Man, I'm tired of making these types of threads! I want to get back to doing some more reviews and editing a lot of my old ones. I can't do it! With things how they are in my life right now, I have no desire to do anything. I started a job this week, and it is a hell of a lot better than my current job (if you can call it that because I hardly ever work!). Now, I'm staying pretty busy, but it looks like I'm probably not going to get paid. I work for a temp service, and my direct deposit is all screwed up. I can't fix it, and it's closed because it's the weekend. I thought I had this fixed this week. If I take off work to try to get this straightened out. I may lose my job! I'm on the verge off losing everything I have if I can't get paid! The bills keep piling up, and I feel like I'm headed for another nervous breakdown like I had earlier this year.

It feels like things might improve, but there is still so much uncertainty. The bad thing is that I'm falling apart right now, and I have no one to talk to. That's why I'm making this thread. I made a thread like this before back in April, and I was surprised with a lot of the responses I got! Vizzed is about the only place that seems to care about me right now. I'm just lost right now, and I feel like I have nobody. I've cut my family out of my life even though I have to live with my parents. Me and my dad will never speak again because he is just plain abusive, and I'll go to jail for murder if I try to deal with him. I can't ask him for money, but my mom does help (even though she doesn't want to). Women are a waste of time because all they want to do is take and never give back. 

Until things improve in my life, I can't do anything! It looks like they never will! I'm trying to fix my life, but nobody seems to want to work with me, and I don't know if I can keep my head on straight. I flipped out this morning and went mad when I found out my direct deposit was still messed up. I need money, and I hate hearing about how Vizzed is struggling too. I feel bad for everything David is going through, and I'm glad things have improved with him. It's encouraging to hear about how he is able to go back to working on the site more. So, when I think about that I feel better. Things haven't gotten better for me, but I'm not as hopeless and depressed as I was earlier this year. I just wish I could get some money coming in and soon before it's too late. I hope that I can keep living at home until I'm able to get enough money to move out on my own terms.

My dad needs to back off and let me work through my problems if he isn't going to help. I don't care what anyone else has to say he is a bad person. He's dead to me! I don't care if he reads this, maybe then we can finally have it out with each other! I really don't care if people disagree with me. They don't know my situation and how bad it is. I know people have it worse, but it's bad for me too and I'm having a hard time with my mental health. If I don't talk about this, I'm going to do something to that's going to land me in prison. I have no money, it looks like I'm never going to get paid for my work which is really stressing me out at the moment, and I can't seem to fix my life. Vizzed is about all I've got right now to get me through this and give me the motivation and encouragement to push ahead and control my temper so that I don't lose everything I'm fighting to keep. Thanks for the support, and I hope to keep getting it. 

I'm praying this gets straightened out and when/if it does I'll try to do a follow up thread.  

Hi luigi25. That sounds terrible. I must be especially hard that is seems you don't have a great relationship with your dad. 

I know this might not be what you WANT to hear, but I need to tell you: I think you would really benefit from speaking to a counselor of some kind. We tend to think of that like a boring and frustrating experience, where they just awkwardly ask you how you feel about stuff, but a good counselor is like a friend you can talk to and who can really help put your life in perspective. 

If you're in school or college, there's probably someone there you can speak to about getting in touch with a counselor. And remember, there's always free resources if your really in a bad place or having thoughts of harming yourself (like https://www.betterhelp.com).

I personally find it nice to reflect on this passage from the philosopher Marcus Aurelious when I'm anxious:

“Today I escaped anxiety. Or no, I discarded it, because it was within me, in my own perceptions – not outside.” – Marcus Aurelius.

Please feel free to speak about anything that's on your mind, you don't need to keep it all in. 

I hear you, and it really sucks as well, I'm going through almost a similar situation that you are going through.

I have major money issues that forced me to work at 2 jobs (serving as a janitor in one job and a cook in another job), and with the busyness of both jobs getting in the way combined with sleep, it can really mess everything up, and it seems like that every time that I have a slight glimmer of hope with money, it gets worse, especially when it comes to finances, and a couple of occasions, I end up getting in some minor credit card debt with my bank (and trust me, the Bank I use is a cabbage when it comes to debt like "interest fees" and "inefficient funds", on top of expenses like taxes, rent (which I nearly got evicted from my house at one time), and utilities; once it all gets paid off when I get my duel paychecks, it drains it all to around us$0, and basically it repeats every single time till the next paycheck, and then the next one, and so on.

Although as of late, I have seen bit of improvement on my end, I no longer have to worry about anymore credit card debt, but I still can't really afford much of anything at this time (and in fact, why I'm only going to get only 1 game before the year ends (and that's Super Smash Bros Ultimate)). Because by the time I manage to pay all the expenses, food, and gas to get to and from both jobs, I barely have enough money and time for myself, so I know how that feels, but I personally think that the next few months, expenses should decrease at a point that it's tolerable, and would lead me to have a bit more money for me to use on whatever I like to get.

As for the whole site struggling, I hear you, all the places I have been on, I haven't really been that much active, or not active at all, such as my DeviantArt account (which I'm more on than Vizzed), as well as Steam, mostly because of the duel jobs I have to attend to. But yeah, compared to Vizzed's past, Vizzed isn't that active, especially since Nintendo forced David to remove some 1st party games (thanks to a certain perma-banned user reported the site)..


How I'm going through things, I know, I experience it, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, you'll make it, I'm nearing that light myself.
Personally, I think you'll make it, I got fate in you.

You can do it man, I believe in you. If you want to talk to someone just PM me alright?

The good news is that I'm starting to get a paycheck deposited in my checking account every week with my new job. The bad news is that it looks like my truck has just started leaking oil. I'm going to have to get it fixed at some point which is going to make it harder for me to get to work. Maybe, I can get it done on the weekend, but this is just another setback. Yesterday was just a terrible day. The oil leak isn't that bad, and I'm hoping I can put off getting it worked on until I can get some more money. I'm hoping I can get my mom to take me to and from work for a day or so if I have to. I really need to get some money saved up because I have other expenses. I also feel like I need to have a good relationship with my family because I need them, and one day they'll need me too. 

Families don't need to work against each other the way things have been this past year. They need to pull together because that's the only way anyone gets through anything especially whenever money is involved. I feel like you can only do so much to help yourself, and the same goes for my parents. One day my dad is going to need me, and he needs to cut the crap and start treating me better if he wants me to help him which he will need. I get tired of all the drama with him. I don't think we will ever be a family, but I wish he could make more of an effort. I still have some money, and hopefully I can keep working to save up.

There's no way I could have a credit card right now, but if I could ever work steady I would get one of my own. It's about the only way to go with all the online shopping and all. That's the only way to buy software such as: antivirus, gaming devices, etc. To me, a credit card would just be more money to have keep up with but maybe one day. Things seem to be getting better, but the problem with my truck is still another setback.