..........Anotha
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.......TYME
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PLACE
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This story is based on the picture, Another Place, Another Time, by Harris Burdick

It was a wonderful summer day in Paluchi City; Tim, Jim, Bob, and Sam were playing catch. Jim and Tim were winning. After and hour of play, they went on break. They wanted Pop Tarts; Tim made peanut butter and jam Tartwiches. He put the PB and J on the Pop Tarts before he put them in the toaster; he EVEN put the knife in the toaster. When he pressed the on button with his greasy hands, the toaster broke! A few seconds later, it grew arms and legs! He jumped off of the messy counter and ran out to the road; he spit out the Tartwiches and hit an 80 year old passer-by with it. The man grew two extra heads and wings. A large golden clock appeared on his shirt. They both laughed manically, the now dragon-like man rapped from the top of his lungs “Yo, this be Johnny P. and Tha Toaster, and we be peacin’!” as Johnny P. flew away with Tha Toaster he snatched Bob and Sam. Tha Toaster yelled “WE MUST DESTROY THE CHOSEN ONES!” and then they disappeared into the now cloudy air. Tim said to Jim “Wow that was weird! Do you think we should save them?” Jim responded “Sure, I’m bored.” (Billboard right ^ there)
As they set off to save them, they found train tracks. They tried to hitch a ride. About an hour later, an old lady and a man were on a sail cart. They let them on. As they sailed forward they saw Tha Toaster’s new castle, it said so on the billboard next to the castle. They drove until they reached the end of the tracks and stopped, something fell out of the sky, and it was Johnny P.! He said “Yo I be challenging you to a street fight.” They won leaving Johnny P. on the ground, for no reason they started taunting him, which made him angry and he got up and picked them up. Pistol sounds came out of his wings, He said “Yo, check out my guns!” He flew away and took them to the castle. They got sent to the dungeon.
They stayed there for 3 years until they escaped using a shoe and a wooden spoon.
They went into a small shack via an underground passage. There was a crazy 6 year old genius living in the shack. They asked him if they could use the bathroom. Tim went first.
After 6 hours of waiting Jim went in to investigate. Tim had disappeared; there was a large portal that was in the toilet. Jim jumped into the toilet, and ended up in a weird villa. A large sign said “Jelly Town” which wasn’t very practical because the entire town was made of gelatin. He found Tim in a commoner’s outfit, a large t-shirt that said “I HEART PINEAPPLE JELLO”. Tim told Jim of what happened and then they knocked on everyone’s door trying to find the smart boy again so that they can go back to their world. It took an hour, and they got hungry so they ate seven houses. They found him in a small shack made of chocolate pudding. They asked to use the bathroom.

They went into the bathroom and jumped into the toilet. They went into another world and in the new world; they appeared in a town called Fish World, a town comprised completely out of horrible smelling sushi and rancid wasabi. They went to a store to buy nose plugs so they couldn’t smell. But it didn’t work, for some reason they started smelling from their ears. So they bought ear plugs. They started searching for the shack. Two hours later they found a strange mansion made of tuna. They knocked on the slimy, watery door and the boy genius answered. They asked to use the bathroom.

They jumped into the toilet and ended up in their world. They entered the Citadel of Evil and searched through the corridors and found their friends in the Toy Room. There were not many toys inside the toy room, just a ball-in-a-cup and a stress dummy. They stepped forward to retrieve their friends from the tangled-up ball-in-a-cup. Then a web came up and caught them. Tha Toaster flew by on Johnny P. and threw a lightsaber at Bob. Sadly, it went into his head and he died. In a group Jim, Tim and Sam screamed from the top of their lungs “No!” The screaming went on for about two minutes and then they started to cough. Jim broke through the net using the power of dental floss of which he keeps in his pocket. They drop down from the rope and sticked the plastic stress dummy into his toast slots and pressed down on the on button. Tha Toaster cried “How did you know that I was stressed and depressed?” At that moment he caught fire and blew up. They released Sam and went outside to let Sam have some real air for the first time in those three long years. After fifteen minutes of doing nothing Johnny P. bursted



out of the castle and rapped to a loud tune “This be Johnny P. signing on again. We be battling for these two lives that I’ve just stolen.” He snatched Jim and Sam and put them in his golden clock. He said “Yo turn, fool!” Tim sung the theme from The Simpsons “Bababa bum babababababa bum bababababa bum de bum bum dum duh duh dada da dada dada da duh da DaDaaDada” Johnny P. fell to his legs and turned back into the 80 year-old man with a Tartwitch on his head. He found the clock in the woods about seven kilometers away next to a shack made out of chocolate pudding and tuna. He tried to get his friends out but it wouldn’t work. He knocked on the door and the smart boy answered. He asked him if he could get them out. It worked and when Sam came out he asked to use the bathroom. Tim and Jim lived with the boy waiting for Sam to come back. Sam was in Fish World and lived happily ever after.




The End

Sequel, Somewhere, $0m3h0w:

To read what happened to Sam, click here.

Part 2, B0B, coming soon.



Johnny P. is supposed to have extremely bad grammer.

Well maybe remove the weird pic at the bottom for starters, lol, but naw seriously, Im taking english in college right now, with essays and all that, I suck too, otherwise I'd give you some help, I mean I'm a strong writer my professor says I just don't think I'm the one to be giving out advice when it comes to the subject but you have a good start here maybe even a good finish, prolly needs a couple of tweaks and it'll be golden. Best of luck to you man.....

Originally posted by JusTReaL

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Well maybe remove the weird pic at the bottom for starters, lol, but naw seriously, Im taking english in college right now, with essays and all that, I suck too, otherwise I'd give you some help, I mean I'm a strong writer my professor says I just don't think I'm the one to be giving out advice when it comes to the subject but you have a good start here maybe even a good finish, prolly needs a couple of tweaks and it'll be golden. Best of luck to you man.....

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Thanks, I'm in middle school and my teacher is the blandest person anyone can ever meet. He told me I got the mark because it was too silly.

Originally posted by alexanyways

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Originally posted by JusTReaL

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Well maybe remove the weird pic at the bottom for starters, lol, but naw seriously, Im taking english in college right now, with essays and all that, I suck too, otherwise I'd give you some help, I mean I'm a strong writer my professor says I just don't think I'm the one to be giving out advice when it comes to the subject but you have a good start here maybe even a good finish, prolly needs a couple of tweaks and it'll be golden. Best of luck to you man.....

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Thanks, I'm in middle school and my teacher is the blandest person anyone can ever meet. He told me I got the mark because it was too silly.

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Yes, this is very silly. I'm not going to judge it by that, though, because clearly that was the intention. Just keep in mind in the future, this kind of writing is acceptable for the Internet, but not for school. I used to write "Garfield" fanfiction for school and "Calvin and Hobbes" fanfiction when that got banned. I wasn't good at English in elementary school.

Anyway, I have a few "personal" rules when it comes to writing. I'll list the ones I think are relevant here:

Rule #1 (Yes, this is at the top of my list): The ENTER key is your friend. Split up your paragraphs. Whenever a character starts talking or a new action or description is necessary, start a new paragraph. This not only makes it grammatically more accurate, it also makes the full story more pleasing to the eye and therefore easier to read.

Rule #2: Literature benefits from description. Remember that while you may think visually in your head, you're working in a non-visual medium, and people want to know what's going on. Be descriptive so that the story will make just a little bit more sense and people will be able to visualize what's happening.

Rule #2.1: What the **** is a sail car?

Rule #3: A consistent plotline is also your friend, just like the ENTER key. Stories don't make any sense if there's no point and no relevant continuation of a plot. Write down a basic storyline with a beginning, middle, and end before you write the actual story. A good story will have a main problem (which you have) and several smaller problems that are introduced gradually. For example, perhaps you should have explained where the team got the shoe and wooden spoon they used to escape and how they used them.

Rule #3.5: Taking longer to say something gives the impression of time passing. Instead of saying "they stayed there for 3 years," add in a few scenes wherein they are still stuck in the dungeon, detailing what they would do when they got bored. Throw in some conversation implying that they've been there for quite some time. Explain where they got the shoe and spoon from.
A good example of this is The Hobbit, in which there is a segment explaining Bilbo Baggins's time in the Elves' dungeon.

Rule #4: Always, always, ALWAYS PROOFREAD! Check your grammar, fill in gaps in the story and cut longwinded sections.

Rule #4.1: Proofread more than once after every revision. YOU WILL THANK YOURSELF.

Rule #4.2: Have someone else you know proofread your story and tell you what you think of it. After writing, your head will be used to the mistakes and the strange story and awkward moments, but someone who's just read it for the first time will be able to notice and point out these things. I can not tell you what kind of stupid crap has slipped by me because I was the only one proofreading my own stuff.

I think that's about all I can do for you.

Originally posted by Crawldragon

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Originally posted by alexanyways

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Originally posted by JusTReaL

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Well maybe remove the weird pic at the bottom for starters, lol, but naw seriously, Im taking english in college right now, with essays and all that, I suck too, otherwise I'd give you some help, I mean I'm a strong writer my professor says I just don't think I'm the one to be giving out advice when it comes to the subject but you have a good start here maybe even a good finish, prolly needs a couple of tweaks and it'll be golden. Best of luck to you man.....

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Thanks, I'm in middle school and my teacher is the blandest person anyone can ever meet. He told me I got the mark because it was too silly.

---

Yes, this is very silly. I'm not going to judge it by that, though, because clearly that was the intention. Just keep in mind in the future, this kind of writing is acceptable for the Internet, but not for school. I used to write "Garfield" fanfiction for school and "Calvin and Hobbes" fanfiction when that got banned. I wasn't good at English in elementary school.

Anyway, I have a few "personal" rules when it comes to writing. I'll list the ones I think are relevant here:

Rule #1 (Yes, this is at the top of my list): The ENTER key is your friend. Split up your paragraphs. Whenever a character starts talking or a new action or description is necessary, start a new paragraph. This not only makes it grammatically more accurate, it also makes the full story more pleasing to the eye and therefore easier to read.

Rule #2: Literature benefits from description. Remember that while you may think visually in your head, you're working in a non-visual medium, and people want to know what's going on. Be descriptive so that the story will make just a little bit more sense and people will be able to visualize what's happening.

Rule #2.1: What the **** is a sail car?

Rule #3: A consistent plotline is also your friend, just like the ENTER key. Stories don't make any sense if there's no point and no relevant continuation of a plot. Write down a basic storyline with a beginning, middle, and end before you write the actual story. A good story will have a main problem (which you have) and several smaller problems that are introduced gradually. For example, perhaps you should have explained where the team got the shoe and wooden spoon they used to escape and how they used them.

Rule #3.5: Taking longer to say something gives the impression of time passing. Instead of saying "they stayed there for 3 years," add in a few scenes wherein they are still stuck in the dungeon, detailing what they would do when they got bored. Throw in some conversation implying that they've been there for quite some time. Explain where they got the shoe and spoon from.
A good example of this is The Hobbit, in which there is a segment explaining Bilbo Baggins's time in the Elves' dungeon.

Rule #4: Always, always, ALWAYS PROOFREAD! Check your grammar, fill in gaps in the story and cut longwinded sections.

Rule #4.1: Proofread more than once after every revision. YOU WILL THANK YOURSELF.

Rule #4.2: Have someone else you know proofread your story and tell you what you think of it. After writing, your head will be used to the mistakes and the strange story and awkward moments, but someone who's just read it for the first time will be able to notice and point out these things. I can not tell you what kind of stupid crap has slipped by me because I was the only one proofreading my own stuff.

I think that's about all I can do for you.

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Thank You Very Much for the help.

A sail car is a thing that rides on train tracks and is moved around by sails.
If you are thinking about the grammar, the evil toaster is called "Tha Toaster" and the fire-breathing gangster is supposed to have bad grammar. Thank You again for the constructive criticism

Just so you know, I wasn't judging your essay off the pic either, it was silly and I really hadn't realized you were that young and in that case I think you are a step ahead of the other kids, you seem to be intelligent and driven so just use those things within your writing and you should be find besides you said your teacher is pretty bland so need I say more....LOL.....

Yeah, anyways thanks for helping, I know it's a little late, but this seems like a good subject for now. Since school is over.

That was actually a really good sotry. I liked it.

alexanyways :

Dude, you are a pretty (excuse the language) REWR#$E($UR$#T*$#TRRE Good writer. I actually like the way you write, and you are pretty advanced for your age. Congrats, you made me slightly happier

I think it's time I brought this story back, because I will make a sequel.

It will be published by thread in the Stories/Simulation/Art forum by September 2011.

It will be awesome. I promise you that.

I haven't come across a subject/plot, but I want it to be as original as this.

I trust you it won't be displeasing.

alexanyways :

Will it be twice the awesome and with more explosions?

legacyme3 :

Oh hai there, nice old layout.

legacyme3 : Obviously, and the explosions will be bigger than a 1970's dancer's hair.

Okay, I've created the title.

"Somewhere, $0m3h0w" is it's name. It will feature robots to some caliber.