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Need a critic!
Usually I'd ask myself, but okay.
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523
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Creator
realplayer109
10-15-17 08:37 PM
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Fantasy.Castle
10-16-17 11:53 PM
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Need a critic!

 

10-15-17 08:37 PM
realplayer109 is Offline
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| ID: 1348979 | 100 Words

realplayer109
Level: 49

POSTS: 551/553
POST EXP: 45177
LVL EXP: 865397
CP: 3150.1
VIZ: 76321

Likes: 3  Dislikes: 0
THE RUNAWAY TRAIN

If you ever, for whatever reason,
runaway from your treason,
from your sadness, guilt and fear,
or the anger that draws near,
know that there's a place to run
if ever this situation is clear.

The runaway train arrives every midnight,
for those who hear the clock strike,
on the lonely station of Piccadilly Lane,
by the homeless man that is still sane.
His heart races loud and clear,
as those who step on disappear.

If you ever, for whatever reason,
runaway from your treason,
know that there's a place to run,
where you will never reappear.
...I am the master of the shadows... don't defy me, for if you lose your shadow, it is with consequence.
THE RUNAWAY TRAIN

If you ever, for whatever reason,
runaway from your treason,
from your sadness, guilt and fear,
or the anger that draws near,
know that there's a place to run
if ever this situation is clear.

The runaway train arrives every midnight,
for those who hear the clock strike,
on the lonely station of Piccadilly Lane,
by the homeless man that is still sane.
His heart races loud and clear,
as those who step on disappear.

If you ever, for whatever reason,
runaway from your treason,
know that there's a place to run,
where you will never reappear.

--------------------
Member
Master of the Shadows


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 05-23-14
Last Post: 3187 days
Last Active: 1547 days

Post Rating: 3   Liked By: jnisol, no 8120, Wilson604,

10-16-17 11:53 PM
Fantasy.Castle is Offline
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| ID: 1349050 | 40 Words

Fantasy.Castle
Level: 20


POSTS: 66/68
POST EXP: 5840
LVL EXP: 41602
CP: 258.5
VIZ: 7294

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
I think it is extremely good. I am not sure what you mean by critic do you want to know if it is any good or do you want the poem to be picked apart so improvements can be made?
I think it is extremely good. I am not sure what you mean by critic do you want to know if it is any good or do you want the poem to be picked apart so improvements can be made?

--------------------
Member
Chrono Trigger Fan


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 06-12-11
Last Post: 3094 days
Last Active: 674 days

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