Oh crap, THIS game. As if Little Red Hood was secretive enough, I just HAD to review this. Now, yeah I did this on Wednsday instead of Saturday, but who really cares? At least I'm not skipping a week. Okay, I'm just going to be quiet now and start this review. Even though it started 53 words ago.

  --- Wait... HUDSON MADE THIS? ---
In my Little Red Hood review, I said another game was hiding behind the cartridge. What game was it? Milon's Secret Castle. The game is so secritive, that even the cartridge is hiding. Oh great. So, back in 1987, the best video game story was saving a princess. I mean, if Mario and Zelda could do it, why can't Milon? Oh I'll tell you why. I'm confused about my weapond. It's a bubble. Really? It's like Bubblegum Rossie from Action 52. You have a lollipop for a weapond. You need to shoot bubbles to find everything: Money, Keys, DOORS. But you can't tell which blocks can be broken. It's like CastleVania II's Holy Water. I'm sure you've heard AVGN explain it a million times, so I don't feel the need to explain. So now that I've explained basic gameplay, I'll explain the game from the beggining. When you start out, there's 3 doors, an window, and a floor preventing from getting to the second floor. The first door has nothing onteresting. You just retardedley shoot everywhere to find a key and a door. Nothing intresting.

  --- A shop. In a game like this. Joy. ---
The second door is a shop. You know what shops are like in games like these, right? There's two hints and a shrinking potion. When you get the shrinking potion, you can touch boxing gloves to get small. What, does it punch you so hard that you become 3 feet shorter? The hints tell you: "Crystal has mysterious power" and "Find a saw". So now you look foor a crystal and a saw. What, they couldn't make full sentences? Was the text made by a 4-year old? The window has a locked door. I don't know why they can't tell us it's locked, but I guess that's a fence in front of the door. I can imagine: a little pajama boy squeezing through a 2-inch window and seeing a locked door. The problem is, in the third level, sometimes the key doesn't appear. I have no idea why, though. It's probably too many sprites on the screen or some crap. Going off subject,  in Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels, sometimes springboards that are required to beat a level with don't appear, if there's too many sprites on screen, usually caused by wind or Lakitus. This door and Door 1 both lead back out the same door.

  --- How do you get past the FIRST LEVEL... AGAIN? ---
Okay, so in Door 1, there's a set of 3 blocks on the floor. Shoot two blocks, and the one block that doesn't explode, push it to the left. Then shoot the empty space where the block used to be, and a secret door will appear. It's a shop. With two worthless hints. And... spring shoes! These are needed to get to high places. I mean, you need to do all that crap to do something that's REQUIRED? I cannot believe HUDSON made this. Ya know what else Hudson made? Mario Party. YEAH. Now, in the window, your first boss awaits. He kinda looks like the second boss of Super Mario Land: Dragonzamasu. That's the offical name, unfortunetley. So, Dragonzamasu just jumps around and rains your health. Your health goes down faster than Chuck Norris on an excersize machine. This is one of those crappy games that gives you no invincibillity after you get hit. But it's not as bad as the first two Zelda CD-i games. The enemies there can drain all 6 of your heart containers in a second. Now, you're on the second floor, and there's moor doors, more windows, more confusion. If you stay outside too long, a thunderstorm starts up, and lightning starts to kill you. You need flame-resistant suits, shrinking while breaking walls, and... it's just too confusing. The second boss is... the NES version of The Great Poo from Conker's Bad Fur Day... how many other games am I taking about? Conker, Mario, Zelda... why can't I play those instead? Oh, crap, The Great Poo killed me. Game Over...? Wait... I'M AT THE TITLE SCREEn? THEY CAN'T DO THAT! I WAS ON THE SECOND FLOOR, I REFUSE TO DO THAT ALL OVER AGAIN! I'm still in shock that HUDSON made this. They're name is all over the box, and you can find the Hudson Bee. They even have thier name spelled out in sand. They did that all the time in the 80's. In Super Mario Bros. Special, in one castle, they spelled out Hudson in Brick Blocks. And it says: Over 3/4 million sold in Japan!" THAT is hard to believe. I've had enough with this game! They obviousley don't know what a "secret" is. Now... I'm just gonna play Mario, Zelda, Megaman, Conker, Pikmin.. a bunch of good games for a long, long time. See you next week in my next review!