things between my friend and I got intense. Thank you again for that.

Hope this helps at least a little!

NotJon : Yeah, I've talked to the individuals, one was willing, the other not so much. All I want is to just get rid of the hurt. I'm not too bothered with if things are amended. I've tried to do that and that's all I can do. Thank you for the advice. And you know I am here for you whenever you need a friend.

SunflowerGaming : Let me start by saying that I’m sorry that you’re hurt and I do know what it is like to be in your shoes. Back when I was in school I use to have many friends and I would like to think that I was pretty well liked. When we all went into high school though things changed drastically and in a very short period of time I found myself looking at people I thought I could trust and discovered that I couldn’t. It is never a good feeling especially when you consider some people to be close friends. Some of them turned out to be BS’er’s to put it mildly and others turned out to forget that I existed for many years.

As a result of a lot of nonsense (Drama) and a lot of BS I gradually became a recluse and although I am a very approachable guy it’s really hard to open up sometimes and I learned in time that I needed to have people earn my trust a little before I let them in where as before I would wear my heart on my sleeve for lack of a better term and some people took my good nature for granted. Although it hurt for a long time and the results of a lot of BS are still with me to a degree I don’t hold it against people who weren’t kind toward me back then or, took my friendship for granted.

I am in media now and I have to be accessible to all and I think part of my work ethic and just me in general as a person is my ability to be the bigger person, put anger (And there was a lot of it) aside and treat everyone with class even though some people may not deserve it. I have let some of those one time close friends back in via social media and to a big degree it seems like everyone went back to the way they were before high school in terms of how they acted. The school we all went to is known for messing people up so I just give everyone for the most part the benefit of the doubt and say it was many years ago and it’s really pointless for most of us in our late 20s/early 30s to rehash things that were many years ago.

I guess the best advice I can give you is although what you’ve been through probably really hurts and you’re probably angry; I think it is important to not let it change you as a person. For me I went through several phases that eventually made me a wiser person. I was very young n’ dumb for lack of a better term and I really believe that if I was back then how I am now that my life would have been much easier.

I hope that what I have said will give you some good advice and perhaps comfort you in some way. Best of luck to you.

bvd1022 : WOW, that actually made me feel a whole lot better. I am doing my best not to let my own pride get in the way of moving on from this. I too take my time in having people earn my trust, but it is still hard to know who to trust, and I guess it's all in trial and error. Your words are very comforting and helpful. Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a heartfelt reply.

I'm very sorry to say that the painfully obvious truth of the matter, is this instance may not be the last time your trust is trampled upon by those you assume you can trust. Violation of ones trust is a tough wound to heal. But that is not what I'm doing here. Staying positive is the key to it all. With all that said, I say keep moving on gracefully and positively. Keep your head up, and your mind from dwelling too much in the past. I know it is not that easy to do sometimes but, it is the only way to rise above, and keep your feelings and your thoughts moving forward. It is absolutely essential to not look back upon this situation and learn and grow from it. Plus you now have a perfect example of what not to do next time. The hurt you feel inside will eventually heal. And from that will rise a new inner strength and hopefully some peace from this present problem you face now. I wish you the best luck in your journey and warmest wishes that you find trustworthy lifelong friends.

AlexSilver : Thank you for those kind words. All this support and good advice will definitely help me through this. And believe me, I know this won't be the last time my trust will be trampled on. It's happened before, likely to happen again.

Anytime, and I'm glad I could be of some help. It sounds like you are doing a little better over all though. I'll keep my eye on this thread to see how this pans out.

AlexSilver : I'll definitely keep you all posted on how things turn out. I am doing a little better, friends are helping me through this so it makes it easier.

SunflowerGaming : You’re very welcome… Like I said I’ve been in your shoes. It took me a long time to move passed the anger I had in regard to some people. Like I said before there were people who turned into BS’er’s and others simply forgot that I existed. It wasn’t until I was forced into social media that I crossed paths with many of these people. Part of the reason why it was so many years with no contact at all with many of them was because I dropped out of school in part due to the nonsense I dealt with. Even though I didn’t go far at all and still live in the same house I’ve always lived, least in this state (Is from New York originally) I simply lost touch with a lot of people. It’s been almost fourteen years since I’ve talked to or seen a lot of these people until earlier this year when I went social media.

The silver lining for me was when I left school I really got into my writing and although I’m not making the kind of money that I should be making it gave me a career and frankly saved me and got me out of dealing with the nonsense. Some of these people have expressed interest in meeting up with me. Basically the only thing that has kept me from meeting up with some of them is my schedule.

I work a self-imposed schedule which seems crazy in the eyes of some but I do it with the purpose of advancing my career eventually. I pretty much cover fight cards every week so it makes it difficult to have time to myself. Out of the 52 weeks in a year odds are I’m working 40+ would be willing to say around 46-48 somewhere around there usually covering on average three to five cards a week. This year in particular has been busier than usual. I usually get the last two weeks out of the year to get a much needed break but this year I’m pretty much going non-stop through the New Year and the first couple of weeks of 2012. I do get Christmas week off but I am right back to work immediately after the holiday. I take pride in my work ethic even though it seems crazy to some. I’ve been single for many years in large part due to my schedule. The few days off I get in a week are usually spent either working on editing of my material or, simply trying to recoup from a long stretch of work. I hope one day I can get to a point where I’m either working for a newspaper or some other high end media company where I only have to worry about what I’ve been assigned to do and can work freelance at me leisure. It will definitely give me some free time to meet up with some of these friends and who knows beyond that.

For the most part the people I’ve let back in have been supportive and have even tried to get me to take a vacation out of concern of my overworking myself. Even though I was writing when we were all in school I basically kept it to myself so they had no idea what I willingly put myself through. It made me feel good to see that even people that treated me badly now years later show support toward me. It’s amazing to see how much a school can mess people up and how in most cases they go back to the way they were before they went into a school. Basically even though I had to put up with a lot of things that I really could have done without and still deal with some of those things to a degree I’ve come to think of a lot of it as them trying to fit in and thus a lot of them not acting or doing things that would be the norm for them.

As I said before I don’t hold it against anyone because I am far from perfect and have made my share of mistakes. Although I don’t think of things with many of these friends as water under the bridge, I do give them the benefit of the doubt. It isn’t always easy but as a professional I have to keep a certain manner and I think that it’s better to be classy than hash over things that were a nearly a decade and a half old. Although I would be justified to be harsh toward many of these people I don’t see what the benefit would be for me in doing that.

It may not seem like it right now but you will get to a similar place that I’ve found myself if you allow the anger to pass. It may take a while, as I said for me it was many years to get passed it but I got there and so will you. Best of luck to you.

bvd1022 : Wow, you really express yourself very well. I wish you and I knew each other better, you seem like someone I would really get along with. Thank you for your help. It was comforting and helpful. 

SunflowerGaming : You’re very welcome; I try to get along with everyone I communicate with although sometimes it is not easy in regard to certain people. I have been told that I know how to express myself in fact a majority of my magazine work has had to be two page spreads. What can I say? I love my work and I am extremely detail oriented.

I’m happy that my advice has helped you in some way. My apologies for the late reply, I had an extremely busy weekend covering fight cards and was asked to make an appearance on television in the UK yesterday so it’s definitely been busy and exhausting at the same time. Hopefully it will lead to good things for me in time. The good news is they want me back on the air soon so I guess I did well even for a guy who was running on maybe five hours sleep in 36 hrs at that point. I am spending the next day or two recouping, knows when I need rest.


If I you need any advice please don’t hesitate to ask. Once again please forgive the lateness of my reply.

bvd1022 : It's alright, I understand that sometimes people get busy. It's no problem at all.

I decided to come back to this thread to check up on how your situation is going. I see that you have been able to seek support from some friends. Have you been able to set aside time to enjoy yourself? It really helps to have other things go on daily that doesn't involve drama.

rcarter2 : As a matter of fact, I have been keeping busy with things I enjoy. I like making things in photoshop and posting them on deviantart. I also have been spending a lot of time with my family. It's been helping a lot, plus having all this support from everyone. It's been making it easier to handle.

That is good to hear. Dealing with any kind of betrayal is difficult to cope with, and it is a shame it had to happen. Especially when you have other things going on in your life. Remember, I'm always willing to talk.