Dunkin Donuts is having a half off sale, and I was clearing the way, officer.

Cop: your eyes look a little bloodshot. You been smoking pot?
Me: your eyes look a little glazed. You been eating donuts?

I was running out of gas, so I wanted to make sure I went fast enough to coast the rest of the way home.

I couldn't tell while you were in your car if you were a dude or a chick, so I decided it was the only way I could find out.

Just wanted to show all the other potential traffic violators how fast police cars so they won't do anything wrong.

I thought there was a bomb in my car that would blow if I drove slower than 20 miles over the speed limit.

Me: *Driving down the road with a box of donuts.* Oh just wait until I get you home. Mmmmm. *Gets pulled over by the cops and the cop walks up to my window.*

Cop: Sir. Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: *picks up the donuts* Because you can smell it. XD

I am high or drunk lol. That's the worst excuse I could come up with, but I would never say that to a cop.

"What's the problem ociffer?!" <---Lol!!

This actually happened to my father.

*pulled over*
Hello, sir, may I see your license and registration please?
Of course, sir. Yeah, I completely spaced and didn't even notice that the light was red. I'm sorry about that, I knew I'd screwed up as soon as I did it.
Oh? I didn't even notice the red light. But that was a no-left-turns intersection.
Seriously?


Somehow, he got a warning anyway. Specifically, two warnings.

Police officer: Sir, do you know how fast you were driving?

Driver: It wasn't me officer! The man next to me forced me to do it! *points to empty seat*

Police officer: That seat is empty sir.

Driver: What?! The voices must of lied to me!

Driver: ... Sir I'm going to have to take you downtown.

Driver: Oh thank you officer! I needed to go there to deliver 40 pounds of heroin anyways!

I'm sorry officer I thought I was playing Grand Theft Auto.

Officer - Sir, were you aware you were doing a lot of swerving, crashing into things and flying off a ramp?
Driver - No, officer. It must've been somebody else.
Officer - Sir, I'm going to need you to step out of the vehicle.
Driver - Alright.
Officer - You are exhibiting signs of using large amounts of heroine. Where is it?
Driver - Not under the seat, sir. Definitely not under the seat. And I don't have any illegally harvested organs in the trunk, either.

Cop: I clocked you going 75 in a 30mph zone.
Driver: That is impossible! I had my cruise control set for 60!

Cop : Sir are you drunk    Man : No     Cop : then why are you slurring your speech    Man : because im talking in cursive

I say this on a Funny Pics app.

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my fifth DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But, come to think of it, I believe I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes, sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
The trunk was opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.

And that, friends, is how you avoid a ticket.

tj4bigred : That's gold. I wish I was as smart as that.

I honestly don't have an excuse. Most of the ones I could find on the internet were already taken on here.

Although to be honest I wouldn't do anything rash in the first place. Trying to come up with an excuse would just get you in more trouble.

Cop: Are you aware that you were speeding?

Driver: I don't know.

Cop: Are you aware that you ran a red light?

Driver: I don't know.

Cop: Are you aware that you are drunk?

Driver: I don't...Uhhh...Yes!

NotJon :
LOL @ Grand Theft Auto



"Yes I know how fast I was going. But you were going faster. You should be the one to get the ticket, not me. You lousy cops think you can get away with anything."

Officer: I can smell alcohol on your breath; have you been drinking?

Driver: Yes, but I swear to drunk I'm not God.

Cop: " Sir Have you been drinking"  
Guy: " ..."
Cop: " Sir, I asked, have you been drinking "
Guy: " I don't Speak English " * look around * " And now it appears I have misplaced my beverages "

I dont use any excuse on a cop  I'm honest to them