Hey guys. I don't usually like to tell people about my past or even about my life now. But I figure since I talk to you all basically every day, I can trust you with this information. I don't really know where to begin. Growing up, life wasn't anything close to normal for me. I had a father who was very abusive. Not only to me, but my mom and three older siblings. He wasn't like that with me, until I was about 4 or 5 years of age. I won't go into complete detail of what happened because it is still too painful. What I will say is how he wouldn't allow myself or my family to talk to other people. Heck, we weren't even allowed to look at other people. If he felt I did something that was considered "bad" to him, he would either hit me or starve me. Sometimes he would lock me in dark places, thinking it was funny. It was all very traumatizing. This went on until I was 14 years of age. My Mom had enough, she caught him cheating on her, which wasn't the first time, but at last she decided to end things with him.

She kicked him out and filed for divorce. So think of it like this, take a person for 14 years, never allow them contact with any other people, and then after 14 years say, "Okay now go interact with the world." That's what it was like for me. I didn't get to use my childhood to learn how to adapt to the world and interact with others. I wasn't allowed to. My Mom wasn't even allowed to go anywhere or do anything. He gave her a specific time to go do an errand and get home or he would beat her. Same with us children.

Well, the reason I am posting this story, is because a lot of you don't understand why I may at times be "overly-sensitive" or why I "react" the way I do. I am honestly still learning how to interact with people. I'm going to make mistakes, I'm not perfect and never will be. I suffer with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), depression and anxiety. Yes I am on medication and I do go to therapy on a regular basis. But I am human, I will have my moments just like everyone else. Some of you might understand, some of you might not. I can't really do much about that. I just felt I should explain a few things. Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

I have a friend that went through a similar situation to yours so I kinda know what your going through. But i'm glad your doing good now i'm sure you will live a good life now so dont worry

I may never understand what it is like to have an abusive family, but I had been mistreated by my peers. I will not say anything right now but I may do what you have done and give an account of my past here, someday. It is often inspiring to hear or see others open up about themselves. May God bless you.

Thank you guys for taking the time to read my thread. I appreciate it.

I'm sorry that you were made to suffer so much

I hope you are recovering from your traumatic times.
Have a great Valentines day

Septembern

Wow.....that's....it's hard to find the right words to say to that. I can't say I know what you are going through, because I don't. But I know that it must be very difficult to adapt to something that only resulted in pain in the past. It must have been a very hard time for you and that you had no one to help you through it must have made it even worse. But now, you have friends. I can't speak for everyone who reads this but I can say that I will be there for you and if you ever need someone to just talk to or even just want someone to listen to you I will always be there for you. Because hey, that's what friends are for. I myself never knew my father, because he shot himself in the chest shortly after I was born. But I think that it made me a better person and I wouldn't be here today if that hadn't happened. But I want to help you, and everyone who needs it so please, don't be afraid to ask for help or talk to me.

Thanks for replying guys. Makes me feel like you all care when you read my threads.

Interesting...im srry about that..i hope ur better

Thank you. Yeah I am doing better than I was, but it's still a struggle coping with it all.

What's sad is that someone like your father can even act like that. To be honest, my father wasn't a good guy either; he was an alcoholic... and although he didn't abuse me like yours did he would do irrational things and lose his temper... to the point where he would rage around our house and throw/destroy things. My parents have long since divorced.

Although I know you had it a lot worse, I kind of know what you went through. I'm glad your mom threw him out; who knows what kind of situation you could be in today if she didn't.

Aww Casy, I'm so sorry. I always wonder what makes people treat others like that. Even though it happened to me, it's still hard for me to fathom why someone would do such a thing. It just makes me sick.

I know we already had a conversation about this, but that's harsh. Hope you don't dwell on that too much . . . Hope it gets better

You know Sephi, I actually was over all that stuff until my dumb father got himself into trouble. Now it's all being dug up again.

I'd also like to say that I understand a bit of what you went through, I had father troubles and a less than great childhood, it's not nearly as bad as what you've gone through though. I know nothing I say is really going to help at this point so I'm just going to wish you luck, life will get better for you soon.

Well that's a shame. Eventually you'll be able to live in peace. Cheer up

Thanks guys. I appreciate your support. It does help me some.

SunflowerGaming : Wow! I have had friends who've gone through some really bad stuff but thats a sort of new one. I mean my dad was on steroids and would like "snap" and pick fights with me and I'd grab what I could to defend myself but if he locked me in a closet that would be tramatizing. I got alot of people I know who've gone throught some stuff but nothing like that. I got a psycho cousin who's in jail for murder and has been out to kill me since we were 6years old. And he went in to prison at 14 so he's got 22 years left now. But I dont know what it be like to be controled like that. But I can understand the other stuff like the isolation, the fear, the anxiety and depression. If you check out my photo album you'll see one example of the isolation Im talking about because I grew up in the woods away from everyone else and never really was allowed to have friends or anything. I couldnt use the phone either so when I got older and they'd yell at me to get the phone I'd be soooo nervous and not know what to say or do. If you ever want to talk you can send me a personal message, Im a good listener. And I'm understanding.

Thanks DB, I appreciate that. It really makes me feel good to know there are caring people like you in the world.

I never really got the vibe as to why people would be that way to their families. It's something I could never do. I will say that I am in the same boat as you about socializing. I never had a horrible past or anything, but I was never a social butterfly in my past until my early 20's. I was usually quiet. I always liked meeting people, but couldn't hold or even start a conversation for the life of me. Being shy never helped either. Even now I sometimes struggle, but I have gotten a lot better.

It's good that you're out of that life. I know it sucks to have a whole world suddenly open up to you after being in darkness for such a long time.

You're telling me! It's made me who I am, but at the same time, I wish I could forget it all. It's still at times a struggle, but I manage through.