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11-15-19 01:29 AM

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Girl Problems
lol at the irony (thread is serious though)
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BNuge
10-10-11 10:45 AM
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10-16-11 11:25 PM

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10-10-11 10:45 AM
BNuge is Offline
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So I've run into a minor problem. One of my friends is in a serious relationship with a girl. His girlfriend lives pretty far away, so they don't see each other much. Now the problem comes in.

There is a different girl at our school who has taken a liking to him. She's been flirting with him on facebook A LOT. It's almost stalker-level by now. She actually went to the campus police to ask if they knew where she could find him. He is friends with the chief there, so that chief went straight to my friend to let him know.

So the simple question is how to get her to go away.

Here's the second question. A good number of you know I'm gay. She doesn't (I don't parade it around, but I won't lie if someone asks unless I have to). Would it be "mean" to try to get her to date me in order to get her to leave him alone? It would solve the problem of her flirting with him. The only risk I see is her reaction if/when she finds out I'm not even remotely attracted to her.

I'll take advice from anyone, but there are also a few people in particular who I would like to hear from.


YourMajestyKen :
Vincent Swiftstrike :
Elara :

Thoughts?
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(edited by BNuge on 10-10-11 10:46 AM)    

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10-10-11 10:59 AM
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Well, is she under the impression that he's interested in her? Is she attempting to be his "girlfriend?" Is she aware that he's already taken? I mean, if he is in fact interested, there's nothing anybody could do. Showing up on school grounds asking a chief for someone is a bit creepy since you put it that way.

You pretending to like her will solve nothing but make things worse for both yourself and her. I don't think it's the wisest idea.

If she bothers you both that much, why not respectfully tell her to go away?

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10-10-11 11:02 AM
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I don't see how dating her is the right idea to get her away from your friend. Wouldn't it be better that your friend acts straightforward and tell her he is dating and does not want to hurt his current relationship?

If intervention is necessary, I recommend avoiding the use of deception. If your friend cannot be the one to tell her like it is, then it would be better that you --or someone she will listen to-- to get her to back off.

If your friend does go up to her and asks her to step back but she does not listen, could it be possible to have the campus security --or some other authority-- get involved?

I don't know a whole lot about relationships, so the least I want to put out there is that using deception to get her away just doesn't sit well with me.
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10-10-11 11:05 AM
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YourMajestyKen :

Most of her comments are telling him how much she misses him and repeatedly telling him to call her. I haven't seen how she acts around him, but he can tell the difference between her wanting to be friends and her wanting to be his girlfriend. It has also reached the point where his actual girlfriend wants to "meet" her.

She definitely knows he is taken. If nothing else, he is listed on Facebook as being in a relationship and his girlfriend makes sure everyone knows it. He is incredibly devoted to his current girlfriend. He has no interest in this girl at all. He's kind of amused by it, but also wants her to go away.
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10-10-11 11:51 AM
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He should be forward and honest with her about how he feels about the whole situation.

Your friend needs to either be straight up with her or be a little mean... It will stop further pain for her and I think the best way to do it. Or you can introduce her to a friend and slip out of there and keep pushing them together.

Make sure he doesn't give off the wrong signals for one thing. lol
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10-10-11 02:58 PM
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Well, your friend should tell her that he have already someone to love.

About the 2nd question... Don't get Involved in this problem. That just gonna make MORE problems Instead. 
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10-10-11 03:03 PM
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Ill agree with eddy88 just let her know how it is. Might hurt for a week or so but haven't we all went through some kind of mental anguish. Yeah getting involved will add to the drama. I would just ignore her and look at her like wtf.... That's how I would do it :/
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10-10-11 06:20 PM
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I would not try to date her, that's just a train wreck waiting to happen. That said, this is a rather interesting situation since she really has reached stalker level. Since his friend is chief of campus police, he might have some advice from that end... at the worst if it keeps up I would recommend restraining order, but she doesn't seem dangerous yet.
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10-10-11 06:29 PM
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This is why I'm not very keen into going into a serious relationship, hehe. Problems like these.

I'll be the first one to admit I'm not too good about relationship problems, specifically stalker ones, but since I was asked my opinion I will give it the way I see it.



First things first, I don't see how you intervening will solve anything, it will create stress on you, it will create more problems in the end most likely, and when it comes down to it, she seems to be more interested in your friend, rather then you; so I'm not even sure if that plan would be able to start, let alone it would be kind of shaky all the way through. I'm sure you would find it difficult to say "I love you" to the girl, when you really don't in any sort of way.


Secondly, while I would not be able to do it, I would be telling her upfront how she is acting. If she is being annoying, stalker-ish, creepy etc, then well, tell her. It may seem mean, but in my honest opinion, it is absolutely rude to flirt on someone else when you know they are already in a healthy relationship. In fact, that's more then rude, that's just egotistical. I wouldn't call her that, but just say enough to maybe give her a hint of how she's truly acting. If she already knows and is going for him anyways, then we are going to have a very hard time getting her to stop this childish act, because then she is doing it deliberately.

If that's the case; it may be a good idea to try to get to know why she wants to be with him so much. Is it his looks, or just who he is? Is he just super popular?

Sometimes the best way to solve a problem is not to think about it; rather, think about the solution to it. It's hard to explain, but I hope that makes sense to you.
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10-10-11 06:38 PM
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Wait so he is in a relationship and this other girl is flirting with him pretty much to the max? That seems pretty bad if you ask me. I would probably tell this friend to let her down lightly just because otherwise she could blow up on him. That is unless he really wants her then he should end it with the other girl and move on because otherwise he is really asking for trouble.

The police chief could get him screwed if he offends her...
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10-11-11 10:15 AM
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Well, here is my issue. You already said that she is reaching crazy stalker level with your friend. If she is at that level of crazy before there is even a relationship, think of how crazy she might get while in a relationship. More particularly, how what level of crazy she might reach if she found out her boyfriend was not only gay, but only dated her to keep her away from someone she already she is crazy (pun intended) over. One thing I have seen is that if piss of a crazy girl, crap is going to rain down on your world. I have seen guys cars get destroyed, homes trashed, reputations shattered, etc just because of making a crazy girl mad. I even know a guy who was drugged, tied to a bed nude with assortments of 'decorations' on him, and photos were taken, which were posted on every internet site they could get it on. That is extreme, but still. If it gets to the point where it is going on harassment, your friend can turn it in to the chief of the campus police. He already is friends with him, so he will have his back. But never make a crazy girl mad, because that never turns out well.
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10-13-11 08:44 AM
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I'll give some recommendations.  I'm an old man (30 yrs) and I've been around the block a few times.

1.  If this guy is reacting to her, responding to her, and actively talking to her, he's giving her signals that he's interested in her.  The best way to squash this bug is for him to say, 'Hi, there.  Maybe you've been led wrong because I'm interacting with you.  I'm simply not interested.  Thanks."

If he uses the "I have a girlfriend" response, he isn't saying he's not interested.  He's saying there's a goalie in the net and it's only an obstacle for her to get around.  He needs to directly confront this new girl and tell her he's out.  Then he needs to stop talking to her and responding to her.  She'll get rejected, get hurt, and get over it.  Problem solved.

2.  If he can't/won't do that, there will be long-term consequences.  Every time he responds, she's getting signals that say he's interested.  It's as simple as that.  People who like each other talk to each other.  If he shuts her down and stops talking, it'll end.  If he keeps talking, problems.  Option 2 is to ignore her and wait for her to go away.  It won't happen easily, she'll be confused and try to find answers by trying harder to talk to him.  Eventually, she'll go away, maybe.

3.  It's noble to think you would step in for your buddy.  I'm a guy, I'm neither physically nor emotionally attracted to men and I doubt I could pull of a pseudo-dating scenario with another guy to save a gay buddy of mine.  I worked at a bar with a few gay guys who liked to flirt with me and the bartender.  The bartender would get pissed and flustered about it.  I played along because it was funny.  But I couldn't fake it.  She'll pick up immediately what you're doing.  And you can't distract her if she likes this guy.  I don't think it would work at all.

Good luck, man.
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10-13-11 08:51 PM
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Here's a little update. Last night I had a talk with the girl on facebook (regular message without being friends). Basically, I kindly told her to back off and she said "f*** off" (I did make a point of being nice and saying it delicately). I also made a point of not only sharing the entire conversation with my friend, but I also avoided saying that my friend shared my opinions.

I went with him to his college today because I used to go to there and I like seeing old friends who still go there. She made a beeline for my friend as soon as she got there and asked to talk to him. They talked quietly and he pointed me out as the person she talked to last night. She was glaring at me for the rest of the day. Apparently she hates me. Personally, I find that hilarious. The girl who has issues is mad at me for pointing out her issues. lol


warmaker :

Thanks for breaking it down. I think I'll pass this on to him if it's fine with you. I've kinda given up on dating her.
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10-14-11 08:55 AM
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BNuge : Of cours you may certainly tell him.  If she said "F*** you" to him, the problem is solved.  He can tell her himself. 

Anything I say or suggest or recommend is for public consumption.  You need not ask me if you can pass on my suggestions, though I appreciate it.
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10-14-11 10:47 AM
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B**** is crazy, that much is certain. I agree with what warmaker said, if he keeps talking to her and not making it clear that he is not interested, she will keep coming. He needs to tell her, firmly and perhaps even cruelly, that he is not interested at all and that she needs to back off of he will report her for stalking. Then he needs to leave.
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10-16-11 08:18 PM
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warmaker :
Elara :

Apparently he already told her that he's out. That hasn't stopped her. Also, she got tired of dealing with me, so she blocked me on facebook.


P.S. I actually find messing with her to be unnaturally amusing
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10-16-11 09:21 PM
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Ha, yeah I can imagine that it is quite fun.

Restraining order. That is my official opinion if she is still not backing off.
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10-16-11 09:57 PM
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I once told a girl to fk off on a piece of paper (we were playing paper tag and she kept asking questions like a cop). The next day in class before it starts she walks in room and slaps me and then runs away. I eventually found out from a school staff member that she said I was dating her and just the other day we were at dairy queen together. I was like wtf are you talking about I dont even hang out with this chick she just randomly hands me paper.

The questions were weird, one of them was are you a drug dealer and I'm sure she used it against me when I told her to fk off cause the school searched me for drugs a lot after that happened.

Depending on the girl, she will most likely slap you but I would look out for a kick in the balls if you are lucky.
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10-16-11 10:10 PM
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yeah, the bits and pieces of this I've read leads me to think that he just needs to talk to her and set her straight. If he is serious about the girl he is dating then he needs to put this other girl in her place and let her know she doesn't stand a chance. It's not fair to string her along as if she stands a chance with him.

Unless of course he wants to have his cake and eat it too I'm assuming based on what you've said that he isn't that kind of guy....
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10-16-11 10:35 PM
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geeogree :

1. He's not even close to that kind of guy.
2. He tried to set her straight. She ignored it and kept on talking to him. Check my most recent post in this thread (besides this one ) for details on that.
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