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04-10-17 10:05 PM
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I Srsly Hate This Kind of Situation

 

04-10-17 10:05 PM
Momo Aria is Offline
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(take 2 cuz my laptop died when I tried typing this the first time ;; )

There's this guy who graduated from my school last year, and he's a pretty nice guy to me. Last year, he was dating one of my friends who moved away (for simplicity's sake, she is girl#1). Back in December, my other friend told me the same guy asked her out, though their relationship wasn't open due to his sister disliking her (she is girl#2). 

Last month, I saw hints of this guy and girl#1 STILL being in a relationship. I mentioned the hints I saw to my friends in art class, and they told me they don't like the guy. Turns out the guy is known to be the type to date multiple girls at once. When girl#2 told one of my friends she was dating him, he (and others) had warned her multiple times what kind of person the guy was. Another friend told me she used to date him until he cheated on her with another girl. 

I should have said something, and I didn't. I knew girl#1 probably wouldn't believe me and ask for solid proof, and knowing what kind of person girl#2 is, I was afraid she'd actually committed suicide.

Then today came, and during school, girl#2 came to me and broke down. The guy dumped her, and she found out he cheated on her. Much later, I went to her house, and after talking to her, I knew I had to tell girl#1. When I got home, I messaged her on fb, asking if she was still dating him, and I told her about girl#2. Girl#1 asked for solid proof, as I expected, and wouldn't accept me telling her what I said as enough evidence. Then she asked her bf, and she went back to me with this response.

"I'd say (girl#2's name) needs to clean her head out"

With two pics that I'll prob post tomorrow if I remember, but the gist of them:

Image 1: the guy telling girl#1 he never was dating girl#2 and he blocked her

Image 2: the guy telling his sister he never was dating girl#2

I told girl#2 that girl#1 doesn't want to talk to her, won't take my credibility as proof and wants actual proof that she and the guy were dating, and what he said to her when she asked him. Then I talked to my friend, the ex gf, and I explained to her that one of my friends is upset, and I don't want the same thing to happen to my other friend. We tried to talk to girl#2, but she's really unhappy. She doesn't want to do anything anymore considering people are asking her to send valid proof of her dating the guy and her simply saying they were dating wasn't enough. I won't bother her anymore on it, but idk what else I can do.

I care about both girls very much. Now one of them is upset, and the other one still thinks the guy is her prince charming. I already told her about girl#2, and it resulted in the guy claiming she was lying. I can tell her about the ex gf, but what will that do? If the guy already claimed false information, it's possible he's gonna lie about that to her, and she's going to want evidence that it happened and not take my word for it, even when she knows I never lie about this kind of stuff. I don't want her to end up getting hurt when she finds out he's been cheating on her the past few months.

I know I made an oath to never be involved in this kind of drama, but I can't stand the idea of my friends getting hurt, especially when I could have prevented it from happening :/
(take 2 cuz my laptop died when I tried typing this the first time ;; )

There's this guy who graduated from my school last year, and he's a pretty nice guy to me. Last year, he was dating one of my friends who moved away (for simplicity's sake, she is girl#1). Back in December, my other friend told me the same guy asked her out, though their relationship wasn't open due to his sister disliking her (she is girl#2). 

Last month, I saw hints of this guy and girl#1 STILL being in a relationship. I mentioned the hints I saw to my friends in art class, and they told me they don't like the guy. Turns out the guy is known to be the type to date multiple girls at once. When girl#2 told one of my friends she was dating him, he (and others) had warned her multiple times what kind of person the guy was. Another friend told me she used to date him until he cheated on her with another girl. 

I should have said something, and I didn't. I knew girl#1 probably wouldn't believe me and ask for solid proof, and knowing what kind of person girl#2 is, I was afraid she'd actually committed suicide.

Then today came, and during school, girl#2 came to me and broke down. The guy dumped her, and she found out he cheated on her. Much later, I went to her house, and after talking to her, I knew I had to tell girl#1. When I got home, I messaged her on fb, asking if she was still dating him, and I told her about girl#2. Girl#1 asked for solid proof, as I expected, and wouldn't accept me telling her what I said as enough evidence. Then she asked her bf, and she went back to me with this response.

"I'd say (girl#2's name) needs to clean her head out"

With two pics that I'll prob post tomorrow if I remember, but the gist of them:

Image 1: the guy telling girl#1 he never was dating girl#2 and he blocked her

Image 2: the guy telling his sister he never was dating girl#2

I told girl#2 that girl#1 doesn't want to talk to her, won't take my credibility as proof and wants actual proof that she and the guy were dating, and what he said to her when she asked him. Then I talked to my friend, the ex gf, and I explained to her that one of my friends is upset, and I don't want the same thing to happen to my other friend. We tried to talk to girl#2, but she's really unhappy. She doesn't want to do anything anymore considering people are asking her to send valid proof of her dating the guy and her simply saying they were dating wasn't enough. I won't bother her anymore on it, but idk what else I can do.

I care about both girls very much. Now one of them is upset, and the other one still thinks the guy is her prince charming. I already told her about girl#2, and it resulted in the guy claiming she was lying. I can tell her about the ex gf, but what will that do? If the guy already claimed false information, it's possible he's gonna lie about that to her, and she's going to want evidence that it happened and not take my word for it, even when she knows I never lie about this kind of stuff. I don't want her to end up getting hurt when she finds out he's been cheating on her the past few months.

I know I made an oath to never be involved in this kind of drama, but I can't stand the idea of my friends getting hurt, especially when I could have prevented it from happening :/
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04-10-17 11:31 PM
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I can't stand guys like him. -__-

Well you did what you could, and as much as it stinks, all you can do is let it go for now. Girl#1 doesn't want to see it, and if she doesn't want to see it, she won't see it no matter what you do or say. And it's entirely possible that she already knows deep down that it's true and she just won't admit to to herself. Of course she may really believe him, but it's just as probable that she doesn't and is in denial.

I was in a similar situation once. My friend wouldn't listen to me either time and both times went through a lot of unnecessary pain because of it. But like I told you, I had done all could. And like me all you can do now is just wait and be there for her when it all comes crashing down. I know you want to save her the pain, but you can't because she won't let you. If she ignores all that her friends say about him, then trying to tell her anymore or present any proof will chase her away. Leave it be and stay in her good graces, ignore the topic and just be her friend. When the time comes that she comes to you with it, then you talk to her about it. And as I said, if that time never comes, just be there to comfort her (and no I told you so's) when the truth comes out.


Most importantly, be sure to let her know afterward that it isn't her fault, and all that.


As for girl#2, just do your best to be there. Pretty much handle her the opposite to how you handled girl#1 -- don't let her get away with clamming up. She'll either love you for it or become extremely annoyed...or both. Unfortunately dealing with someone in a situation like this isn't as simple. It may or may not work, but letting yourself be there and show her that you care and she is loved are all you can do. The rest is up to her.



I really hope you don't mind the advice. And I'm sorry to hear about this whole mess. I'll be praying for all of you.
I can't stand guys like him. -__-

Well you did what you could, and as much as it stinks, all you can do is let it go for now. Girl#1 doesn't want to see it, and if she doesn't want to see it, she won't see it no matter what you do or say. And it's entirely possible that she already knows deep down that it's true and she just won't admit to to herself. Of course she may really believe him, but it's just as probable that she doesn't and is in denial.

I was in a similar situation once. My friend wouldn't listen to me either time and both times went through a lot of unnecessary pain because of it. But like I told you, I had done all could. And like me all you can do now is just wait and be there for her when it all comes crashing down. I know you want to save her the pain, but you can't because she won't let you. If she ignores all that her friends say about him, then trying to tell her anymore or present any proof will chase her away. Leave it be and stay in her good graces, ignore the topic and just be her friend. When the time comes that she comes to you with it, then you talk to her about it. And as I said, if that time never comes, just be there to comfort her (and no I told you so's) when the truth comes out.


Most importantly, be sure to let her know afterward that it isn't her fault, and all that.


As for girl#2, just do your best to be there. Pretty much handle her the opposite to how you handled girl#1 -- don't let her get away with clamming up. She'll either love you for it or become extremely annoyed...or both. Unfortunately dealing with someone in a situation like this isn't as simple. It may or may not work, but letting yourself be there and show her that you care and she is loved are all you can do. The rest is up to her.



I really hope you don't mind the advice. And I'm sorry to hear about this whole mess. I'll be praying for all of you.
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04-11-17 05:44 AM
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You're wrong in that you can't prevent it from happening. You could have had all sorts of evidence, pictures, text message print outs, everything, and people are still going to do what they do. No one, especially in relationships, wants to hear they are wrong or things aren't going as well as they should.

You did what you could and you tried to intervene. That's about all that can be expected of a friend.

Be there to listen to your second friend when she wants to talk about it and don't offer up any "I told you so"s when she gets upset. The same goes for Girl #1 when/if she breaks up with the guy and finds out what he's been up to. Don't tell her you tried to tell her. Just be there to share the hurt. That's about all you can do for her.
You're wrong in that you can't prevent it from happening. You could have had all sorts of evidence, pictures, text message print outs, everything, and people are still going to do what they do. No one, especially in relationships, wants to hear they are wrong or things aren't going as well as they should.

You did what you could and you tried to intervene. That's about all that can be expected of a friend.

Be there to listen to your second friend when she wants to talk about it and don't offer up any "I told you so"s when she gets upset. The same goes for Girl #1 when/if she breaks up with the guy and finds out what he's been up to. Don't tell her you tried to tell her. Just be there to share the hurt. That's about all you can do for her.
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04-11-17 02:18 PM
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I heard this in the discord chat earlier. There isn't much else you can do about this. This always happens when people are told their partner is cheating on them.
I heard this in the discord chat earlier. There isn't much else you can do about this. This always happens when people are told their partner is cheating on them.
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04-11-17 02:29 PM
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You've tried your best. That's all that you can do in this situation. I'm really sorry that you are going through this. Try to be there more for Girl #2 and try to be as understanding and gentle as possible. I hope that everything goes out as smoothly as it could go... :L
You've tried your best. That's all that you can do in this situation. I'm really sorry that you are going through this. Try to be there more for Girl #2 and try to be as understanding and gentle as possible. I hope that everything goes out as smoothly as it could go... :L
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04-12-17 09:22 PM
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You have done your best and you have done nothing wrong. Sometimes people cannot see or want to hear the truth. Talking to them is like talking to a wall. You told her and if she refused to believe you my advice would be to know that you did the right thing and you warned her. If she does not except it then she will have to learn the hard way. I would be more concerned with girl #2 sounds like she took it really hard. I would let girl #2 know that you are her friend and that you care about her. If she is that hurt she will need lots of support. 

I was faced with a similar situation. Me and my friends knew one of our other friends was dating this guy who used to be our friend. The guy who used to be me and my friends friend really went off the deep end. He got into alcohol, drugs, was a liar, a cheater and possibly abusive. Me and my friends tried to tell the girl that she was making a mistake and she would get burned in the end. He was not what he seems. She thanked us but ignored us. A few weeks later she caught him cheating with two different girls. She was pretty upset about it for awhile. She later came back to us and told us she should have listened to us.  So yeah after warning them as much as you hurt to see sometimes they have to learn the hard way 
You have done your best and you have done nothing wrong. Sometimes people cannot see or want to hear the truth. Talking to them is like talking to a wall. You told her and if she refused to believe you my advice would be to know that you did the right thing and you warned her. If she does not except it then she will have to learn the hard way. I would be more concerned with girl #2 sounds like she took it really hard. I would let girl #2 know that you are her friend and that you care about her. If she is that hurt she will need lots of support. 

I was faced with a similar situation. Me and my friends knew one of our other friends was dating this guy who used to be our friend. The guy who used to be me and my friends friend really went off the deep end. He got into alcohol, drugs, was a liar, a cheater and possibly abusive. Me and my friends tried to tell the girl that she was making a mistake and she would get burned in the end. He was not what he seems. She thanked us but ignored us. A few weeks later she caught him cheating with two different girls. She was pretty upset about it for awhile. She later came back to us and told us she should have listened to us.  So yeah after warning them as much as you hurt to see sometimes they have to learn the hard way 
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